Tuesday, February 15, 2005        Edition: #2970
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Janis Joplin’s estate has signed off on “Search For The Pearl”, an upcoming reality show in which singing contestants audition for the role of ‘the new Janis’, then tour with the late legend’s former backup bands, Big Brother & The Holding Company, the Kozmic Blues Band, and Full Tilt Boogie Band (sacrilege! – unless Melissa Etheridge gets the gig) . . . We’re obviously not getting the whole truth about actor Matthew Perry’s brief hospitalization for a ‘bad reaction to prescription medicine’ (did he start taking painkillers after “The Whole Ten Yards”?) . . . Swedish musical icons ABBA have reunited for the Stockholm premiere of the stage musical “Mamma Mia”, their first appearance together since the ‘80s . . . Former professional groupie/video vixen/wannabe actress Karinne Steffans (nicknamed ‘Superhead’) has signed a $7.3-million deal for publishing & movie rights to her memoirs, which she promises will tell-all about encounters with the likes of Usher, Jay-Z, Chris Rock, Ja Rule, Ice-T, Vin Diesel and others, including a ‘5-day romp with a hugely successful, raspy-voiced rapper-actor’ (hmm, who could that be?) . . . “Ray” actor Jamie Foxx’s performance with Alicia Keys at the Grammys was likely carefully staged by J Records honcho Clive Davis as a buzz generator for a planned Foxx album coming NEXT YEAR . . . The movie sequel “Indiana Jones 4″ has been officially shelved, at least for a year-to-18 months, because Steven Spielberg didn’t like the script (better shoot it soon or Harrison Ford will need a walker!) . . . And this has to be a first – Paris Hilton got the bum’s rush out the door of Hollywood hot spot Concorde for barging through the VIP line with her crew, then bossing servers around while demanding free drinks (can her 15 minutes be up soon … pretty please?)

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Billy Joel – He played the piano for fellow patients during his recent hospital stay for stomach pain.
• Green Day – TONIGHT they’re on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Liam Titcomb – The “Sad Eyes” singer has played steel pan with the Afropan Steelband at Toronto’s “Caribana Festival” for the past 5 years.
• Ludacris – TONIGHT he’s on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Mariah Carey – Her upcoming video for “It’s Like That” reportedly looks like the party scene from “Eyes Wide Shut”.
• Motley Crue – Bassist Nikki Sixx will recoup close to $1 million after winning a lawsuit against sneaker maker Vans for using his photo in an ad campaign without permission.
• Stabilo – The Vancouver band, formerly known as Stabilo Boss, has emerged from the indie music scene with their single “One More Pill”.
• U2 – They’ve gone straight to #1 in the UK with their new single “Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own”.
• Willie Nelson – TODAY his “Songs” compilation is released, a 20-song  retrospective of his career spanning more than 40 years and 6 record labels. Featured duets include Merle Haggard, BB King, Brian McKnight, Waylon Jennings & Lee Ann Womack.

BIDDING ON CAMELOT:
TODAY through Thursday another auction of  JFK & Jackie Kennedy Onassis memorabilia is expected to fetch more than $1 million. You might remember a 1996 auction of Jackie O possessions – held 2 years after her death – racked up a whopping $34.5 million. Just the catalogue for this new offering from Sotheby’s costs $50. Items collected from 5 Kennedy family homes and the White House include furniture, such as a rocking chair that once eased JFK’s back pain, and a portrait of Jackie with her children. (Is Caroline running short of cash or what?)
– “Daily News”

HANGOVER BARBIE:
In the movie “Mean Girls”, actress Lindsay Lohan infiltrated a high school clique called ‘The Plastics’. Now she’s getting the permanent plastic treatment as a new doll in Mattel’s “My Scene” line unveiled at the “American International Toy Fair“ now on in NYC. The Lohan doll, hitting the market in JUNE, is expected to sell for $30 and comes dressed for a movie premiere in – don’t tell PETA – a fur-trimmed coat. (Tiny gin bottle extra.)
– “USA Today”

ELECTRIFYING PERFORMANCE:
Brazilian actor Michel Melamed gives an electrifying performance on-stage by letting the audience shock him – literally! He wears a special wired-up suit that gives him an electric shock each time someone in the audience claps, laughs, boos or coughs. The strength of the current depends on the noise level, but to make sure he’s safe the power cuts off at a maximum of 90 volts. Why would he wanna? “All theater is an experiment,” he says. (Here’s a guy that’s just dying for a ‘standing O’.)
– “NY Post”

WHAT’S THAT SQUEALING?
A new Norwegian study concludes that it’s unlikely that lobsters feel pain. Animal activists have claimed for years that lobsters are in excruciating agony when they are boiled alive. But the new University of Oslo study suggests that most invertebrates – including lobsters, crabs, worms, snails, slugs and clams – probably don’t have any capacity to feel pain whatsoever. (All that thrashing around in the boiling water? Just an attempt at the breast stroke.)
– AP

HAIRS TO YA!
• 60% of us visit a hairstylist at least 4 times a year.
• 60% of us cannot live without hair products. Hairspray and styling gel are the top 2 necessities.
• 30% of us change our hairstyle once a year or more often.
• A ‘cut’ or ‘trim’ is the most popular reason to visit a hair salon, followed by ‘highlights’, ‘lowlights’ and/or ‘coloring’ coming in 2nd.
– Harris Interactive poll

ONLY IN CANADA:
• Carrot River SK priest Reverend Mariusz Zajac is nicknamed the ‘Fishing Father’ and with good reason – he’s been officially credited with hauling in a new world-record walleye while ice fishing on Saskatchewan’s Lake Tobin – 18.3 lbs. (Wow, that’d feed a multitude!)
• According to the most recent StatsCan figures, there were 34,200 same-sex couples officially counted before same-sex marriage became legal in some provinces. That represents just 0.5% of all Canadian common-law couples. (But sure is causing a massive ‘teacup storm’.)
• The Manitoba Liquor Control Commission has pulled sherry and port from Ukraine’s Massandra Winery off its shelves after numerous complaints from the local Ukrainian community. What’s the prob? The wines’ label includes a photo of brutal Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin. (MLCC is also having second thoughts about selling ‘Hitler Riesling’.)

CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?
US army soldiers are being given new fatigues with a redesigned camouflage pattern, an all-in-one design that replaces the previous two standard patterns – forest and desert. Bold jigsaw patterns have given way to muted shades in 1-inch segments. Black has been eliminated from the camo palette because it catches the eye too easily. (Wouldn’t the best camo be a black burqa with veil?)
– AP

WONDER WHO’S THE MAYOR?
There’s not much of a social life in the town of Monowi, Nebraska – it’s only got a population of 1. Over the years, residents have either died or moved from the desolate community about 3 hours from Omaha, and the only person left is 71-year-old Elsie Eiler, who lives in a trailer. What’s really weird is she has to collect the town taxes – from herself!
– “NY Post”

THE BULL SHEET 02.15.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [51] Matt Groening, Portland OR, animator/TV show creator (“The Simpsons”)

1976 [29] Brandon Boyd, Van Nuys CA, rock singer (Incubus-“Wish You Were Here”, “Drive”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY all the leftover “Valentine” candy goes on sale for half-price!

TODAY is “National Flag of Canada Day”, celebrating the 40th anniversary of the unveiling of Canada’s maple leaf flag on Parliament Hill in 1965, replacing the ‘Red Ensign’.
NET: http://www.pch.gc.ca/progs/cpsc-ccsp/sc-cs/df1_e.cfm

TODAY is “Susan B Anthony Day”, honoring the 1820 birth of one of the first women’s rights advocates, and the face on the first US dollar-coin that bombed.

THIS WEEK is “Random Acts of Kindness Week” designed to inspire people to practise kindness and to pass it on to others.
NET: http://www.actsofkindness.org/people/days.asp

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [01] “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” starring Ty Pennington debuts on ABC-TV

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1907 [98] “Happy Birthday to You” is copyrighted by Patty & Mildred Hill (imagine the royalties – it’s likely the world’s most sung song!)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1903 [102] 1st ‘Teddy Bear’ introduced by Morris & Rose Michtom (named after US President Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] “Survivor 10″ debuts on CBS-TV (Palau)
[Fri] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Fri] Thumb Appreciation Day
[Fri] “Because of Winn-Dixie” and “Constantine” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Student Volunteer Day
[Sun] Hoodie Hoo Day
[Sun] East Coast Music Awards (Sydney NS)
This Week Is . . . International Flirting Week / Condom Week
This Month Is . . . Pet Dental Health Month / Time Management Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
IMPORTANT BS YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR KIDS:
• It’s more fun to color outside the lines.
• If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.
• There is no good reason why clothes have to match.
• If you’re gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch.
• Ask ‘why’ until you understand.
• Make up the rules as you go along.
• Save a place in line for your friends.
• If your dog doesn’t like someone, you probably shouldn’t either.
• If you stand on tiptoe to be measured this year, you’ll have to stand on tiptoe for the rest of your life.

ALL-TIME TOP TEAR-JERKERS:
A poll of 70,000 movie-goers finds these are the films that make us mist up most …
1. “ET”
2. “The Green Mile”
3. “Titanic”
4. “It’s A Wonderful Life”
5. “Ghost”
– Ananova

ALL-TIME TOP ROCK SONGS:
1. “Stairway to Heaven”, Led Zeppelin
2. “Freebird”, Lynyrd Skynyrd
3. “Bohemian Rhapsody”, Queen
4. “Smoke on the Water”, Deep Purple
5. “Paranoid”, Black Sabbath
– “Planet Rock” poll

BS WEB GOODIE:
Searchable insults for every occasion are available from ‘Insults Net’, where you set the parameters by gender, intelligence, weight, political views and abuse level. This site also offers the useful tool ‘How to Swear’ – in over 40 different languages, including French-Canadian. Go ahead and try it out, you ‘maudit fif’.
NET: http://www.insults.net

BS PHONE STARTER:
Is the concept of raising money through ‘charity singles’ being beaten to death?

GOOFY GIVEAWAY:
K-ROCK [WKRL-FM] Syracuse NY began promoting a ‘Divorce Giveaway’ LAST WEEK and has received over 100 entries. Important rule – the divorce must be uncontested.

BS FLAG DAY QUIZ:
• What was 20-year-old seamstress Joan O’Malley ‘s most famous creation? [She sewed Canada’s first prototype maple leaf flag in 1964.]
• Professor George Stanley is the person who suggested a red and white single maple leaf design for the flag. Where did he teach? [Royal Military College in Kingston ON]
• What kind of maple leaf is on the Canadian flag? [MP John Matheson chose the ‘sugar maple’ leaf as the model for the flag’s leaf.]
• What was Bill Clennett’s claim to fame in 1996? [He was the  unemployed casual laborer whom PM Jean Chretien felt was a threat at the ‘96 “Flag Day” rally, so he grabbed him by the throat, breaking his dentures in the process. The RCMP later paid for the teeth.]
– “Canadian Heritage” / CNEWS

BS INTERVIEW:
Can’t decide between a burger and a dog? Decatur GA eatery Mulligans has the solution – a combination of both! ‘The Hamdog’ is a hot dog wrapped in a beef patty that’s deep fried, covered with chili, cheese & onions and served on a hoagie bun. Oh yeah, it’s also topped with a fried egg and fries. No wonder the US South has developed a reputation as the ‘Stroke Belt’! So what’s this thing weigh? And have they used a calculator to figure out the calories?
PHONER: 404.377.0108

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Anyone who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck.
• At 6 I was left an orphan. What on Earth is a 6-year-old supposed to do with an orphan?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re between the ages of 34-and-44, you can do THIS better than others.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Spell.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them.