January 14, 2005

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Friday, January 14, 2005        Edition: #2948
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

TONIGHT “The Bernie Mac Show” finally returns to FOX-TV now that the star has recovered from lingering illness (not to mention “Ocean’s Twelve”) . . . TOMORROW NBC-TV’s 2-hour “Tsunami Aid: A Concert of Hope” originating from LA, NYC & London will include Kenny Chesney, Christina Aguilera, Sheryl Crow, Madonna, Usher, Maroon 5, Mary J Blige, Maroon 5, Norah Jones, Lenny Kravitz, John Mayer, Eric Clapton, Elton John & Nelly , plus actors Halle Berry, Kevin Spacey, George Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Uma Thurman, Clint Eastwood, Renée Zellweger, Ben Affleck & Ray Romano . . . An 8-day Caribbean cruise this SEPTEMBER will feature Donald Trump & various stars from “The Apprentice”; yes, you too can participate in ‘Apprentice-type’ activities for just $1,199-and-up (talk about your cruise from Hell!) . . . The Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston bust-up is such a big story that “People”, “Us Weekly” and “In Touch Weekly” have all taken the unprecedented step of rushing out a 2nd issue in less than a week to splash the split on their covers . . . Meantime, rumor has it Jennifer has moved out of their Hollywood mansion and into the home of her hairdresser . . . The much ballyhooed film “Sideways” is the “NY Times” pick as the – ‘Most Overrated Movie of 2004′ (bandwagon poopers) . . . NEXT MONTH “Canadian Idol” begins a 13-city audition tour in search of next season’s talent, including smaller markets like Whitehorse, Sudbury & Moncton . . . And Iraq’s new English-language newspaper, the “Baghdad Mirror”, is trying to take locals’ minds off the constant carnage by printing – song lyrics (“Killer wit the beat, I know killers in the street, drop it like it’s hot …”).

• Bob Marley – His wife is planning to exhume his remains in Jamaica and re-bury them in his ‘spiritual resting place’, Ethiopia. (He’s been buried 24 years – odds are all that’s left is about the size of a roach.)
• Brad Paisley – TONIGHT his “Mud & Suds Tour” kicks off in Verona NY, co-starring Sara Evans and Andy Griggs.
• Celine Dion – She’ll donate all the proceeds of a special Mother’s Day performance of her Las Vegas show to the victims of the tsunami disaster. She expects to raise a minimum of $1 million for UNICEF.
• Ellie Lawson – The songs on the Brit singer/songwriter’s debut album “The Philosophy Tree” were largely composed in her bedroom at her mother’s low-rent South London home while they tried to survive on welfare.
• Darryl Worley – SATURDAY he’ll perform his #1 country hit “Awful Beautiful Life” on NBC-TV during half-time of the high school “All-American Bowl” in San Antonio TX.
• Killers – TOMORROW night they’re on “Saturday Night Live”.
• Queen Latifah – She’s been signed to host the 47th “Grammy Awards” on FEBRUARY 13th.
• Trick Pony – TOMORROW they perform the national anthem before the Falcons-Rams NFL playoff game in Atlanta.

• “Elektra” (PG-13 Action Adventure): Jennifer Garner returns in the role she played in 2003’s “Daredevil”. In this episode, the comic book warrior is released from hospital after a near-death experience to become an assassin who severs all ties with society and only lives for her next assignment. “ER’s” Goran Visnjic co-stars. Bonus: Moviegoers will see the first trailer for the upcoming “Fantastic Four”, staring Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis, Chris Evans & Ioan Gruffudd (opening JULY 4th).
• “In Good Company” (PG-13 Comedy): Dennis Quaid plays a middle-aged ad exec faced with a new boss who’s about half his age and also happens to be – sleeping with his daughter. Topher Grace (“That ’70s Show”), Scarlett Johansson & Marg Helgenberger (“CSI”) co-star.
• “Coach Carter” (PG-13 Drama): Samuel L Jackson plays a controversial real-life high school basketball coach who benched his undefeated team due to their collective poor academic record in 1999. Singer Ashanti makes her bigscreen acting debut.
• “Racing Stripes” (PG Family Adventure): An abandoned zebra (voice of “Malcolm in the Middle’s” Frankie Muniz) grows up believing he’s a racehorse. With the help of a teenage girl (Hayden Panettiere), he sets out to achieve his dream of racing with thoroughbreds. Mandy Moore, Jeff Foxworthy, Snoop Dogg, Dustin Hoffman & Whoopi Goldberg are among those providing the voices of his barnyard buddies.

SUNDAY the annual film & TV awards presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association air live on NBC-TV (CTV in Canada), always considered a bellwether for the Academy Awards.
• “Sideways” leads movies with 7 nominations. On the TV side, “Desperate Housewives” dominates with 5 nominations.
• All 5 dramatic actor nominees for movies played real-life characters.
• On-line betting company BetWWTS.com ranks “The Aviator” favorite to win ‘Best Drama’ at 4-to-5 odds, Leonardo DiCaprio favorite for ‘Best Actor in a Drama’ at 7-to-5, and Hilary Swank (“Million Dollar Baby”) a 2-to-3 fave to win ‘Best Actress in a Drama’.
• Jamie Foxx has nominations for 3 separate projects: “Ray” (‘Best Actor Musical/Comedy’), “Collateral” (Best Supporting Actor’), and “Redemption” (‘Best Actor TV Movie/Miniseries’).
• Robin Williams, who’s won 5 Golden Globes, receives the ‘Cecil B DeMille Award’ for career achievement.
• Presenters will receive a wicker ottoman stuffed with gifts that total out at $38,390 – if you count the full $16,000 value for the wine-tasting trip to Australia. Other items include a $2,700 diamond pendant, $1,100-worth of teeth whitening products, a $900 shawl, and a $400 luxury ‘pet carrier’.

Swiss authorities are bringing Geneva’s public conveniences up to scratch – at a cost of $13 million for just 35 new toilets. Each spanking new facility is designed by a different architect at a cost of $313,000 – about the same as a 1-bedroom, city center apartment. On the outside, each public toilet is different and adapted to its surroundings. Patrons will be charged about 50 cents for each visit to a self-cleaning toilet, where they’ll be accompanied by music. (Suggested tunes? “On The Way Down”? “Dare You To Move”? “Look What You’ve Done”? “Ready To Fly”? “Gotta Get Up From Here”?)
– “Le Matin”

In case you don’t have the benjamins to lay out for a full-size iPod, Apple has come up with the teeny weeny ‘iPod Shuffle’. The scaled-down mini music machine about the size of a single stick of Wrigley’s gum, is so small it doesn’t have a display screen. That means you either download tunes in the order you want to hear them or set the gizmo to ‘shuffle’ and let it play them at random. It comes in 512-MB (about 120 songs) and 1-Gig (240 songs) versions starting at around $99. (Another expensive trinket for your kid to lose … once a day.)
– “Chart Attack”
NET: http://wdb.apple.com/ipodshuffle

Scientists at the UK’s Liverpool John Moores University have found that men’s hearts lose up to a quarter of their pumping power between the ages of 18 and 70. On the other hand, the study shows there’s little change in women’s hearts during the same time-frame. Researchers say the difference may help to explain why women live up to 5 years longer than men on average. (Ah yes, ‘pumping power’ – the reason desperate housewives turn to young gardeners.)
– BBC News

• A state audit has found that Texas blew some of the nearly $600-million in federal money earmarked for anti-terrorism programs on ‘emergency equipment’ which it used to – carry souped-up machines to lawn mower drag races.
• Now you can protect your little liberals from hard-core right-wing positions the same way you censor cable porn. The new ‘FOXBlocker’ employs the same technology already used to filter adult TV content to eliminates the risk of exposure to – the Fox News Channel. A bargain at just $8.95!
• More than 10% of American children aged 2 to 5 are now overweight, says the American Heart Association. That’s up from 7% in 1994. A special clinic for obese children at the University of Kentucky reports a 5-year-old preschooler who weighs – 205 pounds!

TODAY when the ‘Huygen’ [HOY-ken] space probe lands on Saturn’s largest moon Titan it will play 4 musical pieces by the French composers Julien Civange [see-VAHNGE] and Louis Haeri [air-EE], the farthest distance from Earth at which human-made sounds will have been heard on another celestial body. (Were these the best choices?)
– “London Observer”

• 69% of Canadian workers in a nationwide survey say they most-often deal with stress on-the-job by taking a coffee break. (Good idea! … have 3 or 4 cups and really unwind!)
• The heat generated by a laptop, and the knees-together pose needed to balance it, can damage a man’s fertility. (Thereby making it difficult for him to download.)

“It was a poor choice of costume, and I apologize. I’m very sorry if I caused any offense or embarrassment to anyone.”  – An apology issued by Buckingham Palace for 20-year-old Prince Harry after UK tabloid “The Sun” published a front-page photo of him at a party, holding a cigarette and a drink … and wearing a Nazi uniform.


1919 [86] Andy Rooney, Albany NY, TV curmudgeon/commentator (“60 Minutes” since 1978)

1941 [64] Faye Dunaway, Bascom FL, movie actress (Oscar-“Network”, “Bonnie & Clyde”)

1963 [42] Steven Soderbergh, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Oceans 11 & 12″, Oscar-“Traffic”)

1968 [37] LL Cool J (James Todd Smith), Bay Shore NY, rap artist (“Hush”, “All I Have”)/movie actor (“SWAT”, “Charlie’s Angels”)

1969 [36] Dave Grohl, Warren OH, rock singer/guitarist (Foo Fighters-“Times Like These”, “Big Me”)

Movie actress Andrea Martin (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”) is 58; Movie actor Chad Lowe (“Unfaithful”) is 37; TV actor Eddie Cahill (“CSI: New York”) is 27.

Oldies singer Sadé (“Smooth Operator”) is 46; TV actor Richard T Jones (“Judging Amy”) is 33; Fashion model Kate Moss is 31; Rock guitarist Nick Valensi (The Strokes) is 24.

TODAY is –
• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliating them in human attire … then laughing at them.
• “Assembly Line Workers Day” observed on the anniversary of the 1st ‘automobile assembly line’, created by Henry Ford 91 years ago (1914).
• “Orthodox New Year’s Day” in Russia and many Eastern European countries, based on the old Julian Calendar (aka ‘Orthodox Hangover Day’).

• “Hat Day”, a day to dispel the boredom of mid-winter by wearing the goofiest hat you can find. (Always hilarious on radio.)
• “Hug Your Cat Day”, a day to disclaim the common belief that cats don’t like affection. So ignore the hisses and pet your puss! (Be sure to have lots of band-aids handy.)

• “Hot & Spicy Food International Day”, encouraging us to spice up our lives in order to add some zest to a winter’s day. A little Thai Sauce in your coffee anyone? What’s the absolute hottest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?

1990 [15] Regular broadcasts of “The Simpsons” begin on FOX-TV

1794 [211] Dr Jesse Bennet of Edom VA performs 1st successful ‘Cesarean section’ on his wife

1734 [271] ‘Coldest temperature’ in Northern Hemisphere recorded in Siberia at -120 F (ever since, weather lore has labelled TODAY the “Coldest Day of the Year”)

1973 [32] Last ‘Perfect NFL Season’ as Miami Dolphins beat Washington Redskins 14-7 at Super Bowl VII in Los Angeles to finish with 17-0 record (members of that Dolphin team still gather to celebrate when the last undefeated NFL team finally loses each season)

[Sat] Fresh Squeezed Juice Day
[Sun] World Religion Day
[Mon] Get to Know Your Customer Day
[Mon] Martin Luther King Jr Day (USA)
[Mon -Jan 23] Canadian Figure Skating Championships (London ON)
[Tues] 4th season of “American Idol” debuts on FOX-TV
[Thurs] 2nd Inauguration of US President George W Bush
This Week Is . . . Special Education Week (honoring all the folks in the short buses)
This Month Is . . . Birth Defects Prevention Month


Q: Is it illegal to destroy Canadian currency?
A: Yes! It is illegal to destroy Canada’s legal tender in any way. But you may only have to pay a $20 fine if charged with the crime (and have your head examined!).

Q: What’s the world’s largest office building, completed 62 years ago on January 15, 1943?
A: The Pentagon, headquarters for the US Department of Defense.

• Because your inbox isn’t plugged up enough, along comes “E-mail Roulette” – ‘the finest form of e-mail entertainment to hit the Net since spam’. When you sign up, you provide your e-mail address and choose a user name. Your ‘Roulette’ messages are then sent randomly to other players. They have the option of responding to you or not; and you won’t know who it went to unless they write back. Said to be a great way to meet new people!
NET: http://www.plinko.net/roulette/faq.asp#what
• The “What’s That Song?” Website allows you to play name-the-tune with the recording artist or music style of your choice. You can create your own game in seconds. Just type in your fave artist and let the fun begin!
NET: http://www.scenta.co.uk/whatthatsong

Who has the most punchable face in show biz?

Today’s Question: The average guy starts doing THIS at age 29.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Playing golf.

Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.

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