Wednesday, February 19, 2003 Edition: #2480
Thanks For Being a Bull Market!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Michael Jackson trasher Martin Bashir is hoping to interview Madonna next, and has spent 6 months trying to set it up . . . Britain’s Prince Harry will appear in his school’s production of Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing” – staggering about drunkenly slurring his words while playing the drunk (isn’t this type casting?) . . . . Actress Sandra Bullock is in hot water for describing herself as a ‘spaz’ when it comes to finding love, a term that’s offended disability charities (ah c’mon – aren’t we getting a little TOO politically correct?) . . . . Ben Affleck tells “Good Morning America” that it’s a safe bet he and J-Lo will marry THIS SUMMER . . . And ain’t this sweet – J-Lo has persuaded movie bosses to move the location of her next film, “An Unfinished Life”, from Calgary to Vancouver so she can be close to Ben while he’s shooting his next movie “Paycheck” there at the end of MARCH (she just wants to keep an eye on him) . . . Word is P Diddy has invited publicity-shy Onassis heir Athina Roussel (who recently inherited $1 billion on her 18th birthday and has much more coming on her 21st) on a transatlantic cruise with him (he’s an expert on spending other people’s money) . . . Filming on Brad Pitt’s upcoming Greek war epic “Troy” was due to begin shooting in Morocco NEXT MONTH, but it has now been delayed due to fears of a terrorist attack.
NEW JARGON WATCH:
• ‘Roamed’ – To be charged roaming fees on your cell phone for calls in areas where you’re sure you have coverage. (“I got roamed and I was calling from home!”)
• ‘Thermal Reconditioning’ (aka ‘Japanese Straightening’ or ‘Thermal Retexturizing’) – A new hairstyling process that uses special chemicals and an extremely hot iron to eliminate curls for up to 6 months. The treatment takes 6 to 8 hours and costs up to $1,500. (While the person with straight hair next to you is paying to have it permed.)
• ‘CNN Effect’ – The impact of live, ongoing TV coverage of news events, particularly on military operations. Thanks to 24-hour coverage and satellite technology, TV viewers often find out what’s going on at the same time as military commanders and politicians.
BETWEEN THE COVERS:
According to the book “Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto” by Anneli Rufus, loners make the best lovers. How so? They haven’t become cynical from the typical single’s social life and they’re great in the sack because they’ve been waiting so long to release all that pent-up emotion. The best place to find them? Standing by themselves at parties. Rufus ought to know – that’s how she met her husband back in 1980. (To sum up – hermits are horniest.)
BOOB BRAINS:
5 female students at Toronto’s Ryerson University are upset that topless photos they posed for have been spread around campus by e-mail. The women took a few titillating snapshots in what appears to be a classroom, then uploaded the digital photos – which feature the quintet kissing each other while topless – to a Website. They were shocked a few days later to find that a university computer lounge had the photos set as the desktop wallpaper on every single monitor. (Wow, who woulda thought people would actually notice naked photos you put on the Internet? Maybe these girls qualify for “American Idol”?)
YOU’VE GOT MAIL! – LOTS & LOTS OF IT:
E-mail chain letters that seek responses from around-the-world are apparently the latest rage for science-fair projects. But 15-year-old Shannon Syfrett of Macon, Mississippi is having second thoughts about hers. She launched a chain letter on the Web in JANUARY, expecting it would attract 2,000 or 3,000 responses over 6 weeks. Wrong! Within days she was receiving an e-mail response from somewhere – EVERY 2.3 SECONDS! She pulled the plug on her project 17 days early after receiving a total of 160,478 e-mails from 189 countries. Now she’s faced with the task of charting them all to finish the project. (And the spam hasn’t even started yet.)
BIG WHEEL:
A new hotel development has been approved for the Las Vegas strip that will feature the world’s largest Ferris wheel. The $650 million, 50-story hotel will be called ‘Voyagers’ and will be fronted by a $100 million, 560-ft-high Ferris wheel with 30 cars – making it about 100
ft higher than the current biggest wheel – the ‘London Eye’, built for millennium celebrations on the Thames River in Britain. (Cool, another way for people to die on “CSI”.)
DO CARCASSES GET A DISCOUNT?
In South Africa, it’s common for bus drivers to wait for their vehicles to fill up before moving on, obliging passengers to squeeze together. So now there’s a new law allowing them to refuse boarding to smelly passengers, passengers who are drunk, contagiously ill, or – who are carrying a dead animal. (We should post these on the studio door!)
DYE ANOTHER WAY:
Mathematicians have worked out the scientific formula for the perfect ‘Bond girl’. Researchers at the British Science Museum looked at all 20 Bond films and learned that over the years ‘007′ has fallen for 21 brunettes, 12 blondes, 5 women with very dark hair, and 3 redheads. So the typical Bond girl turns out to be – brunette, brown-eyed, British, and 5ft-7ins tall with the vital stats 35-23-34. (In related news, it is very easy to get a research grant in the UK.)
HOW TO GET IN THE MOOD:
The belief that certain foods are aphrodisiacs is pure bunk according to Cynthia Finley, a registered dietitian at the Johns Hopkins Weight Management Center in Baltimore. She says there’s absolutely no proof that chocolate, chili peppers, raw oysters, anchovies, licorice, monkey brains, snake blood, ostrich delicacies, truffles, goat’s eyes, cucumbers, hazelnuts, strawberries & cream, candied red rose petals, or any other exotic concoction have any affect whatsoever. The only sure way to increase libido, she says, is to exercise and eat right. That’s because people who have better cardiac function also have better sex lives. (You mean – the key to good sex is the heart?)
MAN, YOU GOT A BIG CV:
Unemployed Hamburg, Germany ad exec Marco Duehrkopp sent out more than 100 applications over 5 months but failed to find a job. In desperation, he decided to post his résumé in the city’s media and advertising district – on a billboard. Bingo! He’s since received dozens of job offers. (Have a contest where you read the winner’s résumé on-air?)
BS AMAZING FACT:
Almost half the Earth is still wilderness. According to a study by Conservation International, there are 37 wilderness areas make up 46% of the planet’s surface but contain less than 3% of the world’s population. (The closest to us is [local hick town].)
Source: “Focus”
THE BULL SHEET 02.19.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [63] Smokey Robinson, Detroit MI, legendary Motown singer (“Cruisin’”, “I Second That Emotion”)/songwriter (“My Guy”, “My Girl”)/producer/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 1987
1955 [48] Jeff Daniels, Chelsea MI, movie actor (“The Hours”, “101 Dalmatians”, “Dumb & Dumber”) NEXT MOVIE: Plays Lt Col Joshua Chamberlain in the civil war pic, “Gods & Generals”, opening FRIDAY.
1960 [43] Prince Andrew (Andrew Albert Christian Edward Windsor), London ENG, Britain’s Duke of York who made Queen Elizabeth II the 1st reigning British monarch in over a century to give birth/Fergie’s ex-/Chuck’s little brother
1963 [40] Seal (Sealhenry Samuel), London ENG, mid-90s pop singer (“Kissed By a Rose”, “Crazy”) once involved in relationship with supermodel Tyra Banks
1967 [36] Benicio Del Toro, Santurce, Puerto Rico, movie actor (Oscar-“Traffic”, “The Pledge”) UP NEXT: Co-stars with Tommy Lee Jones in the action flick “The Hunted”, opening FEBRUARY 28
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
FRIDAY & Saturday the annual “Laredo Jalapeño Festival” burns tongues in Laredo TX. A pepper eating contest & the ‘Jalapeño Olympics’ are highlights, as well as the selection of ‘Ms Jalapeño’ – one spicy chick!
PHONER: 956-726-6697 (Anselmo Castro Jr)
NET: http://www.jalapenofestival.com/
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1906 [97] 1st ‘Corn Flakes’ go on sale (do you put the milk on first or the sugar?)
1913 [90] 1st prize inserted into a ‘Cracker Jack’ box (the next day, the 1st prize inserted into a ‘Cracker Jack’ box breaks)
1960 [43] 1st edition of “The Family Circus” comic strip by Bil Keane (they’re over 40-years-old – how come ‘Billy’, ‘Dolly’, ‘Jeffy’ and ‘PJ’ still look the same?)
1981 [22] 1st scientific report on pollution-caused atmospheric warming, dubbed the ‘greenhouse effect’
1996 [07] Canada’s new $2 coin officially released (and ‘toonie busting’, separating the two metals that make up the coin, briefly becomes a national pastime)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Hoodie Hoo Day
[Thurs] National Student Volunteer Day
[Thurs] 2003 Brit Awards
[Fri] Card Reading Day
[Fri] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Sun] 45th Grammy Awards
[Sun] International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
This Week Is . . . Pay Your Bills Week (like you don’t have to any other week?)
This Month Is . . . Wild Bird Feeding Month / Plant the Seeds of Greatness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Shouldn’t we all be saving our money in case it becomes valuable again someday?
• Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
• Is the reason that banks have made it safer for us to use ATMs, by installing better lighting and security cameras, just so no one ELSE robs us?
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• How do you know when you’ve run out of ‘invisible ink’?
• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?
• Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
BS BLANKS:
Your phone contestant supplies the following which you write down. Then, during a commercial break or music, fill in the blanks to complete the story.
1. A famous bandit.
2. What a good bottle of wine costs.
3. Something you get at a bank besides money.
4. A quality you least admire in someone.
5. Any type of natural disaster.
6. What you’d expect to pay for a new car.
7. A farm animal.
8. Any type of meat.
9. Something that expensive perfume comes in.
10. Your weekly grocery bill.
Today’s story is called “The Fill Up” –
This morning I pulled into [1]’s service station to get some gas. “Wow,” I said. “Don’t you think [2] is a little steep for a litre of gas?” [1] replied, “Better fill up quick, it just went up another 3 cents while you were complaining!” Then he asks if I want to check out his handy [3] plan. When I asked why the price keeps going up he says it’s due to total [4]. Well, that and the war. But then when I pointed out the war hasn’t even started, he said, “Like everything else, you can blame it on [5].” When the tank was full, the total bill came to [6]. “Holy [7],” I said. “That’s price gouging!” [1] ambled over to the window and said, “Look [8]-head, if you’re too cheap to pay the going rate, you should have just asked for a [9]-full.” I quickly arranged to pay by [3] and got in the car to leave. “Hey,” [1] yelled. “We got a special on – for an extra [10] you can get a roll of duct tape!”
BS KIDS ‘FINISH LINES’:
Get a kid on the line (an 8- or 9-year-old’s perfect) and ask ‘em to finish these famous movie lines that you’d think are well known … you’d think.
• “The name is Bond … [James Bond.” – “Dr No”]
• “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks into … [mine.” – “Casablanca”]
• “Go ahead, make my … [day.” – “Sudden Impact”]
• “It’s not the men in your life that counts, it’s the … [life in your men.” – “I’m No Angel”]
• “You want the truth? You can’t handle the … [truth!” – “A Few Good Men”]
• “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what … [you’re gonna get.” – “Forrest Gump”]
• “Frankly, my dear I don’t give a … [damn.” – “Gone With the Wind”]
• “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t … [refuse.” – “The Godfather”]
BS BLATANT JOKE:
“How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days” is doing big business at the box office. This, of course, is a remake of the old Madonna movie, “How To Lose 10 Guys In a Day”.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Depending on who you ask, it’s apparently OK to do this by your 3rd date.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pass gas.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing is illegal if one hundred business executives decide to do it.
