Wednesday, February 2, 2000 Edition: #1734
This is “Groundhog Day” in Canada and the USA, a traditional observance based on the old belief that if the groundhog sees his shadow today, it means 6 more weeks of winter. It likely derives from the old Scottish saying: “If Candlemas is fair and clear, there’ll be two winters in the year.”
BS REASONS TO CELEBRATE GROUNDHOG DAY:
• Forecast is no less reliable than Environment Canada.
• Valentine’s Day is too depressing for nerds.
• If we have enough fun with it on-the-air, we might have 6 more weeks of employment.
• Unlike the ‘Easter Bunny’, he keeps his dirty little paws outside.
• It’s fun to say “Punxsutawney”.
• It’s also fun to say “Wee Willie” without being derogatory.
GROUNDHOG DAY FAX:
• What’s being touted as the first virtual groundhog (“PunxsuTowney Phil”) makes its online debut this morning at 7:30 EST
NET: www.town24.com
• Punxsutawney PA is marketing 4,000 cases of its new ‘Punxsutawney Phil Beer’ today.
• Gambling odds on the hog seeing his shadow are 2-to-9 (win $2 for every $9 bet). Odds that he won’t are 13-4.
• This year, for the first time, a groundhog will make his appearance at 6pm on Hollywood Boulevard. ‘Hollywood Harry’ will supposedly forecast the movie capital’s future.
• Today on the banks of the Red River in northwest Louisiana, local prognisti-‘gators’ await the appearance of ‘Claude the Cajun Crawfish’. Here the saying is,”If eets OK bayou, we say ‘adieu’ to winter, cher!”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
There’s an award for everything and today the “Golden Hitch Awards” will be handed out in Beverly Hills for the top movie trailers of the year . . . Today Oprah Winfrey’s new women’s ‘Oxygen’ network debuts, with original content programs featuring advice, talk, health and documentaries . . . Sunday’s Super Bowl was the 5th-most-watched TV program — ever . . . Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl has been sentenced for drunk driving on a moped in Australia (he was banned from driving for 3 months because his blood alcohol content was ruled to be less than half the average Aussie driver) . . . At least one tabloid is reporting that 31-year-old Celine Dion is expecting twins (she’s looking for maternity clothes in size 2).
MORE BS CORPORATE LINGO EXPLAINED:
• “Join our fast-paced company:” (We have no time to train you.)
• “Seeking enthusiastic, fun, hard working, people:” (Who still live with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries.)
• “Join our dynamic team!” (We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.)
• “Duties will vary.” (Anyone in the office can boss you around.)
* “Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience.” (You’ll need it to replace the 3 people who just left.)
HOCKEY HOLDUP:
Ottawa Senators owner Rod Bryden has given fans 10 days to prove they want the team to stay. He’s demanding they buy more season tickets and also a price increase up to 17%. (Can’t you go to jail for extortion? This is even worse money grubbing than regular senators.)
THE BULL SHEET 02.02.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [53] Farrah Fawcett, Corpus Christi TX, actress (The Apostle, Jill Munroe-Charlie’s Angels)
1954 [46] Christie Brinkley, Monroe MI, former model/film actress (Vegas Vacation)
1971 [29] Ben Mize, San Francisco CA, rock musician (Counting Crows-Hangin’ Around, Mr Jones)
1971 [29] Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, pop/R&B singer (TLC-Unpretty, No Scrubs)
1975 [25] Todd Bertuzzi, Sudbury ON, NHL center (Vancouver Canucks)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today Catholic and Orthodox churches celebrate “Candlemas Day”. In Mexico, it’s known as “Dia de la Candelaria”, a big day for bullfights and festivals.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996 Grey Cup champion Stallions announce team will move from Baltimore to Montréal
1997 In re-release, “Star Wars” passes “Jurassic Park” to become #2 all-time grossing movie
1998 Actor Daniel Baldwin hospitalized in NYC for cocaine overdose
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1931 [69] 1st use of a rocket to deliver mail (Austria)
1935 [65] 1st test of polygraph or ‘lie detector’ (Leonard Keeler-Portage WI)
1964 [36] 1st ‘GI Joe’ (called ‘action figures’ because it’s feared there’s no market for guys and ‘dolls’)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] 50th NHL All-Star Game (Toronto)
[Mar 12] Juno Awards
[Mar 26] Academy Awards
National Snack Food Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
GROUNGHOG DAY CAROL:
Away in a meadow all covered with snow
The little old groundhog looks for his shadow
The clouds in the sky determine our fate
If winter will leave us all early or late.
(Source: Don Halley)
GROUNDHOG DAY HAIKU:
It is winter
The groundhog sees a shadow
It is the front tire of my truck
There will be 6 more weeks of winter
But not for the groundhog
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Do wild groundhogs come out to see their shadow this time of year?
A: Nope. Groundhogs, or ‘woodchucks’ are among the largest of Canada’s true hibernators. They never see their shadow on February 2nd because they’re still sleeping soundly.
(Source: “Harrowsmith”)
THE LAST WORD:
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
