Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Today Kanye West & Taylor Swift may meet face-to-face for the first time since he stormed the stage to protest her win at the 2009 “MTV Video Music Awards”. That’s because they’re among the artists joining Quincy Jones & Lionel Richie for a 25th anniversary re-recording of the charity single “We Are the World”, which has been hastily arranged to aid Haitian earthquake relief. Also expected in the Los Angeles studio: Celine Dion, Miley Cyrus, and Wyclef Jean. (This may turn out even lamer than the original.)
– “Access Hollywood”
• 34-year-old Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron (“Monster”) has reportedly ended her 9-year relationship with 37-year-old Irish actor Stuart Townsend (“The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”). They’ve been a couple since meeting on the set of 2002 movie “Trapped”. But now he’s said to have moved out of their shared Hollywood Hills home. An insider claims they had become ‘more like brother & sister than lovers’ and it was she who ended it. (5′-10”, 36B-24-36 … and he was seeing a ‘sister’?)
– “Mail On Sunday”
• 78-year-old TV/movie actor Rip Torn (“Larry Sanders Show”/”Men in Black”) is due in court today after being arrested Friday night for allegedly breaking into a Connecticut bank. A police report says he was found lying on the floor of the Litchfield Bancorp clutching a loaded revolver. He’s charged with carrying a pistol without a permit, carrying a firearm while intoxicated, 1st-degree burglary, 1st-degree criminal trespass, and 3rd-degree criminal mischief. The bank’s manager says it’s unlikely the actor was trying to steal anything – he just thought he was in his own home. (Whoa! You know you’re drunk when …)
• 58-year-old director Kathryn Bigelow was handed the top prize at the “DGA Awards” (Directors Guild of America) Saturday night, beating out competition from several other directors, including – ex-husband James Cameron (“Avatar”). Bigelow, who divorced Cameron in 1991, took home her first ‘Best Director’ honor for the gritty war drama “The Hurt Locker”. (Winning a trophy … cool. Beating your ex- … priceless!)
• And 28-year-old Latina actress Jessica Alba, who grew up in Pomona, California speaking only English, says she’s finally taking Spanish lessons so she can feel more confident when talking about her Mexican heritage. She also wants to explore ‘interesting themes and stories that are worth sharing’ in Spanish-language films. (BS translation: I haven’t had a hit English movie since 2005.)
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Rihanna (“Rated R”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Katharine McPhee (“Unbroken”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Doves (“Kingdom Of Rust”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – They Might Be Giants (“Here Comes Science”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – New Kids On the Block (“The Block”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Ne-Yo (“Never Knew I Needed”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – John Mayer (“Battle Studies”) in a rerun show.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler’s management has confirmed he’s now completed 30 days of a 90-day residential treatment program in a Palm Desert CA rehab center after publicly acknowledging painkiller addiction. Though it’s not confirmed as the institution involved, the Betty Ford Clinic is in the area.
• Alicia Keys – There are new reports she’s engaged to producer Swizz Beatz. A source tells “Us Magazine” they’re currently in Hawaii celebrating both the engagement and her birthday (January 25th). Rumor has it the engagement rock runs 7 carats. So far, however, Alicia’s rep is denying all.
• Carrie Underwood – “Before He Cheats” has been named ‘Top Video Of the Decade’ in an online poll of fans at CMT.com. Carrie’s also been chosen to sing the anthem prior to the Super Bowl this Sunday.
• The Game – He’s flat out denying famous person Tila Tequila’s claim that he’s the father of her expected child. She’s spread that rumor in a series of ‘tweets’.
• Jane’s Addiction – Former Guns ‘N Roses/Velvet Revolver member Duff McKagan is rumored to be stepping in to replace bassist Eric Avery. Fansite Xiola.org is reporting he’s joined the band in the studio to record new material.
• Kate & Anna McGarrigle – Today the funeral for late folk singer Kate McGarrigle is being held at Montréal’s Notre-Dame Basilica. The mother of singer/songwriters Rufus Wainwright & Martha Wainwright died of cancer January 18th at age 63. The McGarrigle sisters released 10 albums, won 2 Juno Awards, a SOCAN Lifetime Achievement Award, and were inducted into the Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame.
• Ludacris – He personally flew to France to oversee the blending of his new ‘Conjure’ cognac, where he claims he selected the best of 13 different brandies. Hey, if anyone knows booze it should be a guy from Champaign, Illinois.
• Rolling Stones – Guitarist Ronnie Wood has reportedly checked himself into a rehab center in London in a bid to kick his alcohol problem once and for all (and quit making a complete fool of himself). When it comes to rehab attempts, this is his 8th ‘shot’.
MOW DOWN MONDAY:
If you blow off your regular diet to splurge on weekend treats you may you may find it tough to get back on track on Monday. Science is giving an indication why your weekend cheat often backfires. A new study at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center has found that the concentrated intake of saturated fats over a few days can inhibit the brain from getting the signals that make you feel full. To avoid the ‘Monday Diet Hangover’, you’re advised to spread treats out and stick to monounsaturated fats (aka omega-9s) as much as possible.
The currently beta-testing new website ‘Dyalogues’ is the antithesis to Twitter as it aims to facilitate meaningful back-and-forth discussions between 2 people. Dyalogues are online conversations between 2 (and only 2) users, about a topic they want to discuss with each other and share with the world. Dyaloguers can debate politics, review a movie, or even interview each other. Everyone else is basically a voyeur, eavesdropping on the exchange. (What an improvement! Instead of one person twittering their self-centered comments, you get 2.)
MOST FETCHING FOSSILS:
How old would you go? A new poll asks women of all ages which 60-plus dudes they’d consider for a ‘dally’. Those who are ranked aged to perfection include …
5. Movie actor Sam Elliott (65) … “Up In the Air”, “The Big Lebowski”.
4. Classic rocker David Bowie (63) … “Golden Years”.
3. Singer Paul McCartney (67) … Singer-songwriter, composer, animal-rights and peace activist.
2. Movie actor Alan Rickman (63) … “Harry Potter” films, “Die Hard”.
1. Movie star Sean Connery (79) … Early ‘James Bond’ films.
Honorable mentions: Richard Gere, Harrison Ford.
LIVING LIFE THROUGH KIDS:
Child psychologist Vivian Friedman says parental anger and aggression at kids’ sporting events happens when parents identify too much with their children. Due to this total involvement, the child almost ceases to be a separate person. So when parents see other kids hitting their child, it’s as if they are being hit themselves. Friedman suggests parents quit trying to live vicariously through their children … especially when they were likely not great athletes themselves. (Hear! Hear! Don’t you hate it when parents yell out what their kid should do all through a game?)
– ANI Science & Health
SUPER BOWL BY THE NUMBERS:
• The average number of people at a Super Bowl party is 17.
• About 5% of viewers watch the game all alone.
• An estimated 6% of fans call in sick the Monday after Super Bowl.
• Super Bowls are assigned Roman numerals because an NFL season spans 2 calendar years.
• 35% of people who actually attend the game write it off as a corporate expense.
• 72 official footballs are available for use during the Super Bowl game.
• Super Bowl Sunday is the biggest Winter outdoor grilling day.
HOW NOT TO GET A GIG:
Personnel Directors of 100 large corporations were asked to list the most unusual questions that have been asked by job candidates. Here’s a sampling of some of the strangest …
• “What is it that you people do at this company?”
• “Why aren’t you in a more interesting business?”
• “What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?”
• “Why do you want references?”
• “Do I have to dress for the next interview?”
• “Will the company pay to relocate my horse?”
• “Does your health insurance cover pets?”
• “Would it be a problem if I’m angry most of the time?”
• “Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?”
DID YOU KNOW?
Thanks in part to the cover version by the “Glee” cast, Journey’s 1981 power ballad “Don’t Stop Believin’” is the top-selling catalogue (pre-digital era) track in iTunes history, with over 3 million downloads … and counting.
BS CHRONOMETER 02.01.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950  Mike Campbell, Odessa TX, lead guitarist/mandolinist (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers-“Into The Great Wide Open”, “Free Fallin’”)
1968  Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN, Elvis Presley’s idle rich daughter/wannabe singer (“In The Ghetto”, “Lights Out”)/Mrs Michael Lockwood since 2006/ex-Mrs Nicolas Cage (2002)/ex-Mrs Michael Jackson (1994-96)/ex-Mrs Danny Keough (1988-94)
1969  Patrick Wilson, Buffalo NY, rock drummer (Weezer-“Perfect Situation”, “Beverly Hills”)
1971  Michael C Hall, Raleigh NC, TV actor (“Dexter” since 2006)/2010 Golden Globe Award/battling Hodgkin’s lymphoma
1975  Big Boi (Antwan Patton), Savannah GA, hip-hop artist (Outkast-“The Way You Move”, “Ms Jackson”)/sometime movie actor (“Who’s Your Caddy?”, “Idlewild”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Give Kids A Smile Day”, when dental students provide free oral health care & education to children in their communities.
• “Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month” as declared by the Food Retailers Association. Shopping carts cost more than $100 apiece and the Food Marketing Institute estimates 1.8 million of them are taken from supermarkets in North America each year. Who pays for this? You do, because it means your food ends up costing more.
• “Spunky Old Broads Day”, dedicated to the saying ‘old girls just wanna have fun’. Spunky old broads are positive, fun, butt-kicking mature women over the age of 50 who refuse to sit back quietly and get old. Who’s the spunkiest famous old broad?
• “Working Naked Day” … naw, it’s not what you think. It refers to those who work at home, ‘stripped of all of the support of the corporate workplace’. So much for that mental picture.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004  In the infamous ‘Super Bowl Wardrobe Malfunction’, Justin Timberlake rips Janet Jackson’s top during the halftime show, exposing her breast (which becomes the excuse for a year of excruciating media censorship)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1920  Royal Northwest Mounted Police merge with Dominion Police to form ‘RCMP’
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979  Beginning of ‘Coldest Month’ ever recorded in Canada (an average temp of -47.9 C at Eureka NT)
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] “Lost” final season debut (ABC/CTV)
[Tues] Groundhog Day
[Tues] Academy Awards nominations announced (LA)
[Tues] Sled Dog Day
[Wed] Girls & Women in Sports Day
[Thurs] Black Eyed Peas “The END World Tour 2010” North American leg begins (Atlanta)
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Catholic Schools Week / Children’s Authors & Illustrators Week / International Hoof Care Week / International Networking Week / Snow Sculpting Week / Patient Recognition Week / School Counseling Week / Women’s Heart Week
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
MORE BS PERPLEXING QUESTIONS:
• Do you ever wonder if WE are the people that our parents warned us about?
• If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
• Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until they speak?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘s’ in it?
• Who needs rhetorical questions?
BS WEB GOODIE:
Looking for an odd Valentine card? This Brit card company has some doozies …
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Men are like parking spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
GRAMMATICALLY CORRECTED HITS OF THE 1990s:
• Aerosmith – “It Is Not Desired For a Thing to Get Missed”
• Alanis Morissette – “You Should Be Aware”
• Boyz II Men – “You’ll Have My Love Made to You”
• Bryan Adams – “Everything That Is Done By Me Is Done By Me For You”
• C&C Music Factory – “We Shall Cause You to Perspire”
• Chumbawumba – “He Who Thumps the Tub”
• Coolio – “Hooligan’s Heaven”
• Live – “There Is Some Crashing of Some Lightning”
• MC Hammer – “Physical Contact With This is Prohibited”
• Ricky Martin – “Experiencing a Life Outside the Mainstream”
– Thanks to an idea from Jim Rodovich
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: It’s estimated the average person spends 336 hours of their life doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Kissing.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Kindness is like a boomerang … it always comes back.