February 19, 2004

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Thursday, February 19, 2004        Edition: #2728
Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription or You’ll Be Sheet Outta Luck!

LAST OCTOBER Hollywood sleazeball Rick Salomon claimed he had nothing to do with the Web release of the sex video featuring Paris Hilton & him, but he now takes full respons9iblity for a new 37-minute ‘director’s cut’ and says the $50-per-download goes directly to him (Quote: “I’m going to make some money and go surfing for a year”) . . .  Despite his recent ATV accident in England, Ozzy Osbourne is insisting on touring with this year’s “Ozzfest”, though he’s planning on taking a entire team of doctors with him . . . Sylvester Stallone must be looking for work again, because there’s word that an ‘unscripted series’ (the new term for ‘reality show’) is being pitched to various networks, featuring aspiring boxers and “Rocky” himself . . . In a fit of good taste, the survivors of late singing legend Johnny Cash have turned down big bucks for the rights to use his hit sing “Ring of Fire” in an ad campaign for – hemorrhoid relief . . . “Survivor” creator Mark Burnett is looking to develop a West Coast version of his other big hit, “The Apprentice” (with Donald Trump), this one featuring DreamWorks studio honcho Jeffrey Katzenberg . . . Eww! The tub of water Christina Aguilera squatted in for the JANUARY 2003 “Maxim” magazine cover is up for bid on the UK eBay site, along with the white thong she was shown peeling off in the photo (love that “Dirrty” water?).

Yep, looks like it’s gonna happen – a script is already being prepared for a “Sex & the City” movie, to star Sarah Jessica Parker and the rest of the original cast from the HBO show (the series finalé airs SUNDAY) . . . Pistol-hot “Lost in Translation” actress Scarlett Johansson may play 1950s actress Lana Turner in a new biopic about the screen legend who shocked Hollywood by dating Johnny Stompanato, a gangster who was eventually stabbed to death in her bedroom by her daughter . . . A movie version of James Robert Baker’s book “Fuel Injected Dreams: A Novel” is being developed, loosely based on the life of legendary record producer Phil Spector (currently fighting a murder charge) . . . “The Jacket”, starring Adrien Brody & Keira Knightley, is now shooting in Glasgow, Scotland, the story of a psychiatric patient who believes he can travel through time . . .  A remake of the 1953 Vincent Price horror classic “House of Wax” is set to shoot in Australia, starring Chad Michael Murray from “Freaky Friday” . . . And another vintage TV show is coming to the bigscreen – “The Green Hornet”, the mid-‘60s crime show that featured Bruce Lee as ‘Kato’, the ‘Hornet’s’ sidekick (literally).

Outkast’s monster hit “Hey Ya” may encourage you to ‘shake it like a Polaroid picture’, but
Polaroid wants you to know that shaking its photos, which used to help them dry, isn’t necessary anymore. In the modern version of the Polaroid camera, an exposed photo never even touches air, so shaking or waving it has no effect. In fact, shaking or any rapid movement can damage the film. (To shake their pictures nowadays, most people would have to pick up their entire PC.)
Source: “USA Today”

At last! An explanation for why women tend to tear down the appearance of other women. According to a new study by researcher Maryanne Fisher at Toronto’s York University, it’s a way ovulating women compete for potential mates. This ‘indirect aggression’ may often be subconscious, but seems to be a result of the primal urge to find a suitable male. Thus a woman may gossip about another women’s looks, her promiscuous nature, or her inability to bear children … using far stronger words. When it comes to competing for mates, men on the other hand are more likely to get into a fist-fight.
Source: cnews

Here’s a brain buster – what do you call that little ‘a’ with a circle surrounding it that means ‘at’ in e-mail addresses? In English, it’s most commonly referred to simply as the ‘at symbol’ or ‘atmark’ because there is no official name. But other languages offer more imaginative names – in Sweden it’s called ‘snabel-a’ (an ‘a’ with an elephant’s trunk), in Germany a ‘klammerraffe’ (clinging monkey), in Russia it’s a dog, in Israel a strudel, in Czech Republic a ‘zavinac’ (rolled pickled herring), in Italy a ‘chiocciola’ (snail), similarly in France ‘petit escargot’ (little snail), in Finland a mouse’s tail, in Hungary a ‘kukatsz’ (little worm), and in Greece it’s known as a little duck. Wow, we need a better English word! Suggestions? An ‘atpersand’? An ‘e-snail’?
Source: “Guardian Unlimited”

LAST WEEK ‘Barbie’ may have ditched ‘Ken’ for ‘Blaine’ the Australian boogie-boarder, but will he become her steady? Mattel Marketing VP Russell Arons says THIS SUMMER fans will be able to vote on a range of new boyfriends at the Barbie Website, several which have never been seen before, including some ethnically-diverse characters. (Look out for a plastic P Diddy!)
Source: “Daily Dish”

TODAY’s your last chance to bid on a US Navy F/A-18 Hornet jet fighter that’s up for sale on eBay. The reserved price for the fighter, retired from the Blue Angels aerobatic team, is a tad over a million if you assemble it yourself, but closer to $9 million if you want it assembled and flight-certified. Sounds expensive, but the sticker price on a new one is circa $28 million. No deal to be had for the Canadian Armed Forces, however – only American residents are allowed to bid.
NET: http://www.blueangels.navy.mil

Later THIS YEAR, the new edition of “The Scrabble Players Dictionary” will be published. The revision committee expects about 8,500 new words to be added, including ‘upsadaisy’, ‘duh’, and the obscure but Scrabble-valuable words ‘qi’ (of Chinese origin meaning ‘vital energy’) and ‘za’ (an old name for b-flat, the 7th harmonic).
Source: Newhouse News

• 91% of actors polled say they’d sleep with someone in order to get a job. (99.9% of male respondents say they’d sleep with someone … who cares about the job?)
• The first toothpaste was invented about 4,000 years ago and consisted of a highly abrasive combination of pumice stone and wine vinegar – brushed on with a stick. (“Son, your teeth are looking yellow, better get a new stick.”)


1940 [64] Smokey Robinson, Detroit MI, legendary Motown singer (“Cruisin’”, “I Second That Emotion”)/songwriter (“My Guy”, “My Girl”)/recording producer/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1987)

1955 [49] Jeff Daniels, Athens GA, movie actor (“The Hours”, “Dumb & Dumber”)

1960 [44] Prince Andrew (Andrew Albert Christian Edward Windsor), London ENG, Britain’s Duke of York/son of Queen Elizabeth II/Fergie’s ex-/Prince Charles’ little brother

1967 [37] Benicio Del Toro, Santurce, Puerto Rico, movie actor (2004 Academy Award nomination-“21 Grams”, Oscar-“Traffic”)   COMING UP: Plays the lead role in “Che”, an epic about Argentine revolutionary Che Guevara, opening in 2005.

TODAY is “Student Volunteer Day”, a day for students to give back to their communities by offering to take on worthwhile tasks.

1995 [09] Clad in a white bikini, Pamela Anderson weds Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee in Cancun, Mexico (they divorce in 1998)

1974 [30] 1st “American Music Awards” (a Dick Clark production)

1906 [98] 1st ‘Corn Flakes’ go on sale (do you put the milk on first or the sugar?)

1913 [91] 1st prize inserted into a ‘Cracker Jack’ box (the next day, the 1st prize inserted into a ‘Cracker Jack’ box breaks)

1960 [44] 1st edition of “The Family Circus” comic strip by Bil Keane (they’re middle-aged – how come ‘Billy’, ‘Dolly’, ‘Jeffy’ and ‘PJ’ still look the same?)

1981 [23] 1st scientific report about atmospheric warming caused by pollution, dubbed the ‘greenhouse effect’ (or ‘global warming’)

1996 [08] Canada’s new $2 coin officially released (and ‘toonie busting’, separating the two metals that make up the coin, briefly becomes a national pastime)

[Fri] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Sun] Screen Actors Guild Awards (SAG)
[Sun] Carnival Week begins
[Mon] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Halifax NS)
[Mon] International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
[Tues] Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday)
This Week Is . . . Pay Your Bills Week (like it’s an option other times?)
This Month Is . . . Wild Bird Feeding Month (so they can crap on your windshield)

• Whyzit we say we know it ‘by heart’ when our brain did all the work?
• Whyzit if the shoe fits, it’s usually ugly?
• Whyzit we’re always getting ‘overwhelmed’ but we’re never just ‘whelmed’?
• Whyzit they don’t make painkillers twice as big and have us take just one?
• Whyzit rock climbers don’t wear a parachute?
• Whyzit pants aren’t called ‘longs’ to correspond with ‘shorts’?
• Whyzit cars don’t have multiple horns to reflect varying degrees of emotion?

Ask a kid, any kid, to finish these famous proverbs that (you’d think) are well known …
• “Practice makes … [perfect.”]
• “A bad penny … [always turns up.”]
• “Life is just a bowl of … [cherries.”]
• “A friend in need is a … [friend indeed.”]
• “All good things must … [come to an end.”]
• “A stitch in time saves … [nine.”]
• “One good turn deserves … [another.”]
• “A bird in the hand is … [worth two in the bush.”]
• “The early bird catches … [the worm.”]
• “The grass is always greener on … [the other side of the fence.”]
• “A fool and his money are .. [soon parted.”]
• “There’s no place like … [home.”]

• Which male mammal has the greatest number of mates in a season?
a. Rabbit
b. Seal
c. Colin Farrell
The northern fur seal, which averages 40-60 mates a season.
Source: “Bathroom Reader”

• What is a ‘bellwether’?
a. A guidance instrument on a ship.
b. A barometer used by meteorologists.
c. A castrated sheep.
It’s a castrated male sheep (a ‘wether’) which leads the flock and wears a bell around its neck.
Source: “Wordwizard”

• Where did ancient Greeks and Mesopotamians believe your soul was located?
a. In your heart.
b. In your brain.
c. In your liver.
In the liver, which makes the myth of Prometheus, whose punishment was to have his liver perpetually torn out by an eagle, more understandable.
Source: “The Philosophical Dictionary”

One of the most hated former “Survivor” contestants, Jon Dalton, who obnoxiously refers to himself as ‘Jonny Fairplay’, is available for interviews. In fact, the guy is so desperate for attention he’s signed up with wrestling promoter TNA Entertainment. It may be worth having the guy on just to take some pot-shots at him. Tim Welch is the agent you’re looking for.
PHONER: 212.792.4158 (NYC)/615.244.5557 (Nashville TN)
E-MAIL: timw@nwatna.com

Today’s Question: 5% of women consider THIS to be the most attractive thing about a man.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: That he is married.

Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead.


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