February 5, 2004

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Thursday, February 5, 2004        Edition: #2718
Deja Moo!

TODAY “Cold Mountain” starring Nicole Kidman & Oscar-nominated Jude Law is set to open the 54th “Berlin International Film Festival” in Germany (where it hasn’t yet been seen) . . . TODAY “The Kids In The Hall: The First Season” is being released on DVD in Canada . . .THIS WEEK they shot the series finalé and already word has it private discussions are underway for the “Sex & the City” stars to reprise their roles in a series of pay-per-view specials for a healthy stipend of $1.7 MILLION per episode each – plus a take of the ‘gate’ . . . Thanks to ‘Nipplegate‘, CBS-TV will use a video delay system during SUNDAY’S “Grammy Awards” broadcast and, for the first time ever, ABC-TV is looking at using a 5-second delay during the “Academy Awards” show at the end of the month . . . Joe Jackson, the man responsible for the dysfunctional tribe of Jackson weirdos, is opening a restaurant in West Hollywood to be called “Katherine’s”, after the family matriarch (don’t order the ‘Breast of Chicken’ – you’ll get ripped off) . . . Meantime, entrepreneurial types are now hawking ‘nipple jewelry’ all over eBay . . . Britney Spears’ people are threatening to sue Britain’s “News of the World“ tabloid over a report claiming she recently spent an evening watching porn movies with her girlfriends in a London hotel (so apparently they didn’t watch “Sex Truck” and “Double-D Housewife”) . . .“FHM” magazine has named Paris Hilton the ‘Most Eligible Woman in the World 2004′ (would that be based on her $30 million inheritance or her acting ability?) . . . “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” is becoming a multimedia goldmine, with a CD coming out later THIS MONTH, plus a book, a calendar and a Martha Stewart-style magazine . . . Pam Anderson’s clothing line “The Pamela Collection” is set to hit stores later THIS MONTH (Pam Anderson clothing – isn’t that an oxymoron?).

Picture this – Tom Hanks as a  ‘serial womanizer’ – yup, in the upcoming drama “The Ladies’ Man” he’ll play a sex-mad writer who tries to make amends with a woman he stood up at the altar (every girl’s dream guy – “Forrest Gump”) . . . . Nicole Kidman has reportedly been passed over for a role in the movie adaptation of John LeCarre’s “The Constant Gardener”, because Brazilian director Fernando Meirelles thinks she’s TOO OLD to star opposite Ralph Fiennes . . . Nicolas Cage will play a TV meteorologist trying to get back together with his estranged wife, played by “American Splendor” star Hope Davis, in the upcoming drama “The Weather Man”, set to begin filming in Chicago later THIS MONTH . . . ‘Mr Christmas Movie’ Tim Allen (“The Santa Clause 1 & 2”) will soon begin shooting the movie version of John Grisham’s best-selling novel, “Skipping Christmas”, which will co-star Jamie Lee Curtis . . . And Andre 3000 of OutKast (“Hey Ya”) has joined the cast of the “Get Shorty” sequel, “Be Cool” (co-starring John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel  & Danny DeVito), playing the leader of a fictitious rap group called the Dub MDs.

South Korean researchers have developed new software that designs clothes by allowing existing patterns to ‘mate’ and produce offspring clothes. That would allow anyone with a computer to create their own designs. (“Wow, is that a Versace?” “Nope, Hewlett-Packard.”)

Seven years ago, virtually every kid was bugging parents for a ‘Tamagotchi’, the egg-shaped electronic virtual pet that you had to ‘feed’ and take care of to keep alive. Then about 6-and-a-half years ago, kids got tired of all that responsibility and moved on to the next toy. During the boom, Bandai of Tokyo sold an estimated 40 MILLION Tamagotches worldwide. Well look out, NEXT MONTH a new ‘Tamagotchi’ version is coming, with new ‘matchmaking’ and ‘breeding’ functions – but only if you buy 2 or more. Highlights from the Bandai press release …
• The new version will hit the Japanese market MARCH 20th, retailing for 1,980 yen (about $18.75) each. Internet bookings for ‘limited editions’ begin MARCH 1st.
• The new version has either male or female gender once it is hatched, in contrast to its asexual predecessor.
• It can communicate with other Tamagotches using infra-red waves.
• An opposite sex pair can develop a relationship, marry and have offspring.
• It will take up 10 days for an egg to grow into a reproductive adult.

Here’s another offshoot of Asia’s so-called ‘Bird Flu’: the government of Thailand has banned one of the countries most popular ‘sports’ – cock fighting – until the epidemic is over. The ‘Avian Influenza’ has now hit 10 Asian countries. Thailand has reported at least one ‘red zone’ – a 5-km (3-mile) area around an outbreak in which all poultry must be slaughtered – in 29 of its 76 provinces. (Guess they’ll have to go back to betting on Mad Cow Wrestling.)
Source: Reuters

Dave Bradley, the IBM electrical engineer who invented the ‘Control-Alt-Delete’ function for computers, has retired at age 55. He devised the short-cut combination back in 1981 as a method to restart frozen computers. The term ‘Control-Alt-Delete’ has since inspired stage plays, cartoons, even a line of furniture. Bradley says he doesn’t consider leaving the company a retirement – just a ‘reboot’.
Source: “Los Angeles Times”

Here’s a lovely little Valentine’s story. For months friends and family of a 67-year-old woman in Peckov, Czech Republic have been asking her why they haven’t seen her hubby around, and she’s told them the truth – he’s ‘bed-ridden’. What she was failing to add was – because he’s dead! Local cops say the loyal wife just couldn’t accept the fact that the love of her life had died and apparently had been sleeping beside him – for nearly TWO YEARS! (Maybe because he performed better?)

• Despite what you might think, men are twice as likely as women to eat a chocolate in one gulp.
• 15% of us sleep in the buff.
• 10% of us use sex as a way to fall asleep.
• 3% of pet owners will give Valentine’s Day gifts to their animals.
• Just 1% of women want ‘sexy lingerie’ as a Valentine’s Day gift.

Researchers from the National Resources Defense Council, the University of North Carolina & Rutgers University have cooperated on a study rating the drink-a-bility of tap water in various cities based on EPA and other standards. The results – some of the best tap water in America can be had in Honolulu, St Louis, and Toledo OH. The worst? LA, Washington DC, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Houston, Glendale CA, and Wichita KS. (Hey, they forgot Evian, France!)
Source: “Men’s Health” magazine.

Americans spend an estimated $10-billion a year on XXX-rated movies, which is more than we spend on regular movies ($9.275-billion last year).
Source: “Los Angeles Daily News”

“She took my thunder. If she hadn’t done that I would have been front page material!”
– Someone else that’s PO-ed with Janet Jackson: 39-year-old Liverpool UK ‘serial streaker’ Mark Roberts, whose brief naked Super Bowl half-time run didn’t even make it onto TV.


1934 [70] ‘Hammerin’ Hank Aaron, Mobile AL, Atlanta Braves baseball exec/Hall of Fame MLB player who broke Babe Ruth’s home run record of 714, finishing with a career total of 755

1934 [70] Don ‘Grapes’ Cherry, Kingston ON, “Hockey Night in Canada” commentator (“Coach’s Corner” since 1980)/hockey video huckster (“Rock’Em Sock’Em”)/former NHL coach (‘Coach of the Year’ with Boston Bruins 1975-76)
NET: http://cbc.ca/sports/hockey/hnic/coach.html

1948 [56] Christopher Guest (Haden-Guest), NYC, movie actor/director (“A Mighty Wind”, “Best in Show”, “This is Spinal Tap”/Mr Jamie Lee Curtis since1984

1969 [35] Bobby Brown, Roxbury MA, Mr Whitney Houston since 1992/oft-arrested R&B singer (1989 Grammy Award-“Every Little Step”)  FACTOID: He was scheduled to appear in court YESTERDAY for a preliminary hearing on charges of battery against Whitney on December 11.

1971 [33] Sara Evans, Boonville MO, country singer (“Perfect“, “Born to Fly”)

1989 [15] Jeremy Sumpter, Monterey CA, movie actor (‘Peter Pan’ in 2003 live-action version of “Peter Pan”)

TODAY is “National Weatherman’s (Person’s, Forecaster’s) Day”, commemorating the 1744 birth of Boston physician Dr John Jeffries, one of the first to keep detailed records of weather conditions [from 1774-1816].

TODAY-Saturday, a panel of clergy will judge innovative new religious products entered in the 1st-ever “McNoot Awards” (short for ”My Church Needs One of Those”) at the Christian Resources Exhibition in Westpoint, England. Church leaders hope the exhibition of hi-tech products will attract the interest of the younger generation. Among the entries: ‘The Digital Hymnal’, a briefcase-sized karaoke player containing 1,500 hymns; and ‘The Solar-Powered Electronic Bible’, which plays readings in several languages. There are also ‘Holy Socks’, ‘Preaching Puppets’ and a double-glazing unit designed to protect stained glass.

TOMORROW is the first-ever “Wear Red Day for Women”, created by the American Heart Association to raise awareness about heart disease, the #1 cause of death among women in America.
NET: http://americanheart.org

THIS WEEK is “Dump Your Significant Jerk Week”, when you’re encouraged to terminate your jerk relationship – whether boyfriend or girlfriend – BEFORE “Valentine’s Day”, thereby saving the associated money and awkwardness involved in faking romance.

1901 [103] 1st ‘loop-the-loop centrifugal roller coaster’ (1st carnie given job of cleaning up after)

1922 [82] 1st issue of “Reader’s Digest” (the original ‘show prep’ service)

1952 [52] 1st city to adopt ‘3-color traffic lights’, with red, green AND yellow (NYC)

1996 [08] 1st ‘online banking’ (Bank of America Website)

1978 [26] Fred Newman makes 88 consecutive basketball free throws – blindfolded!

1981 [23] World’s ‘largest Jell-O’ has 9,246 gallons of watermelon-flavored mix (Brisbane, Australia)

1986 [18] ‘Longest war in history’ ends as mayors of Rome and Carthage meet to sign treaty officially ending the Third Punic War, which began in 149 BC – 2,131 years earlier!

[Fri] “Barbershop 2″, ”Miracle” open in movie theaters
[Sun] 46th Grammy Awards
[Sun] NHL All-Star Game (St Paul MN)
[Sun] NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI)
[Tues-Feb 13] “Late Night With Conan O’Brien “ in Toronto
[Wed] Juno Award nominations announced
This Week Is . . . Boy Scouts Week / Celebration of Love Week
This Month Is . . . International Boost Your Ego Month / Embroidery Month

[Sun] Boy Scout & Girl Scout Day
[Mon] Develop Alternative Vices Day
[Tues] Umbrella Day
[Wed] Inventors Day
[Wed] Satisfied Staying Single Day
This Week Is . . . Virgin Islands Week / Crime Prevention Week
This Month Is . . . Great American Pies Month / Celebration of Chocolate Month


• If I contract a hit-man then change my mind, do I pay him a ‘kill fee’?
• Is crummy bread good or bad?
• If bulls could drive, would red still mean stop?
• What’s the shelf life of a shelf?
• What is a hand basket, and why are they always going to hell?
• Is there anything less meaningful than the first 3 quarters of a basketball game?
• Is it just a coincidence that ‘bet’ rhymes with ‘debt’?

• “THIS MONTH is “Creative Romance Month” when couples are encouraged to put some sizzle into their relationships by adding ‘intrigue’. Suggestions anyone?”
• “How do YOU get rid of the ‘February blahs’?”
• “Federal Industry Minister Lucienne Robillard says she’s considering legislation to fight spam e-mail but she doesn’t yet have a miracle solution. How ‘bout you?”

A new listing of the “Global Brands of the Year” based on the sole criterion of ‘impact’, which could be positive or negative …
1. Google (second year in-a-row)
2. Apple
3. Mini
4. Coca-Cola
5. Samsung
6. Ikea
7. Nokia
8. Nike
9. Sony
10. Starbucks
Source: Newly-released Interbrand poll.

Which has the largest brain of any animal?
a. Gorilla
b. Sperm Whale [CORRECT]
c. Human
Source: AP

Today’s Question: The average person gets visibly upset after only 40 seconds of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Waiting for an elevator.

The trouble with words is that you never know whose mouths they’ve been in.


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