Monday, February 26, 2001 Edition: #1999
THE BUG’S 65!
Ferdinand Porsche’s 1st “Volkswagen” factory opened 65 years ago TODAY (1936), which eventually led to the kids’ car game, “Punch Buggy”, where whoever first spots a VW Beetle gets to punch others on the arm and say “Punch buggy, no punch back!”. If you don’t have a rug-rat around the house, you probably don’t know the game has been elevated to a whole new level to include —
• Any vehicle with fake wood panels along the sides, usually an old station wagon or van, to which your punch is accompanied by “Whack wood, woodwhacker, no whack back!”
• Any vehicle that is yellow, which yields a punch plus “Banana!”
• Any vehicle with advertising results in a low punch to the leg and “Lo-go!”
• Any vehicle identical to the one you’re in costs you two punches and “Twin twin!”
• A vinyl roof results in a finger twisted into the ribs accompanied by “Taaacky!”
• Any police vehicle causes your arm to be yanked while exclaiming “PULL-ees”.
• And a recent vehicle that apparently now qualifies for punchability is “PT Cruiser!” One can only hope they continue to have trouble making enough to meet consumer demand.
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• Britain’s “Sun” tab says Elton John and Eminem are set to release their Grammy Awards duet of “Stan” as a charity single, with proceeds going to AIDS. The new bosom buddies are set to appear together again TONIGHT at the UK’s “Brit Awards”, where Elton has asked to present Em with the ‘Best International Male Solo Artist’ award which he’s expected to snag.
• “National Enquirer” claims “Survivor 2” contestant Michael Skupin has a violent dark side, once beating a motorist, another time decking a total stranger and also reportedly slapping his ex-wife in front of their 2 children. (Gee, he seemed like such a nice pig-sticker.)
• The wedding may have cost a million bucks but “Star” claims Brad Pitt’s 32nd birthday bash for wife Jennifer Aniston FEBRUARY 11 was a low-budget affair involving bowling for 20-odd pals. And there was reportedly a $25-limit on gifts, which included edible underwear!
• According to the “Globe”, Hugh Grant’s picked up another Hollywood cutie, but not on the street this time. Seems Hugh’s hot for Portia de Rossi, who plays ‘Nelle Porter’ on “Ally McBeal”. The tab says they flirted for 2 hours at a recent Tinseltown party before leaving hand-in-hand. (2 hours — that beats most Hollywood marriages!)
• “Daily Mail” claims new mom Celine Dion is set to re-do her Jupiter FL home like a Vegas casino, so her gambling-loving hubby Rene will feel “at home”. (And STAY at home, dammit!)
• Denise Richards tells “Star” she’s a hopeless ‘germophobe’ and always carries a portable sanitizer to disinfect herself after shaking hands. (She must have used a whole drum of the stuff after that menage-a-trois with Matt Dillon and Neve Campbell in “Wild Things”)
THE MOTHER OF ALL SUV’S:
Seems the tank-like Lincoln Navigator just ain’t big enough, so competitor Daimler-Chrysler has developed the ‘Unimog’, a humongous 4WD SUV that’s over 9 feet tall, 7 feet wide and has a 52-gallon (200 litre) gas tank. (And it’s efficient too — technical specs show it’s capable of up to 34 ozone layer holes per gallon.)
THE BULL SHEET 02.26.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [81] Tony Randall (Leonard Rosenberg), Tulsa OK, film/TV actor (“The Odd Couple”) who fathered two children in his 70s
1932 [69] Johnny Cash, Kingsland AR, ailing country legend with over 100 solo hits (1999 Grammy ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’)
1954 [47] Michael Bolton (Bolotin), New Haven CT, overwrought pop singer (2 Grammy Awards-“When a Man Loves a Woman”, “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”)/Pamela Anderson’s latest hump, er , hunk
1958 [43] Greg Germann, Houston TX, TV actor (Richard Fish-“Ally McBeal”)
1972 [29] Erykah Badu (Wright), Dallas TX, R&B singer (“Bag Lady”, “On & On”)
1973 [28] Marshall Faulk, New Orleans LA, NFL RB (St Louis Rams)/2000 NFL MVP
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Pistachio Day”. Bet you can’t eat just one!
TODAY is “For Pete’s Sake Day”, which asks the pressing question, ‘Just who the hell is Pete, anyway, and why would we do anything for his sake?’
TODAY is “Bun Day” in Iceland, when children with colorful sticks invade homes in the morning and receive gifts of whipped cream buns. (We have the same thing here, only it’s called ‘home invasion armed with a baseball bat’.)
Also in Iceland they’re celebrating “Thorrablót”, called by some the ‘feast from hell’. The annual mid-winter, month-long banquet includes local delicacies like ‘sheep’s blood pudding rolled in lard’, ‘broiled puffin birds’, ‘rotten shark’ that’s been buried for months, and the always delectable dish, ‘pickled ram’s testicles’. All of this is washed down with ‘black death’, potato & caraway seed schnapps. Bon appetit!
TODAY is “Levi Strauss’s Birthday” (1829-1902), the creator of blue jeans, or ‘Levis’. Without him, many of us would have no wardrobe.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1909 [92] 1st ‘cartoon’ shown in a movie theater
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1962 [39] Broadway show with the longest name opens — “Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama’s Hung You in the Closet and I’m Feeling So Sad” (turns out to be the year’s ‘Best Play’ award winner)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Pancake Day/Mardi Gras
[Wed] Ash Wednesday (Lent begins)
[Wed] 2000 RRSP deadline
National Pancake Week
Wise Health Consumer Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: There are only 4 words in the English language which end in ‘d-o-u-s’. What are they?
A: Tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (Source: “Weird Fact of the Day”)
BS TAG LINE: The shortest distance between two points is generally under construction.
