February 6, 2004

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Friday, February 6, 2004        Edition: #2719
King Sheet!

TOMORROW Carl Reiner will emcee the 56th “DGA Awards” (Directors Guild of America)  in Los Angeles, another precursor to the Oscars . . . SUNDAY the Barenaked Ladies perform a special rendition of their hit “One Week” to open the “NHL All-Star Game” in St Paul MN and do another ditty during 2nd intermission . . . SUNDAY the Rosie O’Donnell-produced Broadway musical about the life of Boy George, “Taboo”, will finally be put out of its misery, losing the entire $10 million she invested in the production . . . Thanks to the ‘Boobgate’ incident at the Super Bowl, NBC-TV edited out a quick shot of an elderly woman’s breast on LAST NIGHT’s episode of “ER” (now we’re just getting silly) . . . According to “Us Weekly”, 42-year-old Sheryl Crow is telling pals she wants to have a baby with her 32-year-old boyfriend, cycling champ Lance Armstrong . . . A lot of little chicks about to be hatched – Dixie Chicks singer Natalie Maines is expecting her 2nd child toward the end of the year and Martie Maguire is also pregnant – with twins . . . Pop star Kylie Minogue has a new gig as the first celebrity to appear on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”, not to get a makeover but to give fashion tips to straight guys seeking advice . . . Ex-wrestler & former Minnesota governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura also has a new gig – teaching politics at Harvard University where he says he’ll teach Ivy Leaguers about how awful the media can be (he’s a college dropout himself) . . . Friends of actress Cameron Diaz say she & Justin Timberlake will wed on Valentine’s Day, something they’ve been organizing for months but managed to keep quiet (although it could be called off if there’s a last-minute ‘wardrobe malfunction’) . . . 42-year-old Brit actor Ricky Gervais, creator & star of “The Office”,  is rolling in dough since the show won at the “Golden Globes”, regularly being offered big moolah to appear in ads and set to net millions from NBC-TV for the rights to make an American version of the hit show . . . And a spokesman for NBA head honcho David Stern is denying the commish has been contacted to see if he’d like to take over the reins of Disney Corp if-and-when Michael Eisner gets dumped (translation from Hollywood-speak: “When can I start?”).

SUNDAY night the annual music awards in 105 categories will be presented @ 8pm on CBS/Global-TV from the Staples Centre in Los Angeles. Some highlights …
• For the first time, the show will use a video-delay system, in case of any language slips or ‘wardrobe malfunctions’.
• Beyoncé, Jay-Z, OutKast & Pharrell Williams lead nominations with 6 apiece. Canadians Avril Lavigne and Shania Twain have 3 apiece.
• ‘Record of the Year’ nominees are “Crazy in Love”, “Where is the Love?”, “Clocks”, “Lose Yourself” and “Hey Ya”.
• Dead people who are nominated in various categories are Warren Zevon, George Harrison, Rosemary Clooney, Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash.
• Performances include OutKast, Christina Aguilera, White Stripes, Prince, Beyoncé, Black Eyed Peas w/Justin Timberlake, and Sarah McLachlan.
• A special segment acknowledging The Beatles’ first appearance on “The Ed Sullivan Show” 40 years ago will feature Sting, Dave Matthews, Vince Gill & Pharrell Williams.
• A salute to late singer-songwriter Warren Zevon will feature Jackson Browne, Emmylou Harris, Billy Bob Thornton & Dwight Yoakam.
• Celine Dion, Alicia Keys & Richard Marx will perform a salute to the career of Luther Vandross, who’s nominated for 5 awards, including ‘Song of the Year’ for “Dance With My Father”, but is too ill to attend.
• SATURDAY music-biz legend Clive Davis, newly-named chairman of BMG North America, hosts what may be THE Grammy weekend party at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Due to attend are Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore, Lil’ Kim, Mary J Blige, Prince, Alicia Keys, Carlos Santana, Annie Lennox, Missy Elliott, and Ashanti, among others.

• “Barbershop 2: Back in Business” (Comedy): Most of the original cast returns for this sequel that revolves around the antics of ‘Calvin’ (Ice Cube) and his crew of cutting clowns (Cedric the Entertainer, Sean Patrick Thomas) as they try to keep their close-knit community out of the hands of developers. Queen Latifah joins the cast as the hairstylist next door. The controversial original film skewered Rosa Parks, Jesse Jackson & Martin Luther King Jr. This one takes shots at Tiger Woods, Lenny Kravitz, Mike Tyson, Mariah Carey, Jackie Robinson, R Kelly & US National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice.
• “Miracle” (Disney Drama): The story of the 1980 US Olympic hockey team’s semi-final victory over the seemingly unbeatable Russian team, and gold medal victory over Finland. Kurt Russell stars as Team USA head coach Herb Brooks. (Karl Malden starred in “Miracle on Ice”, a TV movie about the same story 23 years ago.)
• “Catch That Kid” (Family Adventure): A remake of the Danish movie “Klatretosen”, about a 12-year-old girl (Kristen Stewart) who, with the help of 2 pals, attempts to rob a hi-tech bank where her mom works as a security officer in order to pay for a costly operation her dad needs.

If you thought karaoke was bad, now computer games company Fooseoke is marketing a CD-ROM game called “Movie Karoaoke” to enable people to act out the dialogue from films. Like karaoke, the onscreen script is highlighted. You speak the lines into a mike and the program synchs them with the actors. The first movie offered is “American Pie”, from which “Movie Karoaoke” features some 17 scenes. (This is an old improv game. The comics on  “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” have been syncing goofy off-the-cuff dialogue with movies for years.)
Source: “Times of London”

Professional gamblers in Vegas are placing their annual bets on this year’s Oscar race. Tied for ‘Best Actress’ are Naomi Watts (“21 Grams”) and Charlize Theron (“Monster”). The pros are also calling even odds on Bill Murray and Sean Penn for ‘Best Actor’. “Lost in Translation” is sneaking up on “Lord of the Rings” as the odds-on favorite for ‘Best Picture’.
Source: “NY Post”

• The first passenger train to cross Australia from south to north arrived in Darwin THIS WEEK to be welcomed by some 60 locals saluting in a ‘mass moon’ – women flashing their boobs and men baring their butts. Not the reception expected by dozens of ‘dignitaries’ onboard. (Oh, so there were a–-holes ON the train too!)
•  Bercy, a 4-year-old goldfish, was ejected from his fish tank when the car he was in crashed in Leicestershire, England. As paramedics treated the owner for neck and arm injuries, police officers found the fish lying nearby. They threw him in a cup of water and – amazingly – Bercy started to swim around! (He’s been renamed Lazarus.)
• German and Swiss engineers, finally connecting their respective sections of the new Upper Rhine Bridge in Laufenberg, Germany have discovered that one half has been built 54 cm (21 inches) lower than the other. Massive reconstruction is now required. (Must have been a government project.)
•  A California massage therapist has been flown to India to help a group of – stressed-out elephants. Elke Riesterer is using reflexology and other techniques on the big guys’ feet, then rubbing their tails and trunks. She says the animals are ‘far too tense’. (As we well know around here, it ain’t easy working for peanuts.)
• A 75-year-old man in Nepal has married – a dog. According to local custom, an old man who regrows teeth must take a dog as a bride to ensure good luck. Didn’t work this time. He died 3 days later. (Just to let any of you Nepalese geezer vampires that may be listening know – Courtney Love is available.)

“I think it is very unattractive for me to be seen fawning over little, tiny girls. I didn’t feel that for a long time but now I do.”  – 66-year-old Jack Nicholson, who’s apparently having trouble getting lucky of late.


1911 [93] Ronald Reagan, Tampico IL, oldest and 1st divorced US President (1981-89)/former movie actor (“Bedtime for Bonzo”, “Hellcats of the Navy” [with future wife Nancy])/Alzheimer’s victim

1940 [64] Tom Brokaw, Webster SD, TV anchor (“NBC Nightly News” since 1982) who’s announced he’ll step down after the 2004 presidential election/author (“The Greatest Generation”)

1950 [54] Natalie Cole, LA CA, pop singer (“Unforgettable”) who’s won 6 Grammy Awards/daughter of late singer Nat ‘King’ Cole  FACTOID: Last FRIDAY she filed for divorce from 3rd husband Kenneth Dupree after 2 years of marriage.

1962 [42] Axl Rose (William Bailey), Lafayette IN, dinosaur rock singer who cancelled attempted comeback with newly-formed Guns N Roses group after several concert no-shows/arrested over 30 times for various offenses  FACTOID: ‘Axl Rose’ is an anagram for ‘oral sex’

1962 [42] Richie McDonald, Lubbock TX, country lead singer (Lonestar-“My Front Porch Looking In”, “I’m Already There”)

1960 [44] James Spader, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Alan Shore’-“The Practice”)/movie actor (“Crash”, “Stargate”, “sex, lies & videotape”)

1962 [42] Garth Brooks, Tulsa OK, country singer whose “Ropin’ the Wind” was the 1st album to debut at #1 on both the country and pop charts in “Billboard”

1966 [38] Chris Rock, Georgetown SC, comedian/movie actor (“Head of State”, “Lethal Weapon 4″) who’s currently back on tour doing stand-up

1978 [26] Ashton Kutcher, Cedar Rapids IA, TV actor (‘Michael Kelso’-“That ’70s Show” since 1998)/movie actor (“The Butterfly Effect”, “My Boss’s Daughter”)/Demi Moore’s fountain of youth

TODAY is “Laugh & Grow Rich Day”, a reminder to employers that workers are more effective, tend to remember things better, and are more likely to stay in the same job when laughter abounds!

TONIGHT we’ll see the February “Full Moon” known variously as the ‘Snow Moon’, ‘Storm Moon’, ‘Fasting Moon’, or ‘Weaning Moon’.

Its going to be offal! THIS WEEKEND a haggis-throwing competition is being staged as part of the “Berwick Highlands Gathering” in Melbourne, Australia – but without any haggis. Organizers don’t want to use the real thing (sheep’s stomach stuffed with gooey organs) because it’s too messy, so they’ll use ‘simulated haggis’ – sand and oatmeal packed in a bag and thrown shot-put style. (And for the ‘egg-and-spoon’ race they’ll use a golf ball.)
Source: “The Scotsman”

TOMORROW is “Wave ALL Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day” … instead of just the middle one. (And they’ll think, “What the hell does that idiot want now?”)

SUNDAY is “Boy Scout & Girl Scout Day”, celebrating the incorporation of the Boy Scouts of America by William D Boyce of Chicago on this day in 1910. He didn’t, however, conceptualize the scouting movement – the Boy Scouts were originated by the UK’s Sir Robert Baden-Powell.

2003 [01] ABC-TV’s “20/20″ features Brit TV documentary ”Living with Michael Jackson” in which he admits he has ‘sleepovers’ with young boys

1932 [72] 1st ‘Olympic dogsled race’ as Canada and US participate in demonstration sport at Lake Placid NY (sure, the one event we could win and they discontinue it)

1948 [56] ‘Canada’s sweetheart’ Barbara Ann Scott wins our country’s 1st-ever gold medal in figure skating at Winter Olympics in St Moritz, Switzerland

1952 [52] Queen Elizabeth II ascends to British throne

1935 [69] All-time best-selling board game ‘Monopoly’ is 1st marketed, after inventor Charles Darrow sells it to Parker Bros for a royalty

1971 [33] 1st golf game on the Moon (NASA astronaut Alan Shepard uses 6-iron, whiffing on the first swing but finally driving 3 golf balls several hundred yards into the vacuum of space)

1933 [71] Pacific hurricane generates record 112-foot wave (surf’s up – waaaayyyyy up!)

1989 [15] Largest crowd ever assembled as 15 MILLION attend Hindu “Feast of Kumbh Mela” at Allahabad, India (but there’s only 3 port-a-johns)

[Sat] Charles Dickens Day
[Sun] NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI)
[Sun] NHL All-Star Game (St Paul MN)
[Mon] Develop Alternative Vices Day
This Week Is . . . Salute to Hospitalized Veterans Week / School Counselling Week
This Month Is . . . International Friendship Month / Plant The Seeds Of Greatness Month (wow, that’s some pick-up line!)


Q: What’s the national game of Finland?
a. Dog Mushing
b. Hockey
c. Baseball
A: It’s ‘pesapallo’ (also known as ‘boboll‘), the Finnish version of baseball which has been played since 1921. ‘Pesa’ is Finnish for ‘base’ and ‘pallo’ for ‘ball’. It’s said to be extremely difficult to understand because the Boboll Association introduces new rules every year.
Source: “Scandinavian” magazine.

“What annoying part of our modern lives would you like to get rid of?”

• She was a suicide blonde. She dyed by her own hand.
• The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. That’s ‘cause by the second day, you’re off it.
• For Valentine’s Day, an American beer company is coming out with a limited edition chocolate beer. Who’s this for? Guys that want acne on their beer gut?
• Be suspicious of any doctor whose office plants have died. And never go to a doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger.
• Well, this show was a total waste of makeup.

Today’s Question: Teenagers used to do THIS all the time. Nowadays only 42% do it every day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eat with their families.

In the race of being better or best, enjoy the life of being.

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