Friday, February 3, 2006        Edition: #3211
Here’s More Bull Roar!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ . . .
TONIGHT Bernie Mac’s FOX-TV sit-com celebrates its 100th episode . . . SATURDAY previews begin in Toronto for the new $27-million-plus stage musical version of “The Lord of the Rings” (expected official opening MARCH 23rd) . . . SATURDAY at the “WGA Awards” (Writers’ Guild of America), “Crash”, “Cinderella Man”, “The 40-Year-Old Virgin”, “The Squid & the Whale”, and “Good Night, and Good Luck” are up for ‘Best Original Screenplay’ . . . SATURDAY CTV airs the political reality show, “The Next Great Prime Minister”, in which former PMs Brian Mulroney, Kim Campbell, John Turner & Joe Clark assess a group of young people to decide who has the greatest leadership potential . . . SUNDAY at its 3rd annual gala in Toronto, the “Canadian Songwriters Hall Of Fame” honors new inductee Leonard Cohen and 4 other guys you never heard of . . . Former MuchMusic veejay & veteran White House news correspondent John Roberts, who was snubbed by CBS-TV in the search for anchorman Dan Rather’s successor, has jumped to CNN to be ‘Senior National Correspondent’ . . . The TV movie “Flight 93″, about the doomed 9/11 airliner, scored the biggest ratings for A&E  in its 22-year history . . . THIS WEEK LA-based Reb Jason released an album, “Shabbat Rocks”, thereby creating the new music genre ‘Jewish Evangelical Rap’ . . . Former “Full House” cutie Jodie Sweetin has earned herself a spot on the lengthy list of child stars gone wrong, admitting she’s a recovering meth user (you know what that means – a guaranteed spot on “Dancing With the Stars”!) . . . She can take heart in knowing that infamous coke-snorter Kate Moss’ career seems to be sky-rocketing, with British “Vogue” announcing she’s on the next cover . . . Taking a cue from mega-successful Web meeting place MySpace, Mr Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, has co-founded a site called ‘y-fly’, but this one promises to keep kids safe by blocking potential online predators (NET: http://www.yfly.com/) . . . And it looks like another “American Idol” hopeful is about to bite the dust – Jose ‘Sway’ Penala may have violated the show’s eligibility rules by signing a recording contract with his band 6th Day before he auditioned for the show (“Congratulations, you’re leaving Hollywood!”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Anna Nalick – TONIGHT she guests on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly” (that’s at 1:30 am, not “2 AM”)
• Collective Soul – TONIGHT they’re on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Dave Matthews Band – TODAY the “Dave Matthews & Friends Caribbean Cruise Getaway” sets sail from Miami FL for an undisclosed private island where DMB and other acts will perform.
• Prince – TOMORROW he’s the musical guest on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live” for the first time since 1981. The show’s hosted for a record 14th time by actor/comedian Steve Martin.
• Train – TONIGHT they do “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Van Morrison – TODAY he kicks off an international tour in his hometownj of Belfast, Northern Ireland in support of his new country album, “Pay the Devil”, due MARCH 7th.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Something New” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Sanaa Lathan stars as a career woman who sets out to find her perfect man. Simon Baker & Blair Underwood play studly types who get try-outs.
NET: http://www.somethingnewmovie.net/sn-splash.html
• “When a Stranger Calls” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): During an otherwise routine babysitting gig, a high-school student (Camilla Belle) is harassed by an increasingly threatening prank caller.
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/whenastrangercalls/

SUPER BOWL NOTES:
SUNDAY “Super Bowl XL”, historically the most-watched event of the TV season, is played at Ford Field in Detroit MI. Game coverage starts at 6 pm ET (NET: http://www.superbowl.com/). Besides football, here’s what’s happening …
• Hank Williams Jr sings ABC-TV’s opening intro, his 5th “Super Bowl” opening tune.
• Stevie Wonder performs before the game.
• Aretha Franklin, Aaron Neville & Dr John plus a 150-member choir perform the anthem.
• The Rolling Stones are the half-time entertainment.
• ABC-TV’s hit medical drama “Grey’s Anatomy” has been given the coveted time slot after the game, circa 10 pm ET. Movie actress Christina Ricci guest-stars.
• There are oodles of “Super Bowl Drinking Games” on the Web. Here’s one …
NET: http://www.noobsports.com/2006/02/official-noobsportscom-super-bowl_01.html

FLYING OFF THE RACK:
TODAY one of the strangest satellites in the history of space exploration goes into orbit as astronauts aboard the International Space Station hurl an empty spacesuit overboard. You see, the spacesuit is the satellite – ‘SuitSat’ for short. A Russian Orlan spacesuit has been equipped batteries, a radio transmitter, and internal sensors. As it circles Earth, it will transmit data which can be heard by anyone … well, anyone with a big antenna and a radio receiver that can tune to 145.990 MHz FM (ham radio or police band scanner). Best to wait before you invest in one though, as experts aren’t sure how long this suit will be in style – it may quickly burn up in the fierce rays of the Sun.
– MSNBC
NET: http://suitsat.org/

THIS WEEK’S BS BUCKET-KICKERS:
• In Wisconsin, a 27-inch TV fell off a stand onto a 4-year-old girl, killing her. Her parents had been warning her all day not to kick the stand. (“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand … hey, are you listening to me?”)
• An 18 month-old Golden Retriever named ‘Jesse’ has accidentally strangled its owners’ 6-year-old daughter by ‘playfully tugging on her scarf’. The Long Island family haven’t made up their minds what to do with the dog, but have been inundated by people offering to take the killer pet. (Lord knows what the beast plays ‘fetch’ with.)
• This week frustrated French cops who’ve been trying for 3 years to identify a female skeleton found during an exceptionally low tide in a seaside town in Brittany have found out why they’ve had such a tough time identifying the victim. Hi-tech radio carbon dating of the bones has just concluded – she was likely killed by pirates some time between 1401 and 1453! (This could be the storyline for a movie – “Pirates of the Mediterranean: Dead Woman’s Chest”.)

WORLD’S PRICIEST PLACES:
Oslo, Norway is now the ‘Most Expensive City in the World’, according to the latest poll by “The Economist”. The Norwegian capital has finally pushed Tokyo into 2nd place after 14 years at the top. Next in line are Osaka, Japan; Reykjavik, Iceland; Paris, France; and Copenhagen, Denmark. The world’s cheapest city is Tehran, Iran. (Canada’s most expensive cities, Montréal and Vancouver tied for 43rd place overall; Toronto ranks 47th.)
(NYC is the most expensive US city, placing 27th overall.)
– “Money”

HAREM SCAREM:
A Saudi man is in hospital after his divorced parents forced him to marry – 4 times within 6 months! The battle began when the father insisted the boy marry a girl from his side of the family. The mother retaliated by ordering him to wed a girl from her side. But the father wasn’t happy with the balance of power and insisted on a 3rd wife from his side, just to show who was boss. The mother, not to be outdone, then demanded that her son include another wife from … well, you get the idea. The son has now been admitted to a hospital for psychological treatment. He’s refusing to see either his parents or his wives.
– “Arab News”

DUMBEST SUPER BOWL QUESTIONS:
Actual questions asked of NFL players at THIS YEAR’S infamous “Super Bowl” ‘Media Day’ …
• “What do you do for a living?”
• “If you had a nickel for every time someone said this game was about punting, how much money would you have?”
• “How does your faith affect how you do in the Super Bowl?”
• “What’s the hardest you ever farted?”
• “What member of the team has the most sex?”
• “Which would hurt more – losing to Pittsburgh or sitting on the Space Needle?”
– “Seattle Post-Intelligencer”
 
DOING THE WORM:
Computer security expert F-Secure Corp is warning that a new worm variously known as ‘CME-24′, ‘BlackWorm’, and ‘Mywife.E’ is set to activate TODAY. They suggest you make sure your anti-virus software is up-to-date as the worm will mercilessly corrupt documents using the most common file types, including .doc,.pdf, and .zip. Hundreds of thousands of computers are believed to be infected. While they’re thought to be mostly in India, Peru, Turkey & Italy, it’s better to be safe … than zapped!
– Associated Press

THE BULL SHEET 02.03.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
    1956 [50] Nathan Lane, Jersey City NJ, highest-paid Broadway actor ever (along with Matthew Broderick for “The Producers”)/movie actor (“The Producers: The Movie Musical”)

1965 [41] Matraca Berg, Nashville TN, country singer (“I Got It Bad”)

1965 [41] Maura Tierney, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Dr Abby Lockhart’ on “ER” since 2000)

1970 [36] Warwick Davis, Epsom UK, 3 ft-6 in movie actor (‘Professor Filius Flitwick in the “Harry Potter” films)

SATURDAY –
Country singer Clint Black (“Drinkin’ Songs & Other Logic”) is 44; Rock musician Rick Burch (Jimmy Eat World) is 31; Pop singer Natalie Imbruglia (“Torn”) is 31; Pop singer Gavin DeGraw (“I Don’t Want To Be”) is 29.

SUNDAY –
“Hockey Night in Canada” commentator Don Cherry is 72; Movie actress Jennifer Jason Leigh (“Road to Perdition”) is 44; Rock musician Duff McKagan (Velvet Revolver) is 42; Movie actress Laura Linney (“The Squid & the Whale”) is 42; R&B singer Bobby Brown (Mr Whitney Houston) is 37; Country singer Sara Evans (“Cheatin’”) is 35.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day”, a day of protest over how people with bifocals are forced to look ridiculous while working on computers, heads tilted back like turkeys in a rainstorm. Celebrated biannually … naturally.
• “Men’s Grooming Day”. Yup, it’s that one day of the year again already!
• “Thank a Letter Carrier Day”. Yeah, thanks for the bills, dude.
• “Wear Red Day”, the 3rd-annual observance for women created by the Heart Association to raise awareness about heart disease, the #1 cause of death among women in North America.

SATURDAY –
• “Midpoint of Winter”, at least statistically speaking. It may not seem like it but Winter is the shortest season, lasting 88 days, 23 hours, 57 minutes.
• “UN Torture Abolition Day”. What torture? Nowadays suspicious types are just ‘rendered’.

SUNDAY –
• “Anniversary of the Constitution” in Mexico. Olé!
• “National Weatherman’s (Person’s, Forecaster’s) Day”, commemorating the 1744 birth of Boston physician Dr John Jeffries, one of the first to keep detailed records of weather conditions (from 1774-1816).

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000 [06] WWE mastermind Vince McMahon unveils his latest creation – a new pro football league called the ‘XFL’ which opens a year later on this date, then folds after a single season (it’s one lasting contribution to pro football – the remote-controlled overhead camera)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1877 [129] The staple of poor pianists, “The Celebrated Chop Waltz” (better known as “Chopsticks”), is registered in Britain by its composer, 16-year-old Euphemia Alten, using the pseudonym Arthur de Lulli

1959 [47] ‘The Day the Music Died’ as rock ‘n roll singers Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens & The Big Bopper are killed in a plane crash near Clear Lake IA

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1881 [125] 1st use of the word ‘Jumbo’ as circus entrepreneur PT Barnum names his new 6-ton elephant

1984 [22] World’s 1st baby conceived by ‘Embryo Transplant’, in Long Beach CA (“Here, let me carry that for you …”)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1947 [59] North America’s ‘Coldest Recorded Temperature’, -63 C (-81 F) at Snag, Yukon Territory

AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] XX Olympic Winter Games open in Torino, Italy
[Mon] Pay-A-Compliment Day
[Tues] Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
[Tues] Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
[Wed] 48th “Grammy Awards” (LA CA)
[Thurs] Develop Alternative Vices Day
This Week Is . . . Patient Recognition Week
This Month Is . . . Celebration of Chocolate Month

BULL’S BITS

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit cats do it doggy style? Shouldn’t they have a style of their own?
• Whyzit God puts all of the brilliant brains inside ugly heads?
• Whyzit ‘Batman’ doesn’t sleep upside down?
• Whyzit there’s no king in the United Kingdom?
• Whyzit they post ‘falling rock’ signs? Is it for cars that have boulder shields?
• Whyzit ‘the world is our oyster’? What if oysters make you gag?

BS WEB GOODIES:
• Recently we featured a site that claims ‘God hates gays’, now we’ve found one supposedly proving that ‘God hates rock stars’. It claims the life expectancy of your average rock star is just 36.9 years. The site lists oodles of dead ones and what caused their demise. Among the ‘rock stars’ listed and presumably used in the actuarial tables: Sam Kinison (stand-up comedian), Bill Graham (concert promoter), and that famously stoned-out proponent of acid rock, Karen Carpenter (glutton). The site also quotes Deuteronomy 32:31 – “For their rock is not as our rock.” Word up, dudes!
NET: http://www.av1611.org/rockdead.html
• Dutch conceptual artist Martijn Engelbregt claims the best way to defeat telemarketers is to best them at their own game. To that end, he’s making available a free ‘counterscript’ that helps you engage telemarketers in personal conversation, thereby tying up their time and eating into their profits.
NET: http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Beware collectors! It’s estimated that 70% of THESE are fake.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sports autographs.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nationalism – another fatal disease.