February 7, 2001

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Wednesday, February 7, 2001                                             Edition:  #1986

• “The Not-So-Firm”
• “Fly’s Wide Open”
• “Frisky Business”
• “Marriage: Impossible 2”
• “A Few More Good Men”

74-year-old Hugh Hefner tells the new issue of “Vanity Fair” that, thanks to Viagra, he and his SEVEN new Playboy mansion companions — aged 19-28 — are ‘together’ almost every night (geez Hef, you need to see a proctologist about those horseshoes) . . . Vegas wild animal magicians Siegfried & Roy will appear in “Sports Illustrated’s” annual swimsuit issue later THIS MONTH (will we see a tiger in a tank?) . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger says he’s considering running for governor of California (turn off his electricity and he’ll punch your lights out!) . . . “Seinfeld’s” Jason Alexander will return to TV as “Bob Patterson”, a motivational speaker whose own life is as screwed up as anyone else’s (is this the Tony Robbins story?) . . . Soon-to-be a single mom, “The Practice” star Camryn Manheim is having TWO baby showers — one with girlfriends, and an all-male shower with her numerous gay friends (this is life in Hollywood).

The Bank of Canada has been flooded with calls from people who think there’s a typo on the new $10-bill on which the first line of John McCrae’s war poem is printed as “In Flanders fields the poppies blow . . .”. According to a copy of the poet’s hand-written manuscript, it turns out ‘blow’ is correct, not ‘grow’ as we’ve all thought for years. (Further scrutiny reveals it didn’t say ‘In Flanders’, it was a letter to Ann Landers.)

A group of UK pranksters has managed to get some pretty amazing things said on Heathrow Airport PA announcements under the pretense they were foreign names. And now they’ve posted hilarious recordings of the actual  announcements on the Web.
NET: http://www.twilight3d.com/humour/temp/

• An accused ‘road rage’ attacker in Singapore claims the victim actually assaulted him BY HITTING HIS FIST WITH HIS FACE. (But he’s a reasonable man and has decided not to sue.)
• British washing-machine repair workers are protesting, claiming they’ve been working overtime fixing washers damaged by women’s underwire bras. (What are they griping about? Now the Maytag repairman not only has regular work, his customers are braless!)
• The Vatican has confirmed that Pope John Paul II is considering naming Saint Isidore of Seville the ‘patron saint of the Internet’. ‘St Izzy’ was a medieval theologian renowned for his storehouse of knowledge. (We think it should be ‘St Cindy of Margoles’.)
• A fitness buff in Glasgow, Scotland has been sentenced to 12 months probation — for stuffing a cucumber down his shorts while working out in a gym. (Now he’s in a REAL pickle.)
• A Dutch couple substituted ‘brides-dogs’ for bridesmaids at their recent wedding – a pair of Golden Retrievers given special training to pass the rings. (Y’know, those retrievers will eat ANYTHING.)


1962    [39] Garth Brooks, Tulsa OK, country singer (“Ropin’ the Wind”, first album to debut at #1 on “Billboard’s” country AND pop charts) NOTE :RIAA has just declared his 1998 “Double Live” CD the best-selling live album in history, selling over 14 million copies
1966    [35] Chris Rock, Andrews SC, comedian/movie actor (“Nurse Betty”, “Lethal Weapon 4″) NEXT FILM: Stars in “Down to Earth”, a remake of Warren Beatty’s 1978 comedy “Heaven can Wait”, opening FEBRUARY 16th
1978    [23] Ashton Kutcher, Cedar Rapids IA, TV actor (Michael Kelso-“That ’70s Show”)

• “Girls And Women In Sports Day” (aka ‘Women Who Don’t Shave Their Legs Day’)
• “Wave ALL Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day” (and they’ll think, “What the hell’s HE want??”)

The “51st Berlin International Film Festival”, one of the world’s top cinema bashes, reels TODAY through February 18th in Germany. Among the screenings – the world premiere of “The Silence of the Lambs” sequel “Hannibal” (opening here FRIDAY) and “Don’s Plum”, a low-budget 1998 film that can’t be shown in the US or Canada thanks to a lawsuit from its stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire (gee, must be good, huh?).  
NET: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Theater/6696/Fest/01berlin.htm

2000    Canadian magician and ‘yogic flyer’ Doug Henning dies at age 52

1875    [126] 1st ‘tattooing machine’ (Samuel O’Reilly-NYC) “I ♡ MOM”
1964     [37] The Beatles 1st North American tour begins in NYC, the so-called ‘British Invasion’
1988    [13] 1st episode of “America’s Most Wanted” on FOX-TV

1976    [25] Toronto Maple Leaf Darryl Sittler scores NHL-record 10 points in a single game, including 6 goals, vs Boston Bruins

[1 week] Valentines Day (women have already bought their cards, men think there’s still ‘lots of time’)
Art of Communications Week (did you realize you’re an ‘artist’?)
Love May Make The World Go ‘Round But Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week


• The average animal dies after 800 million heartbeats. (True. That’s the reason a hummingbird, at 1200 heartbeats a minute, has a shorter lifespan than a human at 70. So if you wanna live longer, stay very, very calm!)
• ‘Cupid’ was the Greek god of nudity. (BS. The cute li’l bare-bottomed cherub was the Roman god of ‘carnal love’.)
• During a 24-hour period, the average human will speak 4,800 words. (True, says “Useless Digest”)
• All snow crystals are hexagonal. (True, just like the ones Junior made in kindergarten the other day.)
• Only 1 in 3 people close their eyes while kissing. (BS. According to a “Harlequin Romance” poll, fully 70% of us smooch with closed peepers.)

BS TAG LINE: If you’ve got part of it, flaunt THAT part!


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