Tuesday, February 8, 2000                                             Edition:  #1738

IF MEN WERE REALLY IN CHARGE:
• Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
• On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking.
• Birth control would come in ale or lager.
• The only TV show opposite “Hockey Night in Canada” would be “Hockey Night in Canada From a Different Camera Angle.”
• Instead of ‘beer belly’, you’d get ‘beer biceps’.
• People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
• The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
• Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
(Thanks to Leanne Davis)

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” in Cleveland is setting up a fund to help poor musicians (that’s in terms of money) . . . Tickets for Barbra Streisand’s concerts next month in Sydney are the most expensive in Australian history at up to US$1,000 each — $100 more than the opening ceremonies for the Sydney Olympics (did she not say her New Year’s Eve concert was her LAST?) . . . The movie studio built in Mexico to shoot “Titanic” is being developed as a tourist attraction . . . Chinese officials have decreed that American cartoons like “Road Runner” may no longer appear on state television (citing a dramatic increase in the number of assaults involving anvils).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
The sci-fi thriller “The Astronaut’s Wife” stars Charlize Theron and Johnny Depp as a NASA astronaut who brings back an unwanted souvenir from space . . . . Martin Lawrence in the action-comedy “Blue Streak”, about an ex-con who poses as a cop to retrieve his loot – hidden in a police station . . .  The bio-pic “Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”, starring Halle Berry in her Golden Globe-winning role as the ill-fated singer/actress.

TOP TAPE RENTALS:
1. “American Pie”
2. “Bowfinger”
3. “The General’s Daughter”
4. “Mystery Men”
5. “Summer of Sam”
(Source: “Billboard” magazine)

MADMAN MEMORABILIA:
Canada’s War Museum wants to get rid of  Adolf Hitler’s limousine and is looking to sell it off for upwards of $20 million, which would be used for “more appropriate exhibits”. (The museum also wants to dump other relics of the fuhrer – an Argentina real estate guide, a Pez cyanide dispenser, and the book “Conquering Europe For Dummies”.)

SIZE DOES MATTER:
According to a study in the “Journal of the American Medical Association”, babies that are born smaller than normal tend to have lower incomes as adults. (I must have weighed 2 lbs.)

POPULAR BULLIES:
A new study in “Developmental Psychology” finds that aggressive, obnoxious boys in elementary grades often have the most friends because peers think they’re cool. (Why Conrad Black was voted ‘Most Popular Student’ 1955-59.)

THE BULL SHEET 02.08.00

TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1925     [75] Jack Lemmon, Boston MA, film actor (Odd Couple I & II, Grumpy [ier] Old Men)
1940     [60] Ted Koppel, Lancashire ENG, TV journalist with bad hair (ABC Nightline, since 1980)
1940    [60] Nick Nolte, Omaha NE, movie actor (Simpatico, Thin Red Line, 48 Hours)
1955    [45] John Grisham, Jonesboro AR, lawyer-turned-novelist (Rainmaker, Firm, Client)
1966    [34] Kirk Muller, Kingston ON, NHL winger (Dallas Stars)
1968     [32] Gary Coleman, Zion IL, 86 lb, 4′-8″ former TV actor (Diff’rent Strokes) NOTE: He’s just landed a columnist job with Ugo.com, the Website that launched an Internet auction to save him from bankruptcy
1974    [26] Seth Green, Overbrooke Park PA, TV/movie actor (Oz-Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Scott Evil-Austin Powers I & II)
1975    [25] Andre Roy, Port Chester NY, NHL winger (Ottawa Senators)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
[Int’l] “Clean Out Your Computer Day”

Today is “Dump Your Significant Jerk Day”, a day to ‘take out the garbage’ before Valentine’s Day. That way you save on insincere Valentine’s cards, gifts and dinners!

Today is also “Laugh and Grow Rich Day”, when you can laugh your way all the way to the bank just like Bill Gates and Ted Turner.

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1994    Suffering road rage, Jack Nicholson uses golf club to attack a car (it was a 7 iron)
1998    “Titanic” remains atop movie box office for an 8th consecutive week
1998    Whistler BC’s Ross Rebagliati smokes the field to win snowboarding gold at Nagano Olympics

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1926     [74] Walt Disney Studios formed (“The Mouse House”)
1969    [31] 1st flight of Boeing 747 ‘jumbo jet’
1998    [02] 1st Olympic women’s hockey game (giant Finnish women beat giant Swedish girls)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] International Sing-Out Day
[Sun] Get a Different Name Day
Art of Communications Week
International Boost Self-Esteem Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Who was the first US president to visit Canada?
A: President Warren G Harding stopped in Vancouver while on his way to Alaska back in the 20s.

THE LAST WORD:
A consultant is a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn’t know any women.

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