Monday, February 6, 2006 Edition: #3212
Good Morning, Sheetheads!
WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• SATURDAY actor Sean Penn & his co-star from the upcoming film “All the King’s Men”, Mark Ruffalo, were involved in a fracas with a photographer at the Culver City CA funeral of Penn’s brother, actor Chris Penn, who was found dead in his apartment 2 weeks ago. Sean was reportedly furious to see a paparazzo interrupting the last rites, so Ruffalo snatched the snapper’s digital camera and removed the memory card. The unnamed photog has since lodged a criminal complaint.
– “NY Daily News”
• “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell is partnering with NBC-TV to create a nationwide variety talent competition series, in which viewers will select a winner who will go on to headline a Las Vegas show. So far, the proposed program has no official title.
– “E!”
• Actress Amanda Peet has agreed to reunite with her “Whole Nine Yards” co-star Matthew Perry in Aaron Sorkin’s upcoming TV show, “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip”, which will focus on what happens behind-the-scenes at a late-night sketch-comedy show.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Actor Al Lewis, best known as the cigar-chomping grandpa on TV’s “The Munsters” (1964-66 and still in reruns worldwide), has died after years of failing health. He was 95.
– “The Age”
• A sleaze-bag broker by the name of David Hans Schmidt is trying to auction off some of Paris Hilton’s personal effects supposedly left in a storage locker during a 2004 move, then seized when rental payments became overdue. Among the cache: 18 diaries that detail celebrity encounters and other adventures, photos of Hilton at wild parties, plus computers, clothing, videos & furniture. The reserve bid? $20 million!
– “eTalk Daily”
• Britney Spears is reportedly expecting a 2nd child after just giving birth to her first, Sean Preston, 4 months ago. A celeb mag claims she’s been spotted patting her stomach and telling onlookers near her Malibu CA home: “That’s right. Baby #2!.”
– “In Touch Weekly”
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Barry Manilow – Just to make sure you can’t escape him, he’s on both “Martha” and the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” TODAY.
• Big & Rich – TONIGHT they’re the musical guests on CBS-TV’s “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• James Blunt – TONIGHT the “You’re Beautiful” singer guests on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Bon Jovi – 44-year-old actress Heather Locklear has filed for divorce from 45-year-old guitarist Richie Sambora after 11 years of marriage … no reason given.
• James Taylor – TONIGHT he’s honored as MusiCares’ 2006 ‘Person of the Year’ at a dinner & concert in Los Angeles. The Dixie Chicks, Alison Krauss, Bonnie Raitt, Carole King, Paul Simon & Sting are among those performing musical tributes.
• Michael Bublé – TONIGHT he performs on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Sheryl Crow – She & cycling champ Lance Armstrong have split, they announced in a joint statement FRIDAY night … no reason given. They had been engaged since SEPTEMBER.
• Train – TODAY they’re on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”. They begin a spring tour in support of the just-released album, “For Me, It’s You”, MARCH 16 in San Francisco.
• Usher – LAST YEAR he became a minor partner in the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers but for some reason he has not attended a single game this season. There’s speculation he may be getting forced out.
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A love-struck Austrian decided to use 220 candles to create a huge flaming heart on the floor of his living room in order to impress his girlfriend. But after lighting his ‘artwork’, 20-year-old Hannes Pisek left to pick up his lover from work and bring her home to show off his romantic gesture. Bet you can guess how this one ends – when they got back, firefighters were on the scene trying to save what was left of his apartment. (Talk about your burning love!)
• A group calling itself the ‘Japan Doting Husbands Association’ has come up with a set of golden rules for married guys to help improve their marriages. They include: Get home early (by 8 pm), say thanks to wives for all they do, look them in the eye when talking to them, and address them by their given names. It seems many Japanese husbands simply call their wives ‘you’ or, in some cases, merely grunt. (What, there’s a problem with that?)
• An international team of researchers has studied the genes of people from 33 areas around-the-world in an attempt to determine – why some people’s have wet earwax and some have dry. The conclusion: It’s determined by a single gene. Dry earwax is found in up to 95% of East Asians, but no more than 3% of people who are of European or African origin. (This extensive and expensive study brought to you by the makes of Q-Tips.)
SHE SAID IT:
“We will never marry. Brad is going through a divorce and I’ve been divorced twice, so it’s not something we’re considering.”
– Angelina Jolie telling “The Globe” that, despite recent rumors, she & Brad Pitt are not walking up the aisle after all. (Translation from Hollywoodese: It’s next Saturday.)
WHY WE GOSSIP:
Experts estimate that we spend as much as 65% of our daily conversation gossiping, and men appear to be as eager as women on getting the scoop. If you are looking for a really easy excuse for all this tattling and hee-heeing, you can always blame evolution. Evolutionary psychologists believe that human nature was shaped over time for gossiping, as we moved from the cave and into larger social environments. We just don’t have time to groom one another anymore … so we gab. (Come here a sec [co-host], there’s a little grub caught in your back hair.)
– “Globe & Mail”
THE TRUTH IS IN THERE:
Sometimes an anagram (a new word or phrase formed by reordering the letters in a word or phrase) can reveal hidden secrets. For instance, juggle the letters of some famous names and here’s what you get …
• Arnold Schwarzenegger – He’s grown large ‘n crazed.
• Jennifer Aniston – Fine in torn jeans.
• Justin Timberlake – I’m a jerk, but listen.
• Paul McCartney – Pay Mr Clean Cut.
• Britney Spears – Best PR in years.
• Monty Python’s Flying Circus – Strongly psychotic, I’m funny.
• Michael Jackson – Manacle his jock.
And how about Pittsburgh Steelers (better ruthless pigs), or Academy Awards (saw drama decay). Kinda creepy, ain’t it?
– “Illuminati News”
A GAGGLE OF COUCH POTATOES:
Pop culture observers say we’ve recently reverted back to watching TV in groups rather than alone. Robert Thompson, professor of Television & Popular Culture at Syracuse University, says part of that is due to a longing for communal experiences, but another reason is – it’s simply more fun watching campy and ironic shows such as “Desperate Housewives” and “American Idol” with other people. (So you can mercilessly mock them en masse.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• North America is slowly moving south, by about a millimeter a year.
– “Scientific American”
• 90 million people flush their toilet during the “Super Bowl” half-time.
– “Curious Times”
• More than 80% of professional chefs are men. Why? Cooking is physical labor, requiring the lifting of 100-pound stock pots, the carving up of cartons of fish and slabs of beef, and standing 12 hours in front of a stove.
– “Chicago Sun-Times”
• ABC-TV’s “Dancing With the Stars” actually beat THURSDAY’s premiere of “Survivor: Panama – Exile Island” on CBS-TV in the weekly ratings.
– “Contact Music”
THE BULL SHEET 02.06.2K6
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [66] Tom Brokaw, Webster SD, recently retired TV anchor (“NBC Nightly News” 1982-2005)
1950 [56] Natalie Cole, LA CA, pop singer (“Unforgettable”) who won 6 Grammy Awards/daughter of late singer Nat King Cole
1962 [44] Axl Rose (William Bailey), Lafayette IN, dinosaur rocker (Guns N Roses-“November Rain”)
1962 [44] Richie McDonald, Lubbock TX, country singer (Lonestar-“I’ll Die Tryin’”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• Stephen Harper is sworn in as Canada’s 22nd Prime Minister as the Conservatives officially take over power in Ottawa.
• “Laugh & Grow Rich Day”, a reminder to employers that workers are more effective, tend to remember things better, and are more likely to stay in the same job when laughter abounds!
• “Pay-A-Compliment Day”, a day to focus on telling people how much we appreciate their presence in our lives.
• “Reggae Day”, in celebration of the spirit of the music made popular worldwide by Bob Marley who was born on this day in 1945. (Died May 11, 1981.)
• “Waitangi Day” in New Zealand, commemorating the signing of a treaty in 1840 by a group of Maori chiefs and the British Government. (Likely a day of mourning for the natives.)
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [03] ABC-TV’s “20/20″ features Brit TV documentary “Living with Michael Jackson” in which he admits he has ‘sleepovers’ with young boys
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1932 [74] 1st ‘Olympic Dogsled Race’ as Canada and US participate in demonstration sport at Lake Placid NY (sure, the one event we could win and they discontinue it!)
1948 [58] ‘Canada’s Sweetheart’ Barbara Ann Scott wins our country’s 1st-ever gold medal in figure skating at Winter Olympics in St Moritz, Switzerland
1952 [54] Queen Elizabeth II ascends to the British throne
1935 [71] All-time best-selling board game ‘Monopoly’ is 1st marketed, after inventor Charles Darrow sells it to Parker Bros for a royalty
1971 [35] 1st golf game on the Moon (NASA astronaut Alan Shepard uses 6-iron, whiffing on the first swing but finally driving 3 golf balls several hundred yards into the vacuum of space)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1933 [73] Pacific hurricane generates record 112-foot wave (surf’s up – waaaayyyyy up!)
1989 [17] Largest crowd ever assembled as 15 MILLION attend Hindu “Feast of Kumbh Mela” at Allahabad, India (but there’s only 3 port-a-johns)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Charles Dickens Day
[Tues] Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
[Tues] Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
[Wed] 48th “Grammy Awards” (LA CA)
[Thurs] Develop Alternative Vices Day
[Thurs] Ashura (Islamic)
[Fri-Feb 26] XX Olympic Winter Games (Torino, Italy)
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Salute to Hospitalized Veterans Week / School Counselling Week / Children’s Authors & Illustrators Week / Get Paid to Shop Week / International Coaching Week / Consumer Protection Week / Leadership Week / Funeral Service Education Week / Freelance Writers Appreciation Week / Love a Mensch Week.
BULL’S BITS
BS SIGNS YOU’RE REALLY REALLY BROKE:
• You’ve rolled so many pennies, you’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome.
• You rob Peter … and then rob Paul.
• American Express calls and says: “Please, leave home without it!”
• You give blood every day – just for the free juice & cookie.
• Phone companies don’t call you to switch anymore.
• At communion you go back for seconds.
BS PHONER:
Ever notice the toll-free numbers listed on food products, just in case you have ‘questions’? Who the heck would ever call? And what could you possibly want to know? Why not start a file of wacky product info numbers? Here’s one to get you going if you have questions about beef (as you no doubt have). Like how come it’s red anyway? And what’s the capital of Paraguay?
PHONER: 1.888.248.BEEF [2333]
BS HERE OR HEREAFTER:
You run down the list rapid-fire while your contestant tries to decide if these screen actresses are still kickin’ or gone to that great sound-stage in the sky …
• Famous cop-slapper Zsa Zsa Gabor. [Alive and turning 89 TODAY.]
• Winner of 4 Oscars, Katharine Hepburn. [Died 2003.]
• Ronald Reagan’s first wife & “ Brother Rat” co-star, Jane Wyman. [Alive and 92.]
• Humphrey Bogart’s 4th wife & “Key Largo” co-star, Lauren Bacall. [Alive and 81.]
• “Poseidon Adventure” actress Shelley Winters. [Died 2006.]
• Original “King Kong” actress Fay Wray. [Died 2004.]
• ‘Mrs Robinson’ in “The Graduate”, Anne Bancroft. [Died 2005.]
• “And God Created Woman” star, French actress Brigitte Bardot. [Alive at 71.]
• The original ‘Esmeralda’ in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”, Maureen O’Hara. [Alive at 85.]
• “Tarzan’s” ‘Jane’ in several films, Maureen O’Sullivan. [Died 1998.]
BS PHONE STARTER:
The UK Musicians Union is demanding ‘full disclosure’ whenever singers are lip-syncing and musicians are only pretending to play during public performances. The campaign is being supported by Elton John. A good idea? If so, how should the audience be notified?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When it comes to driving, women actually do THIS more than men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Talk to their cars.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.
NOW TAKING A SHEET:
“BS” welcomes back subscriber Daniel Thompson @ Dubai 92 Dubai UAE; and Hal Anderson @ Power 97 [CKJR] Winnipeg MB, who’s just re-upped for another year (the 11th!); and we welcome samplers this week that include Arlis Tranmer @ FM 99.1 [KUPI] Idaho Falls ID; Clara Osgood @ 99 Rock [WFRD] Hanover NH; Ronnie Rios @ Foxy 99.5 [KYFX] Little Rock AR; Russell J Doucette @ 101.3 KATY Riverside/San Bernardino CA; Ryan Scott @ GX94 [CJGX] Yorkton SK; Bayiga @ Radio Maria, Kampala, Uganda; Mark Benton @ The One 91.1 [KWTS] Canyon TX; and Peter Willson @ L107 Hamilton, Scotland. Remember BS bounty hunters, we bonus you ONE MONTH FREE for each and every new subscriber you refer. You can instantly order or renew your “BS” subscription at our Website – http://www.TheBullSheet.com
