January 24, 2005

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Monday, January 24, 2005        Edition: #2954
Sheet Happens!

• “Corner Gas” creator/star Brent Butt has been chosen to host the “2005 Juno Awards” on CTV SUNDAY April 3rd from Winnipeg. (Putting a CTV sitcom star on a CTV awards broadcast – isn’t this nepotism? Why not a Canadian music star?)
– eTalk Daily
• A female acquaintance of Bill Cosby who lives in Durham ON but worked for a time at Temple University in Philadelphia has made a sexual assault allegation against him that’s prompted a police investigation. So far, no charges have been laid and Cosby’s attorney calls the allegation “utterly preposterous” and says it amounts to, at most, “inappropriate touching”. (Um, is that supposed to be a denial?)
– Canada.com
• Actor George Clooney is in the final stages of recovery after suffering severe headaches brought on by – ewww! – fluid leaking out of his spinal column. Clooney injured his back while filming the upcoming movie “Syriana”. It took a while for his condition to be diagnosed, at which point doctors successfully performed ‘spinal cap’ surgery. (Wasn’t that a movie?)
– World Entertainment News Network
• Paris Hilton is being investigated by California cops for allegedly stealing a copy of her own porn DVD from a newsstand in West Hollywood. The County Sheriff’s Department is recommending she be charged with petty theft and vandalism. (And how about – stupidity?)
– E! Online
• “Survivor” lovebirds Amber Brkich & Rob Mariano are making a career of being on reality TV. CBS-TV has confirmed they’ll be a team on the upcoming “Amazing Race 7″, and “Survivor” executive producer Mark Burnett is developing their wedding as either a MAY sweeps special or as a short-run summer series.
– reality blurred/”Star Magazine”
• Beyonce’s dog ‘Munchie’ has just been named ‘America’s Most Eligible Pet’ by “Animal Fair” magazine which has both the 18-month-old mutt and its owner on the cover of its current edition. Singing the praises of her tiny pet Pekinese, Beyonce says: “He’ll climb right up to your face and give you a kiss and then he’ll lie under your neck and give you a hug.” (Well darlin’, who the heck wouldn’t?)
– “Sunday Mirror”
• Fake Ronald Reagan autographs have been flooding the market since the death of the late US president in JUNE, according to the 2nd annual survey by PSA/DNA Authentication Services. The poll shows only 42% of Reagan signatures on the market are genuine. And another ‘investment’ to be wary of – only 6% of autographs attributed to The Beatles are real.
– “The Scoop”
• 29-year-old “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria has confessed to sharing lesbian kisses both on- and off-screen. The onscreen buss was with actress Maria Bravo in the movie “Carlita’s Secret”. Off-screen, she says she once kissed a woman and it was shocking but nice. “If I was going to be with another woman,” she qualifies, “she’d have to be hot!” (Seems Eva could be tempted to wave bi-bi to men!)
– “News of the World”

• Alicia Keys – She’ll perform “America the Beautiful” in tribute to Ray Charles during the Super Bowl halftime show headlined by Paul McCartney FEBRUARY 6th in Jacksonville FL. Pre-game entertainment includes Black Eyed Peas performing with ’70s funksters Earth, Wind & Fire, country star Gretchen Wilson with the Charlie Daniels Band, and Kelly Clarkson appears on FOX-TV’s “NFL Tailgate Party” along with former CCR singer John Fogerty.
• Elvis Costello – He’s creating an opera based on fairytale writer Hans Christian Andersen’s unrequited love for a Swedish soprano.
• Jennifer Lopez – A life-size chocolate sculpture of her has been unveiled at Madame Tussauds wax museum in London. The edible likeness was created in cooperation with UK confection company Cadbury.
• Mario – TODAY he appears on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Martina McBride – She’s the featured artist on Hallmark Cards’ 2005 Valentine’s Day CD titled “My Heart” that’s available beginning TODAY. The 8-song disc features 2 new tunes.
• Queen – They’ll begin their spring European tour MARCH 28th in London with Paul Rodgers.
• U2 – TODAY they’ll officially announce their 2005 “Vertigo” world tour. The 2-month initial leg kicks off MARCH 28th at the San Diego Sports Arena, followed by a summer tour of some 30 European stadiums beginning JUNE 10 in Brussels. They then return to North America for another run of 30 arena dates.

Scientists studying the mating habits of animals have found that even flies will trade sex for gifts, and the better the gift, the longer the ‘reward’. Researchers found that large gifts of food given by male flies to potential partners led to the longest amorous periods. It was also found that male flies could get rewards by presenting mates with worthless gifts disguised as real, but they would be quickly rebuffed as soon as the scam was uncovered. (Guys, consider this a Public Service Announcement.)
– “Discovery News”

A violent craze in which thugs slap strangers across the face and record it on video cellphones is sweeping Britain. The so-called ‘Happy Slappers’ attack while an accomplice captures it digitally to post on the Internet or send to another cellphone. But what started as a school kids’ prank has escalated into more serious assaults and robberies; there have been about 100 incidents in London alone, leading to 8 charges. (What next – Silly Shooters?)
– “Sun”

A new book by German doctors Peter Axt & Michaela Axt-Gadermann called “The Joy of Laziness: How to Slow Down & Live Longer” suggests that each of us has a limited amount of life energy and the speed at which this energy is used up determines how long we live. The authors are both ‘reformed long-distance runners’, but now claim that high-energy activities actually accelerate the aging process and make the body more susceptible to illness. They also claim that laughing is healthier than running and laziness is good for the brain. The book also concludes that early risers are more prone to stress and that people who sleep in longer live longer because they are conserving life energy. (Finally, a fitness program we can all follow!)
– “Telegraph”

Ever met a special someone unexpectedly during an evening out only to realize with horror that – you’re wearing ugly undies? Now you have an option, at least if you live in Stuttgart, Germany. Thanks to Ulrike Brucher, a businesswoman who owns a local lingerie shop, women in these dire straits can simply pop into the women’s room, drop about 8 bucks into a vending machine and emerge wearing a slinky thong. It will not only do away with pesky panty lines, it’ll ensure that at the ‘critical moment’, the erotic charge won’t be short-circuited. (Actually, they just put a new sign on the dental floss machine.)
– “Deutsche Welle”

The Dover Lake Waterpark in greater Cleveland OH will change the name of its artificial wave pool, ‘Tsunami’, to the ‘Whitecap Wave Pool’. A park official says it’s out of respect for what happened in Asia. Water parks in Wisconsin and Pittsburgh are also considering renaming their ‘Tsunami’ pools. (An over-reaction? What about all the other attractions named after natural disasters – volcano, hurricane, cyclone, lightning, earthquake, etc?)
– “Globe & Mail”

When the $200-million cruise ship “Aurora” was plagued with engine trouble and stranded for 12 days off Southampton, England, owner P&O tried to keep clients happy by giving away free booze – lots of it! The 1,300 passengers onboard managed to chug 12,626 bottles of wine and champagne, 12,843 beers, 1,246 bottles of spirits, and around 9,800 cocktails before the cruise was officially canceled and they disembarked SATURDAY. Not only is the cruise company out the cost of food & booze, it must now give a full refund to passengers who paid up to $78,000 for the scheduled 23-country, 104-day voyage. It’s estimated the aborted cruise will cost P&O over $40 million in total. Not surprisingly, the company’s annual staff party has also been canceled. (Not to mention employee cheques.)
– “Sun”

Dave Plotkin, an on-air personality at Rollins College radio WPRK in Winter Park FL, has unofficially set a new world record for ‘Longest Continuous Broadcast by a Single DJ’. He stayed on-air LAST WEEK from 9 am Monday to 11:03 pm Friday – 110 hours in total. If verified, that would beat the 105-hour record set in 2002 by a masochistic DJ in Switzerland.

• SATURDAY Donald Trump wed Slovenian model Melania Knauss in one of the most expensive and extravagant society weddings in recent memory and yet – he did his own hair!
– “USA Today”
• People who eat a lot of pizza are less than half as likely to suffer a heart attack as those who nibble only occasionally. Researchers at a Milan, Italy hospital where the study took place are at a loss to explain the correlation.
– “Discover”


1941 [64] Neil Diamond, Brooklyn NY, oldies singer (“I’m a Believer”, “Sweet Caroline”)

1963 [42] Keech Rainwater, Plano TX, country musician (Lonestar-“Class Reunion”, “Amazed”)
FACTOID: TOMORROW Lonestar’s “Greatest Video Hits” will be released, featuring the animated video for their most recent #1 hit, “Mr Mom”, plus 5 other videos.

1986 [19] Mischa Barton, London UK, TV actress (‘Marissa Cooper’ on The OC” since 2003)

TODAY is “Women’s Healthy Weight Day”, a day to honor women of all sizes and confirm that beauty, talent and love cannot be weighed. (Formerly known as ‘Fat Ladies Day’.)

THIS WEEK is “Direct Deposit Week”, which either has to do with having your pay directly deposited into your bank account or making babies the ‘old fashioned’ way.

1908 [97] 1st ‘Boy Scout’ troop organized by Sir Robert Baden-Powell in London UK, originally for youths to play ‘war-games’ (now we have the Marines)

1935 [70] 1st ‘beer in cans’, marketed by Kruegar Brewing of Richmond VA (next day, 1st can is crushed against a frat guy’s forehead)

1999 [06] Golfer David Duval matches best round in PGA history – a 59 – to win the “Bob Hope Desert Classic” (the other ‘59ers’ are Chip Beck & Al Geiberger)

[1 week today] Michael Jackson trial scheduled to begin
[Tues] 77th Academy Award nominations announced
[Tues] 5th International Internet-Free Day
[Tues] Robbie Burns Day
[Wed] Backwards Day
[Thurs] Thomas Crapper Day
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Fri] Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
[Sun] Election Day in Iraq

Nurse Anesthetists Week (try saying that 3 times)
Hunt for Happiness Week
Healthy Weight Week
Creative Frugality Week
Solo-Preneuring Week

• “From Eve to Jezebel … Sexiest Women in the Bible!”
• “The Eiffel Tower Is a Portal to Hell!”
• “100-Year-Old Women Is Pregnant! And the Father Is 91!”
• “Hot Panties! Psychic Can Make Women’s Undies Catch Fire!”
• “Anorexic Gal Eats World’s Fattest Cat!”
– “Weekly World News”

“Think about the best party you’ve ever been to … wouldn’t it have been better if there was a midget there?” That’s the pitch from a new California company that rents out midgets to liven up events. A spokesperson assures ‘Rent-a-Midget’ is not a joke and confirms that little people are also available for ‘office pranks’ and ‘midget strip shows’. So do you pay by the foot or what?
PHONER: 951-515-9743 (Corona CA)
NET: http://www.rent-a-midget.com

• The head of St John’s School in Marlborough UK has scrapped all homework for students because it’s a ‘dinosaur’ concept that’s repetitious, causes conflict at home, and discourages students to love learning for its own sake. Good idea or bad?
• You’re in an overcrowded lifeboat with the entire cast of “Desperate Housewives”. Which one would you toss overboard?

• I almost got my own TV talk show once, but I wasn’t boring enough.
• How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank? You just call them up and tell them you can’t come.

Today’s Question: Married men say they do THIS twice as often as single guys.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Change their underwear.

Justice … a decision in your favor.

“The Bull Sheet” salutes JJ McKay @ KXKL [KOOL 105] Denver CO who’s back for another full year of service; and we welcome new subscribers Keith Wade @ WZZY [Star 98.3] Richmond IN; and Jaime Mendez @ KKMO [Radio Sol] Seattle WA; also samplers this week that include Nicole Vandeventer @ KZMG [Magic 93.1] Boise ID; Karen Depasois @ ALL-FM Manchester UK; and Brent Glasgow @ KCMQ [The Rock Station] Columbia MO. You can subscribe or renew your subscription to “BS” simply by following the link at the top of the page.

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