January 20, 2005

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Thursday, January 20, 2005        Edition: #2952
Hail to the Sheet!

Original “Survivor” champ Richard Hatch has agreed to plead guilty to 2 counts of tax evasion for failing to report income, including the $1.01 million he won on the show, in return for prosecutors recommending less than the maximum penalty – 5 years in prison and a $250,000 fine on each charge (Richard in prison …now THERE’S a reality TV show!)  . . Word has it there’s a good possibility the “CBS Evening News” will adopt a ‘multi-anchor format’ sometime after Dan Rather steps down MARCH 9th (“And that’s the way it is, I’m David Letterman. Tomorrow night, Ray Romano will be here …”) . . . Some NBC-TV execs are exploring the possibility of launching a 2nd edition of “The Apprentice” – with Martha Stewart in the driver’s seat (“You’re not a good thing!”) . . . Even though host Ty Pennington had to be hospitalized for an emergency appendectomy, the “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” crew continued shooting an upcoming episode in Lake City GA while Ty stayed in touch electronically . . . While the stars of “Desperate Housewives” were appearing at the “Golden Globes” on NBC-TV, most viewers watched them in character on ABC-TV, as the hit series demolished the awards show’s ratings (in Canada, greedy CTV aired them both)  . . . Ailing Dick Clark is teaming with “American Idol” creator Simon Fuller to produce a dance competition series tentatively titled “Dance Nation” which could hit TV by THIS SUMMER (wow Dick, that’s a stroke of genius .., er sorry) . . . Electronic Arts, the company behind the popular computer game “The Sims”, is in talks with several production companies about making the game into a TV show . . . And why would “Meet the Fockers” actress Teri Polo feel the need to pose clothing-free for the FEBRUARY issue of “Playboy”? It was 4 long years between the “Meet the Parents” films – with slim career pickins’!

• Britney Spears – She’s been spotted shopping at a Los Angeles baby store and reportedly told the staff that she’s 9 weeks pregnant.
• INXS – TODAY auditions begin  in various international cities for the Mark Burnett-produced reality show “Rock Star”, which will attempt to find a replacement lead singer to record and tour with INXS. Those involved with the show say every attempt will be made to respect the legacy of late singer Michael Hutchence, who died in 1997. (Reportedly of ‘autoerotic asphyxiation’.)
• Kid Rock – He was almost stranded in Moscow recently after he lost his wallet and passport during a night on the town with his Detroit Red Wing pal Darren McCarty.
• Macy Gray – TONIGHT she headlines an inaugural party in Washington DC hosted by The Creative Coalition.
• Snoop Dogg – TONIGHT he’s on NBC-TV’s “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Toby Keith – TONIGHT  in Tulsa OK, he begins a series of 7 concerts with gonzo rocker Ted Nugent. The odd collaboration first came together during a USO tour LAST SUMMER.
• 3 Doors Down – TONIGHT the “Let Me Go” guys will play a club show in Washington DC sponsored by the Recording Industry Association of America as part of inauguration festivities. Tickets have been selling for $1,000 … each! While the parties are obviously meant as a kiss-up to the returning president, 3 Doors Down stop short of pledging support to Bush.
• Willie Nelson – He’s recorded “Good ‘Ol Boys”, the theme song for the upcoming “Dukes of Hazzard” movie, in which he plays ‘Uncle Jesse’.

An upcoming live-action/CGI adaptation of the classic kids’ book “Charlotte’s Web” will feature Julia Roberts as the voice of the spider, along with the voices of Oprah Winfrey, John Cleese, Steve Buscemi & OutKast’s Andre 3000 . . . 58-year-old Sylvester Stallone is planning (perhaps ‘threatening’?) to make “Rambo IV”, a mere 17 years after the last instalment, and is currently in meetings with studios . . . Canadian novelist Michel Basilieres’ “Black Bird”, about an oddball family of grave-robbers in Montréal, is being developed as a feature film . . . Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker will re-team yet again to make “Rush Hour 3″, this time in Paris FRA . . . French film star Jean Reno (“Mission: Impossible”) will play ‘Detective Bezu Fache’ in the upcoming bigscreen adaptation of the mega-selling novel “The Da Vinci Code”, which will star Tom Hanks . . . Kiefer Sutherland continues to carve out a nice little career playing government agents, signing on to play a Secret Service agent who has an affair with the US First Lady (Kim Basinger) in “The Sentinel” . . . And Sarah Jessica Parker will join Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy & Antonio Banderas as the voices in “Shrek 3″, set for release in 2007.

TODAY George W Bush is being inaugurated with the official swearing-in ceremony at 12 noon EST. Here’s what you can NOT take to the “55th Presidential Inaugural Ceremony” in Washington DC, according to a press release from the US Capitol Police: Firearms, weapons of any kind, ammunition (either real or simulated), explosives of any kind (including fireworks), knives, blades, or sharp objects (of any length), aerosol sprays, coolers, thermal or glass containers, mace, pepper spray, sticks, poles, pocket or hand tools (such as a Leatherman), packages, backpacks, large bags, duffel bags, suitcases, laser pointers, posters, signs, placards (including supports structures), animals other than guide dogs or service dogs assisting handicapped individuals, strollers, chairs, umbrellas, alcoholic beverages, and any other items at the discretion of the security screeners that may pose a potential safety hazard. (And don’t even think about bringing nail clippers!)
– CodeOrange.net

Jennifer Aniston’s barely unpacked her suitcase and already hilarious T-shirts mocking her breakup with Brad Pitt are on the market. The “I Stole Brad” T-shirt is now available for purchase, along with companion shirts reading “The New Mrs Pitt” and “Brad Left Jen For Me”. Some unscrupulous entrepreneur is making hay off the poor Pitts to the tune of about 16 bucks per T.
NET: http://www.istolebrad.com

University of Pittsburgh linguist Scott Kiesling has just published a scholarly paper – on the word ‘dude’ (and yes, he got paid to do it). He says the word is much more than a simple catchall for lazy, inarticulate surfers, skaters, slackers and teens. Its ability to morph into multiple meanings and uses has ensured its place in the lexicon of old and young alike. Kiesling says ‘dude’ first became a ‘cool’ word back in the 1930s and an important part of teen vocabulary after the 1982 movie “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”, thanks to Sean Penn who played ‘Jeff Spicoli’, a perpetually stoned surfer dude. Here are some of his findings for the many uses of the word …
• As a greeting … “What’s up, dude?”
• As an exclamation … “Whoa, dude!”
• As commiseration … “Dude, I’m so sorry.”
• To one-up someone … “That’s so lame, dude.”
• To show agreement, surprise, and/or disgust (depending on tone) … “Dude.”
– AP

Newly-declassified documents reveal that in 1994 the US military toyed with the idea of an aphrodisiac chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers irresistible … to each other! The idea was to deal a quote – ‘distasteful but completely non-lethal’ – blow to enemy morale.
– “New Scientist”

• 82% of women say that uncomfortable undies can ruin their entire day.
• 73% of survey respondents from Scotland say they are proud of their accent.
• 70% of women say they regret their hairstyle in high school.
• 66% of women say they would want to be virgins if they were getting married today.
• 65% of consumers who buy frozen pizza don’t think it’s very good … but buy it anyway.
• 40% of full-time workers would choose more time off work over a $5,000 annual pay hike.
• 8% of guys think the most important physical trait a woman can possess is a flat stomach.

• As of THIS MONTH, the median winnings for the top 10 players on this season’s World Curling Tour is a little over $67,000.
• Midwest Airlines has announced it will now award Frequent Flyer Miles … to pets.
• An Albuquerque NM man has been allowed to change his name to ‘Variable’. His previous name? ‘Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon’.

• “I was thinking that when I have children, I should always dress as a character for them, so they think their mom is Alice in Wonderland or Cinderella.”  – Gwen Stefani, telling the “Mirror” what a weird mom she’d make.
• “Every time I perform, I give 100% … but I don’t apologize for my performance. I think I did a pretty darn good job under the circumstances.” – Ashlee Simpson in “Us Weekly”, defending her Orange Bowl halftime debacle in which she was booed while singing live. She also reveals she’s now taking voice lessons.


1952 [53] Paul Stanley (Eisen), Queens NY, classic rock guitarist/singer (KISS-“Rock & Roll All Night”, “Beth”) who’s released over 30 albums with KISS.

1956 [49] Bill Maher, NYC, TV talk show host (“Real Time with Bill Maher”, “Politically Incorrect” 1994-2002)

1963 [42] James Denton, Nashville TN, TV actor (‘Mike Delfino’ on “Desperate Housewives”)

1965 [40] John Michael Montgomery, Lexington KY, country singer (“Sold: Grundy County Auction Incident”, “I Swear”)

1969 [36] Melissa Rivers, NYC, annoying TV co-host of awards ‘preshows’ with annoying mom Joan Rivers

1979 [26] Rob Bourdon, Calabasas CA, rock drummer (Linkin Park-“Numb”, “In the End”)

• Zodiac sign of Aquarius begins (the ‘Water Carrier’)
• “Human Relations Day” (certainly more fun than relations with an animal)
• “Philately Day” (you just can’t lick it!)

TODAY through January 30th the “2005 Sundance Film Festival” reels in Park City UT. Among the indie films in this year’s competition: the drama “Thumbsucker” starring Keanu Reeves, the comedy “Ellie Parker” with Naomi Watts, and the divorce drama “The Squid & the Whale” starring Laura Linney & Jeff Daniels. Making indie movies is a bigger crapshoot than ever before, reports the “NY Times”. Even after a wildly successful “Sundance Film Festival” screening, you can then look forward to only a .03% chance your masterpiece will ever be picked up for distribution.
NET: http://www.sundance.org

1982 [23] “Late Night With David Lettermen” debuts on NBC-TV

1884 [121] La Marcus Thompson patents USA’s 1st ‘roller coaster’ (450-foot-long ‘Switchback Railway’ at Coney Island NY)

1892 [113] 1st officially recognized ‘Basketball Game’ played, devised by Canadian James Naismith (YMCA-Springfield MA)

1982 [23] 1st ‘Camcorder’ developed (leading to stacks of recordings that you never watch stuffed into a closet)

[Fri] Elementary School Teachers Day
[Fri] Hugging Day
[Fri] Squirrel Appreciation Day
[Fri] Eid-ul-Adha or Feast of Sacrifice (Islam)
[Sat] Donald Trump weds Melinia Knauss
[Sat] Answer Your Cat’s Question Day
[Sat] Speak Up & Succeed Day
This Week Is . . . Fire the Boss Week
This Month Is . . . Family Fit Lifestyle Month


10. ‘The Velvet Fog’ – jazz singer Mel Torme.
9. ‘The Man in Black’ – late country legend Johnny Cash.
8. ‘The Duke’ – actor John Wayne.
7. ‘The King of Pop’ – Michael Jackson.
6. ‘The Boss’ – classic rocker Bruce Springsteen.
5. ‘The Godfather of Soul’ – James Brown.
4. ‘The Rat Pack’ – Show biz buddies Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Peter Lawford & Joey Bishop, who made the original “Ocean’s Eleven”.
3. ‘The King’ – Elvis Presley.
2. ‘King of Cool’ – late Hollywood actor Steve McQueen.
1. ‘The Chairman of the Board’ – Frank Sinatra.
– AskMen.com

More people obtain pets from friends and relatives than any other place. How did you get your pet?

THIS WEEK is “Healthy Weight Week”, as declared by nutritionist Frances Berg, an authority on dieting, the failure of weight loss programs, eating disorders, obesity, overweight, size acceptance, diet quackery, and moving ahead with the non-diet ‘Health at Any Size’ approach. So are all diets a waste of time? Should we all just give up and look like Michael Moore?
NET: http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com
PHONE: 701.567.2646 (Healthy Weight Network, Hettinger ND)

Today’s Question: When it comes to fruit, THIS is the world’s favorite.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The tomato, which biologically is definitely a fruit. (As far as cooking is concerned, some things which are strictly fruits are called ‘vegetables’ because they are used in savory rather than sweet cooking.)

Swallow your pride … it is non-fattening.

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