Thursday, February 17, 2000 Edition: #1745
MORE BS PERPLEXING QUESTIONS THAT ARE PLAGUING HUMANITY
• Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
• How do you know when you’ve run out of ‘invisible ink’?
• Why do people who work in health-food stores always look so unhealthy?
• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?
• If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn’t it reverse up and down?
• Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
• How can there be self-help ‘groups’?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Tonight the American Film Institute presents its 2000 “AFI Life Achievement Award” to Harrison Ford in ceremonies in Beverly Hills . . . Men’s apparel company ‘Dino di Milano’ is producing a Carlos Santana signature line of sportswear with profits going to charity (“Hey man, SMOOTH shirt!”) . . . The Fragrance Foundation predicts that someday soon, digital TV will feature video, audio — and smells (can’t wait to watch the locker room scene from “Any Given Sunday”).
MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Christina Ricci will star in and produce “Prozac Nation”, a screen adaptation of Elizabeth Wurtzel’s book about battles with depression . . . Disney is dropping Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest flick “Duets” from its schedule because the director, her dad Bruce Paltrow, reportedly refuses to tone down the violence . . . Eddie Murphy is close to a deal to make a sequel to “Dr Dolittle” which would pay him $20 million plus a cut of the box office . . . Tom Cruise has bought a story for wife Nicole Kidman to star in — “Heartswap”, about couples who change partners (why not just call it ‘Eyes Wide Shut 2′?).
WE DON’T DO WINDOWS:
Today is the scheduled release date for Microsoft’s “Windows 2000″, but don’t feel you need to rush out and buy it. This is the ‘virtually crashproof’ office network version designed as an upgrade to ‘Windows NT’. The new home PC operating system, ‘Windows Millennium Edition’ (‘ME’ for short), isn’t due on the market till much later this year with expectations it will squash all previous Windows bugs. (Yeah right, the cheque’s in the mail.)
BOOZE AND BUTTS:
A new University of Toronto study suggests that smoking may directly lead to increased alcohol consumption due to chemical reactions to nicotine in the brain. Nicotine and alcohol, they say, are the things most frequently co-abused. (Just ahead of french fries and gravy.)
RN EXODUS:
According to a Canadian Nurses Association study published in “Maclean’s”, 1 in 3 Canadian nurses is either getting out of the profession or moving to the US within 3 years of graduation. (Or marrying a wealthy surgeon they met in the OR.)
THE BULL SHEET 02.17.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [46] Rene Russo, Burbank CA, film actress (Thomas Crown Affair, Lethal Weapon 4)
1963 [37] Michael Jordan, Brooklyn NY, NBA team co-owner (Washington Wizards)/former NBA superstar (Chicago Bulls)
1966 [34] Luc Robitaille, Montréal PQ, NHL winger (LA Kings)
1972 [28] Billie Joe Armstrong, Rodeo CA, rock singer/guitarist (Green Day-Nice Guys Finish Last, Time of Your Life)
1974 [26] Bryan White, Oklahoma City OK, country singer (You’re Still Beautiful to Me)
1975 [25] Todd Harvey, Hamilton ON, NHL winger (San Jose Sharks)
1975 [25] Vaclav Prospal, Ceske Budejovice CZE, NHL center (Ottawa Senators)
1981 [19] Joseph Gordon-Levitt, LA CA, TV actor (Tommy Solomon-3rd Rock From the Sun)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “National PTA Founders’ Day”, commemorating the parent-teacher group’s 1897 founding.
This week is officially “National Pet Dental Health Week”. (Good luck teaching your pit bull to floss.)
This weekend is “Second Honeymoon Weekend”, set aside for all couples to spend quality time together away from ‘the grind and routine of their daily lives’.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996 World chess champ Garry Kasparov defeats IBM supercomputer ‘Deep Blue’ 4 points to 2 to win $400,000
1997 Senator Ted Kennedy makes acting debut on “Chicago Hope” — as himself
1998 USA women’s hockey team upsets Canada 3-1 to win gold at Nagano Olympics
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1895 [105] 1st newspaper comic strip (“The Yellow Kid”-NY World)
1933 [67] 1st issue of “Newsweek” magazine (the rag that broke the Monica Lewinsky story)
1958 [42] 1st edition of Johnny Hart’s comic strip “BC”
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Daytona 500 (Daytona Beach FL)
[Mon] Heritage Day
[Mon] Family Day (Alberta)
National Child Passenger Safety Awareness Week
Library Lovers’ Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?
• Canadians consume an average of 3.5 kg of chocolate annually. (T. Most of which you’ve inhaled since Valentine’s Day.)
• Lightning strikes Earth about 6,000 times per day. (BS. It’s more like 6,000 times every minute.)
• There are at least 18 different ways to tap a telephone. (T. Just ask CSIS.)
• There are 120 major terrestrial impact craters on the surface of the Earth. (T. The sky is falling!)
• A blade razor is more energy efficient than an electric razor. (BS. Shaving cream has to be manufactured, water pumped to your home, heated, and then treated as waste afterward, etc)
THE LAST WORD:
A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.
