Monday, February 11, 2008        Edition: #3708
Bullseye!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• More than 600 people, including movie actresses Michelle Williams & Cate Blanchett, and model Gemma Ward, gathered at a memorial for Heath Ledger SATURDAY at an exclusive girls’ boarding school in Perth, Australia. The ceremony was followed by a small private funeral attended by immediate family only.
– AFP
• Rehab’s not just for starlets. Veteran TV personality Pat O’Brien (“The Insider”) has entered treatment for a 2nd time. He made headlines back in ‘05 when he spent time in rehab for alcoholism after lewd voicemail messages he had left a female acquaintance were leaked online.
– “E! News”
• FRIDAY night Disney-Pixar’s “Ratatouille” won a whopping 10 “Annie Awards”, including ‘Best Feature Production’ at the 35th annual honors presented by the International Animated Film Society.
– CBC Arts & Entertainment
• “American Idol” will become a theme park attraction later THIS YEAR in Orlando FL at ‘Disney’s Hollywood Studios’, the park previously known as ‘Disney-MGM Studios’. The attraction will follow the show’s model, with park visitors able to audition and perform. Daily winners will get to skip line-ups at future auditions for the TV series.
– RealityBlurred.com
• “Sin City”/”Little Black Book” actress Brittany Murphy has sparked rumors she has undergone cosmetic surgery after she was photographed in NYC sporting ‘oddly-shaped lips’.
– IMDB.com
• Picture this pairing: now 61-year-old has-been pop singer Cher claims that she and actor Tom Cruise dated for 3 years, were in love, and only split when he moved away to shoot “The Color Of Money”. She says both have kept tight-lipped about the relationship, which took place 25 years ago when she was 36 and at the height of her fame and Cruise was a 20-year-old up-and-coming actor.
– World Entertainment News Network
• Movie actor Colin Farrell is preparing for his next big role … best man at his brother’s gay wedding. Farrell will stand up for his sibling Eamonn when he weds longtime partner Steven Mannion in Provincetown MA THIS SPRING.
– GBMnews.com
• And if all goes according to plan, Jennifer Lopez will be receiving 2 special Valentines: namely, her twin babies, who are due this THURSDAY. An insider says J-Lo would like to have the first photo-shoot take place in one of the nurseries she’s had designed by upscale baby outfitter Petit Tresor. She reportedly spent over $120,000 on THREE of them!
– “The Scoop”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Despite last-minute US visa approval, she stayed in London and appeared via satellite link-up on the “Grammy Awards”.
• Bob Marley – Filmmaker Martin Scorsese, whose Rolling Stones concert film “Shine A Light” just premiered at the “Berlin Film Festival”, has announced he’s developing another documentary, this time about the reggae music legend.
• Britney Spears – An LA court has given her father Jamie the power to fire her business manager, Howard Grossman, and the right to view all records & assets relating to her estate.
• Faith Hill – She had to cancel out of a FRIDAY night MusiCares performance in LA honoring Aretha Franklin due to a bronchial infection. Doctor’s orders say no singing for a while.
• John Mellencamp – His request to Republican presidential candidate John McCain to stop playing his songs on the campaign trail has apparently worked as “Our Country” and “Pink Houses” are no longer being used at rallies.
• Keith Urban – He credits the baby he’s expecting with wife Nicole Kidman for revitalizing his career, saying he now experiences ‘a whole new feeling’ when performing.
• Madonna – Word has it she’ll renew her wedding vows with hubby Guy Ritchie THIS SUMMER in order to disprove rumors that their 7-year marriage is on the rocks.
• Spice Girls – An insider claims the girls are definitely NOT finishing up their reunion tour as friends. It apparently took 7 takes to shoot a brief YouTube vid apologizing to fans for canceling part of the tour … because they couldn’t stop arguing.
• U2 – THIS MAY they’re re-releasing their little-heard debut album, “Boy”, with the rest of their back catalogue to follow. The album failed to chart when originally released in 1980.
• Velvet Revolver – Frontman Scott Weiland has voluntarily checked himself into a rehab facility … again. It’s not yet known how it will affect the band’s Australian tour, which was re-scheduled to begin FRIDAY after already being postponed once.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “CMT Crossroads: Robert Plant & Alison Krauss” (CMT) – Taped in OCTOBER, with T Bone Burnett, who produced their ”Raising Sand” collaborative album, as special guest. Highlights include the Led Zeppelin songs “Black Dog” and “When the Levee Breaks”.
• “Dr Phil” (syndicated/CTV) – His mentor Oprah Winfrey is the special guest for his show’s 1,000th episode. The self-help guru started his TV career with a weekly spot on “Oprah”.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Her “Ellen at the Grammys” special features Daughtry, James Blunt, and Taylor Swift.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Natasha Bedingfield makes an appearance.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – OK Go performs.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Enrique Iglesias is THIS MORNING’s musical guest.

MILITANT METEOROLOGISTS:
The Chinese government has the world’s largest ‘Weather Modification Program’, consisting of 30 aircraft, 4,000 rocket launchers, 7,000 anti-aircraft guns, and a massive reserve army of 37,000 people. Usually this branch of the government is responsible for seeding clouds in order to bring rain to drought-stricken areas, but for the upcoming Summer Olympics they’ll be challenged to do the reverse … ensure that the skies over Beijing are clear during the Opening Ceremonies AUGUST 8th. To this end they claim to have perfected a technique in which they fire substances into the clouds which shrink the size of the raindrops, thereby letting the cloud float harmlessly overhead until it dumps its load somewhere else.
– “Los Angeles Times”

ONE OF THE WORLD’S BEST PICKUP LINES:
“Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.” (Germany)
– Times Online

THUMBS DOWN:
With millions of people now using handheld devices, reports of carpal tunnel syndrome and tendinitis from overuse – a syndrome that’s been dubbed ‘BlackBerry Thumb’ – are on the rise. Orthopedic surgeon Arthur Rettig recommends several preventative measures: taking frequent breaks; writing fewer & shorter messages; and adopting a ‘neutral grip’, which allows wrists to remain upright and straight. He also warns against ‘thumb-typing’, suggesting you alternate typing between fingers whenever possible. Or how about putting the damn thing down and getting a life?
– “Indianapolis Star”

BODY POWERED:
Scientists have developed a power pack that can be recharged simply by walking. The knee-brace device generates electricity from the natural movement of the leg and produces up to 5 watts – enough to power 10 cellphones or a laptop computer – without any extra effort.
– “Telegraph”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Every day, 5 US soldiers try to kill themselves. Before the Iraq War began, that figure was less than 1 suicide attempt a day. The dramatic increase is revealed in new US Army figures, which show that 2,100 soldiers tried to commit suicide LAST YEAR alone.
– CNN

SHE SAID IT:
“She’s a gay man trapped in a woman’s body … like me.”
– Courtney Love, telling “Harper’s Bazaar” about her 15-year-old daughter, Frances Bean Cobain.

HE SAID IT:
“I think that the time when music could change the world is past. I think it would be very naive to think that in this day and age.”
– 62-year-old rocker Neil Young, speaking at the “Berlin International Film Festival”.

BS CHRONOMETER 02.11.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [82] Leslie Nielsen, Regina SK, movie actor (“Scary Movie” series, “Naked Gun” series)/Officer of the Order of Canada (2002)/namesake of the Leslie Nielsen School of Communications (Grant MacEwan College, Edmonton)

1936 [72] Burt Reynolds, Waycross GA, movie actor (“Dukes of Hazzard”, “Smokey & the Bandit”)/Emmy Award-winning TV actor (“Evening Shade”)

1962 [46] Sheryl Crow, Kennett MO, pop singer (“Shine Over Babylon”, w/Kid Rock-“Picture”, “All I Wanna Do”)/10-time Grammy Award winner

1969 [39] Jennifer Aniston, Sherman Oaks CA, movie actress (“The Break-Up”, “Bruce Almighty”)/former TV actress (“Friends” 1994-2004)/ex-Mrs Brad Pitt (2000-05)

1977 [31] Mike Shinoda, Agoura CA, rock singer/songwriter (Linkin Park-“Numb”, “In the End”)

1979 [29] Brandy (Norwood), Macomb MS, pop singer (w/Monica-“The Boy Is Mine”, “Have You Ever?”)/TV personality (“America’s Got Talent”, “Moesha”)/2007 driver of the year

1981 [27] Kelly (Kelendria) Rowland, Atlanta GA, pop singer (Destiny’s Child-“Lose My Breath”, w/Nelly-“Dilemma”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day”. Whatever you messed up … it’s finished, get over it!

• “Funeral Service Education Week”, certainly a highlight on our calendar. To become an undertaker these days, you need to take a course in Funeral Service Education, known as ‘FUNS’.

• “Inventor’s Day”, honoring the birth of inventor Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931), who single-handedly patented some 1,200 inventions. These were not among them …
– The Inflatable Dart Board
– The Solar-Powered Flashlight
– The Mesh Umbrella
– Flea Dip
– The Helicopter Ejector Seat

• “Japan’s National Foundation Day”, celebrating the founding of the nation and the imperial line by its mythical first emperor, Jimmu (660 BC).

• “Make a New Friend Day”, ‘cause you can never have too many. Well, except for that creepy guy Gavin.

• “Pro Sports Wives Day”, the 3rd annual declared by the Professional Sports Wives Association. In the US alone, there are some 500,000 married to pro athletes & coaches. While their lives may seem glamorous from the outside, the PSWA notes many not only support their hubbies emotionally but sometimes financially, since it’s not uncommon for an athlete to retire with big-time debt. The group even has it’s own magazine …
NET: http://www.prosportswives.com

• “Random Acts of Kindness Week”, when we’re encouraged to anonymously perform good deeds for others without seeking credit for them. Might we suggest …
– Randomly place boxes of condoms in people’s shopping buggies when they aren’t looking.
– Walk into a bar and offer to buy a round for everyone. Leave.
– Give another driver your parking spot. Next to a fire hydrant.
– Take the parking ticket off some poor loser’s windshield. Put it on someone else’s windshield.
– Ask an older person to tell you a fascinating story about his or her youth. Leave.

• “Satisfied Staying Single Day”, for those who choose to live independently and are quite happy doing so.

• “Vatican City Independence Day”, celebrating the formation of the world’s smallest state in both population and area (1929).

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [11] At age 14, country phenom LeAnn Rimes releases her 2nd album … “The Early Years”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1922 [86] Discovery of ‘Insulin’ (Banting & Best-Toronto)

1948 [60] ‘La-Z-Boy’ chair invented (men worldwide begin gaining weight)

1993 [15] Janet Reno becomes America’s 1st female Attorney General

2006 [02] US VP Dick Cheney accidentally shoots & wounds companion Harry Whittington during a weekend quail-hunting trip in Texas

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1977 [31] ‘Heaviest Known Crustacean’ is caught off Nova Scotia, a 44.5-lb (20.2-kg) lobster which measures 3.5 ft (1 m) from claw tip to tail fan (and requires 13 lbs of liquified butter)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] 25th Anniversary Edition of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is released
[Wed] Get a Different Name Day
[Wed] Read to Your Child Day
[Thurs] 39th NAACP Image Awards (FOX)
[Thurs] Valentines Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week / Children of Alcoholics Week / Freelance Writers Appreciation Week / Heart Failure Awareness Week / International Flirting Week / International Friendship Week / Just Say No to PowerPoints Week / Love a Mensch Week / Love Makes the World Go Round, But Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week / Rejection Risk Awareness Week / Truth Week

BULL’S BITS      

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLDER WHEN:
• Your partner says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
• Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes … but you’re barefoot.
• “Getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today.
• A hottie catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
• Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
• “Getting lucky” means you actually find your car in the parking lot.
• You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
• You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
• An “all nighter” means not having to get up to pee.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What family business did you refuse to get into? Are you sad or glad about it now?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
How do you spot an extroverted accountant? He stares at YOUR shoes.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: By the time we are 4-years-old, THIS is said to be as good as it gets.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Our personalities.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
He who borrows sells his freedom.