Tuesday, February 15, 2000 Edition: #1743
NEW CANADIAN COMPUTER VIRUSES:.
• ‘Montreal Canadiens Virus’ — Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in all games and spreadsheets, but you still love it.
• ‘Preston Manning Virus’ — It makes its presence known, but doesn’t do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
• ‘Parliamentary Virus’ — Computer locks up, screen splits into two images. Same message appears on each side of the screen blaming the gridlock on the other side.
• ‘Federal Bureaucrat Virus’ — Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
• ‘Lucien Bouchard Virus’ — Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software.
• ‘Canadian Tire Virus’ — Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, replace the power supply, and install a new set of shocks.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
This morning, nominations for the 72nd annual “Academy Awards” will be announced at a 5:30 am PST press conference (get immediate results at www.oscars.com) . . . George Foreman’s daughter Freeda is following in dad’s footsteps and becoming a professional boxer, joining the daughters of Joe Frazier and Muhammed Ali . . . Hollywood rumor is 33-year-old actor Kiefer Sutherland is secretly dating his dream girl, 43-year-old widow Bo Derek (she was rated a ‘10′ — 20 years ago) . . . David Bowie and wife Iman have announced they’re expecting their first child in August (likely to be called ‘Ziggy Stardust Bowie’).
NEW IN VIDEO STORES TODAY:
Claire Danes and Bill Pullman star in “Brokedown Palace”, a drama about two women arrested for smuggling while vacationing in Thailand . . . Albert Brooks and Sharon Stone in “The Muse”, a comedy about a neurotic screenwriter and his modern-day muse . . . Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer play a married couple who go through hard times in 15 years of marriage in “The Story of Us”.
TOP VIDEO RENTALS:
1. “American Pie”
2. “Mystery Men”
3. “Bowfinger”
4. “The 13th Warrior”
5. “The General’s Daughter”
(Source: “Billboard”)
FOLLICLES FOR SALE:
Britain’s Fraser’s Autograph Sellers are offering strands of President John F Kennedy’s hair for $800 apiece. The hair was purportedly cut by JFK’s personal barber Harry Gelbart at a Santa Monica beach house belonging to actor Peter Lawford in July 1963. (But now Oliver Stone has found evidence of a second barber.)
FLEXIBLE AT 41:
A year after hitting the big 4-0, “Barbie” doll is getting a makeover. A new material is being used to eliminate the seam at her waist, and a belly button is being added (home piercing kit extra). “Jewel Girl Barbie”, due in August, will be the first with the new body that allows more natural movement. (Also coming this year – “Facial Hair Barbie” — see her whiskers grow as her hormone levels shift! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.)
THE BULL SHEET 02.15.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [49] Jane Seymour, Hillingdon ENG, TV actress (Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman)
1954 [46] Matt Groening, Portland OR, animator/TV show creator (The Simpsons)
1971 [29] Renee O’Connor, Katy TX, TV actress (Gabrielle-Xena: Warrior Princess)
1972 [28] Jaromir Jagr, Kladno CZE, NHL winger and a top scorer (Pittsburgh Penguins)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “National Flag of Canada Day”, celebrating the 35th anniversary of the unveiling of Canada’s maple leaf flag on Parliament Hill in 1965. (Traditionally, this is when the Prime Minister picks a bystander and attempts to strangle him.)
ON THIS DATE IN THE ’90S . . .
1994 “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy” album by Sarah McLachlan released
1998 “Titanic” remains atop movie box office 9th consecutive week and passes “Jurassic Park” as #3 all-time grossing film
1999 Mariah Carey releases “I Still Believe” single
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1903 [97] 1st ‘Teddy Bear’ introduced by Morris & Rose Michtom (named after US President Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt)
1907 [93] “Happy Birthday to You” 1st copyrighted by Patty & Mildred Hill (world’s most sung song)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Daytona 500 (Daytona Beach FL)
[Sun] Hoodie Hoo Day
[Mon] Heritage Day
[Mon] Family Day (Alberta)
[Feb 28] Federal Budget Day
Give Yourself Credit Week
Library Lovers’ Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
• Over 49% of us sleep with two pillows.
• 18% of us twist our Oreos apart before eating them.
• 60% of men spit in public. Women?
• 25% of all ice cream orders are vanilla.
• 73% of those with ‘business’ e-mail accounts also use them to receive personal messages.
• 40% of us admit we’ve been so mad we’ve hurled footwear at another person.
• 7% of us have flossed our teeth with our hair. (Heave!)
PHONE STARTER:
“Are professional athletes just too damn greedy?” (Sales of athletic shoes are declining because sports are losing their appeal for many young people. One research firm says free agency is to blame.)
THE LAST WORD:
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Good luck to one of our regular contributors from down under. Jamie MacDonald is in the finals of “Raw Comedy”, an Australian stand-up comedy competition. Hope you kill ‘em, mate!
