Friday, January 21, 2000 Edition: #1726
Tomorrow is “Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day”, a day to concentrate on your feline and answer the questions you think it’s asking.
WHAT IS A CAT?
• They’re totally unpredictable.
• They whine when they’re not happy.
• When you want to play, they want to be alone.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.
WHAT IS A DOG?
• They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
• They growl when they are not happy.
• When you want to play, they want to play.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They leave their toys everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
According to the new book, “The Unruly Life of Woody Allen”, it was adopted daughter Soon-Yi who was the aggressor and seduced him into an affair (the hussy) . . . Rumor is Leonardo DiCaprio is all set to play a teen version of ‘Anakin Skywalker’ in “Star Wars: Episode II” . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to play the bad guy in an action movie with Sylvester Stallone (can you imagine trying to understand these two in dialogue?).
NEW MOVIES OPENING TODAY:
Emily Watson and Robert Carlyle co-star in “Angela’s Ashes”, the story of author Frank McCourt’s childhood in Ireland during the 1930s . . . Freddie Prinze Jr. and Julia Stiles play a young college couple with romance troubles in the comedy “Down To You” . . . Out-of-work boxing rivals Woody Harrelson and Antonio Banderas try working together in Vegas in the comedy “Play It To The Bone” . . .Sean Penn plays a jazz guitarist in Woody Allen’s new release “Sweet And Lowdown”.
UNSKILLFUL AND UNAWARE:
New Cornell University research indicates that incompetent people tend not to know they are incompetent. In fact, they tend to be more confident of their competence than those who really know what they’re doing. Example — people who persist in telling jokes — badly.
STAR MAKER:
Britain’s PA News has developed the world’s first ‘virtual news anchor’! Computer-generated ‘Ananova’ has been programed as 28-years-old and 5′ 8″ with a ‘quietly intelligent manner’. She’s based in part on “Posh Spice” Victoria Beckham. (“All the news that you really really want.”)
57TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS:
• Sunday on NBC-TV.
• “American Beauty” tops the movie drama nominee list with 6, while “Analyze This”, “Being John Malkovitch”, “Man on the Moon”, “Notting Hill”, “Toy Story 2″ are the ‘Top Musical or Comedy’ nominees.
• “The Sopranos” tops ‘Best TV Drama’ nominees with 4. ‘Best TV Comedy’ nods include “Ally McBeal”, “Dharma & Greg”, “Sex & the City”, “Spin City”, and “Will & Grace”.
• Sharon Stone sent $300-watches to all 82 members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, hoping to get a nomination for “The Muse”. They were ordered to send them back.
THE BULL SHEET 01.21.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [60] Jack Nicklaus, Columbus OH, golf legend
1941 [59] Placido Domingo, Madrid SPA, opera tenor (Three Tenors)
1957 [43] Geena Davis, Wareham MA, 6′ movie actress (Stuart Little, Thelma & Louise)
1971 [29] Doug Weight, Warren MI, NHL center (Edmonton Oilers)
1978 [22] Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton, Barnet ENG, pop singer (Spice Girls-Stop, Goodbye)
1980 [20] Christopher Kennedy Masterson, NYC, TV actor (Francis-Malcolm in the Middle)
1990 [10] Jacob Smith, Monrovia CA, TV actor (Owen Salinger-Party of Five)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [60] John Hurt, Chesterfield ENG, movie actor (Alien, Contact)
1952 [48] Teddy Gentry, Ft Payne AL, country singer (Alabama-God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You)
1956 [44] John Wesley Shipp, TV actor (Mitchell Leery-Dawson’s Creek)
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [43] Princess Caroline Grimaldi of Monaco, Monte Carlo MON, idle rich girl
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “National Hugging Day”. So go ahead, give someone a hug! (And watch them sue you for sexual harassment.)
Tomorrow is “International Clash Day”, when you’re supposed to put together the gaudiest outfit you can find, in order to relieve the winter blahs.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993 World’s largest doughnut measures 16′ in diameter and weighs 3,739 lbs (Utica NY)
1997 Elvis Presley’s manager, Colonel Tom Parker, dies at 87 (that’s 87 MILLION in the bank)
1997 Out of coaching for 14 years, Dick Vermeil is named head coach of St Louis Rams
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1967 [33] 1st ‘microwave oven’ invented by accident, as technician walks by radar tube and the chocolate bar in his pocket melts
1970 [30] 1st ‘wide-body jet’ in service (Boeing 747-NYC to London)
1998 [02] Pope John Paul II makes his 1st-ever visit to Cuba
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Measure Your Feet Day
[Sun] National Pie Day
Be Good to Yourself Week
Reminiscence Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Which city has Canada’s highest murder rate – Saskatoon, Halifax, or Edmonton?
A: Those are the top 3, in order.
(Source: Statistics Canada)
THE LAST WORD:
It’s a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
