Tuesday, January 16, 2001 Edition: #1970
BS REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED:
• Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your butt in here by 8am!”
• People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.
• To stop those creepy guys in sales from looking down your blouse.
• Gives ‘bad hair day’ a whole new meaning.
• Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
• Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
• “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”
• No one steals your chair.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Rosie O’Donnell debuts as the ‘Cat in the Hat’ in the Broadway production of “Seussical” for 4 weeks, while the current cat vacations (geez, it’s bad enough when she sings on her TV show) . . . You may not have heard of her, but Julia Stiles, 19-year-old star of box office topping ”Save the Last Dance”, has appeared in 8 movies since 1999 and has been dubbed ‘the next Gwyneth Paltrow’ by “Teen People” (um, is that a good thing?) . . . Self-professed virgin Britney Spears has reportedly severed ties with video director Gregory Dark after discovering he’s also known as Gregory Hippolyte, former director of hardcore porn flicks like “New Wave Hookers” and “The Devil In Miss Jones 3″ . . . Former Fredericton NB native Kel Gleason is the early Vegas odds favorite to win “Survivor II: The Australian Outback” (how can they pick a fave when it hasn’t even started yet?) . . . Since their new album flopped, Spice Girls have shelved plans for a world tour (everyone together now — hooray!) . . . The Muhammed Ali bio-pic starring Will Smith begins shooting THIS WEEK and guess who’ll play the legendary late loudmouth of sports broadcasting, Howard Cowsell? Actor Jon Voight (hope they find him a really bad toupee).
MOVIE OF THE YEAR?
“Variety” reports a $7-million British film set to begin production in APRIL is about a lonely 11-year-old boy who becomes famous for his gastrointestinal feats and must, uh, break wind in order to accomplish his life goal of being an astronaut. The title [and this is no BS] – “Thunderpants”.
HAIR OF THE DOG:
According to ancient Chinese custom, eating wild animals can cure illness. Some common ailments and the traditional Chinese prescriptions . . .
• Headache . . . owl
• Constipation . . . otter
• PMS . . . anteater scales
• Backache . . . snake blood
• Flatulence . . . wild cat
(Got the flu? Take 2 slugs and call me in the morning!)
SEX WITH ME? YOU MUST BE DREAMIN’:
A new study of dreams in the “Los Angeles Times” finds that men have more sexual dreams than women and they usually dream about beautiful strangers. Women, on the other hand, generally have more romantic dreams where they know their partners. (Isn’t that a handy excuse when you hear her moaning [your co-host] in the middle of the night?)
THE BULL SHEET 01.16.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [53] Cliff Thorburn, Victoria BC, snooker player (1st non-British World Champion)
1959 [42] Sadé (Helen Folasade Adu), Ibadan NIG, pop/jazz singer (“Cherish the Day”)
1966 [35] Maxine Jones, Paterson NJ, pop/R&B singer (En Vogue-“Free Your Mind”, “Hold On”)
1974 [27] Kate Moss, Croydon ENG, fashion model famous for ‘waif look’
1979 [22] Aaliyah (Haughton), Brooklyn NY, pop/R&B singer (“One I Gave My Heart To/One in a Million”, “At Your Best”) NOTE: ‘Aaliyah’ is Swahili for ‘highest, most exalted one’
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY-Sunday the “Canadian Figure Skating Championships” jump to it at the Winnipeg Arena. Can Elvis Stojko do it again? NET: http://www.cfsa.ca/english/events/cdnchamps/cdns2001.html
TODAY is “Work at Home with Your Spouse Day”, to encourage couples to make the most of their relationship and skills by starting a business together. So, could you work with your spouse?
TODAY is “Hot and Spicy Food International Day”, encouraging us to spice up our lives in order to add some zest to a winter’s day. A little Thai Sauce in your coffee, anyone?
10 YEARS AGO . . .
1991 ‘Gulf War’ begins at 6:45pm EST as US and 27 UN allies attack Iraq (1st televised war as CNN broadcasts “Desert Storm” live) Remember Canadian Arthur Kent, the ‘Scud Stud’?
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1957 [44] 1st non-stop, around-the-world commercial airplane flight (if it was ‘non-stop’, how’d anyone ever get off?)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1988 [13] Tina Turner concert in Rio de Janiero BRA attracts single-act record 180,000 fans
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Weedless Wednesday (a day for smokers to kick their butts)
Canadian National Non-Smoking Week (if you smoke after sex, maybe you should slow down!)
Bread Machine Baking Month (celebrating this involves pushing the little red button)
BULL’S BITS . . .
• Mt Logan [briefly Mt Trudeau] is Canada’s tallest, but what is Britain’s tallest mountain — Mount Camilla, Hurley Peaks or Ben Nevis? [Ben Nevis, says the “Backpackers Ultimate Guide”]
• What is the coldest city in North America — Yellowknife NT, Thompson MB or Whitehorse YT? [Those are the 3 coldest in order, according to “Top 10 of Everything”]
• According to “Canadian Social Trends”, Canadian women in their early 30s are now doing THIS more often than women in their early 20s. Doing what — having babies, having body piercing or having implants? [Having babies.]
• Which was used by ancient Egyptians as a contraceptive — cat whiskers, crocodile dung or sea water? [Toronto’s ‘History of Contraception Museum’ lists crocodile dung as one of the first-known contraceptives, used by Egyptians as early as 2000 BC. Hmm, you figure it out.]
BS TAG LINE:
The trouble with life is, you’re halfway through it before you realize it’s a do-it-yourself thing.
Switch to E-mail delivery of BS and you’ll have it in hand up to 8 hours earlier and save bucks!
