Wednesday, January 28, 2004        Edition: #2712
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Rush’s planned “30th Anniversary World Tour” may have to be put on hold due to guitarist Alex Lifeson’s New Year’s Eve arrest for allegedly assaulting a Florida police officer (Naples prosecutors now promise to announce if charges will be laid within 2 weeks) . . . White Stripes is releasing “There’s No Home For You Here”, another track from their “Elephant” album as a single – but on 7-inch vinyl only (maybe you can pick up something to play it on at an “Antiques Road Show”) . . . 83-year-old Pope John Paul II has hosted a performance by a Polish troupe of – breakdancers (the pope was heard to yell, “Boogie down, dudes!”) . . . Ben Affleck is already looking for a bachelor pad, and said to be eyeing Frank Sinatra’s old Beverly Hills home . . . At the urging of boyfriend Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz is studying to be a Scientologist and hopes to complete her education by her 30th birthday in APRIL . . .Courtney Love has signed literary agent David Vigliano to shop a book about her life – his other clients include Michael Jackson and Jessica Simpson . . . 40-year-old has-been pop star George Michael has put his $7.2-million Sunset Boulevard mansion on the market and is looking to move to Texas, home of his long-time partner Kenny Goss . . . Nicole Kidman has reportedly agreed to play the sexy Swedish secretary ‘Ulla’ in the new movie version of the hit Broadway musical “The Producers”, starring Nathan Lane & Matthew Broderick . . . Jennifer Lopez won’t be stuck promoting her upcoming film “Jersey Girl“ with co-star and ex-fiancé Ben Affleck, because – she dies just 12 minutes into the movie (let’s hope the movie doesn’t die 12 minutes after release, like “Gigli”) . . . And Christina Aguilera is denying reports she’s had a boob job, claiming her new ‘up-front look’ is only because her body has recently begun to change (apparently she’s finally reached puberty … at age 23).

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• A new Intersearch survey finds that 30% of adults pick the ‘mobile phone’ as the invention they most hate but can’t live without. The ‘alarm clock’ placed 2nd 25%, surprisingly just ahead of ‘TV’.
• 59% of women and 54% of men would like to change at least one feature on their partner’s face, according to a new poll by the Academy of Facial Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery.
• According to a survey by “Parade” magazine, most of us eat dessert 3 times a week. Baked goods, ice cream and chocolates top the list of ‘guilty pleasures’.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Drunch’ – A combination lunch and dinner that starts out as a late lunch but then runs into the dinner hour, often fueled by an abundance of liquid libations.
• ‘Matrixed Environment’ – A supposedly efficient work structure in which employees answer to a ‘department head’ but most of their work is assigned by a ‘project manager’, thereby providing two bosses for the price of one.
• ‘Carried a Bag’ – Marketing speak for a seasoned sales veteran who has traveled extensively. (“She knows her stuff – she’s carried a bag for Acme Products for over 8 years now.”)

VP RUDY?
Rumor has it US President George W Bush will most likely drop Dick Cheney from his re-election ticket and his first choice for a replacement Vice-President is – former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani. Word has it Cheney’s health will probably be given as the reason.
Source: “The Scoop”

WHAT WOULD JESUS GROSS?
Mel Gibson has been accused of a lot of things since he made “The Passion”, his controversial movie chronicling the crucifixion of Christ that opens on Ash Wednesday. But nobody is accusing him of ignoring the Hollywood profit motive – it seems there are a whole line of products timed to hit the market with the film’s release NEXT MONTH, including ‘Passion’ T-shirts and other sundries. (Will there be action figures?)
Source: ”NY Daily News”

BEWARE OF RED LEAVES:
Danish researchers have produced a plant that can help detect hidden landmines by changing its color from green to red when its roots come in contact with explosives. Scientists at a Copenhagen biotech firm have worked on the genetically-modified plant for nearly 3 years, hoping their creation will help reduce the number of people killed or injured from forgotten explosives. Some 100 million unexploded landmines are believed to still be buried in about 75 different countries. (Yeah, but who gets to do the planting?)
Source: AFP

MUCH ADO ABOUT A ‘DO:
A Yale University study suggests that a ‘bad hair day’ can indeed affect self-esteem, causing you not only to feel embarrassed, but also less smart, less capable and less sociable. And guess what? It affects men more than women! (Especially a ‘bad back-hair day’.)
Source: “ Cincinnati Enquirer”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Piercing nipples with rings and the like is not a new fad. In fact, it was popular among ladies in the late 1800s.

AND WE QUOTE:
“Can you please stop sending me those stupid f–-ing text messages?!” – Nicole Kidman confronting her ex-, Tom Cruise, outside the post-“Golden Globes” bash at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, according to the UK’s “Daily Mirror” tabloid.

THE BULL SHEET 01.28.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [68] Alan Alda (Alphonso D’Abruzzo), NYC, TV host (“Scientific American”)/TV actor (3 Emmy Awards as ‘Hawkeye Pierce’ on “M*A*S*H” 1972-1983)

1968 [36] Sarah McLachlan, Halifax NS, pop singer (“Fallen”, “Adia”, “Sweet Surrender”)

1977 [27] Joey Fatone, Brooklyn NY, pop singer (‘N Sync-“Girlfriend”, “Pop”)

1980 [24] Nick Carter, Jamestown NY, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Drowning”, “As Long As You Love Me”)/brother of teen singer Aaron Carter/Paris Hilton’s latest mount

1981 [23] Elijah Wood, Cedar Rapids IA, bug-eyed movie actor (‘Frodo Baggins’-“Lord of the Rings” trilogy) whose head is about 5 times too large for his body

1985 [19] Athina Onassis Roussel, Paris FRA, world’s richest girl (daughter of Christina & Thierry Roussel) who a year ago inherited half her grandfather Aristotle Onassis’ estate (estimated to top $3 billion) and at age 21 will inherit the chairmanship of the Onassis Foundation, which controls the other half

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Kazoo Day”, honoring the musical instrument even the most untalented can play. Historical research places the origins of this instrument with the Roman military kazoo bands that led Caesar’s legions against the hordes of Vercingetorix in 52 BC. (“Agghh! A legion of kazoo players – we give up!!!”)

TODAY is “School Nurse Day”, to honor those dedicated professionals who write handy excuse notes. (Also known as ‘Fake a Headache & Get Out of Class Day’.)

TODAY is “International Clash Day”, when you’re encouraged to put together the gaudiest outfit you can find in order to relieve the winter blahs. (Seems [co-host] celebrates this EVERY day!)

TODAY is “Swap a Brown Bag Lunch Day” to add some excitement to your noon hour. (Tuna and peanut butter – yummy!)

FRIDAY-February 15th the 50th annual “Québec Winter Carnival” in Québec City parties hardy, led by famous mascot ‘Bonhomme Carnaval’. The ‘world’s largest winter festival’ is expected to attract one million visitors and includes some 300 activities and shows.
PHONER: 888.283.5552/418.626.3716 x259 (Roxanne St-Pierre, Communication Department)
NET: http://www.carnaval.qc.ca

FRIDAY-February 8th is the 41st annual “Ontario Winter Carnival Bon Soo” in Sault Ste Marie ON, featuring over 125 events and known as the ‘Greatest Snow on Earth!’.
PHONER: 866.899.1670/705.759.3000 (Donna Gregg, General Manager)
NET: http://www.bonsoo.on.ca/index.shtml

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1996 [08] Thieves knock through a wall and plunder an exhibit of original ‘Muppets’ at the Erfut Garden Show in Germany, stealing ‘Bert & Ernie’ puppets valued at $126,000

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1985 [19] 45 top recording artists attend an all-night recording session in LA to produce the charity record “We Are the World” in aid of African famine relief (among those participating –  Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Sting, Diana Ross, Paul Simon & many others)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1934 [70] 1st ‘rope tow’ for skiing opens in Woodstock VT (before that, a helluva lot of uphill walking!)

1999 [05] 1st ‘live sex change operation’ performed on the Internet (was it a download or an upload?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1984 [20] Glynn Wolfe weds for a non-bigamous record 26th time, in Las Vegas

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Corn Chip Day
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Sun] Super Bowl XXXVIII (Houston TX)
[Sun] “Survivor: All-Stars” debuts on CBS-TV
[Sun] Diabetes Sunday
[Mon] Groundhog Day
[Mon] PM Paul Martin’s Federal Budget
This Week Is . . . Cross Country Skiing Week / National Meat Week (carnivores unite!)
This Month Is . . . Oatmeal Month / Retail Bakers Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS GOOD THINGS ABOUT A COLD WINTER:
• You don’t have to look at as many tattoos.
• The joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid yourself of those troublesome extremities.
• Lots of opportunities to say “Cold enough for ya?” and “Yeah, but it’s a dry cold.”
• You can chill your cheap wine on the window ledge at work.
• Flashers stick to describing themselves.
• Frozen moustache causes mother-in-law to speak less.
• “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance’s” finally not sweating.

SUPER BOWL BY THE NUMBERS:
• This Super Bowl marks the 1st in which both teams (Carolina and New England) take their names from an area, not a specific state or city.
• The Carolina Panthers will be the 4th different opponent the New England Patriots have played in a Super Bowl, joining the Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, and St Louis Rams.
• Carolina will try to become the 5th ‘first-time winner’ in the last 5 Super Bowls (St Louis Rams, Baltimore Ravens, New England Patriots, Tampa Bay Buccaneers).
• A Patriots win would make the Panthers the 11th different team to lose in the last 11 Super Bowls.
• The team that has scored first has lost the last 2 Super Bowls.
• This will be the 1st Super Bowl played in Houston in 30 years. (The last was Super Bowl VIII when the Miami Dolphins defeated the Minnesota Vikings 24-7.)
• Of the 43 Patriots that won Super Bowl XXXVI, 26 are still with the team.
• There actually was no ‘Super Bowl I’. At the time the game was known as the ‘AFL-NFL World Championship Game’.
Source: Edited and extrapolated from ESPN Research.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What’s the world’s most cosmopolitan city, based on the number of languages spoken there?
A: London UK, where an estimated 307 languages are spoken.

Q: You suffer from ‘peladophobia’. What are you afraid of?
A: Bald people.

Q: What is -273 degrees Celcius known as?
A: ‘Absolute zero’. (Yesterday’s high temperature in Timmins.)
Source: “Trivia Quest Magazine”

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I failed to make the school chess team because of my height.
• Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? I dunno, ask your mom.
• I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes … and 6 months later you have to start all over again.
• How do you know when you’re REALLY ugly? The dog humps your leg with his eyes closed.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: By the time you’re 60, you’ll have lost at least half of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your taste buds.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Things turn out best for those that make the best of the way things turn out.