Thursday, January 27, 2005        Edition: #2957
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Although former “Sex & the City” star Cynthia Nixon (who played ‘Miranda Hobbes’) has come out as a lesbian and attended the “GLAAD Media Awards” last APRIL, her rep says she won’t become active in the gay rights movement or attend ‘gay events’ . . . It’s been kept under wraps for more than a month but 60-year-old “West Wing” actress Stockard Channing (‘First Lady Abbey Bartlet’) was jailed for about 3 hours after being arrested for DUI on the Hollywood Freeway and faces arraignment FEBRUARY 9 (wow, ‘CJ’ sure did a good job of covering this up!) . . . 57-year-old has-been country singer Lynn Anderson (who was also charged with DUI LAST MONTH) has now been busted for allegedly stealing a “Harry Potter” DVD from a Taos NM supermarket, then taking a punch at one of the cops who arrested her . . . “InTouch Weekly” is reporting that Paris Hilton wants to do a show without Nicole Richie (good thing, ‘cause “Simple Life 3: Flogging a Dead Horse” is about to tank) . . . Meantime, Paris Hilton is hawking a new T-shirt line featuring her pet Chihuahua’s face and the slogan “Tinkerbell Say’s That’s Hot” (and yes, ‘says’ is misspelled) . . . What’s up with this? Actress Cameron Diaz has been spotted wearing a plaster cast on her arm during a night out with Justin Timberlake (your speculative rumor here) . . . . Comedian Chris Rock & sitcom retiree Jerry Seinfeld are developing a documentary on the history of standup comedy (“In the beginning, there was Henny …”) . . . KISS alum Gene Simmons tells “Entertainment Tonight” he hated being a guest-judge on “American Idol” because he felt as if he was interfering with regular judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul & Randy Jackson due to their ‘icy politeness’ . . . And this may not be the greatest news for broadcast radio – Sirius Satellite Radio and XM Satellite Radio are reportedly in preliminary talks about a possible merger.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jennifer Lopez – “Access Hollywood” and Epic Records are giving away a trip to NYC for the release of her new album “Rebirth” MARCH 1st. Grand prize winner gets to meet J-Lo. (2nd-prize winner has to spend a whole day with her.)
• P Diddy – In a Diet Pepsi ad that’ll appear during the Super Bowl, he’s shown heading to an awards show when his car breaks down. He hitches a ride in a Pepsi truck and pulls up to the red carpet lined with celebs and paparazzi looking on in amazement at his new ‘cool’ mode of transportation.
• Snoop Dogg – His contract rider to perform in Park City UT THIS WEEK during the “Sundance Film Festival” reportedly included demands for a Sony PlayStation, cases of Hennessy cognac and Moet champagne, a case of Corona beer, donuts, cashews, peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, Starburst and Skittles candies, and – a whack of high-grade marijuana.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Studio lawyers are apparently freaking after seeing an early edit of the upcoming period drama “The New World” (due NOVEMBER 9), in which Irish actor Colin Farrell plays American colonist ‘John Smith’ and Q’Orianka Kilcher plays ‘Pocahontas’; the problem – a love scene between Farrel and the actress who is – 14-years-old! . . . In her first nude scene, opposite Adrien Brody in new movie “The Jacket” (showing at “Sundance”), 19-year-old actress Keira Knightley refused to bare her butt, only allowing filming from the waist up – because “It’s a girl thing” (ah, nothing to do with modesty) . . . Michael Douglas will co-produce and star in the comedy-adventure ”Racing the Monsoon”, co-starring Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai (any similarity to “Romancing the Stone” is intentional) . . . Picture this – in the “Get Shorty” sequel “Be Cool” (opening MARCH 4th), The Rock will be tarted up in spandex & shiny red boots to play a gay bodyguard, and at one point gives his booty a spank in front of a full-length mirror . . . The upcoming movie “Running With Scissors” (which begins shooting in MARCH) is notable for 2 reasons – the return of actress Gwyneth Paltrow (10 months after giving birth and promising to become a ‘full-time mom’) and the fact that it’s a Plan B production – the company co-owned by Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston (seems the show will go on!) . . . However, the opening of Jennifer Aniston’s upcoming comedy “Rumor Has It” has been delayed from mid-APRIL to DECEMBER 21st (something to do with an impending divorce, perhaps?).

NEW & IMPROVED HEAD & SHOULDERS WITH EXTRA … LLAMA:
The newest way to fight the age-old problem of dandruff could be with llamas – no BS! Dandruff is often caused by a fungus called ‘malassezia furfur’ that is found on the human scalp. After  immunizing llamas with the substance, a team of European researchers has found that the animals produce a natural agent in their blood to prevent and fight dandruff. The next step is to add those llama dandruff antibodies to a shampoo that we humans can use. (How the heck would the idea of injecting fungus into a llama ever come up? Does PETA know about this? )
– “Medical News Today”/CNN

DRINKING PROBLEMS:
• Packaged fruit juices may not be as good for your health as you think. Nutritionists say their high sugar content outweighs any benefits if they’re consumed to excess. (“The Telegraph”)
• A new study by Washington University School of Medicine in St Louis MO suggests that instant ice tea mixes may contain potentially harmful levels of fluoride. Researchers have found that some commercial brands contain far more than is allowed in drinking water. (ANI)

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 67% of married adults say they have the most arguments at the video store.
• 60% of us feel good about our jobs.
• 59% of men believe they could fly a commercial airplane without any training at all.
• 30% of us change our hairstyles once a year or more often.
• 20% of guys say they’d wait just 1-to-3 dates to have sex with a woman they’re seeing.
• Just 31% of today’s kids regularly play outdoors.
• There’s an 11% chance that after you get married your mother will move in with you.

IT’S A WACK WORLD:
• A team of Spanish neuro-scientists has found that a well-trained rat may be able to determine what language you are speaking. In the University of Barcelona study, researchers found that rats trained in either Dutch or Japanese appeared to be able to distinguish between the 2 languages. (This is really handy to know if you’ve booked spring break at a 1-star resort.)
• A Newport Beach CA man is suing MGM Mirage for ‘preying on his gambling addiction’ and ‘inducing him to borrow and lose millions of dollars’ in its Las Vegas casinos. (Next he’ll sue the Home Depot for selling him a hammer that keeps beating him on the head.)
• A UK man trying to sell a Soviet-era missile on eBay has been forced to delete the ad – not because it’s a weapon – but because it was listed alongside a launcher, which should have appeared as a separate item according to eBay regs. (And remember, anthrax and a spray can also count as TWO items.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
Only 11 people have reached the top of the world’s 14 tallest mountains, all of which are over 26,000 feet (8,000 m). More people (12) have landed on the Moon.
– “Times of London”

AND WE QUOTE:
• “The Simple Life was once a dose of fresh air as a fish-out-of-water tale. Now that the fish has had an opportunity to ferment, it has an entirely different fragrance.  – “Charlotte Observer’s” review of “Simple Life 3.”
• “When filming is complete, the people in my shows return to their normal lives, stepping from my reality back into their reality.”  – Reality show producer Mark Burnett (“Survivor”, The Apprentice”) lying like a rug in his new book “Jump In!: Even If You Don’t Know How to Swim”.

THE BULL SHEET 01.27.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [57] Mikhail Baryshnikov, Riga, Latvia, ballet dancer/sometime actor (‘Aleksandr Petrovsky’ on “Sex & the City” 2003-04, “White Nights”)

1959 [46] Cris Collinsworth, Dayton OH, NFL analyst (FOX-TV)/ex-NFL WR (Cincinnati Bengals)

1961 [44] Margo Timmins, Montréal QC, pop singer (Cowboy Junkies-“Sweet Jane”, “Misguided Angel”)

1964 [41] Bridget Fonda, LA CA, movie actress (“It Could Happen to You”, “Single White Female”)/daughter of Peter Fonda & niece of Jane Fonda

1968 [37] Tracy Lawrence, Atlanta TX, country singer (“Lessons Learned”, “I’ll Never Pass This Way Again”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
According to the ‘International Thomas Crapper Society’, TODAY is “Thomas Crapper Day”, in honor of the man who invented the toilet flush mechanism, on the anniversary of his death in 1910. Thomas Crapper & Co became engineers by appointment to the ‘throne’ of England.

TODAY is “Punch the Clock Day”, a day to calmly do your job stress-free, then go home and enjoy your real life. (A warm-up for tomorrow’s ‘Punch the Boss Day’.)

FRIDAY is “Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”. Is there anyone who doesn’t get addicted to popping the little bubbles and making them snap? It’s a good day to have listeners call in and ‘pop off’ on the phone or you can have fun popping virtual bubbles at these Websites …
NET: http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml
NET: http://www.urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html

FRIDAY through February 13 is the annual “Carnaval de Québec”. The 51st edition of Canada’s largest outdoor winter carnival includes night parades, slide runs, a giant football game, ice fishing, concerts, snow sculptures, dogsled rides, and the snow bath. The official carnival booze is a ‘Caribou’, containing brandy, vodka, sherry & port. The festival’s mascot ‘Bonhomme Carnaval’ will be part of this year’s events despite the resignation of some 20 actors who play the famous snowman. They quit over stalled contract talks after joining a union along with the escorts who accompany ‘Bonhomme’ during appearances. The festival quickly solved the problem by hiring new actors. What kind of employment demands would a snowman’s union have?
PHONER: 866-422-7628 (Info-Carnaval Line)
NET: http://www.carnaval.qc.ca

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [21] Michael Jackson’s hair catches on fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial (leading to the first of many, many, many cosmetic surgeries)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1785 [219] 1st ‘state university’ in America founded (Georgia)

1858 [147] Ottawa 1st selected capital of Canada

1926 [79] Scottish inventor John Logie Baird gives 1st public demonstration of ‘television’ (London UK)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Fri] Kazoo Day
[Fri] Clash Day
[Fri] International Make Your Point Day
[Sun] Election Day in Iraq
[Wed] Groundhog Day
This Week Is . . . Mozart Week (these days he’s DEcomposing)
This Month Is . . . Meat Month (aka ‘Kill Bambi Month’)

BULL’S BITS . . .
TOP INNOVATIONS:
Most important technical innovations of the past 25 years, according to a panel of technology leaders …
1. The Internet
2. Cellphone
3. Personal computers
4. Fiber optics
5. E-mail
– CNN

USA’S BEST MANNERED CITIES:
For the 28th consecutive year, etiquette expert Marjabelle Young Stewart picks America’s best behaved cities for visitors …
1. Charleston SC
2. San Diego CA
3. Seattle WA
4. Peoria IL
5. Omaha NE
– AP

BS INTERVIEW:
Veterinary surgeon Alan Schulman says there’s a growing popularity in cosmetic makeovers – for dogs! Low-hanging lips and drooling problems are the primary reasons for Fido face-lifts. What else can you have done to your dog? Tail additions? Brain implant?
PHONER: 310.575.5656 (Animal Medical Center, Los Angeles CA)

BS WEB GOODIE:
Here’s a really scary Website to pass along to listeners. ‘Deans Planet’ has an extensive library of photos showing female celebs – without any makeup! They’re filed alphabetically so you can quickly disillusion yourself about the extreme beauty of your favorite star. You’ll find that Avril Lavigne is pretty much a plain-Jane, and Pam Anderson is downright frightening! (Copy some to your Website and play ‘Guess the Star’.)
NET: http://www.deansplanet.com/nomakeup.html

BS GOOD DEED:
For roughly the next month, Girl Guide cookies will be on sale across the country. Try a phone contest where you audition Guides for the best sales pitch. Declare the winner and buy up her entire of cookies. You’ll save the poor girl from going door-to-door or standing outside a liquor store in the cold hawking her wares. And you can use the yummy cookies for on-air giveaways! Which are best – ‘Do-si-dos’, ‘Tag-a-longs’ or ‘Thin Mints’?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In a recent survey, 22% of women say they keep THIS in their glove compartment.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A pair of underwear.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
‘Average’ is as close to the bottom as it is to the top.