Tuesday, January 6, 2004        Edition: #2696
Get a Load of This Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY 58-year-old former Monkees drummer Micky Dolenz debuts in the cast of the Broadway musical “Aida” opposite Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child (what, David Cassidy wasn’t available?) . . . TODAY Britain’s first official coroner’s inquest into the 1997 deaths of Princess Diana & boyfriend Dodi Fayed opens (and the verdict – Camilla did it) . . . Brawling White Stripes rocker Jack White is getting the Winona Ryder treatment – “Free Jack White” T-shirts have become hot sellers amongst fans . . . Nicole Kidman reportedly wants to sell her NYC penthouse because a developer is threatening to put a building in the way of her $9-million view of the skyline . . . Meantime, Nicole is said to be close to signing a deal for the lead role in “Bewitched”, a bigscreen adaptation of the ‘60s TV sitcom . . . Not that she needs the money – Nicole’s just been paid a reported $3.5 million to play a Marilyn Monroe-type character in a 4-minute Baz Luhrmann-directed ad for Chanel – said to be the highest fee-per-minute ever paid to an actor (yeah, but it took a gruelling 4 days to shoot) . . . Her ex-, Tom Cruise, says he’s interested in playing the lead in an upcoming Hollywood version of Marvel comic superhero “Iron Man” (hey, is that rust in your shorts?) . . . Even though he recently became a dad with someone else, 32-year-old movie hunk Mark Wahlberg has a new lady in his life – 22-year-old “Dark Angel” actress Jessica Alba . . . And guess who caught the bride’s bouquet at Aussie singer Natalie Imbruglia’s weekend wedding? None other than tired-of-being-single chick Kylie Minogue!

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Out of Time” (Thriller – DVD): Denzel Washington plays a small-town Florida chief of police in a race against time to solve a double murder before he falls under suspicion himself.
• “Underworld” (Gothic Horror Thriller – DVD): Kate Beckinsale is a leather-clad, butt-kicking vampire warrior who, in the process of saving a young human doctor (Scott Speedman), discovers a devious plan by the mortal rival werewolf tribe to create a super-race of predators.
• “Uptown Girls” (Comedy – DVD): Brittany Murphy portrays the high-living daughter of a late rock legend whose inheritance is stolen by her accountant. She takes a job as nanny to an uptight 8-year-old girl (Dakota Fanning) who’s saddled with adult responsibilities. Predictably, they teach each other how to act their age.

INSERTION VS RUBBING:
Scientists at Japan’s National Food Research Institute have found that peeling an apple stimulates the most highly evolved section of the human brain. The team found that blood flow to the frontal brain lobes increased significantly when study subjects used a knife to peel an apple, but did NOT when they only rubbed the apple with the knife. That led to the conclusion that it’s the complex task of using a potentially dangerous tool that affected the brain. (And also that the Japanese government is funding really dumb experiments.)

THE MIGHTY CANUCK BUCK:
The Canadian dollar is at it’s highest mark since AUGUST 1993. To put that into context, that was the same month that Bill Murray’s “Groundhog Day” was in movie theaters, and Snow’s “Informer” was topping the music charts. (And Pam Anderson was on her first set of boobs.)

WINNIPENGUINS?
Seven years after losing the Jets to Phoenix, it appears the city of Winnipeg wants the NHL back in town. The “Winnipeg Sun” reports the city’s deputy mayor, Dan Vandal, has written a letter to Mario Lemieux asking his Pittsburgh Penguins to move to the ’Peg. So far this season the Pens are averaging just over 12,000 fans per game, 2nd-worst in the league. (What should the team be renamed if it moves?)

THE SOUTH POLE:
The world’s tallest freestanding flagpole may be built as the centerpiece for a proposed veterans memorial park in Lexington GA. The flagpole would stand 550 feet tall, 136 feet higher than the worlds current tallest freestanding pole – a 414-footer in the Middle Eastern country of Jordan. It would take 6 months to build and once finished, it would take up to 10 minutes to hoist a flag to its top. (And every time the national anthem is sung, a thousand people will get a sore neck.)

THE BOTTOM LINE:
A “Glamour” magazine survey asks men what kind of woman’s behind they like most. 53% prefer a woman with ‘a very ripe, round bottom’. But 46% would rather have a woman with a ‘rock-hard, muscular butt’. (The remaining 1% chose ‘available’.)

BACKTRACKING:
According to a University of California at Berkeley study, fitness freaks can reduce stress on their knees by jogging or walking … backwards. The study notes that the safest way to do this is with a forward-motion partner. (You’ll be the talk of the neighborhood in no time!)

WORD BAN:
Each year, Michigan’s Lake Superior State University selects words and phrases that should be banned from the English language for being too ‘trendy, trite, euphemistic or just plain inaccurate’. The 2004 losers include …
• ‘Metrosexual’ – a heterosexual man with a keen interest in fashion, shopping & grooming.
• ‘Punk’d’ – the name of the MTV prank show, which the banishment committee says would be better described as ‘bamboozled’, ‘duped’, ‘flimflammed’, or ‘hornswoggled’.
• ‘Bling-Bling’ – the term for flashy jewelry or other luxury goods which originated in rap music.
• ‘LOL’ – the Internet short text message abbreviation for ‘laughing out loud’.

STARS WHO LOOK DIM:
Clinton Kelly & Stacy London of TLC’s makeover show “What Not To Wear” have compiled a list of celebs who could use an upgrade. Among them: Whoopi Goldberg (dresses like a bag lady), movie critic Gene Shalit (needs a shave and a haircut), CNN talk show host Larry King (his suspenders make him look hunched), singer Christina Aguilera (a human pincushion), and heiress-turned-video & TV star Paris Hilton (her pants make her look like a plumber).

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• DVD movie sales were 46% higher in 2003 than in 2002, and DVD movie rentals were up a whopping 53%. So how much longer can the VHS format last?
• The percentage of Americans who download free music online has been sliced in half since the RIAA began taking legal action against Internet song-swappers.
• “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” is set to pass the 15th biggest movie of all-time, “Forrest Gump”, as it closes in on $700 million in worldwide box office.

THE BULL SHEET 01.06.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [51] Malcolm Young, Glasgow SCOT, classic rock guitarist (AC/DC-“Thunderstruck”, “ “Moneytalks”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1955 [49] Rowan Atkinson, Newcastle-upon-Tyne ENG, movie actor (“Love Actually”, “Four Weddings & a Funeral”)/TV fool (“Mr Bean”, “Blackadder”)

1960 [44] Howie Long, Charlestown MA, TV football analyst (“FOX NFL Sunday”)/ad huckster (Radio Shack)/sometime movie actor (“3000 Miles to Graceland”, “Broken Arrow”)/former NFL DE (Raiders 1981-1993)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2000)

1968 [36] John Singleton, LA CA, movie director/screenwriter (“2 Fast 2 Furious”, “Boyz N the Hood”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• [Armenia] “Christmas”
• [Christian] “Epiphany” (aka “Three Kings Day”)
• [International] “Respect For Living Day”
• [International] “Smith Day”, celebrating the most-common surname in the English-speaking world.
• [Jamaica] “Maroon Festival” (since 1738)
• [Italy] “Epiphany Festival”, when the kindly witch ‘La Befana’ slides down chimneys on her broom to bring toys and goodies for kids.
• [Mexico] “Dia de los Santos Reyes”, when kids put straw out & leave shoes on balconies to be filled with toys by ‘Los Tres Reyes’ (The Three Kings) who bring gifts riding camel-back.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1974 [30] Canada’s new ‘Global Television Network’ debuts (will they offer a tacky commemorative souvenir on one of those annoying ‘Shop Global’ ads?)

1975 [29] Chuck Woolery hosts & Susan Stafford turns over letters on the new TV game show “Wheel Of Fortune” (most-watched game show of all time)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1964 [40] 1st tour headlined by the Rolling Stones (to put this in perspective, the opening act is – the Ronettes!)

1993 [11] Bill Wyman announces retirement from the Rolling Stones

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1681 [323] 1st recorded ‘boxing match’ (Duke of Albemarle’s butler vs his butcher)

1936 [68] 1st-ever ‘female mayor’ in Canada (Barbara Hanley-Webbwood ON)

1952 [52] “Peanuts” by Charles Schulz debuts in newspapers (most successful syndicated comic strip in history)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1980 [24] Philadelphia Flyers set NHL record of 35 consecutive games without a defeat

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Organize Your Home Day
[Wed] Bobby Brown due in court
[Thurs] Show & Tell Day at Work
[Thurs] Donald Trump reality series “The Apprentice” begins on NBC-TV
[Thurs] Pharmacists Day
[Fri] Michael Jackson due in court
[Sun] 30th People’s Choice Awards
This Week Is . . . Universal Letter-Writing Week (“Dear Aunt Gladys, thank you for the really … er, unusual gift”)
This Month Is . . . Careers in Cosmetology Month (“Would you like some of this scent sprayed on your wrist?”)

BULL’S BITS . . .
STICKER TICKLERS:
Seen any funny bumper stickers lately? We have!
• “Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap”
• “Practise Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself!”
• “Honk If You’ve Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window”
• “To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing!”
• “If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer”
• “I Have The Body Of A God … Buddha”

MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE:
A Website devoted to annoying people has once again polled surfers to come up with a list of the past year’s worst offenders. Kind of a mixed bag, ain’t it?
1. Al Qaeda
2. Michael Jackson
3. Rush Limbaugh
4. Saddam Hussein
5. Dallas Cowboy coach Bill Parcells (huh?)
Source: http://amiannoying.com/(5mxyl3id51rbah55iwambi45)/Ranking2003.aspx

THE 10 TOUGHEST JOB INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:
1. Why are you seeking new employment?
2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
3. Why should we hire you?
4. What are your weaknesses?
5. What are your salary expectations?
6. How did you get along with your last boss?
7. Why do you want this job?
8. What are your strengths?
9. Tell me something about yourself.
10. Do you have any questions?
Source: “Career Wise Advice” by Paul Greenberg.

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. OutKast – “Hey Ya”
2. Kelis – “Milkshake”
3. OutKast – “The Way You Move”
4. Linkin Park – “Numb”
5. Beyonce Knowles – “Baby Boy”
Source: Big Champagne online media measurement.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: You are a ‘gyno-tiko-lobo-masso-phile’. What is your quirky habit?
A: You like to nibble on earlobes.

Q: 37 years ago in 1967, this was built in St Paul AB as a Canadian Centennial project, but was never used. What is it?
A: A landing pad for UFOs.

BS WEB GOODIE:
To hype its upcoming ‘unscripted series’, “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé” (premiering JANUARY 19th), FOX-TV has thrown up a ‘How Obnoxious Are You?’ quiz on the show’s Website. The 10-question multiple choice test is likely far funnier than the show will ever be.
NET: http://www.fox.com/bigfat (click to skip the overproduced intro)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Experts say that to keep your mind sharp after age 40, you should cultivate
a passion for THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Puzzles, such as crosswords, jigsaws, brainteasers, etc.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Talk is cheap … unless you hire a lawyer.