Monday, February 27, 2006        Edition: #3227
The Bovine Fecal Material Is About to Hit the Air Circulating Device!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• TONIGHT Donald Trump makes an appearance on the Howie Mandel-hosted “Deal or No Deal” as it returns to NBC-TV’s lineup, a blatant cross promotion for the 5th season of “The Apprentice” which will now also air Mondays. Meanwhile, as the off-the-ice scandal about the relationship between skating partners Kristy Swanson & Lloyd Eisler continues to unfold, the pair goes head-to-head with Jillian Barberie & John Zimmerman in the season finalé of “Skating with Celebrities” on FOX-TV.
– “People Magazine”
• For the second year-in-a-row, U2’s Bono and “Live 8″ organizer Bob Geldof have been nominated for the “Nobel Peace Prize”, but they’re just 2 among a very long list of 191 nominees. Among them: former US Secretary of State Colin Powell and former NYC Mayor Rudolph Giuliani.
– “E!”
• 20-year-old Brit actress Keira Knightley has chosen to show off her new love while shooting the “Pirates Of The Caribbean” sequels in the Bahamas. Who’s the lucky guy? Shaggy-haired 21-year-old actor Rupert Friend, who played bad-guy ‘Mr Wickham’ opposite Keira’s ‘Elizabeth Bennet’ in “Pride & Prejudice”. The duo has reportedly been dating since DECEMBER.
– “Daily Mail”
• It’s now a franchise! ABC-TV is launching 4 separate Latin American editions of its hit show “Desperate Housewives” that will air in Argentina, Colombia, Brazil & Ecuador.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• The latest buzz on the expected Nicole Kidman-Keith Urban wedding is that it will take place NEXT MONTH on his $1.7-million estate in Nashville TN – and ‘half of Australia’ is flying in for the event. Sources say too many people are involved to keep the time and place secret much longer. It’s thought the venue may be a huge party tent set up on the grounds but it could just as easily take place inside Urban’s home – at 8,800-sq-ft, it’s certainly no shack!
– “Star Magazine”
• The new Hard Rock Hotel & condominium development in San Diego CA will include ‘Rock Star Suites’ designed by – huh? – Carmen Electra and Ashlee Simpson. And what may turn out even weirder: the Black Eyed Peas will design the uniforms for hotel staff.
– “Daily Dish”
• Katie Holmes has reportedly told fiancé/daddy-to-be Tom Cruise she’ll absolutely refuse to allow Scientologists to commandeer their new baby at birth for what the church calls ‘Processing a New Mother’, a bizarre ritual that involves separating mother & newborn for 3 days, allowing only minimal contact. She’s also flatly rejecting Scientology’s edict that babies should be left totally alone for the entire first day after birth, which supposedly helps the infant recuperate spiritually after separation from the womb.
– “National Enquirer”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Big & Rich – TONIGHT they appear on the “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Elton John – TODAY-March 9th his famous red piano is up for auction on eBay for charity. He’ll play it one last time at his 14th annual “Elton John AIDS Foundation Dinner” MARCH 5th in LA.. Bidding on the grand piano starts at 100-grand.
• Hilary Duff – TODAY she’s a guest on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Kenny Chesney – TODAY his 5-day fan club cruise leaves Miami for the Bahamas, where he’ll perform on a private island along with Dierks Bentley, Big Kenny of Big & Rich, Chris Cagle, Julie Roberts & others.
• James Blunt – The “You’re Beautiful” singer once appeared naked for a love scene in a student film at university.
• Mariah Carey – SATURDAY her “Emancipation of Mimi” won ‘Best Album’ at the 37th “NAACP Image Awards”.
• Rosanne Cash – TONIGHT she guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Sheryl Crow – FRIDAY she announced she’s successfully undergone breast cancer surgery and will now begin radiation treatment. Her North American tour has been postponed.
• The Strokes – TONIGHT they play “Late Show With David Letterman”.

2006 EAST COAST MUSIC AWARDS:
TONIGHT the annual music awards for artists based in Atlantic Canada are handed out at PEI’s Charlottetown Civic Centre live on CBC-TV. A few highlights …
• The show is hosted by ‘Julian’, ‘Ricky’ & ‘Bubbles’, TV’s “Trailer Park Boys”.
• Performances include country star George Canyon, rockers Matt Mays & El Torpedo, and fiddler Natalie MacMaster.
• The Trews and Matt Mays & El Torpedo lead nominations with 5 apiece.
• The 2006 “Stompin’ Tom Awards” for unsung heroes in the biz will also be awarded.

WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• What becomes of the broken-hearted? In Germany, they can now go the hospital! A free clinic has been set up in Munich’s Schwabing Hospital to provide emergency treatment to those who have just been dumped. (They’re given 3 Drew Barrymore movies and a bottle of schnaps.)
• Dutch entertainer Eddy Daams is set to unveil what he hopes will be the latest extreme sport – ‘Fun Burials’. Participants will pay a fee to be buried for an hour 5-feet underground beneath a 4-ton concrete slab. The coffin has an oxygen supply and panic button, and is linked by Webcam to a computer so friends and family can watch. (As rich Uncle Wilhelm gasps his last miserly breath.)
• A pair of Riverside CA high school seniors has been suspended for bringing dangerous weapons to school – snowballs. The duo made a pre-dawn run to the San Bernardino Mountains to fill their pickups with snow for what they hoped would turn into an annual ‘Bring Big Bear to Riverside’ ritual. But after a snowball fight broke out in the school parking lot, the principal quickly intervened and tossed the two out, claiming the need for a ‘safe, orderly learning environment’. (Will this be in the sequel “American Pie 14″?)

WORST FIRST-DATE LOCATIONS:
What’s the worst place you ever went on a first date? According to a poll of some 2,000 singles, these are locations that can immediately hex a new relationship …
• Family Function … 81%
• Movie … 31%
• Bar … 28%
• Sporting Event … 24%
• The Beach … 15%
• Comedy Club …15%
• Mini-Golf … 13%
• Theme Restaurant … 11%
• Museum … 9%
So what’s left? [Co-host’s] apartment?
– Match.com

A DOG’S LIFE:
• A Bradford UK company is using a dog to help its staff quit smoking. How so? Instead of taking a cigarette break, employees are encouraged to take cocker spaniel ‘Rupert’ for a walk. (You can bet that’s one tired-out pooch.)
• A Bosnian dentist has given his pet Russian Terrier a solid gold tooth as a reward for loyalty. The owner says there’s no danger of someone dog-napping the pooch to cop the gold cap – ‘Atos’ is directly descended from attack dogs used by the Soviet KGB. (What next, dogz with grillz?)

TRUTH ABOUT HAND SANITIZERS:
Think that little bottle of sanitizing gel you carry around is keeping you clear of cooties? Not necessarily; not all sanitizers are created equal. They need to contain 60-to-80% alcohol in order to be effective, and the gel needs to make your hands wet for at least 30 seconds. So if your brand has lower alcohol content or dries in less than half-a-minute, you might as well be using water. (90-proof tequila works … but damn, what a waste!)
– “Today’s Parent”

AMERICA’S STRANGEST STREET NAMES:
According to a new online poll on the nation’s wildest, weirdest and wackiest street names, here are weirdest-of-the-weird ….
10. Tater Peeler Road (Lebanon TN)
9. The intersection of Count & Basie (Richmond VA)
8. Shades of Death Road (Warren County NJ)
7. Unexpected Road (Buena NJ)
6. Bucket of Blood Street (Holbrook AZ)
5. The intersection of Clinton & Fidelity (Houston TX)
4. The intersection of Lonesome & Hardup (Albany GA)
3. Farfrompoopen Road, the only road up to Constipation Ridge (TN)
2. Divorce Court (Heather Highlands PA)
1. Psycho Path (Traverse City MI)
– “NY Daily News”

HE SAID IT:
“It’s just a big corporate event, a bunch of Herberts in suits, just a money-making opportunity for multi-million shysters.”
– Bassist Glen Matlock explaining why his band, trend-setting 1970s UK punkers the Sex Pistols, will NOT be attending the ceremony inducting them and others into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on MARCH 13.

THE BULL SHEET 02.27.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [76] Joanne Woodward, Thomasville GA, movie actress (Oscar-“The Three Faces of Eve”)/TV actress (2006 “Golden Globe” nomination for “Empire Falls”)

1932 [74] Dame Elizabeth Taylor, London UK, movie star (Oscars-“Butterfield 8″, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf”)/AIDS activist (AMFAR)/wed 8 times  FACTOID: She’s commemorating her birthday by donating a mobile medical unit to the New Orleans AIDS Task Force.

1934 [72] Ralph Nader, Winsted CT, 2004 US presidential candidate (Green Party)/consumer advocate

1960 [46] Johnny Van Zant, Jacksonville FL, country-rock singer (Van Zant-“Help Somebody”, Lynyrd Skynyrd-“Sweet Home Alabama”)

    1971 [35] Rozonda ‘Chilli’ Thomas, Atlanta GA, pop singer (TLC-“Unpretty”, “No Scrubs”)/reality TV show personality (“R U the Girl”)

1980 [26] Chelsea Clinton, Little Rock AR, only child of Bill & Hillary Clinton/earned Masters degree in Philosophy from Oxford University (2003)

1981 [25] Josh Groban, LA CA, pop singer/operatic baritone (“You Raise Me Up”, “The Prayer”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bun Day” (“Bolludagur”)  in Iceland on the Monday before Lent, as Icelandic parents wake up to their children smacking them with colorful sticks decorated with paper and ribbons. The number of smacks they succeed in giving is the number of cream buns their parents are obliged to give as gifts. The children chant ‘bolla, bolla’ (bun, bun) while enacting this custom thought to have begun in about 1700.

• “International Polar Bear Day”, declared by non-profit conservation group Polar Bears International to heighten awareness of the declining population of the big white guys of the north. But wait … they aren’t really white! Polar bears have clear hair shafts that appear white because they reflect light. Sometimes in captivity they turn a yucky green, the result of algae that develops in warmer climes. Zoos have to use hydrogen peroxide to cure this color calamity.
NET: http://www.polarbearsinternational.org/

• “No Brainer Day”, when we’re encouraged to slack off. Any activity attempted should be something done without serious thought – a ‘no brainer’ activity. (Like this show, for instance.)

• “Read 5 Pages in the Dictionary Day”. Just think, if you do this each day for the rest of your life … you’ll be really boring.

• “Rose Monday”, the day before “Mardi Gras” and a big day for partying at Carnivals around-the-world.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1974 [32] “People” magazine debuts, devoted to celebrity & pop culture news (actress Mia Farrow on the cover)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1827 [179] 1st ‘Mardi Gras’ celebration in New Orleans (1st co-ed flashes to get a cheap string of beads)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [19] A team of 90 elementary school students in Kumamoto, Japan skips rope together
160 times without missing for a “Guinness World Record”

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Mardi Gras
[Tues] Pancake Day
[Tues] International Floral Design Day
[Tues] Tooth Fairy Day
[Tues] Spay Day USA

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Eating Disorders Awareness Week: / Pancake Week / Telecommuter Week / Read Me Week

BULL’S BITS

WORST-LOOKING MUSICIANS IN HI-DEF:
• Alicia Keys – HDTV exposes her longtime acne problem.
• Britney Spears – Puffy skin covered with small blemishes.
• Madonna – Unnatural-looking, caved-in cheeks.

• Mick Jagger – His face looks like it’s been hit by a rolling stone.
Among those whose appearance is said to be enhanced by HDTV: Beyoncé, Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Sting, and – dyed hair and all – Paul McCartney.
– TVPredictions.com

BS ‘BREAKFAST BINGO’:
Contestant gets 60 seconds to answer 5 questions about breakfast foods. The answers begin with the letters B-I-N-G-O …
• It’s been ‘cured’ even through it’s never been sick. [Bacon]
• It’s what people who are too lazy to percolate or filter use. [Instant Coffee]
• It’s the company that makes ‘Shredded Wheat’ cereal. [Nabisco]
• It’s another name for porridge that’s a bit on the watery side. [Gruel]
• It’s by far the favorite flavor of juice that commonly accompanies breakfast. [Orange]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• There is intelligent life on Earth … but I’m just visiting.
• Hey, I’m not as dumb as you look.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: After they’re finished with THIS, 75% of guys admit they just drop it & leave it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A wet towel.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
8 people will do 10 people’s work better than 12 people.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Thanks to returning subscribers Glenn Williams @ K-Rock 105.7 (CIKR) Kingston ON and Corey Robertson @ 96.7 CHYR FM Leamington ON, both back for another full-year load of “BS”. And welcome aboard to this week’s “BS” samplers, including Jimmy Ray @ KNIX 102.5 FM Tempe AZ; Kevin Lambert @ WDBR Springfield IL; Chuck Manning @ KWNR Las Vegas NV; and Andrew Steeley @ VIC Internet Radio, Ithaca NY. Your can subscribe or renew anytime 24/7 at our Website: http://thebullsheet.com/location.html

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Issue!