January 3 2020

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Friday, January 3, 2020 – Edition: #6604

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Kathy Griffin had a very special reason to celebrate the New Year, because she got married! The comedian and actress tied the knot with her longtime boyfriend Randy Bick in a ceremony that lasted just under 14 minutes and was officiated by actress Lily Tomlin. Tomlin’s longtime spouse, Jane Wagner, was also present, and was tasked with watching over Griffin’s puppies while the ceremony went on. It doesn’t appear there was anyone else present at the intimate ceremony. Griffin later posted video and the words: “We are in love and we cannot stop laughing.”
★ Lori Loughlin is finally getting prepared for the possibility she may be heading to prison — she’s hired experts to train her how best to survive behind bars. An insider says: “She’s knuckling down, learning the lingo and practicing martial arts to give off the impression she’s tough and to ward off potential bullies.” Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli are charged with conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, honest services fraud, money laundering and federal programs bribery. She could spend up to 45 years in jail if convicted on all charges.
★ Danny Masterson wants to put a stop to a pending lawsuit accusing him of stalking and harassment.  Four women have accused the star of “That 70s Show” of sexual assault and filed a lawsuit against him and the Church of Scientology. Masterson intends to file a written response which would plead for dismissal on the point that “even if the facts alleged in the complaint were true, there is no legal basis for a lawsuit.” The civil lawsuit claims that both parties engaged in stalking, physical invasion of privacy and a conspiracy to obstruct justice, among other things.
★ As the clock struck midnight to ring in 2020, it left one thing behind. On New Year’s Day, the beloved sitcom “Friends” officially left American Netflix, leaving fans with a hole that just cannot be filled. Although the series’ departure had been a long time coming, its sudden absence from the streaming giant’s catalogue is leaving many starting off the new year on a bad note. The series will eventually make its way to WarnerMedia Entertainment’s upcoming streaming service “HBO Max”, which is set to launch in May 2020 at the cost of $14.99 per month.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Margot Robbie, Gov. John Kasich, White Reaper (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Chadwick Boseman, Evan Rachel Wood, David Byrne, a performance by the Broadway cast of “David Byrne’s American Utopia” (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Daniel Craig, Lena Waithe (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Adam Driver, Jonathan Groff, Hozier (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kris Jenner, James Van Der Beek, half•alive (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Cameron Douglas, Shooter Jennings (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Vanessa Williams, Carnie & Wendy Wilson, a performance by the Broadway cast of “Frozen – The Musical” (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Ashton Kutcher, Constance Wu, Camila Mendes, Ben Rector
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Steve Carell, Ashley Graham (R)
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Chrissy Teigen, James Wolk (R)

• “Winter in Vail” (HALLMARK): A Los Angeles event coordinator learns that her estranged uncle has recently passed away and left her a chalet in Vail, Colorado.
• “Say Yes to the Dress” (TLC):  Season 19 premiere
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Chance the Rapper hosts and performs

• “The 77th Annual Golden Globe Awards” (NBC): Celebrating the best in TV and film; Ricky Gervais hosts.
• “Abducted on Air” (LIFETIME): Kidnapped and held captive, a TV news reporter stages a dramatic escape — only to learn that she may still be in grave danger.

• Dua Lipa – has scored her seventh #1 on Billboard’s Dance Club songs chart with ‘Don’t Start Now’.
• Mariah Carey – Her Twitter account was briefly hijacked on Tuesday. Hackers used it to post racist, pornographic and sexist messages — and attempted to reignite her old disagreement with Eminem. After about half an hour, her representatives had regained control of her account.
• The Strokes – will release their first full-length album since 2013 sometime this year. Frontman Julian Casablancas shared the news during a New Year’s Eve show in New York.
• My Chemical Romance, Rage Against The Machine and Travis Scott — are all reportedly being lined up for headline slots at Coachella Festival 2020. Scott will take the third headline slot at the April event, joined by a line-up which also reportedly includes Lana Del Rey, Flume, and Thom Yorke.
• Queen – guitarist Brian May is taking part in “Veganuary” – which sees people ditch animal products to follow a vegan diet this month. He says he wants to try and improve his own health, as well as save the lives of animals. At the end of the month, he plans to “take a view on whether to continue or not.”
• The Rolling Stones, Elton John and U2 — are a few of the artists whose work are alleged to be infringed in a series of documentaries. A lawsuit says that nearly a dozen documentaries about music legends are simply a delivery system for intentionally infringed materials. It alleges “purported documentaries” also featuring ABBA, Nirvana, Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Red Hot Chili Peppers used protected music without permission. Amazon appears to have pulled the titles.
• Old Crow Medicine Show – Founding member Christopher “Critter” Fuqua played his last official concert with the group on New Year’s Eve at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium. After 21 years, the singer banjoist says: “Leaving Old Crow is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.”
• RaeLynn — plans to release a lot of new music in 2020. She says: “I’m putting out an EP in the first quarter. And after that, we have a couple more things coming up.”

• “The Grudge” (R-Rated, Horror):  After a young mother murders her family in her own house, a detective attempts to investigate, only to discover that the house is cursed by a vengeful ghost. Now targeted by the demonic spirits, the detective must do anything to protect herself and her family from harm. (Tara Westwood, Junko Bailey)

➢ Nanny wanted – for an 18-year-old university student. That job listing was recently posted by a parent whose daughter is a law undergrad at the University of Leeds. The Canadian student already has a driver and a “lovely” two-bedroom apartment, but her parents want to ensure their daughter lives “without the stress of laundry” as her schedule is “very intense”. Despite the need for a cook, the ad doesn’t ask for a gourmet chef, only for the fridge to be stocked full of “healthy snacks”.  (Please tell me this is another ‘lawyer joke’.)
➢ Australia and New Zealand have imposed a recall on Sriracha Hot Chilli Sauce for fear the bottles may “explode” upon opening. The food standards authority says that “A buildup of lactic acid may cause the bottle to ‘bloat’ and continue to ferment, resulting in an…explosion of sauce to a shirt, face or surface”. Consumers are advised not to open bottles that feel bloated and to return the products to the place of purchase. (And for God’s sake, don’t wear white!)

Michigan’s Lake Superior State University has released its 45th annual ‘List of Words Banished From the Queen’s English for Misuse, Overuse & General Uselessness’. This year’s list includes …
Quid pro quo: A favor exchanged for a favor. This phrase received the most nominations this year. (Kinda makes you wonder if someone arranged some kind of sneaky deal on the side…)
Artisanal: Selected as a word that attempts to make something more than it is. (Although that grilled cheese I made for lunch yesterday was definitely artisanal…)
Curated: Like “artisanal,” an attempt at making something more than it is, especially when used in reference to social media (Save it for the museum.)
Influencer: A word Instagram users use to describe themselves to make them feel famous and more important when no one really know who they are or care. (And so they don’t have to pay…)
Literally: One of the few words that has begun to serve as its own opposite. (I’m literally surprised that this word isn’t already banished!)
I mean: It’s easy to see why this phrase was nominated, right? I mean…
Living my best life: Isn’t it something we should all be doing by default? (My best life does not include the use of this phrase…)
Mouthfeel: A word used by foodies to describe the texture of food or drink in the mouth. (Where else, exactly, would you like to touch your food or beverage?)
Chirp:  A new one for many who aren’t either millennials or players of team sports. (Before I get chirped for being out of touch, let’s leave this one to the birds!)
Jelly: An abbreviation of “jealous”. (Leave it to the toast?)
Totes: Abbreviation, of “totally.” (Totes overused)
Vibe/vibe check: A new use of the 60s term, “good vibes.” (I don’t get a good vibe from this one. You totes saw that coming…)
OK, Boomer: It came on late in 2019 mainly from a TikTok video as a response from millennials to the older generation. (I’ve just pencilled in the word “TikTok” for next year’s list!)
(***See “BS Phone Starter, below***)

You shouldn’t feel guilty if you haven’t taken down the Christmas tree yet. The tradition for many Christians, dating back to the 4th century, was to mark the end of the Christmas season on the Twelfth Night (or 12 nights after Christmas), an evening also known as the Eve of the Epiphany. The Epiphany marks the day the Three Kings (or Wise Men) visited baby Jesus, and is either celebrated on January 5 or January 6 (depending on whether you count Christmas as ‘day one’ or not).


1945 [75] Stephen Stills, Dallas TX, folk-rock singer/guitarist (Crosby, Stills & Nash-‘Suite: Judy Blue Eyes’, Buffalo Springfield-‘For What It’s Worth’)

1946 [74] John Paul Jones, Kent England, bassist/multi-instrumentalist/producer (Led Zeppelin – ‘Stairway to Heaven’, ‘Whole Lotta Love’)

1950 [70] Victoria Principal, Fukuoka Japan, TV actress (“Dallas” 1978-1991, “Titans” 2000-2001)

1956 [64] Mel Gibson, Peekskill NY, movie producer/director (“Braveheart”, “The Passion of the Christ”)/movie actor (“Lethal Weapon” series, “Mad Max” series) COMING UP…”Boss Level”, 2020

1969 [51] Michael Schumacher, Hürth West Germany, retired Formula One racing driver (7-time F1 champion who continues to receive private rehab after a December 2013 traumatic brain injury suffered in a skiing accident)

1975 [45] Thomas Bangalter, Paris France, electronica musician (Daft Punk-‘Get Lucky’ f/Pharrell Williams, The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk-‘Starboy’)

1975 [45] Danica McKeller, San Diego CA, TV actress (“The Wonder Years” 1988-1993, “Inspector Mom” 2006-2007)

1981 [39] Eli Manning, New Orleans LA, NFL quarterback (2X Super Bowl Champ and MVP-NY Giants)/brother of retired QB Peyton Manning/son of NFL veteran Archie Manning

2003 [17] Greta Thunberg (***Pron: GRAY-tah TOON-bairyeh***), Stockholm Sweden, environmental activist (gained prominence for her work to halt climate change and global warming)/Time’s Person of the Year, 2019

SATURDAY- Michael Stipe (R.E.M.) is 60; Julia Ormond (“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”) is 55; Deana Carter (‘Strawberry Wine’) is 54

SUNDAY- Robert Duvall (“The Godfather”) is 89; Diane Keaton (“Annie Hall”) is 74; Carrie Ann Inaba (“Dancing With the Stars”) is 52; Marilyn Manson (‘The Dope Show’) is 51; Bradley Cooper (“A Star is Born”) is 45; January Jones (“Mad Men”) is 42

• “J.R.R. Tolkien Day”, recognizing “The Lord of the Rings” author’s birthday. The Tolkien Society asks fans to honor the author’s 1892 birth with a toast. (***Pron: Toll-KEEN***)

• “Chocolate Covered Cherry Day”, celebrating the traditional dessert. Variations include cherry cordials with liquid fillings often including cherry liqueur, chocolate-covered candied cherries and chocolate-covered dried cherries.  (Go ahead…wasn’t one of your resolutions to eat more fruit??)

• “Drinking Straw Day”, celebrating its invention on this date in 1888. Drinking straws were hand-rolled until 1905. How on earth were kids able to enjoy juice in their minivans before the invention of the straw?

• “Festival of Sleep Day”, as declared by some anonymous walking zombie somewhere. Thanks to a combination of late hours, alcohol, rich foods, exposure to unfamiliar surroundings, and artificial light deep into the night over the holiday season, experts say most of us build up ‘sleep debt’, a condition which can affect how well we sleep for weeks afterward.

• “Humiliation Day” No, it is NOT a day to humiliate someone!  It is a day to recognize the negative effects that humiliation can have on people or groups of people (Or dogs forced to wear onesies…)

• “Spaghetti Day”, celebrating the Italian pasta dish that seemingly everyone loves. Marco Polo brought the recipe for pasta back to Europe with him after his famous trip to China in the 13th century.
• “Fruitcake Toss Day”, your opportunity to finally throw away the old fruitcake. After the holidays are over, it’s time to bring in the new, and toss out the old. Today is the day that the fruitcake goes. Make it into a real event … go for distance! (Or do with it what Mother Nature intended: regift it!)
• “Trivia Day”, honoring those with ‘doctorates in uselessology’.
➢ Who uttered the famous salute “Live Long and Prosper”? (“Star Trek’s” ‘Spock’)
➢ Who wrote the French romantic novel “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”? (Victor Hugo)
➢ What famous phrase is Marie Antoinette known for? (“Let them eat cake”)
➢ In the sport of bull riding, which hand do you ride with? (Either)
➢ A group of porcupines is known as what? (A ‘prickle’)
• “World Hypnotism Day”, with the objective of correcting the myths and misconceptions about hypnotism while promoting the truth and benefits of the process that helps many put aside fears, and change what they believed was unchangeable. (Not to mention bark like a dog.)
NET: http://www.worldhypnotismday.com

• “Bird Day”, an annual observance with half a million adherents who celebrate through birdwatching, studying birds, and bird adoption. Part of the idea is to educate wannabe bird owners about the special issues involved with taking care of our fine feathered friends.
• “Whipped Cream Day” (aka Crème Chantilly), celebrating the sweet fluff used to top off desserts. What’s the weirdest thing you put it on?


2013 [07] Actor Gerard Depardieu is granted citizenship by Russian president Vladimir Putin after he renounces his French citizenship due to the country’s high taxes

1987 [33] The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inducts its first female artist, Aretha Franklin. Also among those inducted: Roy Orbison, Smokey Robinson

2002 [18] Liam & Noel Gallagher of Oasis top a poll on the celebrities you would least like to live next to, getting 40% of the vote

2004 [16] Britney Spears weds hometown pal Jason Alexander at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas and then, 55 hours later, has the union annulled

1977 [43] Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs incorporate Apple Computer, Inc

1992 [28] Bernard Moeller of Pennsylvania gets his 14,000th tattoo, leading to a listing in the “Guinness Book of World Records” as ‘Person with the Most Individual Tattoo Designs’


✓ Oddly enough, more couples tend to separate or divorce in January than any other month of the year.
✓ Adult cats only meow at humans, not other cats.
✓ On average, a 150 pound person burns 114 calories per hour while standing and doing nothing.
✓ There is actually a difference between coffins and caskets – coffins are typically tapered and six-sided, while caskets are rectangular.
✓ If a Polar Bear and a Grizzly Bear mate, their offspring is called a “Pizzy Bear”.
✓ During the entire run of the “Gilligan’s Island” TV show, it was never revealed if “Gilligan” was his first or last name.

Best of BS . . .

• Eating Doritos
• Asking other participants what they are wearing
• Screaming “YAHTZEE!” When you don’t have Yahtzee
• Fake accent
• Mocking other participants with sock puppets
• Answering all questions with the phrase “What would Jesus do?”
• Forgetting to hit ‘mute’ before going to the bathroom
• Disguising your voice with helium and talking trash about the boss
• Putting your hands over your ears and saying, “La-la-la I can’t hear you!”
• Beatboxing
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2019

• Isn’t the most difficult thing in the world knowing how to do something but watching someone else do it wrong without commenting?
• You know how most packages say ‘Open Here’? What is the protocol if the package says, ‘Open Somewhere Else’?
• Is air travel nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo?
• When you ‘reboot’ your computer, does that mean kicking it again?
• Why isn’t ‘palindrome’ spelled the same way backwards?
• Aren’t the only people who really listen to an argument the neighbors?
• Are people getting more stupid or do we just notice it more as we age?
• Isn’t a desk just a trash can with drawers?
• When they make ‘Extra Virgin Olive Oil’, do they use the really ugly olives?

Anderson Cooper struggles to look cool in front of 50 Cent:

If it were up to you, what word would you banish from the English language?


If anyone has any advice on how to deal with plastic surgery gone wrong, I’m all ears.

Question:  75% of dads say doing THIS makes them feel like a kid again. What is it?
Answer:  Watching cartoons

Doing well is the result of doing good.


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