Friday, January 30, 2004 Edition: #2714
It’s Super Bull MMDCCXIV!
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEKEND actor Paul Newman’s car in the “Rolex 24 at Daytona” race will be sponsored by Pixar, and in return Newman will provide a voice in the upcoming Pixar animated film “Cars” . . . SUNDAY “Survivor: All-Stars” debuts on CBS-TV following the “Super Bowl”, featuring 18 contestants from previous editions including 4 champs: Richard Hatch, Tina Wesson, Ethan Zohn & Jenna Morasca (is it fair that they get ANOTHER shot at a million?) . . . Rumor has it Paris Hilton & her Back Street beau Nick Carter will wed in a Vegas chapel on Valentine’s Day . . . Justin Timberlake has reportedly cheated on girlfriend Cameron Diaz with British glamour model Lucy Clarkson – the face of video game heroine ‘Lara Croft’ . . . Doctors have told 29-year-old rocker Ryan Adams he could lose 20% of the movement in his guitar-strumming wrist following an accident in Liverpool UK in which he fell off the stage . . . Michael Jackson’s ex-business adviser Myung-Ho Lee tells “Vanity Fair” his former boss is ‘a wine-guzzling pill-popper who was addicted to morphine and Demerol and spent time in detox as recently as 1999′ (alrighty, are we bitter then?) . . . A Chicago judge has ordered R Kelly, who’s awaiting trial on kiddie porn charges, to stay away from accused child molester Michael Jackson (what, they’re gonna exchange tips?) . . . “Golden Globes” no-show Sean Penn will reportedly attend the Academy Awards for the first time ever – in support of “Mystic River” for which he’s received a ‘Best Actor’ nomination . . . And the ‘real reason’ behind the Bennifer split is now said to be that Ben Affleck pulled out of a secret Christmas wedding to J-Lo (maybe he got sick to death of hearing about their shallow, self-involved lives too?).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Big Bounce” (Crime Comedy): A loose adaptation of the Elmore Leonard book about a petty con-man (Owen Wilson) who lands an honest job with a judge (Morgan Freeman), but simultaneously becomes involved in a scam with a beautiful woman he falls for (Sara Foster).
• “The Perfect Score” (Crime Comedy): Scarlett Johansson stars in this story about a group of high-school seniors who plan to steal the SAT answers and secure their future by getting into the best colleges. (If you were 16, would you wanna go see a movie about SATs?)
• “You Got Served” (Musical Drama): In order to achieve their dream of opening a recording studio, two friends (Marques Houston & Omarion) must first win a hip-hop dance contest – a fierce competition that pits them against a group of tough street dancers. (“West Side Story” … with rap.)
SUPER BOWL 38 NOTES:
It’s estimated close to 90 million TV viewers will watch the New England Patriots & Carolina Panthers play SUNDAY at Reliant Stadium in Houston TX. Other stuff that’s going on around the big game …
• Super Bowl office chatter may have cost companies over $820 million in potential earnings, according to outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas. It claims employers lose $2.59 per worker for every 10 minutes they spend talking about football instead of work.
• Beyonce Knowles will sing the pre-game national anthem in her hometown.
• The MTV-produced half-time show will feature Janet Jackson, P Diddy, Kid Rock, and Nelly.
• A half-time pay-per-view ‘Lingerie Bowl’ featuring women in lingerie playing 7-on-7 tackle football is scheduled. DaimlerChrysler decided to back out of sponsoring it after negative feedback.
• TODAY & tomorrow Jack Daniels is sponsoring a ‘tailgating competition’ pitting the New England Nightmares against the Carolina Outlaws. They’ll do battle over – best grilling recipes.
• SATURDAY Snoop Dogg stages his annual ‘Snooper Bowl’ in Houston, a full-contact exhibition football game between his team & the minor league LA Gunslingers to benefit his Save A Life Foundation.
WHY MOMMY SAYS ‘THAT’S YUCKY!”:
The emotion of disgust evolved to protect us from infectious disease, according to British researchers at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine. They conducted a Web-based experiment in which 40,000 people reported how disgusting they found a series of pictures – including body lesions, feces, rotting meat and parasites. Disease-related objects were found to be more ‘disgusting’ than those with no obvious disease association, such as a towel bearing a blue stain.
Source: “Daily Telegraph”
GIVE HIM THE FINGER:
Employees at an Irish hospital have been searching frantically for a fingertip that disappeared hours before it was due to be sewn onto a man’s finger. The top of the patient’s right middle finger got clipped off and he was rushed to a Galway hospital with the severed fingertip in an ice bag. The poor patient says that bag was right beside him, but he doesn’t know what happened to it after that.
Source: “NY Post”
HOW TO SMELL LIKE A DRUNK:
A new scent is being marketed by Bombay Sapphire, maker of the popular gin that comes in a blue bottle. The new perfume called ‘Infusion’ contains the same mixture of spices, including Italian juniper and Moroccan coriander, that is used to make the gin. A shower gel and moisturizing lotion are also available with the same smell.
Source: “Globe & Mail”
THE BULL SHEET 01.30.2K4
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [74] Gene Hackman, San Bernadino CA, movie actor who’s appeared in over 90 movies (Oscars-“Unforgiven”, “The French Connection”)
1937 [67] Vanessa Redgrave, London UK, movie actress (“Girl, Interrupted”, Oscar-“Julia”)
1941 [63] Dick Cheney, Lincoln NE, US Vice-President since 2001/Defense Secretary in Dubya’s dad’s administration (1989-93)/White House Chief of Staff (1975-77)
1951 [53] Phil Collins, London UK, 5′-5″ classic rock singer (“In the Air Tonight”, “Genesis-“Invisible Touch”)/film composer (“Tarzan”, “Against All Odds”)
1974 [30] Christian Bale, Haverfordwest, Wales UK, movie actor (he’s the next ‘Batman’ in “Batman: Intimidation”, coming in 2005)
1980 [24] Wilmer Valderrama, Miami FL, TV actor (‘Fes’ [Foreign Exchange Student]-“That ’70s Show” since 1998)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1971 [33] Minnie Driver, London UK, movie actress (“Hope Springs”, “Good Will Hunting”) UP NEXT: “The Phantom of the Opera”.
1973 [31] Portia DeRossi, Melbourne AUS, TV actress (‘Lindsay Funke’-“Arrested Development”, “Ally McBeal” 1998-2002) who is engaged to singer/songwriter Francesca Gregorini, stepdaughter of Ringo Starr
1981 [23] Justin Timberlake, Memphis TN, pop singer (“Senorita”, “Cry Me a River”, ‘N Sync-“Bye Bye Bye”)/Cameron Diaz’s bf
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Fun At Work Day”, because experts say when we enjoy our work, we are more productive. So here are a few BS suggestions on ways to have fun at work . . .
• Before anyone else shows up, connect each PC to a different monitor.
• Don’t be content just photocopying your ass, scan it into your PC and enhance it with Photoshop!
• Bring a chainsaw, but don¹t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, mysteriously say ‘Just in case’.
• Move the ‘Reserved’ sign on the bosses’s parking space one space to the left … every day.
• Put a straw in your mouth and your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
• Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
• Put your trash can on your desk. Label it ‘IN’.
TODAY is the 82nd annual “World Law Day”, established in 1922 to celebrate the rules society lives by. Now this would be an odd law – Venezuela’s Supreme Court is currently considering allowing ‘famine thefts’. Anyone suffering prolonged poverty would be able to steal food, medicine or inexpensive goods – without punishment.
TODAY is “National Inane Answering Message Day”, a time set aside to change, shorten, replace or delete those annoying voicemail messages.
TODAY is “National Croissant Day”, the first step of which is being able to say ‘croissant’. (NOT ‘croy-sents’, it’s ‘cwah-SAHN’).
TODAY is “National Yodel for Your Neighbors Day”. (Followed by ‘Getting Tomato-ed by Your Neighbors Day’.)
TOMORROW is “Child Labor Day”, highlighting the problem of Third World children forced into the workforce. Canadian Craig Kielburger of Thornhill ON began an organization called ‘Free The Children’, dedicated to the elimination of child labor and exploitation of children, when he was just 12-years-old. Since then he’s become an unofficial roving ambassador for the cause.
NET: http://www.freethechildren.org
TOMORROW is “Play an Old Game You Haven’t Played in Years Night”. (Maybe Yahtzee, Scrabble, Monopoly, Canasta, um … Hungry Hippo … Strip Poker?)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1969 [35] The Beatles make their last public appearance, performing “Get Back” atop Apple Records in London for the movie “Let It Be”
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1894 [110] 1st ‘jackhammer’ patented (CB King-Detroit MI)
1933 [71] 1st radio broadcast of “The Lone Ranger”, which also originated in Detroit (on the first program, ‘Tonto’ rides ‘White Feller’ – that’s his horse’s name!)
1958 [46] 1st ‘moving sidewalk’ (1,435-ft-long walkway at Love Field in Dallas TX)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1920 [84] Québec Bulldogs’ Joe Malone sets NHL record of 7 goals in a single game
1994 [10] 1st teams to play each other in 2 consecutive Super Bowls as Dallas beats Buffalo again, this time 30-13 (also a record 4th consecutive Super Bowl loss for the Bills)
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Feb 1] Super Bowl XXXVIII (Houston TX) / “Survivor: All-Stars” debuts on CBS-TV / Diabetes Sunday
[Feb 2] Groundhog Day / PM Paul Martin’s Federal Budget
[Feb 3] Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day / Men’s Grooming Day
[Feb 5] Weatherman’s Day / Pay a Compliment Day / Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
[Feb 6] “Barbershop 2″, “Miracle” open in movie theaters /Girls & Women in Sports Day / Full ‘Snow’ Moon
[Feb 7] Charles Dickens Day / Girls & Women in Sports Day / Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
[Feb 8] 46th Grammy Awards / NHL All-Star Game (St Paul MN) / NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI) / Boy Scout & Girl Scout Day
[Feb 9] National Develop Alternative Vices Day
[Feb 10] Umbrella Day
[Feb 10-13] “Late Night With Conan O’Brien “ in Toronto ON
[Feb 11] Inventors Day / Satisfied Staying Single Day / Juno nominations announced
[Feb 13] “50 First Dates” opens in theaters / “Canadian Idol” auditions begin (Ottawa ON) / Elton John Caesars Palace run begins in Las Vegas NV / National Condom Week begins / Get A Different Name Day / Read to Your Child Day
[Feb 14] St Valentine’s Day
[Feb 15] Ben Affleck kicks off Daytona 500 / British Academy of Film & Television Arts Awards (BAFTAs) / NBA All-Star Game (LA CA)
[Feb 16] Family Day (Alberta) / Presidents’ Day (USA) / Do A Grouch A Favor Day
[Feb 17] Brit Awards (music)
[Feb 20] “Against the Ropes” opens in movie theaters / Hoodie Hoo Day / National Student Volunteer Day / Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Feb 21] Card Reading Day
[Feb 22] Screen Actors Guild Awards (SAG) / Carnival Week begins / Shrovetide / Awal Muharram (Islamic New Year)
[Feb 23] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Halifax NS) / International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day / Rose Monday / Bun Day
[Feb 24] Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday) / Pancake Day / Kelly Clarkson-Clay Aiken tour begins (Charlotte NC) / Spay Day USA
[Feb 25] Ash Wednesday / Lent begins / “The Passion of the Christ” opens in movie theaters
[Feb 26] National For Pete’s Sake Day
[Feb 27] “Twisted”, “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights” open in movie theaters / International Polar Bear Day
[Feb 28] International Floral Design Day / Public Sleeping Day
[Feb 29] “Canadian Idol” auditions (St John’s NL) / 76th Academy Awards
[Mar 2] “Seussentennial” (100th anniversary of Dr Seuss’s birth) / Britney Spears tour kicks off (San Diego CA)
[Mar 3-7] 10th US Comedy Arts Festival (Aspen CO)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit testicles were put on the outside? What kinda dumb design is that?
• Whyzit in a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, zits, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, stupid jerks and PMS, people still tell you to ‘Have a Nice Day’?
• Whyzit they can take crystal clear pictures of Mars but my Paris Hilton tape is fuzzy?
• Whyzit we affectionately call someone ‘pumpkin’? Pumpkins are ugly, foul-tasting, orange, and full of slime.
• Whyzit guys named ‘Victor’ sometimes lose?
• Whyzit “Reader’s Digest” found ‘a cure for aging’. Is aging a disease?
• Whyzit cranberries keep getting into all the other juices?
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Which state is home to the most NFL owners?
A: No state has more NFL owners than Texas. The Texan owners in the league include Bob McNair (Texans), Bud Adams (Titans), Jerry Jones (Cowboys), Lamar Hunt (Chiefs), Red McCombs (Vikings), and Tom Benson (Saints).
Source: “St Petersburg Times”
BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Microsoft says their new goal is to put a computer in every new car. Apparently they’re trying to create a car that crashes itself.
• The difference between ‘involvement’ and ‘commitment’ is like bacon and eggs for breakfast – the chicken was ‘involved’, but the pig was ‘committed’.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that you’re less likely to need painkillers if you have THIS in the room while delivering a baby.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A female friend.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it.
