Monday, January 15, 2001                                                    Edition:  #1969

THIS WEEK is “National Book Week”, a good time to catch up on the . . .
BS LEAST-READ BOOKS:
• “You and Your Birthmarks”
• “Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity”
• “Different Ways to Spell Bob”
• “The Greenpeace Guide to Buying Quality Baby Seal Coats”
• “The Big Book of Things to Put in Your Ear“
• “Harry Potter and the Allegations of Plagiarism”
• “Mortgage Reduction Through Arson”
• “High Fiber Sex”
• “Canadian History Since About An Hour Ago”

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “E! Online” reports that a 15-year-old St Louis girl is suing ‘N Sync’s Justin Timberlake for “verbal abuse and physical intimidation” and is asking for $25,000. The former fan claims he berated her for remarks she made and detained her against her will in a hotel corridor. (This is hard to swallow – being detained by Justin Timberlake AGAINST a 15-year-old girl’s will?)
• “Mr Showbiz” says ‘irreconcilable differences’ were cited when Kim Basinger filed for divorce from 7-year hubby Alec Baldwin FRIDAY. (Translated: They had continuous arguments over ‘mirror time’.)
• “National Enquirer” says Richard Hatch (aka: fat, naked gay guy) may host the latest game show import, “The Weakest Link”, for NBC-TV. He’s already shot a pilot. The show’s a hit in Britain where it’s host, Anne Robinson, is known as the ‘rudest presenter on TV’ because she ruthlessly insults contestants. (Hey, maybe ‘Mr Snippy’ has found his niche.).
• Britain’s “Sun” tab notes that Jim Carrey has joined an elite group of stars including John Travolta and Tom Cruise who own Gulfstream V private jets. ‘The Grinch’ reportedly splashed out some $45 million to get his wings. (Gee, he’ll have to work in 2 whole movies to pay that off.)
• According to “Star” magazine, Madonna has signed up for elocution lessons so that, as she tells it, she can play ‘British parts’ in films. (Couldn’t be any worse than her gawd-awful American roles.)

CAR COLORS:
According to major car makers, consumers are opting for more pastel-colored vehicles and the new overall favorite may be — bright orange! At LAST WEEK’s trendsetting “Detroit Auto Show”, at least 4 different automakers exhibited models in hot orange. (But just wait till you try to trade one in 5 years from now.)

CONSUMER LEMMINGS LAMENT:
Sony received over 2,000 complaints on Christmas Day alone from people with defective ‘Playstation 2’s. The company admits that rushing to keep up with demand led to delivery of games with glitches and has hired extra phone consultants to deal with them. (In related news, my kid’s gift of homemade finger puppets seem to be working flawlessly.)

DUMB NEW GIZMOS:
Some of the weirdest ‘hi-tech’ items unveiled at LAST WEEK’s “Consumer Electronics Show” in Las Vegas included a TV remote control watch that looks like a mosque, a leopard skin-covered paper shredder, a pack of cigarettes that’s actually an electric shaver, and a new hair brush from Taiwan that charges hair with electricity “to promote growth”.

THE BULL SHEET 01.15.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947    [54] Andrea Martin, Portland ME, movie actress (“Rugrats Movie”, “Wag the Dog”)/former TV comedian (Edith Prickley-“SCTV”)
1975    [26] Mary Pierce, Montreal PQ, pro tennis player now based in France

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Hat Day”, a day to relieve the mid-winter blues by wearing the goofiest hat you can find.

TODAY is “Hug Your Cat Day”, a day to disclaim the common belief that cats don’t like affection. So ignore the hisses and pet your puss! (Be sure to keep lots of band-aids handy.)

TODAY is “National Thank God It’s Monday! Day”, designated by some hopelessly eager keener as a day of gratefullness to get back to work.

TODAY is “Martin Luther King Jr Day” in the USA, honoring the slain civil rights leader’s 1929 birth date and celebrated annually on the 3rd Monday in January since 1986.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1892     [109] James Naismith’s ‘Rules of Basketball’ 1st published (in the Springfield MA “Triangle”)
1967    [34] 1st ‘Super Bowl’ (although it isn’t called that until 2 years later) as 61,946 fans pay 10 bucks a ticket to watch legendary coach Vince Lombardi‘s Green Bay Packers beat the KC Chiefs 35-10 in LA (MVP is Packer QB Bart Starr)
1987    [14] 1st ad on a home video release appears on “Top Gun” (videos now come with oodles of commercials, and about a half-hour of trailers)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1943    [58] World’s largest office building completed (the Pentagon in Arlington VA, with a floor area of 6.5 million sq ft covering 34 acres, including 17 miles of corridors!)
1983    [18] Tom Syles of Van Nuys CA sets world record by keeping a single Life Saver in tact in his mouth for 7 hrs, 10 mins

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Canadian Figure Skating Championships begin (Winnipeg)
[Tues] Work at Home with Your Spouse Day
[Tues] Hot and Spicy Food International Day
Bath Safety Month (do NOT drop the soap)

BULL’S BITS . . .
THE BS WOMAN’S GUIDE TO MAN-SPEAK:
(What they say . . . What they mean)
• “Let’s take your car” . . . “Mine is full of beer cans”
• “Good idea” . . . “It’ll never work”
• “That’s interesting, dear” . . . “You still talking?”
• “It would take too long to explain” . . . “I have no idea how it works”
• “Can I help with dinner?” . . . “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
• “I’m getting more exercise lately” . . . “The batteries in the remote are dead”
• “You expect too much of me” . . . “You want me to stay awake”
• “I broke up with her” . . . “She dumped me”

BS TAG LINE: Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.