Thursday, January 13, 2005 Edition: #2947
Sheeters Always Prosper!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT CBC-TV airs “Canada For Asia”, a 3-hour benefit show co-hosted by Ron McLean & Rick Mercer and featuring the likes of Celine Dion, Barenaked Ladies, Tom Cochrane, Blue Rodeo, Sloan, Barenaked Ladies and – where ya been, Grapes? – Don Cherry . . . Elton John, Annie Lennox & Nelly have been added as performers on NBC-TV’s 2-hour “Tsunami Aid” show SATURDAY . . . It’s been done in Canada & the UK and now Discovery Channel is taking online nominations at AOL beginning TODAY for “The Greatest American” of all-time, with the top vote-getter profiled on the final TV episode in JUNE (Carrot Top?) . . . Producers Jermaine Dupri & Quincy Jones are postponing NEXT MONTH’S planned recording of the charity album “We Are The Future”, saying it would be bad timing in the wake of the tsunami disaster . . . E! Channel & the UK’s Sky Broadcasting will cooperate to produce daily half-hour ‘re-enactments’ of the Michael Jackson trial scheduled to begin JANUARY 31st; no word yet on casting (what an addition that would be to your acting résumé!) . . . Courtney Love has apparently finally ditched her wild appearance, showing up at the LA Criminal Courts in a smart grey two-piece suit and sporting a new tousled hairdo . . . Acid-tongued actor Denis Leary is publishing a book of memoirs NEXT YEAR to be called – “Kiss My Irish Ass” . . . Here’s justice! Actress Rene Russo is recovering from bruises she received at the “People’s Choice Awards” after banging her head – on the way to the celebrity gift room to collect her $15,000 presenter’s goody bag!
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• George Strait – TONIGHT he kicks off his 19-city 2005 tour in Charlotte NC, with the help of Dierks Bentley.
• Ingram Hill – Singer/guitarist Justin Moore calls their sound ‘pop rock with a Southern twist’. He and drummer Matt Chambless first met in 2000 at the University of Memphis and eventually formed the band.
• Jennifer Lopez – TODAY she’s on the syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Jessica Simpson – She gave hubby Nick Lachey a dream gift over the holidays – a Ferrari. In return, she received a gigantic, flawless emerald ring. (Yeah? Who paid?)
• Keith Urban – TODAY he joins fellow Aussies Nicole Kidman, Mel Gibson, crocodile maniac Steve Irwin and golfer Greg Norman in Los Angeles to kick off a week-long push for increased trade between California and Australia. (Vegemite sandwich, anyone?)
John Travolta & James Gandolfini are set to star in “Lonely Hearts”, the true tale of the pursuit of the so-called ‘Lonely Heart Killers’, who stalked their victims through classified ads . . . Matthew McConaughey will star in the comedy “Failure to Launch”, about a guy in his 30s who still lives with his parents . . . Brit actor David Morrissey will join Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction”, as a psychiatrist who becomes entangled in her cat & mouse games . . . Samuel L Jackson has turned down a role in director Jim Sheridan’s new as-yet-untitled flick because he refuses to work with unproven actors, likely referring to the guy who’s already signed to the flick – 50 Cent (so how come Sam L agreed to do “Coach Carter” [opening Friday] with rookie actress Ashanti?) . . . And new mom Julia Roberts is pursuing the movie rights to a novel called “The Family Way”, a gooey tale of impending parenthood (hey, what happened to the 2 years off?).
THE MOOSE ARE ON THE LOOSE!
There’s been a string of unusual moose behavior over the past month in northern Norway. Among the headlines: “Moose Attacks Laundry Rack!”, “Man Fights Back After Moose Attack!”, “Moose Breaks Into Grocery Store!”, “Moose Enters Children’s Clothing Store in Lillehammer!” and – most recently – “Two Moose Charge A Dogsled!” As moose are generally shy and stay away from people, no one can explain the recent rash of incidents.
MR BLACKWELL’S 45TH ANNUAL WORST DRESSED LIST:
1. Nicollette Sheridan … the tacky temptress of ‘Wisteria Lane’.
2. Lindsay Lohan … over-hyped and underdressed.
3. (tie) Ashlee & Jessica Simpson … these two prove that bad taste is positively genetic.
4. Courtney Love … Medusa stuck in a meltdown mode!
5. Paris Hilton … this is one Hilton that should be closed for renovation.
NOTE: This could be one of his last lists as former actor ‘Mr Blackwell’ (Richard Selzer) is now 82-years-old.
– “E! Online”
BEER’S BAD BUZZ:
New stats show that wines and distilled spirits continue to gain a bigger share of the alcohol market at the expense of the beer industry. It’s a trend that’s been developing since the late 1990s and analysts who follow the booze biz don’t see it stopping anytime soon. So what’s the prob? Some say it’s an overall image crisis with beer. A recent survey finds that beer has lost its ‘sexiness’ and ‘appeal to young consumers’. But don’t cry in your beer just yet – it’s still #1, although trade publication “Beer Marketer’s Insights” estimates beer’s share of total alcohol sales has fallen to about 57%.
– ABC News
WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• A museum in Frankfurt, Germany is offering free ‘Art Appreciation Lessons’ to the city’s sanitation department, after garbage collectors accidentally lugged away a public art sculpture and sent it to the incinerator. (Maybe they were just exhibiting good taste?)
• An Australian study seeking to find the best position for women to use when urinating has been cancelled because it was determined that Westerners cannot squat for more than 30 seconds – without tipping over. (It’s a good thing they didn’t waste government grant money on something dumb like finding a cure for cancer.)
• While vacationing in Costa Rica, a concerned 50-year-old German tourist went to a doctor after his leg swelled up. The next thing he remembers is waking up in an airport lounge to find his leg amputated – and $375 missing from his wallet! It seems the doc doped him up, cut off his leg, then left him at the airport for a return flight to Germany – with a receipt for the cost of the operation. Not surprisingly, the man is planning to sue. (Although legal experts say he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.)
• North Korea has launched a campaign urging men to get a proper short-back-and-sides haircut. The campaign, entitled ‘Let Us Trim Our Hair in Accordance With Socialist Lifestyle’, recommends that men get a haircut every 15 days. (The government next plans the initiative ‘Let Us Quit Biting Our Toenails to Prevent Our Comrades From Gagging’.)
• A 78-year-old Australian granny got into a sticky situation when she confused her eye-drops with – yikes! – Super Glue. Fortunately, nurses at a hospital in Wurtulla managed to use vegetable oil to successfully remove the glue. (But unfortunately, the handle on her teapot keeps falling off.)
HOW NOT TO GET A RAISE:
The most critical mistakes employees make when talking to the boss about a raise …
• Assuming longevity entitles you to a raise.
• Needing a raise because you bought a new house, car or had a baby.
• Threatening to quit or refusing to do a project.
• Stating that some other employee got a raise so you want one too.
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Sirius Satellite Radio and XM Satellite Radio now claim to have over 4 million listeners between them.
• Space is only 62 miles away. That’s just 100 clicks.
AND WE QUOTE:
“By 2050 our aim is to beat the winners of football’s [soccer’s] World Cup and we are very confident that we will be able to do that.”
– Shu Ishiguro, head of Osaka, Japan’s Robot Laboratory, claiming his lab’s creations will be the uber-athletes of the future.
THE BULL SHEET 01.13.2K5
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1962  Trace Adkins, Springhill LA, country singer (“Songs About Me”, “Then They Do”)
1977  Orlando Bloom, Caterbury UK, movie actor (“Troy”, “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Lord of the Rings” trilogy)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Sweden/Norway] “Tyvendedagen” (20th day of Christmas)
[USA] “Stephen Foster Memorial Day” (“Way down upon dah Swa-neeee Ribber …”)
TODAY is “Make Your Dream Come True Day”, presumably another observance initiated by the Society of Hopeless Optimists. (It’s easy to accomplish this lofty goal. First, get a whole bunch of money …)
TODAY is “Volunteer Fireman’s Day” which likely involves buying a calendar of hotties posing with their hoses.
TODAY is the “95th Anniversary of Radio Broadcasting to the Public”. In 1910, radio pioneer and electron tube inventor Lee De Forrest arranged for a handful of people at receiving locations around NYC to hear the voice of Enrico Caruso and other Metropolitan Opera stars through individual earphones. (He had lousy quarter-hours … but a 100% share!)
TOMORROW is traditionally the “Coldest Day of the Year” in the Northern Hemisphere. According to weather lore, the coldest temp of all-time was recorded January 14, 1734 in Siberia. At -120 F, smoke would not rise and birds dropped frozen to the ground.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1957  Wham-O Co introduces the 1st ‘Frisbee’
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985  Likely the ‘oldest to score an ace’, 99-year-old German golfer Otto Bucher sinks a hole-in-one on a course in Spain
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Assembly Line Worker’s Day
[Fri] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Fri] Russian Orthodox New Year
[Sun] 62nd Golden Globe Awards
[Sun] Hot & Spicy Food International Day
[Mon] Martin Luther King Jr Day
[Mon -Jan 23] Canadian Figure Skating Championships (London ON)
[Tues] 4th season of “American Idol” debuts on FOX-TV
This Week Is . . . Bowling Week
This Month Is . . . Mentoring Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS WORLDWIDE:
Tuna and corn (England)
Black bean sauce (Guatemala)
Mussels and clams (Chile)
Barbecued chicken (Bahamas)
Pickled ginger (India)
Fresh cream (France)
Green peas (Brazil)
– Professional Chefs Association
BS REASONS TO STAY SINGLE:
• You can take the time to find the right partner.
• You can focus on your career.
• You can do what you want, when you want.
• You can enjoy a sexual smorgasbord.
• You can build wealth.
• You can keep your toys.
• You don’t have to compromise.
• Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down? [They’re reverting back to their days in the wild when circling was a way to smooth ground cover to make a comfortable bed.]
• What are the 4 most prominent flavors in Juicy Fruit gum? [Lemon, orange, pineapple and banana.]
• Why is that piece of tissue paper included in wedding invitations? [It’s simply a tradition left over from the old days, when it was needed to keep the ink from smearing.]
• Say you’re planning a winter vacation in the Caribbean? Why won’t you need sunscreen on the palms of your hands? [The outermost layer of dead skin filters out the harmful rays from the sun. That layer is especially thick on the palms, thereby preventing sunburn.]
• What kind of hens lay extra-large eggs? [The older the chicken, the bigger the egg.]
– “Imponderables” by Dave Feldman
THE WEEK’S TOP ONLINE IMAGE SEARCHES:
1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Paris Hilton
3. Jessica Simpson
4. Britney Spears
5. Pamela Anderson
– Yahoo! Buzz Index
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: At least once, 60% of women and 20% of guys have called in sick for THIS reason.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A bad hair day.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
In the race for quality, there is no finish line.