Thursday, February 10, 2000 Edition: #1740
YOU CAN TELL YOU’RE GETTING OLDER WHEN . . .
• It used to be wine, women, and song. Now its beer, the old lady, and TV.
• That gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your lens implants.
• You choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
• You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
• You get winded playing cards.
• You have a choice of two temptations and choose the one that gets you home earlier.
• You find it’s hard to be nostalgic because you can’t remember anything.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Ladies’ Home Journal” is presenting its 2000 ‘One Smart Lady’ award to TV’s “Judge Judy” . . . According to an online poll for Valentine’s Day, Julia Roberts and Pierce Brosnan are the ‘most romantic’ contemporary actors, but Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn are best all-time . . . According to a California plastic surgeon, the best Hollywood ‘nose jobs’ belong to Demi Moore, Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry . . . Gossip in Hollywood is that Steven Spielberg’s kidney removal this week wasn’t due to illness, it was an organ donation (his favorite British-style pub ran out of supplies for ‘streak & kidney pie’) . . . . “Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace” has now grossed $922.5 million worldwide, making it the 2nd-highest money-maker of all time after “Titanic”.
FUTURE FILMS:
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s latest action film “The Sixth Day” is generating over $150,000 for Vancouver’s library system thanks to scenes shot in the city’s central branch (it’s ‘Conan the Librarian’) . . . “Stuart Little 2″ is already in the works, likely only because the original has rung up $129 million so far . . . TV’s “Sabrina”, Melissa Joan Hart, will star in a remake of the 1947 romantic comedy “The Bachelor and The Bobby-Soxer” (Shirley Temple starred in the original) . . . Will Smith’s production company is looking to remake a French thriller called “Diva”, with — who else? — Whitney Houston in the title role.
SAD DOGS:
A veterinary organization claims that fully 70% of the dog population displays symptoms of ‘clinical depression’. (They’re likely faking it so they can go to a psychiatrist’s and get to lie on the couch.)
ROYAL ROW:
Word is Prince Charles and #1 son Prince William are clashing over plans for Wills’ 18th birthday party this summer. Son wants to take over an entire London nightclub. Pop says no.
NEW GIZMOS:
• The latest hot toy in the UK is called a ‘Wuvvie’, a cute and fluffy doll that gives birth every 30 minutes. (It’ll be marketed in North America as the ‘Marie Osmond Doll’.)
• The hot feature new home buyers are looking for in California these days is the FOUR-car garage. (So you have even more space to fill with stuff you never use.)
• Two companies are competing to be first to put TVs in elevators so you can watch info screens while going up-and-down. (Something else to stare at besides the floor numbers:)
THE BULL SHEET 02.10.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [70] Robert Wagner, Detroit MI, movie actor (Austin Powers I & II)
1955 [45] Greg Norman, Melbourne AUS, pro golfer (‘The Great White Shark’)
1967 [33] Laura Dern, Hollywood CA, movie actress (Jurassic Park)/Billy Bob Thornton’s fiancee
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Winnipeg’s annual “Festival du Voyageur” Friday-February 20th celebrates the fur trade era with shows, sled dog and snow-sculpture competitions and a giant street party in Saint-Boniface.
PHONER: 204-237-7692 (Normand Gousseau)
NET: http://www.festivalvoyageur.mb.ca/
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1997 Melissa Etheridge’s partner, Julie Cypher, gives birth to couple’s first child, a girl named Bailey Jean Cypher
1998 Canadian snowboarding gold medalist Ross Rebagliati disqualified after testing positive for pot (later reinstated through appeal)
1999 Britney Spears’ “Baby One More Time” album certified Gold and Platinum
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1870 [130] 1st ‘YWCA’ (NYC)
1957 [43] 1st ‘Styrofoam cooler’
1982 [18] 28 skiers are 1st to perform a back-flip while holding hands (Bromont PQ)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Valentines Day
[Tues] Oscar Nominations released
[Mar 12] Juno Awards
Materials Testing Week
International Expect Success Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:
“Which celebrity would you pick for a Valentine’s date?” (In an online poll, the #1 choice for women was geeky Bill Gates, followed by equally geeky Drew Carey. The #1 choice of men was Hillary Clinton (huh?), followed closely by Drew Barrymore.)
BS VALENTINE TRIVIA:
Q: According to an old tradition, what happens to a woman who sees a goldfinch on Valentine’s Day?
A: She’ll marry a millionaire! On the other hand, sighting a robin means wedding a poor man.
Q: On a scale of 1 to 10, how do most people rate themselves as kissers?
A: According to a “Harlequin Romance” poll, the average person rates themselves a slurpy 7.
Q: In the Middle Ages, young men and women used to draw names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. Then they’d display them — where?
A: They’d wear the names on their sleeves for one week, the origin of the term “to wear your heart on your sleeve.”
THE LAST WORD:
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
