Thursday, February 12, 2004        Edition: #2723
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Ignoring the uproar over her Super Bowl faux pas, Janet Jackson will flash more flesh in a topless photo (her hands placed discreetly) on the cover of her upcoming CD “Damita Jo”, to be released MARCH 30th (because she hasn’t had this much press in a decade!) . . . P Diddy is saying the over-the-top media coverage of Janet Jackson’s nipple flap is ‘borderline racist’ (oh please, give it a rest!) . . . Country star Terri Clark apparently doesn’t “Wanna Do It All”, rejecting an offer to appear on the cover of MAY’s “Playboy” magazine in nothing but her cowboy hat . . . Christina Aguilera, Boy George, Missy Elliott, Chloe Sevigny & Linda Evangelista have been announced as the new faces of MAC Cosmetics (wait a sec, Boy George?) . . . This year’s Oscar nominees have been instructed to keep their speeches short … yet again (why don’t they take note of Andre 3000’s speech at the Grammys which was 2 words in total – “Thank you”.) . . . And actor Ben Affleck may need another “Paycheck” or two if he goes ahead with a plan to buy a 15th-century ruin that bears his name – ‘Affleck Castle’ in Angus, Scotland (word is it’s a fixer-upper).

FUTURE FILMS:
Latest word out of Hollywood is Brit actress Keira Knightley (“Love Actually”, “Pirates Of The Caribbean”) is likely to beat out Jessica Simpson for the lead role in the bigscreen version of the ‘60s TV sitcom “I Dream Of Jeannie” . . . Italian beauty Isabella Rossellini returns to the bigscreen THIS SPRING in her weirdest role since “Blue Velvet” in 1986, playing  a legless beer baroness in Depression-era Winnipeg who holds an odd music competition in “The Saddest Music in the World” . . .  19-year-old “Lost In Translation” actress Scarlett Johansson will star in “The Black Dahlia”, a fictional account of the investigation into the 1947 real life murder of starlet Elizabeth Short . . . Shooting on Ron Howard’s “Cinderella Man”, starring Russell Crowe & Renee Zellweger, is expected to be delayed until APRIL to allow Crowe’s shoulder to heal (dislocated while training in a boxing ring) . . . Real-life couple Jennifer Connelly & Paul Bettany are in talks to co-star in “American Pastoral”, a drama set in post-war America about a couple that discovers their daughter has become a revolutionary terrorist . . . After years of speculation, it seems “The Simpsons” will finally get to the bigscreen as creators Matt Groening & James L Brooks have now put together a team of writers to develop a movie.

A PUNCHING BAG THAT TALKS:
First bankrupt boxer Mike Tyson announced he’ll attempt to fight again and now 55-year-old former world heavyweight champ George Foreman says he’s in training for a one-fight comeback. His career record is 76-5, but he hasn’t fought in 7 years. He says he knows people will make fun of him, but he just doesn’t care. His first goal – get back down to 225 lbs. (Those ‘Lean Mean Grilling Machines’ aren’t selling so well lately? Or apparently working either.)

NEWS OF ANOTHER FAT GUY:
Check this out all you Atkins Diet freaks – Dr Robert Atkins weighed 258 pounds at the time of his death and had previously suffered a heart attack, congestive heart failure and hypertension. The report comes from the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, a group that advocates vegetarianism and has long denounced the Atkins Diet. Atkins died LAST APRIL at age 72 in NYC after he slipped on ice and fell. (Or maybe fell THROUGH the ice?)
Source: “Wall Street Journal”

BS WAYS TO CELEBRATE VALENTINE’S DAY:
• University of Western Ontario psychologist Lorne Campbell recommends that couples vary their regular routine in order to create special moments. For example, he says, if you usually go for a walk with your partner – try something different like bowling. New activities tend to make a couple feel happy and excited. (Would you have the balls to tell your wife you’re going bowling for Valentine’s Day?)
PHONER: 519.661.2111
• Santa Monica CA psychologist Catherine Cardinal, author of “The Ten Commandments of Relationships”, notes that newlyweds gain an average of 5 to 30 pounds during the first year of marriage. Perhaps that’s one reason she’s encouraging couples to give up the boring old missionary position for at least one day this Valentine’s Day. Instead, Cardinal wants couples to try the so-called ‘triathlon of pleasure’, any 3 positions other than missionary. (Hmm, better get out the ol’ playbook and look up a ‘stand-up triple’.)
PHONER: 310.395.9794
• Researcher Debbie Herbenick of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction at Indiana University suggests that couples can rekindle romance on Valentine’s Day by revisiting an exciting moment in their relationship. For instance, reliving their first date or a place where they had sex, like a football field or the back of a car. (But be sure to book your chiropractic appointment ahead of time.)
PHONER: 812.855.4848

IF YOUR FACE IS PURPLE, PRESS 9:
A University of Southern California researcher has developed a new software program to measure the frustration of callers when they become tangled up in a menu-driven telephone system. The system works by analyzing not only what callers say, but also how they say it.  When anger reaches a certain level, they are automatically transferred to a human. (Good idea – push ‘em to the brink and then throw out a lifeline. Or corporations could save the expense of installing the program by spending a lousy 10-bucks-an-hour on someone to answer the phone.)
Source: “Wired” magazine.

WIDE WORLD OF BS:
• A Brazilian samba school is dedicating a section of its parade at the upcoming Rio Carnival to overweight folks. The Sao Clemente samba school says it wants to break the carnival’s ‘thin body dictatorship’. Organizer Milton Cunha says, “This is the real Brazil, full of volume!” (In related news, there will only be room for 23 people in this year’s parade.)
• The bride wore black! A 35-year-old woman in Nice, France has married her dead boyfriend, thereby becoming both a bride and a widow simultaneously. Under French law, such a marriage is legal provided paperwork had previously been completed proving the couple planned to wed. In case you’re wondering – the stiff did not attend the ceremony. (But was outstanding during the honeymoon.)
• The bride wore bark! In hopes of pleasing the god of rain, hundreds of people in India have attended a wedding between – two trees. A Hindu cleric tied a knot on a neem tree (the bride) to mark its union with a peepul tree (the groom). Guests were invited to a feast afterward. (Where gossips passed the word that the neem was already budding.)
• China has ordered a crackdown on food ingredient makers after it was discovered one manufacturer has been illegally producing a base for soy sauce made from – human hair. (Wow, there really is hair in my sweet & sour soup.)
• THIS WEEK a 60-cm (2-ft) wobbegong shark latched onto the leg of an Australian who was swimming near Caves Beach. Unbelievably, the guy made it to his car and drove off to get treatment – with the shark still attached to his leg! (A complete recovery is expected for Crocodile Dundee.)

DOES RONNIE EVEN KNOW IT’S VALENTINES?
Which US President is most likely to personally shop for his wife’s Valentine’s Day gift? Most survey respondents say Jimmy Carter (63%), far ahead of Ronald Reagan (14%), Gerald Ford (7%) and both George Bushes (6%).
Source: “Smithsonian” magazine.

WORST LOSER MOVES A GUY CAN MAKE ON VALENTINE’S DAY:
• Saying he doesn’t believe in hokey commercial holidays 2 seconds after you’ve given him a cute card.
• Telling you, “God, we’re never going to be able to get a dinner reservation tonight because it’s stupid Valentine’s Day”.
• Giving you supermarket flowers.
• E-mailing you the morning of the 14th to say, “Hey, so what are you up to tonight?” He’s not asking you out, just wondering if you’ll be out with someone else.
• Taking you to a fast-food drive-thru, then renting “Basic Instinct” and inviting you back to his dim apartment to watch it … with his roommate.
• Buying you chocolates on the 15th when the prices are slashed.
• Giving you ghastly mall-rat jewelry that you saw on his sister the week before.
• Having sex with you, then crying afterward because his ex-girlfriend broke up with him last Valentine’s Day.
• Dumping you the day before because he doesn’t want to go through the motions.
Source: “Cosmopolitan”

THE BULL SHEET 02.12.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1952 [52] Michael McDonald, St Louis MO, pop singer (“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”, ex-Doobie Brothers-“What a Fool Believes”)

1955 [49] Arsenio Hall, Cleveland OH, TV host (“Star Search”)/movie actor (“Coming to America”)/Emmy Award-winning TV talk-show host (“The Arsenio Hall Show” 1989-1994)

1970 [34] Jim Creeggan, Toronto ON, rock bassist (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me”, “One Week”)

1972 [32] Owen Nolan, Belfast N IRE [raised Thorold ON], hockey forward (Toronto Maple Leafs, 2002 Canadian Olympic gold medal team)

1980 [24] Christina Ricci, Santa Monica CA, 5-ft movie actress (“Monster”, “Sleepy Hollow”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] “Lincoln’s Birthday” (1809)

TODAY is “Lost Penny Day”, set aside to collect all of those wasted pennies stashed in jars and drawers around the house and put them back into circulation. (Because a penny saved is – a waste of time. Actually, a penny saved is a government oversight.)

It’s winter festival time!
• FRIDAY-February 22nd is Winnipeg’s 35th annual “Festival du Voyageur”, touted as ‘Western Canada’s largest winter festival’. It’s certainly Western Canada’s largest Francophone festival.
PHONER: 204.237.7692
NET: http://www.festivalvoyageur.mb.ca
• THIS WEEKEND is the 2nd of 3 for Ottawa’s annual “Winterlude”, highlighted by the Ice-Carving Masters Invitational, an Ottawa Senators-Montréal Canadiens alumni shinny hockey game on the Rideau Canal, and the 24th annual Winterlude Bed Race.
PHONER: 800.465.1867/613.239.5000
NET: http://www.canadascapital.gc.ca/winterlude

THIS WEEK is “International Flirting Week”. A “Matchmaker’s” poll finds that 73% of online respondents have used e-mail to flirt. 50% find it easier to flirt via e-mail than in person. And 36% admit to cheating – flirting online despite being in a committed relationship.

THIS MONTH is “Creative Romance Month”, when couples are encouraged to put the sizzle back into their relationships by adding some ‘intrigue’. (Get out the ‘Zorro’ masks!)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000 [04] ”Peanuts” comic strip creator Charles Schulz dies in California at age 77

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1994 [10] Celine Dion’s “The Power Of Love” reaches #1 on pop singles charts

2001 [03] US Court of Appeals orders Napster to stop offering copyrighted music online for free

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1878 [126] 1st-ever ‘baseball catcher’s mask’ (Frederick Thayer-Harvard University Baseball Club)

1879 [125] 1st ‘artificial ice’ rink in North America (Madison Square Garden-NYC)

1898 [106] 1st ‘auto accident fatality’ (later that day, 1st lawyer contacts dead victim’s family)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1949 [55] Canada beats Denmark 47-0 in international hockey (what, no mercy rule?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] “Canadian Idol” auditions begin (Ottawa ON)
[Fri] Elton John Caesars Palace run begins in Vegas
[Fri] National Condom Week begins
[Fri] Get A Different Name Day
[Fri] Read to Your Child Day
[Sat] St Valentine’s Day
[Sun] 2004 East Coast Music Awards (St John’s NL)
[Sun] Daytona 500 (http://www.daytonaintlspeedway.com)
This Week Is . . . National Engineers Week
This Month Is . . . Children’s Dental Health Month / Biorhythm Health Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Isn’t it cruel for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘s’ in it?
• Where does the sky begin? Are tall people walking around in it?
• What do the Hawaiians have against the consonant?
• Can Mike Tyson’s girlfriend be charged with bestiality?
• Wouldn’t it be cool if it really rained cats and dogs?
• Is it coincidence that an anagram for ‘Slot Machines’ is ‘Cash Lost in ‘Em’?

BS URBAN LEGENDS:
Are the following stories about TV personalities true or just a BS urban legend?
• ‘Steve’ on the kids’ show “Blue’s Clues” died of a heroin overdose and was replaced by a look-alike. [BS]
• The “Star Trek” theme has lyrics, you just never hear them. [TRUE]
• Late musician Frank Zappa was the son of the actor who played ‘Mr Greenjeans’ on “Captain Kangaroo”. [BS]
• The original ‘Marlboro Man’ died of lung cancer. [TRUE]
• “The Bachelor’s” Aaron Buerge got 3 contestants from the show pregnant. [BS]
• Actress Eileen Davidson of “The Young & the Restless” is a transgender – she used to be a man. [BS]
• “Sesame Street” has a Muppet who is HIV-positive. [TRUE, but only in South Africa where AIDS is epidemic.]

MOST POPULAR VALENTINE’S GIFTS:
5. Candy (5.8%)
4. Greeting card (10.8%)
3. Jewelry (18.4%)
2. Flowers (20.1%)
1. Evening out (37.3%)
Source: National Retail Federation

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What’s missing from ‘white chocolate’ that is a main ingredient of regular chocolate?
A: Cocoa powder.

BS PHONER STARTERS:
• “What’s the best make of vehicle to make out in?”
• “What’s the goofiest term of endearment you’ve ever been called?”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 20% of us say we like to chew on THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Toenails.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.