Monday, February 12, 2001 Edition: #1989
A new poll by the National Retail Federation asks what respondents would most like to receive for “Valentine’s Day” . . .
MOST POPULAR VALENTINES GIFTS:
5. Candy (5.8%)
4. Greeting card (10.8%)
3. Jewelry (18.4%)
2. Flowers (20.1%)
1. Evening out (37.3%)
BS LEAST POPULAR VALENTINES GIFTS:
5. Any Valentines Day card that has the phrase “You is my Favorite Ho-bitch” on it. (Or “Right . . . . Like YOU need more candy.”)
4. Leftover foil-wrapped chocolate Santas with the heads chopped off.
3. A REAL heart or any other type of raw organ meat (including brains, Hannibal).
2. Flowers you ‘found’ at that funeral you attended last Thursday.
1. A rusty used nipple ring.
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• TONIGHT Shirley MacLaine (66), Joan Collins (67), Debbie Reynolds (68) and Liz Taylor (68) star in the ABC-TV movie “These Old Broads”. Joan Collins tells “Us Weekly” the dictionary definition of ‘broad’ is ‘babe’, ‘chick’, ‘dame’, ‘dish’, ‘doll’ or ‘tootsie’ and she doesn’t mind being called any of those. 66-year-old Shirley MacLaine tells the mag, “I’ve been a broad since I was 3.” (This qualifies as ‘broad comedy’ folks.)
• Britain’s “Sun” tab reports that Backstreet Boy AJ McLean has just had million-dollar top-of-the-line security installed at his LA pad because he’s terrified of stalkers. Quote: “There’s some sick freaks in the world — besides me!” (None as ugly though.)
• “Sun” also reveals that Gwen Stefani, lead singer of No Doubt, and Bush rocker Gavin Rossdale, who’ve been dating for 4 years, will get hitched sometime before the end of the year. (Rockers are getting so . . . normal.)
• According to “National Enquirer”, Shania Twain uses ‘Bag Balm’, a product originally created to prevent chapping on cows’ sensitive udders while they’re milked. Seems she uses it to moisturize — her face.
• “Star” mag claims LeAnn Rimes and live-in bf, “7th Heaven” actor Andrew Keegan, are getting set to wed. They first met when she was 15 and, heck, time’s a-wasting — she’s now 18! (But looks 40.)
• And the “Enquirer” has unearthed the shattering news that Jennifer Lopez brings her own sheets with her whenever she stays in hotels. (Puffy brings his own ammo.)
FLIRTING WITH NUMBERS:
THIS WEEK is “International Flirting Week”. A new “Lycos/Matchmaker’s” poll finds that . . .
• 73% of respondents use e-mail to flirt.
• 50% find it easier to flirt via e-mail than in person.
• 36% admit to flirting on-line despite being in a committed relationship.
• About half admit sending flirtatious e-mail while on the job, and 12% spend more than ONE HOUR PER DAY flirting while at work.
FILE THIS IDEA FOR NEXT YEAR:
For a British radio contest, 2 complete strangers have been handcuffed together and flown to NYC. Lisa Mepham and Canadian Greg MacGregor met for the first time FRIDAY and will win about $7,200 each if they stay locked together until “Valentine’s Day”. Catch is — if either asks for the key, they both lose!
THE BULL SHEET 02.12.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [51] Michael Ironside, Toronto ON, TV actor (Dr William ‘Wild Willy’ Swift-“ER”)
1970 [31] Jim Creeggan, Scarborough ON, rock musician (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me”, “One Week”)
1980 [21] Christina Ricci, Santa Monica CA, movie actress (“Sleepy Hollow”, “The Ice Storm”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Clean Out Your Computer Day”, a day to scrape the plaque from your information arteries and purge your computer hard drive that’s clogged with old programs, directories, files, and e-mails.
NET: http://www.ibt-pep.com/
TODAY is “Lost Penny Day”, set aside to collect all of those wasted pennies stashed in jars and drawers around the house and put them back into circulation. (Because a penny saved — is pretty much a waste of time.)
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000 “Peanuts” creator Charles Schulz dies of colon cancer in his Santa Rosa CA home at age 77
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1878 [123] 1st-ever ‘baseball catcher’s mask’ (Frederick Thayer-Harvard University Baseball Club)
1879 [122] 1st ‘artificial’ ice rink in North America (Madison Square Garden-NYC)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1949 [52] Canada beats Denmark 47-0 in international hockey (no mercy rule?)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Academy Award nominations announced (5:30am PST)
[Thurs] Canadian Flag Day (aka ‘Bit of Red Rag Day’)
National Condom Week/Contraceptive Awareness Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONER STARTERS:
• “The most-used affectionate name on Valentine cards is ‘sweetheart’. But what’s the goofiest term of endearment you’ve been called?”
• “What’s the most romantic movie to rent on Valentine’s Day?”
• “What’s the best kind of car to have sex in?”
BS INTERVIEW:
Malcolm Scott owns and operates “The Nudist Store”, a one-stop information and product outlet for nudists in Concord ON, just north of Toronto. He practices what he preaches — by working in the buff! So what is it that you can sell to nudists besides sunscreen?
PHONER: 800-446-6833/905-760-9878
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Let’s play doctor! Your patient’s symptoms include a heightened sense of reality, a feeling of awkwardness, inability to concentrate, sweaty hands, anxiety and heart palpitations. What are they suffering from?
A: Awwww! These are the medical symptoms of — love. (Source: “Psychology Today”)
BS TAG LINE: Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.
