Tuesday, February 1, 2000 Edition: #1733
MORE BS PERPLEXING QUESTIONS:
• Do you ever wonder if WE are the people that our parents warned us about?
• If evolution really works , how come mothers only have two hands?
• Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until they speak?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘s’ in it?
• Who needs rhetorical questions?
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Rumor is CBS morning anchor Bryant Gumbel — who left his wife and kids for another woman — has been paying just $250-a-month support while he pulls down $5 mill a year (always knew he was a deadbeat) . . . Rosie O’Donnell is suing a radio station in Portland OR for calling itself ‘Rosie 105′ . . . After undergoing spinal surgery last month, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin may be leaving the WWF and starring in a TV series, possibly a spin-off of “Nash Bridges” (after the WWF he qualifies as an actor). . . UK tabs say pregnant actress Catherine Zeta-Jones may convert to Judaism before marrying Michael Douglas, while other tabs say he proposed to her because he feared Kevin Costner would steal her (just “For Love of the Game”) . . . Word is single girl Sandra Bullock wants to make a baby by the end of the year (any volunteers?).
NEW IN VIDEO STORES TODAY:
Disney’s animated version of “Tarzan”, featuring the voices of Glenn Close and Minnie Driver and the music of Phil Collins . . . Cuba Gooding Jr and Skeet Ulrich in the SFX-driven thriller “Chill Factor” . . . Kevin Bacon in the horror thriller “Stir of Echoes”, about a guy who begins seeing visions of a ghost after being hypnotized.
TOP VIDEO RENTALS:
1. “American Pie”
2. “The General’s Daughter”
3. “Entrapment”
4. “Notting Hill”
5. “Summer of Sam”
(Source: “Billboard”)
NEW GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• The hot new kitchen gadget these days is the ‘square spoon’. Professional chefs latched onto them when they first came out last year, and now they’re being marketed for the home. Why a SQUARE spoon? They’re said to be better than round spoons for stirring and for scraping the bottom of a pan. (Is the round knife coming soon?)
• The world’s first ‘virtual cemetery’ now offers people in Argentina the chance to be buried in cyberspace. Mourners can visit the virtual grave and remember the dearly departed through pics, video and audio. (There’s even a feedback button you can click on to bitch about the will.)
BUT I JUST VACUUMED LAST YEAR:
A new “Voices of Women” poll shows sexual equality isn’t quite here yet. 41% of wives say their spouses still assume that housework is ‘women’s work’ and 36% of women feel guilty for not getting all the housework done. (Male listener poll: “Tell the truth, when’s the last time you did any housework? What was it?”)THE
BULL SHEET 02.01.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [69] Boris Yeltsin, Sverdlovsk RUS, former President of Russia/sick guy
1968 [32] Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN, Elvis Presley’s idle rich daughter
1968 [32] Mark Recchi, Kamloops BC, NHL winger (Philadelphia Flyers)
1968 [32] Pauly Shore, Hollywood CA, favorite punchline/movie actor (Encino Man, Bio-Dome)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] National Freedom Day (1865)
February is officially “Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month”. Ask how many are lost annually and what each costs.
PHONER: 773-737-6540 (Anthony Dinolfo-Chicago IL)
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1992 US President George Bush and Russian President Boris Yeltsin declare official end to ‘Cold War’
1992 “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me” by George Michael & Elton John peaks at #1 on pop singles charts
1999 “She’s All That”, starring Freddie Prinze Jr & Rachael Leigh Cook, tops the movie box office
1999 “X-Files” star David Duchovny and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” are big winners at the first “TV Guide Awards”, voted on by the magazine’s readers
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1893 [107] 1st ‘movie studio’, nicknamed “Black Maria”, built by Thomas Edison for $637 (West Orange NJ)
1898 [102] Truman Martin of Buffalo NY pays $11.50 for 1st ‘auto insurance’ (the next day the company notifies him that his rates will triple because he had an accident) NOTE: A new report finds that fully one-third of car thefts reported in Brazil last year were FAKED as drivers lied to try and collect on their car insurance
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Groundhog Day
[Fri] Halfway Point of Winter
National School Counselling Week
National Blah Buster Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
WHO WANTS TO BE ON-THE-AIR? The radio rip-off of TV’s #1 show.
• Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
a) Home from the pub. b) To the top of the vat to catch a breath of air. c) A different bar.
• Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
a) Shyness. b) Most are intimidated by the opposite sex. c) Breasts don’t have eyes.
• What would a blonde say if she found out she was pregnant?
a) “For once, I didn’t blow it!” b) “Gosh, who could the father be? Eenie meanie miney more.” c) “Are you sure it’s mine?”
• What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
a) Unequal limb syndrome. b) Genetic marrow disorder. c) A speech impediment.
THE LAST WORD:
Men are like parking spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
