Tuesday, January 18, 2000 Edition: #1723
BS SIGNS YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN ONLINE AFFAIR:
• He’s gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.
• Lately she’s been slipping into ‘something more comfortable’ before sitting at the PC.
• After signing off, he always has a cigarette.
• That giant inflatable rubber disk drive.
• In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.
• The jam in your printer turns out to be a pair of underwear.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Rumors persist that we may be getting our own Canadian version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” as the US producer is working on ‘special episodes’ with CTV and French- Canadian producers (the Canadian version will be called ‘Who Wants to Be a 700-thousand-aire’) . . .Talk about an on-air gaff! CTV NewsNet anchor Avery Haines has a bleak future after wisecracking about the disabled and other minorities when she thought she was off-the-air Saturday (broadcasting rule #1 — always pretend your mike is ON) . . . Barbra Streisand tells “TV Guide” her box office record-breaking New Year’s gig in Las Vegas was her last performance of ANY kind (James Brolin must be disappointed) . . . Liz Taylor says rumors that she’s romantically involved with Michael Jackson are ridiculous (after all, she’s FEMALE and OVER 12-years-old) . . .Wayne Newton has a new multi-million-dollar deal to appear at the Stardust in Las Vegas for 40 weeks a year — for another 10 years! (when the average age of his audience will be – dead).
NEW IN VIDEO STORES TODAY:
Steve Martin plays a desperate producer who’ll do anything to get his dream movie made, including signing a nerdy guy with no acting experience (Eddie Murphy) to be his star, in “Bowfinger” . . . Antonio Banderas plays a 1st- century Arab courtier who accompanies a party of Vikings to the barbaric north in “The 13th Warrior” (you gotta love it — a Spanish guy playing an Arab who speaks Norse) . . . Real-life, unattached brothers Michael and Mark Polish star as Siamese twins whose world is turned upside down by an attractive woman who convinces them to attend a Halloween party in “Twin Falls Idaho” (is this a Jerry Springer production?).
TOP RENTING TAPES:
1. “American Pie”
2. “The General’s Daughter”
3. “The Matrix”
4. “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”
5. “Summer of Sam”
(Source: “Billboard”)
FAR OUT VACATION:
American tycoon Walt Anderson is spending millions on a plan to save and renovate Russia’s “Mir” space station and turn it into a business park and resort. (Great idea — a vacation where you’re never sure when or IF you’re returning home again.)
LOFTY LOTUS LAND:
Another kudo for Vancouver! After topping the list of cites in the publication “The World in Figures” based on quality of life, Big Van has also come out on top of the new ranking of world cities in “The Economist” magazine. (A day without sunshine is like . . . Vancouver.)
THE BULL SHEET 01.18.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [45] Kevin Costner, Lynnwood CA, movie actor (For Love of the Game, Tin Cup, Dances With Wolves)
1961 [39] Mark Messier, Edmonton AB, NHL center (Vancouver, NYR, Edmonton)/6 Stanley Cups
1969 [31] Jesse L Martin, VA, TV actor (Detective Eddie Green-Law & Order, Ally’s former flame Dr Greg Butters-Ally McBeal)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “Pooh Day”, honoring the 1882 birthday of “Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne [D-1956] in London ENG.
Today is “Rid the World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day”, one of the highlights of “Healthy Weight Week” as declared by the ‘National Council Against Health Fraud’. Ask about unrealistic claims made by weight-loss companies.
PHONER: 701-567-2646 (Frances Berg-Hettinger ND)
NET: http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com/hww.htm
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996 Lisa Marie Presley files for divorce from Michael Jackson (citing differences over stolen makeup)
1998 “Titanic”, atop the movie box office for a 5th consecutive week, wins 4 Golden Globe Awards
1999 Diane Sawyer & Charles Gibson become co-anchors of ABC’s “Good Morning America”
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1886 [114] 1st ‘automobile’ is made (the next day, the first driver is given the finger)
1917 [83] ‘Income tax’ introduced in Canada as a ‘temporary measure’ to help war effort
1994 [06] 1st ‘automatic breadmaker’ debuts at Chicago’s International Housewares Show
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Weedless Wednesday
[Sat] National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day
[Sun] Measure Your Feet Day
[Sun] Golden Globe Awards
National Handwriting Analysis Week
National Reaching Your Potential Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?
• Canada had the world’s first female jet fighter pilots. (T, according to Duff Conacher’s “More Canada Firsts”.)
• Toronto now ranks as North America’s #10 metropolitan market. (BS. According to new UN rankings, it’s up to 5th, behind NYC, Mexico City, LA, and Chicago.
• A sentence that contains all the letters of the alphabet is called an ‘optiphrase’. (BS. It’s known as a ‘pangram’. You’ve probably heard this one, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” But what about “Sphinx of black quartz judge my vow” or “The five boxing wizards jump quickly.”
• A ‘ream’ of paper contains 1,000 sheets. (BS. 500.)
• Hamsters no longer exist in the wild. (T. In fact, all of the pet hamsters in the world are descended from a single female captured in Siberia in 1930.)
• A castrated sheep is called a ‘newt’. (BS. A ‘wether’.)
THE LAST WORD: The biggest liar in the world is “They Say”.
