Thursday, February 8, 2001 Edition: #1987
BS LAWS OF WORK:
• Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
• If you’re good, you’ll be assigned all the work. If you’re REALLY good, you’ll get out of it.
• When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
• It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.
• Following the rules will not get the job done. But getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
• The last person that quit or was fired is responsible for everything that goes wrong.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the sexy white gown Marilyn Monroe wore when she sang ”Happy Birthday” to John F Kennedy in 1962 goes up for grabs in a Sotheby’s Internet auction and is expected to fetch $30,000 . . . TODAY lawyers for Tm McGraw and Kenny Chesney are expected to ask a Buffalo judge to drop all charges from that goofy ‘horse-theft’ incident LAST JUNE . . . HBO has scrapped plans for a ‘sanitized’ rerun version of “Sex & the City” (after it was ‘sanitized’, the half-hour episodes only ran 3 minutes) . . . By THIS WEEKEND “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” will become the foreign-language film that’s made the most-ever money in America, eclipsing “Life Is Beautiful”.
MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
There’s talk that a 3rd edition of “Austin Powers” will reveal who the ‘International Man of Mystery’s’ parents are – and they turn out to be ‘James Bond’ vets Sean Connery and Honor Blackman . . . Recently rehab-ed Melanie Griffith has written a sequel to the movie that got her an Oscar nom, “Working Girl”, which may co-star hubby Antonio Banderas . . . Those reports Sigourney Weaver will play ‘Ripley’ in a 5th “Alien” film turn out to be bogus — Fox Studios says there are no plans whatsoever for another sequel (sounds like contract negotiations have begun).
GET YOUR HOOVES OFF THE COUCH!
Don’t be surprised if you see a miniature horse, wearing cute little sneakers, assisting a blind person down your street. ‘Seeing-eye ponies’ are gaining favor over dogs because they’re calm, have good memories, excellent night vision, and live 25-35 years. And at just 2-ft tall, they’re small enough to live indoors. The downside — they have to wear sneakers for traction. (Just what you need, someone else in the family begging you for expensive Nikes – and they want TWO pair!)
CLOTHES FOR THE NOSE:
A Paris fashion house is introducing a new line of ‘scented lingerie’ as part of the trend toward ‘intelligent’ fabrics. The new slips and bras are designed to release a scent whenever they are tenderly caressed. (This is nothing new — [your co-host] developed fragrant underwear back in college.)
THE ART OF STROKING:
Psychologist Dr Elinor Kinarthy says the proper use of flattery can help you to be successful. However, to be effective, flattery must be honest, well-timed and delivered in your natural voice or it comes across as fake. (We’ll be back with much more for THE GREATEST AUDIENCE IN THE WORLD!)
THE BULL SHEET 02.08.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [76] Jack Lemmon, Boston MA, film actor (“Odd Couple I & II”, “Grumpy [ier] Old Men”)/2 Academy Awards-“Mr Roberts [1955], “Save the Tiger” [1973]
1940 [61] Ted Koppel, Lancashire ENG, TV journalist with bad hair (“ABC Nightline”, since 1980)/winner of 25 Emmy Awards
1941 [60] Nick Nolte, Omaha NE, movie actor (“Affliction”, “Prince of Tides”, “48 Hours”)
1955 [46] John Grisham, Jonesboro AR, lawyer-turned-novelist (“The Rainmaker”, “The Firm”, “The Client”)
1970 [31] Alonzo Mourning, Chesapeake VA, NBA center (Miami Heat)
1974 [27] Seth Green, Overbrooke Park PA, movie actor (Scott Evil-“Austin Powers I & II”)/TV actor (ex-“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Laugh and Grow Rich Day”, when we’re reminded that people are more effective, tend to remember things better, and are more likely to stay in the same job where laughter abounds! (Like those mirthful folks at the IRS, for instance.)
ON THIS DAY . . .
1994 [07] Suffering road rage, Jack Nicholson uses golf club to attack a car (it was a 7 iron)
2000 [01] Britney Spears releases hit single “From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart”, Lonestar releases country hit “Amazed”
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1816 [185] 1st ‘police dog’ used to make an arrest (a Bull Terrier in Britain)
1926 [75] Walt Disney Studios formed (“The Mouse House”)
1998 [03] 1st Olympic women’s hockey game (giant Finnish women beat big and strong Swedish girls)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] NBA All-Star Game (Washington DC)
[Tues] Academy Award nominations announced
[Feb 21] 2001 Grammy Awards (guaranteed to be memorable thanks to Eminem)
[Feb 27] Mardi Gras/Pancake Day (always 46 days before Easter)
[Mar 18] World Figure Skating Championships begin (Vancouver)
International Personal & Business Coaching Week (oh no, does that mean a visit from the consultant?)
International Boost Self-Esteem Month (ya loser!)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “Your house is burning and you can only grab one item. What is it?”
• “What’s the strangest appliance you own?”
BS QUICKIE BRAIN BUSTERS:
• Light as a feather, yet no one can hold it for long. What is it? [Breath]
• Why can’t a woman living in the US be buried in Canada? [Because she’s ALIVE in the USA!]
• What animal eats with its tail? [All the animals that have one, because as far as we know, no animal takes it off to eat.]
BS TAG LINE:
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
