Monday, February 5, 2007 Edition: #3460
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Get ‘r done while she’s still working must be this guy’s motto. TV cameraman Coley Laffoon has quickly filed for divorce from TV actress Anne Heche (“Men in Trees”) after they recently announced their split. He’s looking for spousal support and joint custody of their 5-year-old son, Homer, who one day will likely sue them both for the indignity of the horrific name they gave him.
• Is Martin Scorsese about to get the big ol’ monkey off his back? SATURDAY he won the top honor at the “Directors Guild of America Awards” for directing “The Departed”, his first win at the DGAs after 7 nominations. The guild winner usually goes on to win the ‘Best Director’ Oscar.
– “USA Weekend”
• Isn’t this a just reward for inflicting O-Town, Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC on the world? Financial claims against former boy-band impresario Lou Pearlman have grown to over $130 million after a slew of lawsuits from his many creditors and investors. And that total does not include the $33 million he’s recently been ordered him to pay out in previous lawsuits.
– “Orlando Sentinel”
• Talk about a sell-out! Not only is the recently announced “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows” topping the charts of Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com due to advance sales, a deluxe edition priced at $65 ranks #2. One book retail chain is predicting the book will not only become the best-selling ‘Harry Potter’ title but the biggest selling book in history. It’s scheduled for release a second after midnight on JULY 21st.
– “eTalk Daily”
• Is this any way to start a marriage? Actress Angelina Jolie reportedly made a death-bed promise to her mom Marcheline Bertrand that she’ll soon wed Brad Pitt. According to an insider, Marcheline held Angie’s hand and told her, “You marry that man. He’s an angel sent to look after you.” It seems she agreed. We’re not sure how Brad’s gonna like the name Jolie though.
– “Sunday Express”
• So tell us again why this girl’s a star. Though actress Lindsay Lohan has gone back to work on the film “I Know Who Killed Me” after only a week in rehab, a source on the set says she’s moody, often late, and sometimes simply won’t come out of her trailer, making everyone around her miserable. So there are likely more than a few in Hollywood who are happy she’s just up and quit her next scheduled project, the romantic comedy, “A Woman of No Importance”, presumably including the film’s producers and co-star Annette Bening.
• Think he’s missing the limelight? Movie actor Vince Vaughn is desperately trying to get ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston back, his friends say. Since splitting in OCTOBER, he’s been ‘lonely as hell’ and regretting his decision to let her slip away according to those in the know.
• Can we quit with the ‘person we-love-to-hate’ and just hate her now? A federal judge has issued a restraining order that at least temporarily shuts down that new subscription website that reveals, among other things, some of Paris Hilton’s personal videos. But the damage to whatever reputation she has left has already been done. Thanks to online leaks, we now know the pampered party princess has herpes, had a miscarriage, loves cocaine, is bulimic, and, in one video clip at least, uses racial slurs. Compared to her, the much-maligned Isaiah Washington (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is a saint!
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alanis Morissette – She & her 5-year boyfriend, actor Ryan Reynolds (“Smokin’ Aces”), are no longer planning to wed but remain ‘close friends and continue to have the utmost love and admiration for each other’. Yeah sure, when they aren’t fighting.
• Alison Krauss/John Waite – TONIGHT they perform “Missing You” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Fall Out Boy – TONIGHT they perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Hank Williams Jr/Lynyrd Skynyrd – TONIGHT they guest on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS). They’ll co-headline the “Rowdy Frynds” tour beginning APRIL 11th in Huntsville AL.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s signed to host Nickelodeon’s 20th “Kid’s Choice Awards” MARCH 31st.
• Kylie Minogue – She & her 4-year boyfriend, French actor Olivier Martinez, have announced they’ve split. She recently credited him as being an ‘incredible support’ during her treatment for cancer. But perhaps not afterward: Many say he’s a notorious womanizer, and one report claims he dumped her FRIDAY via telephone.
• Macy Gray – NEXT MONTH she’s releasing her first album in 4 years, featuring production by will.i.am (Black Eyed Peas) and Justin Timberlake, plus vocal contributions by Fergie, Natalie Cole & Nas.
• Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs – British record producer Richard ‘Diddy’ Dearlove is suing him, claiming he’s reneged on an agreement not to use the name ‘Diddy’ in the UK by setting up MySpace and YouTube pages that can be seen worldwide. Someone’s just lookin’ for some quick cash.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SHED:
It’s FEBRUARY TV sweeps month, which means even the lamest shows have stunt-casting …
• “The Class” (CBS/CTV) – TONIGHT former NFL star receiver Jerry Rice (San Francisco 49ers) guest-stars. Let’s hope he doesn’t drop the ball when it comes to acting.
• “Heroes” (NBC/Global): George Takei (the original ‘Sulu’ in “Star Trek”) returns as the father of ‘Hiro’; meantime, the cheerleader (Hayden Panettiere) visits a trailer park.
• “Celebrity Weddings: In Style” (ABC) – Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes give us a special peek at their nuptials. Be still my heart.
• “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS) — TONIGHT Emmitt Smith, the NFL’s all-time rushing leader (Dallas Cowboys) and reigning champ on “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) does a guest shot.
• “24” (FOX/Global) – TONIGHT ‘Jack Bauer’s estranged father shows up, played by actor James Cromwell (why not real dad Donald Sutherland?). And actor Chad Lowe (ex-Mr Hilary Swank) joins the cast as ‘Reed Pollock’, a savvy political operator based in the White House.
Samsung is working with the South Korean government to build robotic guards for the Demilitarized Zone along the border with North Korea. The so-called ‘Intelligent Surveillance & Security Guard Robot’ will feature surveillance, tracking, and voice recognition capabilities and could be armed with lethal weapons that fire autonomously on human targets. The big plus with robot soldiers – they never get fatigued. (But they go AWOL every time someone uses a garage door opener.)
– “Curious Times”
POPULAR SCIENCE MYTHS:
These quirks of nature really ARE too good to be true; scientists confirm they just ain’t so …
• A dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s.
• Hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.
• A man thinks about sex every 7 seconds.
• A penny dropped from a skyscraper will kill a pedestrian.
• The Great Wall of China can be seen from the Moon.
• It takes 7 years to digest gum.
• Animals can predict natural disasters.
Cosmetic surgery experts say ‘Brow-Lift Operations’ have increased by as much as 50% in the past year. The new way of doing the operation is for a surgeon to use an endoscope to see into the patient’s muscles and so minimize incisions, swelling and bruising. Titanium screws are used to secure the nips and tucks, then removed after 2 weeks. Pain is minimal and the patient is left with arched eyebrows but none of that nasty botox botulism. Pamela Anderson and Kylie Minogue are said to be fans. (No wonder they always look surprised!)
A LOAD OF PURE BULL?
A UK hair salon is offering a special new treatment for dry hair and split ends – bull semen. Hari’s salon in London is combining the ‘product’ collected from Angus bulls with the root of the protein-rich plant katera to produce a treatment that’s said to give hair ‘ultimate shine’. The 45-minute treatment costs close to $100 but owner Hari Salem claims it really works because the sperm ‘penetrates each shaft and deeply nourishes the hair’. (Who’s the lucky person who gets to keep this place supplied?)
LIFE IS CHEAP:
If you’re looking for a new life keep an eye on eBay. An Australian dude is attempting to sell off his for a measly $6,000. Under the heading ‘New Life For Sale!’, the 24-year-old slacker is offering all his possessions (including name, phone number, surfboard, and a nice lamp his ex-girlfriend bought). He’ll also teach you his skills (surfing, fire twirling, handstands); introduce you to his friends (and 8 potential lovers); and his low-key lifestyle which includes a part-time job delivering fruit. You also get all of his 6 lousy jokes. To make sure it all works out, he offers 2 months of on-call support. (What would be included if you were selling your life?)
– “Herald Sun”
BS AMAZING FACT:
Every square inch of human skin contains 60 hairs.
AND WE QUOTE:
“I am very grateful. Tom makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and has since the day I met him. I love being with him. I love calling him husband.”
– Katie Holmes in her first post-wedding interview with “Harper’s Bazaar”, just before she hurried off to the ladies’ room to gag.
THE BULL SHEET 02.05.07
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934  Don ‘Grapes’ Cherry, Kingston ON, “Hockey Night in Canada” commentator (“Coach’s Corner” since 1980)/hockey video huckster (“Rock’Em Sock’Em”)/former NHL coach (‘Coach of the Year’ with Boston Bruins 1975-76)/“Coach’s Corner” clips here …
1948  Christopher Guest (Haden-Guest), NYC, movie director (“A Mighty Wind”, “Best in Show”)/movie actor (“Mrs Henderson Presents”, “This is Spinal Tap”)/married to actress Jamie Lee Curtis since1984
1969  Bobby Brown, Boston MA, has-been R&B singer (“Every Little Step”)/reality TV show personality (“Being Bobby Brown”)/married to Whitney Houston 1992-2006
1971  Sara Evans, New Franklin MO, country singer (“A Real Fine Place to Start”, “Suds in the Bucket”)/short-time “Dancing with the Stars 3” competitor (ABC) FACTOID: APRIL 28th she’ll headline a concert following the “Country Music Marathon & Half-Marathon” in Nashville TN, where more than 25,000 runners are expected plus some 100,000 spectators.
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Constitution Day” in Mexico, honoring the country’s ‘Political Constitution of the United Mexican States’ approved on this date in 1917.
• “Dump Your Significant Jerk Week”, when you’re encouraged to terminate your jerk relationship BEFORE “Valentine’s Day”, thereby saving the associated money and awkwardness involved in faking romance.
• “Weatherman’s (Person’s, Forecaster’s) Day”, commemorating the 1744 birth of Boston MA physician Dr John Jeffries, one of the first to keep detailed records of weather conditions (from 1774-1816).
• “White Cane Week”. Aging is a major cause of vision loss, says the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. 1 in 9 Canadians over age 65 experiences significant vision loss.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1922  “Reader’s Digest” debuts (the original ‘show prep’)
1992  For the first time ever, an animated feature is nominated for a ‘Best Picture’ Oscar – Disney’s “Beauty & the Beast”
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1901  1st ‘Loop-the-Loop Centrifugal Roller Coaster’ (and the 1st carnie is given the job of cleaning up afterward)
1952  1st city to adopt ‘3-Color Traffic Lights’, with red, green AND yellow (NYC)
1996  1st ‘Online Banking’ (Bank of America website)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1978  Fred Newman makes 88 consecutive basketball free throws – blindfolded!
1981  World’s ‘Largest Jell-O’ has 9,246 gallons of watermelon-flavored mix (Brisbane, Australia)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Pay-A-Compliment Day
[Tues] Juno Awards nominees announced
[Wed] “Lost” returns (ABC)
[Wed] Charles Dickens Day
[Wed] Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
[Wed] Girls & Women in Sports Day
[Thurs] “Survivor: Fiji” premieres (CBS)
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Crime Prevention Week / Boy Scout Anniversary Week / International Coaching Week / Consumer Protection Week / Leadership Week / Publicity for Profit Week / Intimate Apparel Market Week / Just Say No to PowerPoint Week / School Counseling Week / Virgin Islands Week
BS FIND THE FAKE:
Two of the following are actual tabloid headlines, while one is total BS. But which?
GAME #1 –
• “Mommy’s Boy Now Mommy’s Dad After Wedding Grandma!” [FAKE]
• “Singing Bass Picks Lottery Winners!”
• “Prune Juice Makes You Stupid!”
GAME #2 –
• “Drunk Swallows Bowling Ball!”
• “Dead Hubby’s Ghost Breaks Wind To Keep Other Men Away From His Wife!”
• “Lisping Bank Robber Arrested in Thtick-Up!” [FAKE]
BS RANDOM JOKES:
• I started out with nothing … and I still have most of it.
• It’s true! Money is the root of all … wealth.
BS PHONE STARTER:
How do you relieve stress at work? (According to a study of over 5,000 office workers in 16 countries, ‘telling jokes’ is the leading antidote to workplace stress, just ahead of ‘coffee breaks’.)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Were you paying attention before the big game yesterday? The USA and the Netherlands both have national anthems which oddly do not mention THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The country’s name. (“The Star Spangled Banner never once mentions America; nor does the Dutch national anthem called “Het Wilhelmus” … ‘The William’.)
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Anything worth doing is worth getting someone else to do.
NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
“Bull Sheet” salutes Dick McDonough @ 94.7 WMAS Springfield MA who’s just re-upped for another 6 months (that’s 13 years now, thanks Dick!); and back for another full year are Wheeler & Hal @ Power 97 [CJKR] Winnipeg MB (also 13 years); Jim Hall @ Big 105 [CHUB] Red Deer AB (year 14); and Andy Wilson @ EZ Rock 100.5 [CHUR] North Bay ON (15 years of EZ show prep!). We also welcome samplers this week that include Keith Andrews @ The Fox [CFGW] Yorkton SK; Kevin Richrath @ Indiana 105 [WLJE] Valparaiso IN; Mark Kross @ Yes FM [MBC] Colombo, Sri Lanka; Jason Winegrad @ 93.5 The Beach [WZBH] Georgetown DE; and Samantha Irons @ The #1 Hit Music Station KSMB Lafayette LA. Remember BSers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new “Bull Sheet” subscriber you refer!