February 1, 2013

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Friday, February 1, 2013        Edition: #4917

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

Reality TV star Kim Kardashian has baffled top skin doctors by endorsing breast milk as a treatment for – psoriasis (when life gives you lemons …) . . . A TV version of the 1968 sci-fi movie “Barbarella”, which starred Jane Fonda, is being developed by producer-director Nicholas Winding Refn (“Drive”) with the writers who penned the “Skyfall” screenplay (TV’s ripe for a new twist on sci-fi) . . . TV mogul Oprah Winfrey spent her 59th birthday in bed this week after spraining a back muscle trying to pick up a gigantic bouquet of roses from moviemaker pal Tyler Perry (you know you’re 59 when …) . . . 59-year-old Ron Jeremy, who’s appeared in more than 2,000 adult films, is recovering in LA’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after undergoing surgery for an aneurysm near his heart (Ron Jeremy has a heart?) . . . “How I Met Your Mother” has been renewed for a 9th season, which CBS-TV confirms will be its last (about 4 seasons too late) . . . A bigscreen version of the HBO series “Entourage” (2007-11) is in the works and star Adrian Grenier seems pretty stoked about it (because since the show ended he’s been in … um …) . . . Legendary 51-year-old NFL QB-turned-TV football analyst Dan Marino has admitted to having a 7-year-old love child via a CBS production assistant he had an affair with, and for some reason rolled that announcement out this week – on his 28th wedding anniversary (dude, we know you can complete a pass but you’ve apparently lost your timing!) . . . And “Silver Linings Playbook” star Bradley Cooper caused women to literally fall off their bikes at a spinning class in NYC this week, when he got overheated and – ripped off his shirt (those are some powerful abs!).

• “House of Cards” (Netflix) – Tonight this new political drama series starring Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright becomes available in its entirety online. More original content from Netflix is on it’s way, including “Hemlock Grove” in April and the new “Arrested Development” in May.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight RZA (“The Man With the Iron Fists”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Andrea Bocelli (“Concerto, One Night in Central Park”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Brit singer-songwriter Emeli Sandé (“Our Version of Events”).
• “Live From New York: The First 5 Years of Saturday Night Live” (NBC) – Sunday this 2-hour special outlines the beginnings of the long-running comedy show.
• “Motive” (CTV) – Sunday this original crime scene series (that looks an awful lot like “CSI”) premieres following the Super Bowl. Stars Kristin Lehman, Lauren Holly.
• “NFL Honors” (CBS) – Saturday night in New Orleans, the best athletes and performances of the 2012-13 season are saluted.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Jeremy Renner (“Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”); musical guest Maroon 5 (“Overexposed”). Rerun.
• “Super Bowl XLVII” (CBS/CTV) – Sunday the Baltimore Ravens face the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans LA. Alicia Keys sings the pre-game anthem; Beyoncé headlines the halftime show, which includes a Destiny’s Child reunion.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Today Train (“California 37”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight jazz artist Branford Marsalis (“Four MF’s Playin’ Tunes”).

• Alicia Keys – At the launch of the Blackberry 10 smartphone this week, she was named ‘Global Creative Director’ for Blackberry. (BS translation: Spokesmodel.)
• Emmylou Harris – The 65-year-old folk-country icon has been charged with hit & run over an incident that occurred 4 months ago. After bumping her rental car into another vehicle on an LA freeway October 1st, she apparently drove off without stopping to exchange insurance info.
• Gary Allan – His 9th studio album, “Set You Free”, has become his first-ever #1 on the ‘Billboard 200’ chart. He also tops the ‘Country Airplay’ chart with his hit single “Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain)”.
• Justin Timberlake – Saturday he performs his first solo concert in 4 years, in New Orleans on the eve of the Super Bowl. The “DIRECTV Super Saturday Night” event follows the annual “Celebrity Beach Bowl” football game.
• Kid Rock – Saturday the first leg of his “Rebel Soul” tour kicks off in Kansas City MO, with dates announced up to March 3rd in Louisville KY. Buckcherry (“Confessions”) is the tour’s special guest.
• Rihanna – She defends her relationship with Chris Brown in the new issue of “Rolling Stone” magazine. Quote: “You think you know, but it’s different now.” (You may commence global eye-roll now.)
• Shinedown / 3 Doors Down – Tonight their co-headlining North American tour begins in Moline, Illinois. POD opens all dates.
• Rolling Stones – Word has it they’re deciding on whether to play this year’s “Glastonbury Festival” after being offered the headline slot. The June event in Somerset, England is one of the UK’s premier annual music festivals.

• “Bullet To the Head” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): After watching their respective partners die, a New Orleans hitman (Sylvester Stallone) and a Washington DC detective (Sung Kang) form an alliance in order to bring down a common enemy. Co-stars Jason Momoa and Christian Slater, in his first major role in a theatrical film in 8 years.
NET: http://bullettothehead.warnerbros.com
• “Warm Bodies” ( PG-13 Horror Comedy ): In this latest ‘undead date movie’ (a new genre), a highly unusual zombie saves a young woman from an attack. When the two form a relationship it sets in motion a sequence of events that might transform the entire lifeless world. Stars Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich, Analeigh Tipton. Shot in Montréal, Québec.
NET: http://warmbodiesmovie.com
• Opening in limited release: “The Gatekeepers” (Documentary); “The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia” (Horror Thriller); “Koch” (Biography); “Sound City” (Music Documentary); and “Stand Up Guys” (Crime Comedy).

✓ According to a new survey by the Retail Advertising & Marketing Association, more than 179.1 million people expect to watch the game Sunday.
✓ This is the 10th Super Bowl held in New Orleans since 1970, putting the city into a tie with South Florida for the most by any single location.
✓ There are approximately 22,000 hotel rooms in downtown New Orleans and another 37,000 in the metropolitan area; and all are officially sold out, according to the NFL.
✓ It’s the first Super Bowl in which the opposing coaches are brothers (Baltimore’s John and San Francisco’s Jim Harbaugh).
✓ Player shares in 2013 include: $88,000 to each member of the winning team; $44,000 to each member of the losing team.
✓ Madonna’s halftime show last year was watched by 112.6 million, the most ever. At Super Bowl I (though it was yet to be called that), the halftime entertainment consisted of marching bands from the University of Arizona and the University of Michigan.
✓ Tickets for Super Bowl I in Los Angeles in 1967 were $6, $10 and $12. Tickets prices now start at circa $600.
✓ The use of Roman numerals to designate Super Bowls began with game V (5) in 1971.
– Condensed from HuffingtonPost.com

A new social networking site called ‘Social Number’ caters to those who prefer to remain anonymous online. Instead of a name, a handle, or a thumbnail photo, users are identified only by a number. In this way, the site encourages users to discuss anything, from a bad job to a hot-button social issue to a substance-abuse problem without fear that the conversation could be connected to their real-world identity. The site’s creator, who gives his name only as ‘MK’, says he felt there was a need for a site where people can talk freely without worry about who’s going to read it. (Yeah, whenever we’re perusing Facebook, it seems like people are holding back.)
– CNN.com

In an attempt to persuade more people to borrow books, a library in Scotland’s Midlothian area is staging … a free pole-dancing class. Midlothian’s council believes it is the first local authority in Scotland to hold such an event. It will run the session at Mayfield library in Dalkeith on Saturday, which is “Love Your Library Day”. Other activities in local libraries include ‘Booky Table Tennis’ in which players use books instead of ping pong paddles; Scottish country dancing; an Xbox challenge for children & their parents; and head massages. (These Scots are a tough audience! We’d show up for a free bookmark.)
– TheGuardian.co.uk

University of Colorado researchers have found that students who have their tests and assignments graded in red ink feel more admonished than those whose work is marked in blue ink.
– NYPost.com


1968 [45] Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN, Elvis Presley’s rich daughter/wannabe singer (“Lights Out”)/Mrs Michael Lockwood since 2006/ex-Mrs Nicolas Cage (2002)/ex-Mrs Michael Jackson (1994-96)/ex-Mrs Danny Keough (1988-94)

1969 [44] Patrick Wilson, Buffalo NY, rock drummer (Weezer-“Perfect Situation”, “Beverly Hills”)

1971 [42] Michael C Hall, Raleigh NC, TV actor (“Dexter” since 2006, “Six Feet Under” 2001-05)/survivor of Hodgkin’s lymphoma

1975 [38] Big Boi (Antwan Patton), Savannah GA, hip-hop artist (f/Kelly Rowland-“Mama Told Me”, Outkast-“The Way You Move”)/sometime movie actor (“Who’s Your Caddy?”)

1994 [19] Harry Styles, Holmes Chapel UK, boy-band singer (One Direction-“Little Things”, “What Makes You Beautiful”)/briefly Taylor Swift’s latest boyfriend

Rock bassist Robert DeLeo (Stone Temple Pilots) is 47; Pop singer Shakira (“Whenever, Wherever”) is 36.

Broadway actor Nathan Lane (“The Producers”) is 57; Country singer Jessica Harp (The Wreckers) is 31; TV actor Matthew Moy (“2 Broke Girls”) is 29; R&B singer-rapper Sean Kingston (“Beautiful Girls”) is 23.

• “Carnaval de Québec”, the 59th edition of Canada’s largest outdoor Winter carnival through February 17th includes night parades, concerts, and snow sculptures. The official drink is a ‘Caribou’ (brandy, vodka, sherry, and port). The mascot is snowman ‘Bonhomme Carnaval’.
NET: http://www.carnaval.qc.ca/en
• “Solo Diners Eat Out Weekend”, a time to enjoy a solitary meal in a restaurant or at home. After all, sooner or later, everyone faces the challenge of eating alone. (How do you cope? Take along a book to read? Pretend to be constantly texting? Hit on the server?)
NET: http://www.solodining.com
• “Spunky Old Broads Day”, dedicated to the saying ‘old girls just wanna have fun’. Spunky old broads are positive, fun, butt-kicking mature women over the age of 50 who refuse to sit back quietly and get old. Who’s the spunkiest famous old broad? Betty White?
• “Wear Red Day”, the 10th annual observance for women created by the Heart Association to raise awareness about heart disease, the #1 cause of death among women in North America.
NET: http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/hearttruth/wrd/index.htm
• “Winterlude” through February 18th, the 35th annual celebrating the season outdoors in the capital region of Ottawa-Gatineau. Highlights include ice sculptures, a playground made of snow, and best of all, the Rideau Canal, touted as the world’s longest skating rink.
NET: http://www.canadascapital.gc.ca/celebrate/winterlude
• “Working Naked Day” … naw, it’s not what you think. It refers to those who work at home, ‘stripped of all of the support of the corporate workplace’. So much for that mental picture.
NET: http://bit.ly/dCg5Wp

• “Crêpe Day” (aka “La Chandeleur”) in France, when the traditional thin pancakes are served up, filled with either sweet or savory goodies. On this day it’s customary to hold a coin in one hand and the crêpe pan in the other as you flip the crêpe into the air. If you manage to catch it in the pan, it’s said your family will be prosperous for the rest of the year.
• “Groundhog Day”, a 126-year tradition that perpetuates the hogwash that a hibernating groundhog prodded from its burrow can forecast 6 more weeks of Winter by seeing its shadow. Canada’s best known prognosticator is ‘Wiarton Willie’.
NET: http://www.wiartonwilliefestival.com
• “Ice Cream for Breakfast Day”, a tongue-in-cheek holiday invented to brighten up the dreary days of Winter.
NET: http://www.itzahckret.com/icecreamforbreakfast.html
• “Play Your Ukulele Day”, when you’re encouraged to play a ukulele, share your ukulele, and teach someone else how to play. The theme of this event formerly held in May is ‘changing the world 4 strings at a time’.
• “Sled Dog Day”, honoring those tenacious teams of canines that pull together to provide transportation in the snowy North. (A good day to enjoy some ‘mush’!)
• “Take Your Child To the Library Day”, the 2nd annual event when many libraries plan special family-oriented events.
• “World Wetlands Day”, observed annually since 1997 to raise awareness among governments, non-governmental organizations, and the public at large of the ecological value and benefit of the world’s wetlands. (Formerly known as ‘swamps’.)

• “Carrot Day”, celebrating all things to do with carrots. Why? The average person will consume 10,866 carrots in a lifetime.
• “Dump Your Significant Jerk Day”, a time to clean house before suffering through another awkward “Valentines Day”. (He’ll likely be watching the Super Bowl and won’t even notice.)

2004 [09] In the infamous ‘Super Bowl Wardrobe Malfunction’, Justin Timberlake rips Janet Jackson’s top during the halftime show, exposing her breast (which becomes the excuse for a year of excruciating media censorship)

1992 [21] “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me” by George Michael & Elton John peaks at #1 on pop singles charts

2009 [04] Johanna Siguroardottir is chosen the 1st female Prime Minister of Iceland, also becoming the world’s 1st openly gay head of a country

2007 [06] ‘Super Tonio’ (Antonio Vasconcelos) is born in Cancun, Mexico weighing 14-and-a-half pounds and measuring 22 inches in length (the newborn has to wear diapers designed for 6-month-olds)

[Mon] World Cancer Day
[Mon] Royal Canadian Mint quits distributing pennies
[Tues] “Smash” season debut (NBC)
[Tues] Weather Forecasters Day
[Tues] Western Monarch Day
[Tues] World Nutella Day
This Week Is … International Hoof Care Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month


✳ “You will take a trip very soon. Because this paper was dipped in LSD.”
✳ “The best revenge is a life well lived. (The second-best revenge is murder. With an axe.)”
✳ “I’ll give you 10 bucks to ask the waitress out.”
✳ “Keep your friends close, but your enemies locked in a basement so they can’t harm you.”
✳ “The early bird gets the worm. But worms are gross, so who gives a crap?”
✳ “You should save some money. Or not. What do I care? I’m just a freakin’ cookie!”
✳ “You are exceptionally good looking. Oh wait, I take that back. This cookie was meant for the person next to you.”
✳ “Exercise is the key to happiness. Oops, did I say exercise? I meant ice cream. Check your menu.”
– Excerpted from Pleated-Jeans.com

Personally, I think Winter would be a lot more fun in the Summer.

The old saying is that people who retire early ‘go to bed with the chickens’. Why do chickens sack out so early?
a. They get up early.
b. They can’t see at night. [CORRECT, chickens have very poor night vision.]
c. It’s when they make eggs … if you know what we mean.
– Halife.com

☎ What’s something you shouldn’t say at a yoga class?

Question: The average automobile will do THIS for 95% of its functional life.
Answer: Nothing. It sits parked.

We always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.

Leave a comment