Wednesday, February 7, 2007        Edition: #3462
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “Lost” returns to TV (ABC) with the first of 16 consecutive new episodes, bumped to a new slot at 10 pm to escape FOX’s “American Idol” (in Canada, CTV runs ‘em both back-to-back), but is anyone still excited about figuring out the convoluted storyline? . . . CTV is currently in talks to make a movie about the Robert Pickton case now unfolding in gruesome detail in a New Westminister BC courtroom, to be based on the upcoming Stevie Cameron book “The Pig Farm” (we can only hope it’s as riveting as that landmark TV movie “Plague City: SARS in Toronto”) . . . Vancouver actor Jason Priestly (“Hollywood & Vines”) & wife Naomi Linde are expecting their 1st child THIS SUMMER . . . 50-year-old “CBS Evening News” anchor Katie Couric’s new man is 44-year-old Washington DC billionaire Jimmy Reyes, who was previously engaged to syndicated radio talk show host Laura Ingraham  . . . The $50-million lawsuit filed by the parents of the woman killed in the Brandy car crash may be thrown out of court, because under California law only the woman’s husband could sue for wrongful death . . . “The Hills” star Lauren Conrad (MTV) says she’s giving up acting because she’s just not any good at it (her challenging first screen role was in “Epic Movie” playing – herself) . . . THIS WEEK Wal-Mart is launching a beta version of an online video store that offers some 3,000 titles at $19.88 or less for films and $1.96 for TV episodes, slightly undercutting iTunes (NET: http://mediadownloads.walmart.com/) . . . NBC plans to pull both “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” and “30 Rock” from its schedule at least temporarily, replacing them with 2 new series NEXT MONTH: the NYC crime drama “The Black Donnellys”, and the comedy “Andy Barker, PI”, starring Conan O’Brien’s former lame sidekick Andy Richter . . . And Madonna & Guy Ritchie have been seeing a therapist in a bid to save their troubled 6-year-old marriage and it seems to have worked, at least on paper – they’ve reportedly signed a ‘love pact’ promising to stick together.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Arctic Monkeys – They’ve confirmed their 2nd album will be called “Favorite Worst Nightmares” and is scheduled for release APRIL 24th.
• Billy Joel – TODAY his new single “All My Life” debuts online at People.com where it will be available for streaming and as music for a Valentine’s Day e-card. It’s available on Apple’s iTunes beginning FEBRUARY 20th. TONIGHT he kicks off a 15-date tour in Jacksonville FL.
• Carrie Underwood/Rascal Flatts – SUNDAY they’ll perform together during the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles.
• Christina Aguilera – THIS AFTERNOON she guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Eminem – According to his “Smack That” collaborator Akon, he’s patched up his differences with 2-time ex-wife Kim Mathers … and they are engaged again! Third time’s some harm.
• Jann Arden – She says her recent 50-lb weight loss was all about health not her public image. Her secret? Lots of running, and eating dinner before 4 pm. So you get the ‘early bird special’?
• Jay-Z – TODAY he re-launches Coca-Cola’s ‘Cherry Coke’ brand at NYC’s “Fashion Week”. His Rocawear design company has come up with the product’s new look.
• John Mellencamp – TONIGHT he guests on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Katharine McPhee – TONIGHT she promotes her self-titled debut album on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• McGraw/Hill – Tim McGraw & Faith Hill will reprise their “Soul2Soul” tour with a summer ‘07 trek that begins in JUNE and runs through August. Further details have yet to be announced. Seems the $89 million they rolled up in last year’s effort just wasn’t enough.
• Norah Jones – TONIGHT she sings on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Nelly Furtado – TONIGHT the “Say It Right” singer makes her acting debut on “CSI: NY” (CBS/CTV), playing a world-class shoplifter whose job is to fulfill her clients’ wish-list of the latest must-have items.

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘European Nudity’ – A new term in Hollywood that reflects Europe’s more open, relaxed attitude toward movie nude scenes. If a script requires European nudity, it means full frontal.
• ’Hybrids’ – Not cars, dogs. But these aren’t mongrels, rather the result of purposeful uniting of 2 purebreds of different breeds in order to get the best qualities of both. Among the dozens of hybrids now being produced: ‘Labradoodles’, ‘Cock-a-poos’, and ‘Schnoodles’.
• ‘Man-date’ – A social engagement between 2 hetero men, particularly one that occurs in a setting other than a traditionally masculine venue such as a bar or sporting event. (“See you in a couple hours, honey. Phil and I have a man-date at the ballet.”)

ALL DOLLED UP:
TODAY at NYC’s “Fashion Week”, a new line of ‘Barbie’-branded MAC makeup is being launched. Models made to look like Mattel’s iconic doll will provide the cosmetics company’s new frozen face. Boasting shellacked bubblegum lips and cat eyes framed by liquid liner and false eyelashes, the campaign’s mannequin-like models look part “Stepford Wives”, part “Valley of the Dolls” and all vintage ‘Barbie’. (Now women will be able to play dress-up, too.)
– “USA Today”

HANG ON TO THOSE LEGGINGS:
It looks like leg wear is here to stay, at least through Fall. Textured tights are the first must-have item to emerge from “New York Fashion Week”. You need them to wear with all the short skirts as hemlines remain mostly above the knee. (This week you could use snow pants instead.)
– “eTalk Daily”

THE DANGERS DOWN UNDER:
New government figures show that Australia can be a potentially fatal travel destination with 2,433 tourists dying there in the last 7 years. Several factors are to blame, including baking weather and dangerous terrain. Deaths have also occurred on hang-gliding, parachuting and fishing expeditions. And attacks by an array of deadly animals such as sharks and crocodiles seem to almost be a weekly occurrence. Craig Adams of the Australian Reptile Park notes, for instance, that while koalas may seem cute, the uninitiated fail to realize they can give you a nasty bite or carve you up with their claws. (Then of course, there’s the hazard of getting ‘stonkered’ to death in a ‘boozer’.)
– “The Age”

HOW LAZY ARE YOU?
There are no statistics on how many households have more than one laundry space but builders and interior designers say the practice is growing, especially as homes get bigger and Baby Boomers get older. Increasingly, homes are being outfitted with multiple laundries, sometimes by stashing extra washing machines in closets, pantries and family rooms. (That way, you can avoid doing the weekly laundry in multiple locations simultaneously.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

GENDER BLENDER:
Authorities in Nepal have granted a man who dresses and behaves as a woman both male and female citizenship. Under the ‘gender’ category of 40-year-old Chanda Musalman’s official papers, he … er she is now listed as ‘both’. (Can he marry himself?)
– BBC News

TISSUE ISSUE:
A new report from the paper industry reveals that the UK uses the most bathroom tissue per capita of the world’s major nations. The average Brit flushes away 39 lbs of the stuff per year, slightly ahead of the USA at 34.5 lbs per person per year. (Man what a bummer of a waste!)
– “The Telegraph”

ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PEACE A CHANCE:
Taking a cue from the antics of John Lennon & Yoko Ono almost 40 years ago in Montréal, Ernie & Lynn Seewer of Mobile AL are staging a ‘bed-in’, promising to say in their bed until the Iraq war ends. (Hope you guys have several years of supplies.)
– UPI

WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE:
Think males are competitive on-the-job? Just check out these highlights of a new poll of 500 successful professional women for “Harper’s Bazaar” …
• 86% of women surveyed say they’d flirt with a male colleague if it meant a better chance for workplace advancement.
• 69% admit they have reveled in a co-worker’s failure.
• 60% would rather work for a man than a woman.
• 58% say there is ‘gender equality’ in their workplace.
• 20% confess they’ve taken credit for someone else’s work.
– “Daily Mail”

THIS GUY’S GOT A LOT OF BALLS:
Chilean artist Marco Evaristti should win the gross-out award for his latest creation – meatballs cooked with fat from his own body. Describing his work as a criticism of the plastic-surgery industry, the artist has produced a total of 48 meatballs fried in fat extracted by liposuction. Some will be canned and sold at a rate of $4,000 for 10. He claims they are not only delicious but contain less fat than supermarket meatballs. And don’t worry, Evaristti says you are not a cannibal if you are eating ‘art’. (When he eats them, he’s technically recycling.)
– “Globe & Mail”

THE LAST POST:
Is this a sign of things to come? The world’s oldest newspaper, founded in 1645 by Sweden’s Queen Kristina, “Post-och Inrikes Tidningar” (‘Mail & Domestic Tidings’), has now completely stopped its real paper edition and switched exclusively to a digital format via cyberspace. (Now what will Scandinavians use to wrap their herring in?)
– AHN

JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINES DAY:
A San Rafael CA online flower seller is now offering bouquets of ‘The World’s Tallest Rose’, a species imported from Ecuador which can reach up to 72 inches (6 ft) in height. Organic Bouquet is selling them at $249.95 a dozen … plus $59.95 for shipping. (To be really popular, have them delivered with a 600-lb box of chocolates.)
NET: http://www.organicbouquet.com/
– “Washington Post”

DID YOU KNOW?
It’s considered good luck for a couple to eat cake from their wedding on their 1st anniversary. (It’s also considered really, really stale.)
– “Milwaukee Journal Sentinel”

AND WE QUOTE:
“I’ve got crooked teeth, bow legs and a wonky nose.”
– Fashion model Kate Moss, either proving she’s just as insecure about her looks as anybody else, or giving a description of what she saw in the mirror last time she was blowing lines.

THE BULL SHEET 02.07.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [52] Miguel Ferrer, Santa Monica CA, TV actor (‘Dr Garret Macy’ on “Crossing Jordan” since 2001)/movie actor (“Traffic”)/son of late actor José Ferrer & Rosemary Clooney/George Clooney’s cousin

1960 [47] James Spader, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Alan Shore’ on “Boston Legal” since 2004)/movie actor (“sex, lies & videotape”)

1962 [45] Garth Brooks, Tulsa OK, country singer (“Good Ride Cowboy”, “Friends in Low Places”)/married to country singer Trisha Yearwood (2005)

1962 [45] David Bryan (Rashbaum), Perth Amboy NJ, rock keyboardist (Bon Jovi-“It’s My Life”, “Always”)

1965 [42] Chris Rock, Andrews SC, comedian/movie actor (“Madagascar”, “The Longest Yard”)

1978 [29] Ashton Kutcher, Cedar Rapids IA, TV producer (“Beauty & the Geek”, “Punk’d”)/TV actor (“That ’70s Show” 1998-2005)/movie actor (“The Guardian”, “The Butterfly Effect”)/married to actress Demi Moore (2005)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Charles Dickens Day”, celebrating the legendary British author (“Oliver Twist”, “David Copperfield”, “A Christmas Carol”) on the anniversary of his birth in 1812.

• “Dump Your Significant Jerk Day”, the focal point of “Dump Your Significant Jerk Week”, when you’re encouraged to terminate your jerk relationship before “Valentine’s Day”, thereby saving the money and awkwardness involved in faking romance.

• “Girls & Women in Sports Day”, the 21st annual observance begun in 1986 to honor female athletic achievement and recognize the importance of sports and fitness participation for all girls and women.
NET: http://www.aahperd.org/ngwsdcentral/

• “Wave ALL Your Fingers At Your Neighbor Day” … instead of just the middle one. (And they’ll be wondering, “What the hell does that idiot want now?”)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1988 [19] 1st episode of “America’s Most Wanted” on FOX-TV (credited with the capture of over 700 fugitives)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1964 [43] The Beatles 1st North American tour begins in NYC, the so-called ‘British Invasion’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1875 [132] 1st ‘Tattooing Machine’ (Samuel O’Reilly, NYC)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1976 [31] Toronto Maple Leaf Darryl Sittler scores NHL-record 10 points in a single game, including 6 goals, vs Boston Bruins

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] “Survivor: Fiji” premieres (CBS)
[Fri] Develop Alternative Vices Day
[Sat] NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI)
[Sun] 49th Grammy Awards (LA)
[Sun] Satisfied Staying Single Day
[Sun] Pro Sports Wives Day
[Sun] BAFTA [British Academy of Film & Television Arts] Awards (London UK)
This Week Is … International Engineers Week
This Month Is … Bake for Family Fun Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• If law school is so tough, why are there so many lawyers?
• Is it better to have loved and lost than to have paid for it and not liked it?
• Is learning how to be an arsonist and how to tie up people you’ve kidnapped the only good reasons for becoming a Boy Scout?
• What do penguins wear for play clothes?
• If the devil makes use of idle hands, what does he do with busy hands?
• Isn’t an alarm clock just an aggravating thing that makes people rise and whine?

YOU KNOW IT’S COLD WHEN:
Is it a cold snap, a cold wave, or a cold spell? Whatever, it’s been so cold that …
• Whenever there’s a house fire, people run in.
• This morning, CAA had to jumpstart Lloyd Robertson.
• Scarlett Johansson has been downgraded from ‘hot’ to ‘lukewarm’.
• You have to take the dog for a drag.
• Instead of the finger, people keep giving you the mitten.
• The CN Tower is noticeably shorter.
• The boss has the ear-flaps down on his toupée.
• You can see your breath … in the bedroom.
• They don’t have to bury James Brown for another 3 months.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Work harder … millions on welfare depend on you!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that older Canadians who are THIS are less likely to suffer from memory loss and dementia.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Bilingual.

Today’s Question: As a last resort, these were sometimes used a helmets during the US Civil War.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pumpkins.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Real knowledge is knowing when you don’t know.