February 11, 2004

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Wednesday, February 11, 2004        Edition: #2722

TODAY the nominations will be announced for the “2004 Juno Awards”, coming up APRIL 4th in Edmonton (http://www.juno-awards.ca) . . . Jennifer Lopez is throwing a massive Valentine’s Day party at swanky nightclub The Collection in London – not to promote anything, just for the fun of it – and word is the tab is likely to top $400,000 . . . Buzz has it the ‘James Bond’ producers have decided to retire the most successful ‘007′ of all, Pierce Brosnan, because the 50-year-old isn’t attracting new young fans and they’ll attempt to recruit a successor from a wish-list that includes Hugh Jackman, Jude Law, Christian Bale, Orlando Bloom & Colin Farrell . . . Kelsey Grammar may be finishing up “Frasier” but he’s apparently confident about his financial future, buying up a new $17.5 million, 7-bedroom, Italian-style mansion in Beverly Hills, to go along with his other hovels in Malibu CA & Hawaii . . . Nicole Kidman is reportedly so confident her Aussie friend Naomi Watts will win the ‘Best Actress‘ Oscar for her performance in “21 Grams”, she’s already organized a party for her . . . Jack Nicholson invented his much publicized ‘real-life romance’ with co-star Diane Keaton in order to sell their film “Something’s Gotta Give”, according to Keaton herself (guess it didn’t work very well) . . . Singer Gloria Estefan & producer hubby Emilio have paid a tad over $20 million for the 100-room, oceanfront Palm Court Hotel in Vero Beach, Florida and are reportedly moving there from Miami . . . “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” has just shot an episode based on the Michael Jackson case . . . She looked cool as a cucumber but word has leaked out that Celine Dion went ballistic and reamed out everyone in sight – in French – after that sound screw-up at the Grammys that kept us from hearing the beginning of her performance . . . And there’ll be no more farm labor for Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie as FOX-TV’s “The Simple Life 2″ will send them on a road trip in the American Southwest to visit several families – while cruising in a camper.

New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Blanks’ – Eyewear worn as a fashion statement by people who don’t need any visual correction. It seems trendy types are looking for fashionable frames to enhance ensembles. (People who have to wear glasses to see hate these people.)
• ‘Imaginary Girlfriend’ or ‘Boyfriend’ – A new sensation on eBay whereby people agree to act like your partner – for a fee. Services offered include digital pictures, regular e-mails, Valentine’s gifts, even ‘hot & naughty letters’. The idea is to either make a real partner jealous or fool your friends and/or co-workers that you actually have a love life. (How pathetic is this?)
• ‘Cyber-balkanization’ –  A result of the Internet bringing together narrowly-focused, like-minded individuals who increasingly know more and more about less and less. Basically, online narrow-mindedness. (For more info, Google “Star Wars”.)

Psychologists have identified some 90 methods spouses use to fool their partners and keep adulterous affairs secret. It seems the very things that make a marriage look rock-solid can also be signs that it’s on the rocks. One of the most effective ways for a man to hide an affair is simply to pretend greater interest in his marriage, emphasizing ‘quality time’. Meanwhile, a husband should be wary of a wife who suddenly demands more sex, seems unusually attentive and wears her wedding ring more often than before. In fact, husbands should pay the closest attention because, it turns out, women are far better at deception than men. (Cheapo [co-host] is thrilled – now he has an excuse not to spend a lot on Valentine’s gifts.)
Source: “Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin”

Jay Leno only gets $16 million-a-year to host “The Tonight Show” on NBC-TV, compared to David Letterman’s $31 million for CBS-TV’s “Late Show” – almost twice as much. But Jay averages 6.1 million viewers, while Dave only has 4.3 million. And the “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” is far more profitable, now earning $100 million in annual profits for NBC-TV, a total of $1 billion since Leno took over.
Source: “Fortune” magazine.

Ex-world champion boxer Mike Tyson may still be the undisputed heavyweight champ of – wasting money. After earning some $300 million in the ring over 20 years he has just $5,553 in cash left, according to bankruptcy court papers.
Source: “Daily News”

A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say that … men that have had a sex change also lower their chances of heart disease. (Uh thanks, but I think I’ll just cut back on the greasy food.)
• Scientists say that … the richer a man is, the more likely he is to find a woman who wants to marry him. The shocking study has been published in the new issue of “Demographics” magazine. (It was conducted by the ‘Institute of Duh!’.)
• Scientists say that … they hope to launch 15 ‘mouse-tronauts’ into orbit sometime in 2006 for a 5-week experiment. US and Australian university space researchers hope the mouse mission will provide insight for planning a human journey to Mars. (Whatever you do don’t land them on the Moon – it’s made of cheese!)
• Scientists say that … eating while lying down is worse for you than eating in a sitting position. (Who the hell eats lying down? How fat and lazy are you if you just stretch out and put a funnel in your mouth?)

People are usually at their most sexually responsive around breakfast time. (Over easy, honey?)
Source: “Focus” magazine.


1926 [78] Leslie Nielsen, Regina SK, movie actor (“Men With Brooms”, “Naked Gun” series, “Airplane”) who’s appeared in over 60 movies and many more TV productions

1934 [70] Tina Louise (Blacker), NYC, former TV actress (‘Ginger Grant’-“Gilligan’s Island” 1964-1967)  NOTE: The only guys asking “Ginger or Mary Ann?” these days are in seniors’ homes.

1936 [68] Burt Reynolds, Waycross GA, movie actor (“Boogie Nights”, “Smokey & the Bandit“)/Emmy Award-winning TV actor (“Evening Shade” 1991)/Hollywood’s #1 leading man in late ‘70s & early ‘80s

1962 [42] Sheryl Crow, Kennett MO, pop singer (“The First Cut Is the Deepest”, w/Kid Rock-“Picture”, “Soak Up the Sun”)/9-time Grammy Award winner (“All I Wanna Do” 1995, “The Globe Sessions” 1999)

1969 [35] Jennifer Aniston, Sherman Oaks CA, TV actress (‘Rachel Green’-“Friends” 1994-2004)/movie actress (“Along Came Polly”, “Bruce Almighty”)/Mrs Brad Pitt since 2000

1977 [27] Mike Shinoda, Agoura CA, rock singer/songwriter (Linkin Park-“Numb”, “In the End”)

1979 [25] Brandy (Norwood), Macomb MS, pop singer (Grammy Award-w/Monica-“The Boy Is Mine”, “Have You Ever?”)  FACTOID: Brandy will release her next album in MARCH.

1981 [23] Kelly (Kelendria) Rowland, Atlanta GA, R&B/pop singer (w/Nelly-“Dilemma”, Destiny’s Child-“Survivor”, “Say My Name”)

[International] “Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day”
[International] “Make a New Friend Day”
[Japan] “National Foundation Day” (celebrating the nation’s founding in 660 BC)
[Vatican City] “Independence Day” (1929)

TODAY is “National Inventor’s Day”, honoring the birth of Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931), inventive genius and holder of more than 1,200 patents including the electric lamp and the phonograph, who’s quoted as saying, “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.” Here’s a few of our favorite wacky inventions that never got made –
• ‘The Official Super Bowl XXXVIII Nipple Shield’
• ‘All-Season Radial Rollerblades’
• ‘The Anger-Powered Automobile’
• ‘The Dieter’s Alarm Fork’
• ‘The Toilet Timer With 50-Volt Reminder’
• ‘The Automatic Pet Petter’
• ‘The Car Bib’
• ‘Little Toddler’s Daddy Saddle’
(And here’s one that’s invented but for something else – those little ‘laser pointers’ you can pick up for a buck? The best cat toy ever made! They’ll chase the little red dot for hours.)

TODAY is “Satisfied Staying Single Day”. What’s the best thing about being single? (You have control of the remote all the time, you don’t have to shave your legs, and – best of all – you can’t get dumped!)

TODAY “Mothers Against Drunk Driving” (MADD) kicks off its 24th year of raising awareness about the dangers of drunk driving. (For awhile there was also a fathers’ group, but it was just a ‘FADD’.)

THURSDAY-Sunday the “2004 East Coast Music Awards” are on in St John’s NL, the actual hardware handed out live SUNDAY night on CBC-TV. The hosting duties will be shared by two of Newfoundland’s top funnymen, Shaun Majumder and Mark Critch. The ‘Entertainer of the Year Award’ will be determined through voting by members of the East Coast Music Association, as well as the public. Nominees are Crush, Blou, Jimmy Rankin, Melanie Doane and Damhnait Doyle.
NET: http://www.ecma.ca

1964 [40] Beatles 1st concert in North America (Washington DC)

1994 [10] Bruce Springsteen releases “Streets Of Philadelphia”

1997 [07] At age 14, country phenom LeAnn Rimes releases her 2nd album – “The Early Years”

1922 [82] Discovery of ‘insulin’ (Banting & Best-Toronto)

1948 [56] ‘La-Z-Boy’ chair invented (men immediately develop bigger butts and guts)

1993 [11] Janet Reno becomes America’s 1st female Attorney General

1977 [27] ‘Heaviest known crustacean’ is caught off Nova Scotia, a 44.5-lb (20.2-kg) lobster which measures 3.5 ft (1 m) from claw tip to tail fan (and requires 13 lbs of liquified butter)

[Fri] “50 First Dates” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] “Canadian Idol” auditions begin (Ottawa ON)
[Fri] National Condom Week begins
[Fri] Get A Different Name Day
[Sat] Valentine’s Day
[Sun] NBA All-Star Game (LA CA)
[Mon] Family Day (Alberta)
[Mon] Presidents’ Day (USA)
[Mon] Do A Grouch A Favor Day
This Week Is . . . International Friendship Week
This Month Is . . . Return Shopping Carts To the Supermarket Month / Sleep Safety Month


Your phone contestant supplies the following items which you write down. During a commercial break or music, use their suggestions to fill in the blanks and complete the story. Then, read it back on-air.
1. Your favorite male personality here at [your station].
2. A good nickname for a wrestler.
3. Any fast-food restaurant.
4. A fluid you put into automobiles.
5. A brand of dog food.
6. Something you might find in a dumpster.
7. An affectionate name for a kitten.
8. A football cheer.
9. The life expectancy of a hamster.
10. A rude body function.
11. Part of a cow you don’t eat.
12. Something poisonous you keep away from kids.
13. A coin that’s hard to get rid of.
14. Something your mother always told you to do.

Today’s story is “The Valentine’s Dinner” –
    For Valentine’s Day, [1] took his sweetheart [2] out for a romantic candlelight dinner at [3]. After ordering fancy drinks called ‘[4] Specials’, they perused the menu for something exotic. “How about [5],” suggested [1].  “No,” responded [2]. “I feel more like [6].” “Okay, have it your way my little [7],” said [1]. Then the ever-dapper [1] snapped his fingers and yelled [8] at the waiter. Dinner arrived in only [9]. It must have been excellent because [1] made a point of thanking the chef with a personal [10]. After a dessert of [11] and coffee with [12], it was time to leave. As [1] stood up, [2] exclaimed, “Wait! Aren’t you forgetting something?” “Ah!” said [1]. “The tip.” He tucked an entire [13] under the check. “No, not that,” said [2]. “Oh, you mean [14]?” asked [1]. “No,” said [2]. “The escort agency said you’d pay me cash right after dinner!”

People of all ages, male and female, are discovering the favorite pastime of their grandmothers – knitting! It’s become so popular the ‘Knit New York Café’ has just opened up in NYC, a coffee shop and knitting store all-in-one where people can go for a cappuccino and knitting classes. So … feel like a knit and a coffee?
PHONER: 212-387-0707
NET: http://www.knitnewyork.com

• I knew it! Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday.
• [Co-host] doesn’t suffer from stress. She’s a carrier!
• ‘Old’ is when your sweetheart says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
• There’s no real need to do housework. After 4 years it doesn’t get any worse.

Today’s Question: This year the average adult will spend $100 on THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Valentine’s Day gifts.

Life is like a coin. Spend it how you wish, but you can only spend it once.

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