February 1, 2017

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Wednesday, February 1, 2017 – Edition: #5902

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

★ Comedian Samantha Bee of TBS-TV’s “Full Frontal” says she’s hosting celebrities, journalists, and comedians at a Trump roast at the Willard Hotel in Washington DC on April 29. That’s the same night as the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, a tradition since 1983 when the sitting president normally tosses some zingers at the press corps. Bee says the goal of her event, dubbed “Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner”, is not to supersede the official dinner, but, quote: “to ensure that we get to properly roast the president.” Proceeds go to the Committee to Protect Journalists.
– “New York Times”
★ Are Justin Bieber, Kanye West, and Drake boycotting the Grammy Awards? Reports suggest they’ll be no-shows, despite receiving multiple nominations each. Bieber is said to be skipping the gala because he doesn’t think the Grammys are relevant anymore. Kanye West previously stated he’d boycott the ceremony if Frank Ocean didn’t receive any nominations. He’s also said to be taking some personal time. And Drake is opting to perform a concert in Manchester UK that night as part of his European tour. However, Adele, Bruno Mars, Carrie Underwood, John Legend, Keith Urban, and Metallica are all still scheduled to perform on February 12th.
– TMZ.com
★ And Ben Affleck has stepped down as director of the ‘Batman’ solo movie, though he’ll remain as producer and star of the project (for now). Tentatively titled “The Batman”, Affleck was signed to helm the project last year, but now says he will not be able to juggle the dual responsibilities of directing and starring in the movie. Quote: “There are certain characters who hold a special place in the hearts of millions. Performing this role demands focus, passion and the very best performance I can give. It has become clear that I cannot do both jobs to the level they require.” (BS translation: The script sucks.)
– Variety.com

• “Aurora: Fire In the Sky” (PBS) – Debut of a 1-hour documentary that explores the phenomenon of the ghostly flicker of the aurora lights that brighten the night sky in Earth’s extreme north and south. Visits to Alaska, northern Canada, Finland, and New Zealand.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – K Flay (“Crush Me”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Keane’s Tom Chaplin (“The Wave”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – !!! (“As If”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Paper Route (“Real Emotion”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Jain (“Zanaka”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Glamour (“Say Something”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Lumineers (“Cleopatra”).
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Keke Palmer (“So Uncool”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Keke Palmer again.

• Drake – His LA home has been put up for sale by a hoaxer who has no connection with him. The property briefly appeared on real estate site Zillow.com, listed for $19,999,900. A broker says the temporary listing is a hoax committed by someone claiming to be Drizzy’s manager.
• Katy Perry – She’s set to launch a new line of footwear next month. The 32-year-old has joined forces with Global Brands Group to create a shoe collection creatively called ‘Katy Perry Footwear’. She claims to have been working on the designs for 3 years.
• Lady Gaga – Word has it she’ll be announcing a world tour the day after her performance in the Super Bowl half-time show. According to “Us Weekly”, she’ll announce her upcoming “Joanne” tour next Monday morning.
• Michael Jackson – His 18-year-old daughter Paris Jackson has signed a deal with talent manager Arnold Stiefel, famed for working with Guns N’ Roses, Prince, and Rod Stewart. Presumably Stiefel’s newest recruit sings?
• Miranda Lambert – She’s admitted she hit the bottle after her divorce from Blake Shelton in 2015 after 4 years of marriage. But the 33-year-old says the wild nights out drinking actually worked out because they inspired her heartbreak song “Ugly Lights”.
• Nickelback – Today their new label, BMG, is promising a “major announcement” regarding the band. Their last album release was “No Fixed Address” in 2014.
• Selena Gomez – She’s now Instagram-ed a video of The Weeknd sitting in the back of a boat during a canal ride in Italy, accompanied by a simple emoji face with ‘love heart’ eyes. (This really is starting to seem like a promotion campaign, no?)
• Steve Miller / Peter Frampton – The classic rockers are teaming up to tour this Summer. The 30-date North American trek begins in June in New Jersey and includes dates in Philadelphia, Los Angeles, and Toronto.

Volkswagen has overtaken Toyota as the world’s best-selling automaker, the first time the German company has held the position. Japan’s Toyota, which has topped sales the previous 4 years, sold 10.18 million vehicles globally in 2016. That fell just short of the 10.31 million sales which VW has reported. The milestone comes despite VW’s scandal over emissions tests cheating, which sparked a global backlash and multiple lawsuits. Volkswagen, which makes the Audi, Porsche, and Skoda brands, saw a 3.8% increase in sales buoyed by demand in China. And it has been making inroads in other markets too. In Sweden for example, the VW Golf was the most popular new car in 2016, beating out local brand Volvo for the first time.
– BBC Business News

Cutting-edge vocab …
• Night Czar – A person who has been given special powers by a municipal government to deal with a city’s night-time activities and events. Initiated in London UK.
• Tech Bro – A wealthy young man who works in the technology industry. The female equivalent would be …?
• Textalyzer – A proposed device that police could use in a roadside test to check if a driver has been using their phone while driving. The digital equivalent of the Breathalyzer.

Feeling blue? Scientists suggest spending time nude. That’s because their research suggests nudity around others correlates with greater happiness. The University of London team has surveyed more than 800 people and concluded that those who hang out naked with others outside of their immediate families say they are happier and feel better about their bodies than people who keep their clothes on. This is something naturists have been saying for years, the lead researcher notes. The scientists interviewed people before and after nudist events, and found that the longer and more frequently people are naked, the higher they rate all the common markers of happiness. One participant suggests that seeing other “not perfect” bodies does wonders for one’s own self-esteem. (Hey, your outfit needs ironing. It’s all wrinkled.)
– “Men’s Health”

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 68% of parents with young children post pics of their kids on Facebook at least twice a week.
• 57% of us would never line up in a supermarket Express Lane with too many items.
• 56% of people eat while shopping.
• 38% of men say they would dump their girlfriend for a better looking one. How shallow.
• 31% of guys have borrowed deodorant from their wife or girlfriend.
• 28% of passengers do not turn off their phones or set them to Airplane Mode when flying.

The world’s first graphene dress has been unveiled, which is embedded with LED lights that change color based on the wearer’s breathing. Two scientists first isolated ‘graphene’, a super-thin and strong form of carbon, in 2004, They went on to win a Nobel prize for bringing to the world’s attention a wonder material that conducts electricity better than anything else. Now the material is being used to make a little black dress with tiny LED lights that change color in time with the model’s breath. Graphene both powers the lights and functions as a sensor. The design team behind it suggests that dresses of the future could change color on the fly. (Headline of the future: “Woman in Graphene Dress Falls in Puddle, Electrocutes Self.”)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/zc3yfjj
– “Smithsonian Magazine”

Traveling to a foreign country can change the way you think about right and wrong.
– “New York Magazine”


1969 [48] Patrick Wilson, Buffalo NY, rock drummer (Weezer-“Perfect Situation”, “Beverly Hills”)

1971 [46] Michael C Hall, Raleigh NC, TV actor (“Dexter” 2006-13, “Six Feet Under” 2001-05)/Broadway actor (“Lazarus” since 2015)

1975 [42] Big Boi (Antwan Patton), Savannah GA, hip-hop artist (f/Kelly Rowland-“Mama Told Me”, Outkast-“The Way You Move”)

1983 [34] Andrew VanWyngarden, Columbia MO, indie rock singer (MGMT-“Kids”, “Electric Feel”)

1994 [23] Harry Styles, Holmes Chapel UK, boy-band singer (One Direction-“Drag Me Down”, “What Makes You Beautiful”)/briefly Taylor Swift’s boyfriend

• “Car Insurance Day”, which commemorates the 1st auto insurance policy, issued to one Truman Martin of Buffalo NY on this date in 1898. It cost $11.50 (96 cents if he paid monthly).

• “Change Your Password Day”, an annual reminder that ‘123456’ is not keeping your data all that safe.

• “Girls & Women in Sports Day”, the 31st annual observance on the 1st Wednesday in February. It began in 1986 to honor female athletic achievement and recognize the importance of sports and fitness participation for all girls and women.

• “International Face & Body Art Day”, a worldwide day of recognition for the gifted people who bring joy and wonder to others worldwide through the art of face and body painting.
NET: https://www.facebook.com/ifabad

• “No Politics Day”, annually on February 1st. Why? Because it’s about time somebody said … “Give it a rest!”

• “Spunky Old Broads Day”, dedicated to the saying ‘old girls just wanna have fun’. Spunky old broads are positive, fun, butt-kicking mature women over the age of 50 who refuse to sit back quietly and get old. Who’s the spunkiest famous old broad? Betty White?

• “Working Naked Day” … naw, it’s not what you think. It refers to those who work at home, ‘stripped of all of the support of the corporate workplace’. So much for that mental picture.
NET: http://bit.ly/dCg5Wp

• “World Hijab Day”, the 5th annual event to encourage non-Muslim women of all backgrounds to wear and experience the hijab in the name of interfaith solidarity.

2004 [13] In the infamous ‘Super Bowl Wardrobe Malfunction’, Justin Timberlake rips Janet Jackson’s top during the halftime show, exposing her breast (the excuse for a year of excruciating media censorship)

2009 [08] Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band perform the halftime show during Super Bowl 43 between Arizona Cardinals & Pittsburgh Steelers in Tampa FL

2008 [09] NASA announces that “Across the Universe” by The Beatles will become the first song ever beamed directly into space via the ‘Deep Space Network’

2009 [08] Johanna Siguroardottir is chosen the 1st female Prime Minister of Iceland, also becoming the world’s 1st openly gay head of a country

2006 [11] 100-lb competitive eater Sonya Thomas chows down on 26 sandwiches in 10 minutes to win the ‘World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship’

2013 [04] ‘The Shard’, tallest building in the European Union, officially opens in London UK

2015 [02] New England Patriots win Super Bowl 49, beating Seattle Seahawks 28-24; Patriots QB Tom Brady is named MVP and becomes 1 of only 3 quarterbacks to win 4 Super Bowls (joining Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana)

[Thurs] “Powerless” debuts (NBC/CTV)
[Thurs] “Superior Donuts” debuts (CBS)
[Thurs] “Training Day” debuts (CBS/CTV)
[Thurs] Groundhog Day
[Fri] “Rings”; “The Space Between Us” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Children’s Authors & Illustrators Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month


Do you believe you are possessed and need an exorcism?
Are you pro-militia?
Are you looking to gain control of your orgasms?
Are you single and active on several social media platforms?
Have you been convicted of a non-violent felony?
Are you altering your appearance to look like a different race?
Are you a competitive cat owner?
Were you born into a family of organized crime?
Do you enjoy wearing diapers and acting like a baby?
– MTV.com/casting-calls

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So who’s in a hurry?

• Which quarterback has completed the most career Super Bowl passes?
a. Joe Montana
b. John Elway
c. Tom Brady [CORRECT]
d. Peyton Manning

• Of these teams, which has the most Super Bowl losses?
a. Buffalo Bills [CORRECT]
b. Seattle Seahawks
c. Dallas Cowboys
d. Carolina Panthers

• Of these QBs, which has won all of his Super Bowl appearances?
a. Dan Marino
b. Ben Roethlisberger
c. Roger Staubach
d. Troy Aikman [CORRECT]
– WTOP.com

☎ Which is the best fashion fad of all-time?

Question: On average, we do THIS every year-and-a-half.
Answer: Buy a new cellphone.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

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