Wednesday, January 12, 2005        Edition: #2946
Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
CTV says it’s turning down CBC-TV’s offer to simulcast TOMORROW night’s “Canada for Asia” fundraiser for tsunami victims (featuring Tom Cochrane, Blue Rodeo, Rush, Bryan Adams, Jann Arden, Celine Dion & others) due to ‘short notice’ (translation: It’s “CSI” night, you morons!) . . . They already own a variety of homes in California, NY and Florida between them but Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony are buying their first joint home together, a $9.9-million penthouse in South Beach FL’s fashionable new Icon Building (where residents will soon be complaining about ‘that bitch upstairs’) . . . Nearly every cable channel but the Food Network is desperate to pay through the nose for cleaned-up (translated: watered-down) reruns of “The Sopranos” that are about to go on the block; the bidding starting at $1.8-million – that’s per episode! . . . E Street Band and “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” drummer Max Weinberg has a new road show he takes to colleges and high schools that deals with ‘life lessons’ (Lesson #1: Never cut off one of Clarence Clemons’ sax solos or he’ll put the big hurt on you!) . . . THIS WEEK has-been pop singer Ricky Martin is visiting tsunami-battered areas in Thailand to ‘comfort orphans’ and ‘mobilize international support’ (the use of this tragedy to garner publicity is becoming soooo tacky – c’mon what could disaster victims possibly gain from a Ricky Martin visit?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – She’s set to hit the road FEBRUARY 25th with her “Diary Tour”, playing ‘intimate venues’ in 34 cities beginning with Miami FL.
• Celine Dion – TODAY she’s on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”.
• Hilary Duff – THIS AFTERNOON she does “Live At Much” @ 4 pm ET on MuchMusic.
• Green Day – TONIGHT they appear on “Last Call With Carson Daly” on NBC-TV.
• JoJo – She claims she was forced to quit school because her success caused intense jealousy among classmates. But the 14-year-old “Leave (Get Out)” singer says, “I feel that going through hard times gave me something to write about.”
• Nas – The 31-year-old rapper (“I’m Gonna Be Alright”) quietly wed 24-year-old rappette Kelis (“Milkshake”) in a small ceremony in Atlanta over the weekend. Both reportedly removed their gold tooth caps for the occasion.
• Queen – Guitarist Brian May has pledged the proceeds from TONIGHT’s 1,000th London performance of the musical “We Will Rock You” to tsunami victims.

COMING SOON – REAL HOT PANTS:
Researchers at the University of Toronto have invented an infrared-sensitive material that could soon be used for a variety of purposes: ‘smart walls’ that monitor and respond to the environment in a room (“Who the hell turned the heat down?”); digital cameras sensitive enough to work in the dark (Paris Hilton will be thrilled); and clothing with the capacity to turn the Sun’s power into electrical energy (enabling the exciting prospect of getting a sunburn without taking your off your duds!).
– ANI

DUMB & DUMBER:
A former director of Measurement Canada (responsible for the accuracy of our country’s meters and scales) has been charged with 11 counts of fraud for using government credit cards to – buy hockey cards. Even dumber, he then tried to pass off the whopping $185,000 in charges as – office supplies. Donald Billing of Barrie ON is due to appear in court FEBRUARY 11th. (In a brand new Ipsos-BS Poll, 89% of Canadians say the incident is a fine example of improved use of our tax dollars.)
– Reuters

RABBLE-ROUSING RULING
The US Supreme Court has decided to let a lower court ruling stand that says the Ku Klux Klan CAN in fact take part in Missouri’s ‘Adopt-A-Highway’ program in which volunteers pick up trash along the roadside and the state, in turn, erects a sign thanking the organization. (“Litter control on this portion of Interstate 70 provided by … white trash.”)
– Reuters

MID-DAY CRISIS:
Scientists say that more heart attacks occur at mid-morning than any other time of day. Why? The human ‘body clock’ influences heartbeat patterns, which become more erratic between 9 and 11 am. Researchers aren’t sure why, but it may be because it’s a transition period during the day. (Or the heart-stopping influence of [mid-day jock] here on [your station].
– “Washington Post”

REALITY READING:
20 men meet a 26-year-old virgin and compete for her affections – and her virginity – on the new reality series, “The Virgin”, which debuts THIS WEEK. But it’s not on TV – “The Virgin” is a new novel by author Erik Barmack about what happens behind-the-scenes in a fictional unscripted TV show. Among the inside terminology revealed in the book …
• ‘OTFs’ – ‘On the Fly’ interviews, conducted while contestants are rushing to doing something else.
• ‘Precious Present’ – The present tense, which reality show contestants are always required to use when speaking on-camera.
• To ‘Line-Cross’ – To mess up the invisible line between ‘reality’ and ‘show biz’ by talking to the crew while cameras are rolling.
– “Reality Blurred: The Reality TV Weblog”

THE CURSE OF THE CAMPBELL:
The so-called ‘Campbell’s Chunky Soup Curse’ may come into play once again THIS WEEKEND in the NFL playoffs. Pittsburgh Steelers rookie QB sensation Ben Roethlisberger is currently appearing in commercials for the soup and coincidentally (or not!) suffered a rib injury which may prevent him from performing at 100%. That makes him the 7th NFL player afflicted with bad karma after doing a ‘Chunky’ ad. Previous victims include Philadelphia QB Donovan McNabb, Chicago linebacker Brian Urlacher, former Denver running back Terrell Davis, and late Philadelphia/Green Bay defensive end Reggie White who died a couple of weeks ago. (Perhaps the ultimate victim?).
– “Boston Herald”

DON’T FORGET THE CURRY:
Bright yellow curry spice not only may treat Alzheimer’s disease, but also lower your risk of ever getting it. The same pigment that makes the spice yellow may help prevent Alzheimer’s by breaking up the ‘plaque’ that marks the brains of Alzheimer’s disease patients. UCLA researchers have found that the magic ingredient seems to be ‘curcumin’, a component of the yellow curry spice turmeric. Studies have found that in India, where curry spice is a dietary staple, the rate of Alzheimer’s disease among elderly adults is very low. (However, there’s a far greater incidence of terminal flatulence.)
– “Journal of Biological Chemistry”

PROTECTING YOUR POD:
So you finally got a coveted iPod, for which you spent hundreds of dollars and carefully uploaded with thousands of your fave tunes. Now you better watch out! Word is there’s been a rapid increase in the number of iPod thefts right out in the open on the street and it’s for a very simple reason – robbers can easily spot people wearing an iPod by the distinctive white plastic headphones that come as standard equipment. So if you want to protect your investment, it’s as simple as switching the earphones for a different color. That way, you could be listening to any cheapo personal disc player.
– “The Examiner”

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
Ever wonder what you’ll die from? Here’s a look at the lifetime odds of kicking off from various calamities …
• Heart Disease … 1-in-5
• Cancer … 1-in-7
• Stroke … 1-in-23
• Accidental Injury … 1-in-36
• Auto Accident … 1-in-100
• Suicide … 1-in-121
• Falling Down … 1-in-246
• Fire … 1-in-1,116
• Electrocution … 1-in-5,000
• Drowning … 1-in-8,942
• Air Travel Accident … 1-in-20,000
• Lightning Strike … 1-in-83,930
• Dog Attack … 1-in-147,717
• Asteroid Impact … 1-in-200,000
Note: there are no formal estimates on the risk of death by tsunami, because they occur so infrequently.
– LiveScience

BS AMAZING FACT:
Studies show that most purchasing decisions are made within 5 seconds, and about 70% of them are impulsive. (So [co-host], speaking of that hat …)

AND WE QUOTE:
“We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson’s horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again.”
– Petition to Geffen Records being circulated online.

THE BULL SHEET 01.12.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [54] Rush Limbaugh, Cape Girardeau MO, pill-poppin’ syndicated right-wing radio host & part-time bigot  FACTOID: He’s just divorced his 3rd wife, clearing the way for CNN anchor Daryn Kagan to become Mrs Limbaugh #4.

1951 [54] Kirstie Alley, Wichita KS, ex-TV sitcom star (“Veronica’s Closet”, “Cheers”) whose new reality TV show “Fat Actress” debuts MARCH 6th

1954 [51] Howard Stern (‘King of All Media’), Queens NY, syndicated radio ‘shock jock’ who thinks he’s personally going to make satellite radio viable

1960 [45] Charles Gillingham, Torrance CA, pop musician (Counting Crows-“Big Yellow Taxi”, “Mr Jones”)

1964 [41] Jeff Bezos, Miami FL, Internet billionaire (Amazon.com founder & CEO)

1974 [31] Melanie Chisholm (‘Sporty Spice’), Widnes UK, has-been pop singer (Spice Girls-“Wannabe”, w/Bryan Adams-“When You’re Gone”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TOMORROW is the “95th Anniversary of Radio Broadcasting”. You may want to plan some special celebrations for your show. (Like find some recordings of Lloyd Robertson.)

JANUARY is “National Soup Month”. Which are the most popular soups? Have our tastes changed over the years? You can also ask about the ‘Campbell’s Chunky Soup Curse’ (and try to arrange a TV ad for your most-hated NFL player).
PHONER: 800.257.8443 (Campbell Soup Co)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [10] Fans from as far away as Japan trek to see actor Keanu Reeves open in “Hamlet” at Winnipeg’s Manitoba Theatre Centre

1995 [10] Amid unprecedented media hype, OJ Simpson murder trial begins in LA

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1985 [20] Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” tops album charts (knocking off Prince’s “Purple Rain” after 24 weeks)

2000 [05] Sharon Osbourne announces she’s quitting as manager of Smashing Pumpkins “due to medical reasons … Billy Corgan is making me sick!”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1997 [08] 1st NFL Conference Championships to include 2 expansion teams (Carolina in NFC, Jacksonville in AFC)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Make Your Dream Come True Day
[Thurs] Volunteer Fireman’s Day
[Fri] Assembly Line Worker’s Day
[Fri] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Sat] Hat Day
[Sun] 62nd Golden Globe Awards
[Sun] Hot & Spicy Food International Day
[Mon -Jan 23] Canadian Figure Skating Championships (London ON)
[Mon] Martin Luther King Jr Day
This Week Is . . . Thank-Your-Customers Week
This Month Is . . . Clean Up Your Computer Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS THINGS THAT GUYS DON’T DO …
Guys don’t share umbrellas.
Guys don’t wear capri pants.
Guys don’t wear white shoes … unless they’re runners.
Guys aren’t vegetarians.
Guys aren’t cat owners.
Guys don’t ‘need time’.
Guys don’t wear dresses … even if they’re Scots.
Guys don’t double other guys on their bikes.
Guys don’t carry purses … especially ‘man purses’ from The Gap.
(Ask listeners for more things guys don’t do.)

BS ‘T & A GAME’:
Your contestant must come up with as many [clean] euphemisms as possible for the following human body parts …
• Breasts [Boobs, hooters, knockers, jugs, bust, bazongas, boobies, melons, titties, jubes,  maracas, bazooms, etc]
• Buttocks [Heinie, butt, bum, behind,  kiester, posterior, rear end, tush, booty, rear, cheeks, backside, etc.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
Are you suffering from ‘Disaster Fatigue’? A month ago most of us couldn’t even spell tsunami; now we’re bombarded with news and images at every turn. Is it one of the hazards of today’s ever-prevalent media that we become numb to tragedy due to overexposure?

BS TRIVIUS PURSUITI:
Q: Late doughnut shop mogul Tim Horton would have turned 75 TODAY had he not been killed in a car accident. Besides flogging ‘Tim Bits’, what did he do for living?
A: Those under 40 may be totally unaware he was an NHL hockey player, elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1977.

Q: According to the World Meteorological Organization, which type of weather phenomenon kills more people worldwide than any other?
A: Heat stress, which kills even more people than hurricanes and floods.

BS BLATANT JOKE:
I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only 8 minutes.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to the Discovery Channel, you pick up between 1- and 5-million bacteria every time you do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: French kiss.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
No one really wants advice … only corroboration.