Friday, January 11, 2002        Edition: #2209
In the race for quality, there is no finish line.

MORE QUOTES FROM THE PERFECT MAN:
• “I think we’re lost. Let’s pull over and ask for directions.”
• “Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it’s one thing I hate it’s skinny women.”
• “What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies!”
• “How about I give you a nice massage and foot rub. I really don’t like sex that much anyway.”
• “Shoot, there’s nothing on TV but football playoffs. Let’s go furniture shopping.”
• “Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.”
• “You know, I think I’d really prefer the 4-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.”
• “Why, I would LOVE to wear a condom!”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Muhammad Ali gets a star on the ‘Hollywood Walk of Fame’, but in a break from tradition it will be installed on the wall of the Kodak Theater (new home of the Oscars) instead of on the sidewalk . . . THIS WEEK classic rock group Chicago is appearing at the Stardust in Las Vegas (does this not seem weird — like will Led Zeppelin be doing Caesar’s?) . . . Steven Spielberg will reportedly spend 100 grand replacing guns with walkie talkies in the digitally remastered DVD version of “ET”, thanks to pleading from the film’s star and anti-gun advocate Drew Barrymore . . . Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, Beyonce Knowles & Gwyneth Paltrow will all do cameos in THIS SUMMER’S “Austin Powers: Goldmember”, and the plot includes Powers set to receive a knighthood — until he breaks wind in front of the Queen . . . . Actress Kate Hudson is being blamed for ‘Yoko Ono-ing’ the break-up of the Black Crowes, as insiders say lead singer Chris Robinson has had little interest in the band since marrying her . . . Alicia Keys & Will Smith are expected to team up for a remake of “A Star Is Born” . . . Keanu Reeves, who is Down Under filming the next two “Matrix” movies, reportedly booked the entire Double Island resort off the Australian coast for a 10-day bash with 28 pals (said to include Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Matt Damon, Kiefer Sutherland & Drew Barrymore) who participated in whitewater rafting, skydiving and Harley excursions . . . U2 have been voted ‘Artist of the Year’, ‘Best Band’ and ‘Best Album’ by the readers of “Rolling Stone” . . . And Joey Fatone says ‘N Sync has now been dropped from appearing in a scene in the new “Star Wars” movie because people were ‘making a big deal about it’.

28TH ANNUAL PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS:
• SUNDAY on CBS-TV from the Pasadena Civic Auditorium in Pasadena CA, hosted for the
2nd consecutive year by Kevin James (“The King of Queens”).
• Honors favorites in TV, movies and music as determined by public opinion poll conducted by Gallup Organization.
• This year’s truly strange nominees include Mel Gibson and Tom Hanks for movie acting, when neither has appeared in a movie during the year, and Jason Alexander for TV acting even though his “Bob Patterson” sitcom was quickly cancelled after a few lame episodes.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
This is what you might call an ‘off week’, with only 2 minor films opening – “Brotherhood of the Wolf”, a French fantasy thriller about the hunt for a mysterious killer beast in 18th-century France . . . And Colin Hanks (son of mega-star Tom and a regular on the TV show “Roswell” for a couple of years) stars in the comedy “Orange County”, about a high-schooler who must find a way to convince a university to accept him with the help of his dead-beat brother.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
A survey in “American Woman” asks what qualities we look for in the opposite sex. Most women quickly check out a man’s looks first, then concentrate on honesty and a sense of humor. Men, on the other hand, lingeringly look at a woman’s overall beauty, then ogle her body in particular — and THEN notice her personality.

SEEMS MONEY CAN BUY HAPPINESS:
Researchers at Britain’s Warwick University say the old adage ‘money can’t buy happiness’ is dead wrong. A study of 9,000 families over the past decade finds there is a definite link between sudden cash windfalls, such as lottery prizes, and overall contentment — at least for the first year.

I’D RATHER BE RICH:
In an Internet poll at Daily-Poll.com, 700 respondents answered the question: “What would you most like to be?” Here are their answers . . .
Rich 37%
Brilliant 23%
Anonymous 12%
Powerful 9%
Beautiful 9%
Famous 6%

I WANT MY M-PC:
The much talked about ‘media convergence’ is here. MTV has announced it is developing a computer aimed at young people that will include a TV, radio, DVD player and CD burner. The flat-screen computers will sell for about $1,800 (US).

FOR THE RECORD:
Skydivers Rodd Millner of Australia and Cheryl Stearns of the US are hoping to smash world records this year by free-falling 25 miles from the sky and breaking the sound barrier without the aid of an engine. In the most dangerous jumps ever attempted, the pair will use specially made helium balloons to lift them to a height of 130,000 ft before hurtling towards Earth at 1000 mph. In the comparatively dense air near the Earth’s surface, they will slow from Mach 1.5 to a terminal velocity of 120 mph. (‘Terminal’ is likely EXACTLY the right word.)

YOU ARE WHAT YOU BEFRIEND:
The type of friends you have reveals a lot about your personality, says psychologist Dr Elayne Kahn. See if you can find your type . . .
• ‘Just one close friend’ — You don’t trust people very easily, but once you do you’re very loyal.
• ‘Friends of your own sex only’ — You’re more comfortable when people are in more traditional roles. You enjoy friends who have something in common with you.
• ‘Friends of the opposite sex only’ — You enjoy being the center of attention, but don’t like competing for it. Intimacy is very important to you, and you’re capable of deep relationships.
• ‘Friends you just party with’ — You love to socialize, but don’t like people getting too close. You’re very independent and want to stay that way.
• ‘Friends from work’ — You love achieving, working hard, making money and always moving ahead. All things in your life, including friendships, are geared toward making your career as successful as possible.
• ‘Different friends for different occasions’ — You’re a busy, active person who’s well-organized, but don’t like to become too involved with people.
(‘You don’t have any friends’ – You’re an afternoon drive personality.)

THE BULL SHEET 01.11.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1815 [D-1891] Sir John A MacDonald, Glasgow SCOT, 1st Prime Minister of Canada (1867-73)

1934 [68] Jean Chrétien, Shawinigan PQ, 20th Prime Minister of Canada (1993-present)

1942 [60] Clarence Clemons, Norfolk VA, classic rock musician (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)

1946 [56] Naomi Judd, Ashland KY, retired country singer (Judds-“Have Mercy”)Wynonna’s mom

1968 [34] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-“Simple Kind of Life”, “Don’t Speak”)

1971 [31] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, hip hop singer (“Family Affair”, “”What’s The 411?”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [51] Rush Limbaugh, Cape Girardeau MO, syndicated right-wing radio host

1954 [48] Howard Stern, Queens NY, syndicated radio shock jock

1960 [42] Charlie Gillingham, rock musician (Counting Crows-“Hangin’ Around”, “Mr Jones”)

1964 [38] Jeff Bezos, Miami FL, dot-com billionaire (Amazon.com founder & CEO) whose estimated personal fortune ranges to over $9 billion

1974 [28] Melanie Chisholm, Liverpool ENG, pop singer (ex-‘Sporty Spice’ of Spice Girls-“Goodbye”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through next Thursday is “International Thank You Days”, a week to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you. (Your ex- for leaving, for instance.)

TOMORROW is “Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day”, which either has to do with this being “Man Watchers’ Appreciation Week” or girls’ night out at Chippendales.

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2001 Whitney Houston busted for marijuana possession at Keahole-Kona International Airport in Hawaii

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1569 [433] 1st ‘lottery’, in England (1st winner of massive jackpot decides to buy a used car and keep his job)

1973 [29] MLB’s American League 1st adopts ‘designated hitter rule’ (the ‘DH’)

1999 [03] “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” debuts on Comedy Central

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1911 [91] Temp reaches -61.1C in Fort Vermilion (Alberta’s coldest-ever)

1984 [18] Highest-scoring NBA game as Denver Nuggets beat San Antonio Spurs 163-155 (318 total points)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Volunteer Fireman’s Day
[Mon] National Dress Up Your Pet Day (put a helmet on your snake)
[Mon] National Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day (if you can find it)
[Mon] Thank God It’s Monday Day (yeah right)
[Tues] Hat Day (wear a goofy hat to dispel the boredom of mid-winter!)
Intimate Apparel Week (aka ‘Wear Your Boyfriend’s Boxers Week’)
Bald Eagle Watch Month (is that like a Mickey Mouse watch?)
National Fiber Focus Month (you REALLY focus about 12 hours after eating it)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS INTERVIEW:
Let Sari Colt, author of “The Dumb Blonde Dick Shunary of Sex”, add some spice to your morning show. Take part in her ‘dumb blonde quiz’ to see if you qualify as a dumb blonde. To book an interview . . .
E-MAIL: dumbblonde99@hotmail.com
NET: http://www.thedumbblonde.com

NICER NAMES FOR FIRING:
A public service for sensitive bosses. You’re not being sacked, this is just a . . .
• Work Force Adjustment
• Involuntary Separation
• Workforce Imbalance Correction
• Negotiated Departure
• Vocational Relocation
• Personnel Surplus Reduction
• Destaffing Procedure
• Selective Separation

BS TRIVIA:
Q: Where are you most likely to suffer a fatal injury — at home or at work?
A: According to the National Safety Council, more than 5 times as many fatalities occur in the home as in the workplace.

Q: What city is the 3rd-largest theater center in the English-speaking world, after New York and London?
A: Toronto, with over 140 professional theater and dance companies and more than 43,000 theater seats in 70-plus theater venues.

Q: What trophy is awarded annually to the NHL’s top goal scorer?
A: The ‘Maurice Richard Trophy’, created in 1998 and honoring Maurice “The Rocket” Richard.

Q: Two bears, a bison, a camel, a cougar, an elephant, a giraffe, a gorilla, a hippo, a hyena,
a kangaroo, a lion, a monkey, a rhino, a seal, a sheep, a tiger and a zebra can all be found
where?
A: In a box of Animal Crackers. There are 18 animal shapes in all.

Q: What does it actually mean when someone urges you to ‘sleep tight’?
A: In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. So that’s where the phrase, ‘Goodnight, sleep tight’ came from.

BS TAG LINE:
There are two rules for success. #1: Never tell everything you know.

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