Thursday, January 20, 2000 Edition: #1725
MORE BS SIGNS YOU ARE CANADIAN:
• You understand the sentence, “Could you please pass me a ‘serviette’, I just spilled my ‘poutine’”.
• You eat ‘chocolate bars’ instead of ‘candy bars’. You drink ‘pop’, not ‘soda’.
• You know what it means to be on ‘pogey’.
• You’ve been frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
• You dismiss all beers under 5% as “for children and the elderly”.
• You feel a pang of guilt whenever you use the word ‘zee’ instead of ‘zed’.
• You’re not sure if the country’s leader has EVER had sex and you don’t WANT to know!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
CBC-TV has picked up the “Royal Canadian Air Farce” until 2003 (when the cast members’ average age will be 102) . . . Jesse Ventura is releasing a second book this fall called “Who Makes Up Your Mind?” (when it comes to whether or not to buy it, my mind’s already made up) . . . Vampire slayer Sarah Michelle Gellar stays thin by using a team of Hollywood helpers, including a trainer to help with workouts, and a chef to prepare low-fat meals . . . When Martha Stewart recently visited a psychic, she was told that she’d be married twice more in her lifetime (she’s already fashioning a wedding gown from imported chiffon, hand-made lace and broccoli).
MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Bill Pullman will likely play the president again in a sequel to “Independence Day”, but there’s no word yet on whether Will Smith will be back . . . Ashley Judd got a 400% raise to $4 million to star in”Animal Husbandry”, a romantic comedy about a woman who learns about dating by observing the animal world (hope she wasn’t watching dogs) . . . The reason Jodie Foster dropped out of starring in the “Silence of the Lambs” sequel was to direct Claire Danes in the circus drama “Flora Plum” . . . Hugh Grant will take a “massive pay cut” to join the cast of Woody Allen’s upcoming movie, “Small Time Crooks” (as you know, it isn’t Hugh’s first woody).
MISSING Zs:
A recent study indicates that high schoolers need an average of 9½ hours of sleep nightly, and they AREN’T getting it. Researchers say school starting times are almost universally too early for sleepy-head teens. (And while we’re at it, why can’t radio morning shows start at 10?)
FIBBING FACTS:
A recent poll found 91% of respondents lie regularly, and interestingly it also found that most people are more likely to have told a serious lie to someone they know WELL. (Like when they said “I do” in their wedding vows.)
KNIFE NAME NABBED:
The Swiss Defense Ministry has sold the rights to market products under the “Swiss Army” name to a Connecticut company. The ministry will earn $6,000-$12,000 a month in royalties. (Almost as tacky as the RCMP selling marketing rights to Disney.)
Y2D:
British psychotherapists have come up with the new term ‘Clean Slate Syndrome’ to describe the unprecedented numbers of people who are getting divorced in 2000.
THE BULL SHEET 01.20.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [54] David Lynch, Missoula MT, ultra-weird movie & TV director/producer (Lost Highway, Twin Peaks)
1956 [44] Bill Maher, NYC, comedian/TV host (Politically Incorrect)
1965 [35] John Michael Montgomery, Lexington KY, country singer (Sold: Grundy County Auction Incident)
1969 [31] Skeet Ulrich, NYC, movie actor (Billy Loomis-Scream, As Good As It Gets)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Astrology] Sign of Aquarius begins
[Int’l] Get To Know Your Customer Day
Robert Redford’s 14th annual “Sundance Film Festival”, the world’s leading showcase for independent film fare, reels today-January 30th in Park City UT. Last year’s festival spawned its biggest hit ever — “The Blair Witch Project”.
PHONER: 800-453-1360/801-328-3456
NET: www.sundance.org/festival/index.htm
Today is “Women’s Healthy Weight Day”, a day to honor women of all sizes and confirm that beauty, talent and love cannot be weighed. (Formerly known as ‘Fat Ladies Day’.)
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1990 University of Calgary women’s basketball team beats U of Alberta to set North American record for consecutive wins at 55
1995 1994-95 NHL season finally begins after lengthy strike
1998 “Dawson’s Creek” debuts on WB TV
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1892 [108] 1st officially recognized basketball game played, devised by Canadian James Naismith (YMCA-Springfield MA)
1982 [18] 1st edition of “Late Night With David Lettermen” on NBC-TV
1982 [18] 1st ‘camcorder’ developed (leading to stacks of tapes in the closet that you never look at)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Measure Your Feet Day
[Sun] Golden Globe Awards
[Sun] National Pie Day
[Jan 25] Robbie Burns Day
Canadian National Non-Smoking Week
Oatmeal Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTERS:
• “When you talk to your kids, what unusual expressions fall out of your mouth that your parents used to say to you?” (“If I have to stop this car!”, “You’ll catch your death of cold!”, etc)
• “What COULDN’T you forgive your partner for doing?” (In a “Redbook” magazine poll, 50% of women say they could forgive their mate for gambling away the family savings, but only 30% could forgive an affair.)
THE LAST WORD: Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
