February 2, 2001

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Friday, February 2, 2001                                                       Edition:  #1983

It’s “NHL All-Star Weekend” in Denver, but what’s more exciting than the half-hearted, powder puff “51st All-Star Game” SUNDAY (2:30pm EST on CBC) is the “SuperSkills” competition SATURDAY when the league’s best compete in the puck control relay, fastest skater, hardest shot, accuracy shooting and breakaway relay competitions. And here’s a look at some of the BS . . .
• Stick swallowing.
• Naked goalie target practice.
• Matching wits with Tie Domi.
• The tooth spit, for distance and accuracy.
• Theoren Fluery tossing.
• ‘Hansen Brother’ look-alike contest.
• Ice dancing with male figure skaters.
• Assault and battery.
NET: http://www.nhl.com/allstar2001/

TOMORROW Eric Clapton kicks off his 1st world tour in over 10 years at London’s Royal Albert Hall (at age 55, he has a REALLY “Slow Hand”)  . . . TOMORROW night the new XFL football league debuts as the NY-NJ Hit Men mix it up with the Las Vegas Outlaws on NBC-TV, featuring WWF wrestler-turned-Minnesota guv Jesse Ventura doing color commentary (we give it 1 season before it folds — remember the USFL and the WFL?) . . . Canadian-born Formula One driver Jacques Villeneuve has reportedly called it quits with his live-in fiancee, singer Dannii Minogue (seems she held out the red flag too often) . . .  According to the “NY Post”, Elton John may do a duet with — try to picture this — Eminem at the Grammy Awards (ask listeners to come up with bizarre musical pairings they’d like to hear).

Freddie Prinze Jr and Monica Potter in “Head Over Heels”, a romantic comedy about a  woman who falls in love with a guy in a neighboring building, even after she suspects that he committed murder . . . David Boreanaz and Denise Richards in “Valentine”, a horror flick about a former college nerd who tries to kill off the women who spurned him on successive Valentine’s Days.

“GQ” magazine reports there’s a new, faster and cheaper way to get rid of tattoos. The ‘tattoo removal infrared coagulator’ uses infrared light to dissolve the ink. The system was originally developed to remove — hemorrhoids. (Also a pain in the ass to get rid of.)

• 52% of the 1,000 people polled in a new survey say they’ve been on a blind date, while 46% haven’t. Seems a confused 2% just aren’t sure. (I was once blindfolded and robbed by a hooker. Does that count?)
• In a “Good Housekeeping” poll the majority of women surveyed say they’d prefer dinner in a restaurant to a night of making love. (It lasts longer and you don’t have to fake enjoyment.)

Australian researchers have developed a machine called the ‘Siemens Omni’ that shows 3-dimensional images of unborn babies. The pics are reportedly sharp enough to record a foetus’ smile. The process is similar to the ‘Eye Cam’ unveiled during Super Bowl coverage. (The main difference is an unborn foetus is more likely to catch a pass.)


    1947    [54] Farrah Fawcett, Corpus Christi TX, movie actress (“Dr T and the Women“)/TVactress (played Jill Munroe on the original “Charlie’s Angels” [1976-1980])
    1954    [47] Christie Brinkley, Monroe MI, model (1st to appear on 3 consecutive “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit issue covers [1979-81])/movie actress (“Vegas Vacation”)
    1971    [30] Ben Mize, San Francisco, rock drummer (Counting Crows-“Hanging Around”, “Mr Jones”)
1975    [26] Todd Bertuzzi, Sudbury ON, NHL forward (Vancouver Canucks)

1920     [81] Dr Henry Heimlich, physician who invented ‘Heimlich Maneuver’ anti-choking procedure
1943    [58] Blythe Danner, Philadelphia PA, film actress (“Meet the Parents”)/Gwyneth Paltrow’s mom
    1956    [45] Nathan Lane, Jersey City NJ, film/stage actor (“Stuart Little”, “The Birdcage”)
1965     [36] Maura Tierney, Boston MA, TV actress (med student Abby Lockhart-“ER”)

TODAY is “Groundhog Day”, a celebration based on the old belief that if the sun shines on “Candlemas Day”, there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Interesting new stats — since 1887 “The Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary” Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow about 90% of the time and only made correct predictions 39% of the time. Perhaps that’s because the calendar will show you that TOMORROW is officially the “Halfway Point of Winter”. Yup, there’s about 6 WEEKS or 45 dreary, depressing, cold and cloudy days to go!

5 YEARS AGO . . .
    1996    Grey Cup champion Baltimore Stallions announce move to Montreal to become reincarnation of Alouettes

1876    [125] Baseball’s ‘National League’ is founded (Boston, Chicago, Cincinnati, NYC, Philadelphia, St. Louis, Louisville and Hartford)
    1931    [70] 1st use of a rocket to deliver mail, in Austria (you can tell the mail’s arrived by the hole in the living room ceiling)

1977    [24] Toronto’s Ian Turnbull scores 5 goals in a single game to set NHL record for defencemen as  Leafs beat Detroit Red Wings 9-1
2000    [01] Biggest winner on a TV game show as Rahim Oberholtzer wins $1,120,000 on NBC-TV’s “Twenty One” (must have broke the show ‘cause it disappeared soon after)

[Sat] National Men’s Grooming Day (you can clean ‘em up, but you can’ take ‘em anywhere)
[Mon] Weatherperson’s Day (an event for which there’s an 89% probability of apathy)
[Tues] Dump Your Significant Jerk Day (guess that means [your co-host] is leaving the show)
National Wedding Month (when all those June weddings get planned — by mothers-in-law)


On average, we use 8.6 sheets of toilet paper per trip to the bathroom, a total of 57 sheets per day according to an industry statistics. (Another TP fact – half of you put the roll on upside down!)

BS TAG LINE: What’s the difference between a tongue depressor and a shoe horn? The flavor.


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