Monday, January 28, 2008        Edition: #3698
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Australia’s Foreign Minister Stephen Smith says a public memorial service for Aussie actor Heath Ledger is being held THIS WEEK in Los Angeles but offers no further details. Ledger’s family had his body removed from a Manhattan funeral home after a private memorial service FRIDAY. Funeral arrangements are being kept private but associates suggest the late actor’s body is being returned to Perth, Australia where he grew up. (He was never this famous alive.)
– “New York Post”
• Jessica Simpson’s legal camp has sent a retraction request to “OK!” magazine regarding an ‘utterly false’ article claiming her Dallas Cowboy QB-boyfriend, Tony Romo, dumped her after his team lost in the playoffs. Her attorney says he’s spoken to both Jess and Tony, and they are completely ‘secure in their relationship’. (Seems they’re still scrimmaging then.)
– “E! News”
• Not content with adopting enough kids to start a lucrative sweatshop business, Angelina Jolie has got herself knocked up with twins. That’s the claim anyway as magazines are reporting that Angelina has just discovered she’s pregnant with 2 more of Brad Pitt’s offspring. (Soon they’ll run out of third-world countries to give birth in.)
– HecklerSpray.com
• Women want lips like Angelina Jolie, eyes like Katie Holmes, and the body of Jessica Biel. Or at least women who want plastic surgery do, according to a new survey by the Beverly Hills Institute of Aesthetic & Reconstructive Surgery. (And who’s body parts do you covet, guys?)
– “GQ”
• That reality TV series that was the focus of a court battle LAST WEEK between Denise Richards & her ex-husband Charlie Sheen is apparently being developed by none other than Ryan Seacrest. If it gets a go-ahead, the show will likely be on E! Channel as part of his $21-million-deal. The “American Idol” host confirms he’s been in talks about producing the series, but says he doesn’t know if the feuding couple’s kids would necessarily be involved. (Then why bother going to court over the issue?)
– “OK! Magazine”
• The enormous popularity of the Wii gaming console has meant a banner 9 months for Nintendo Corporation, which has doubled its profits compared to the same period a year earlier. The company has sold some 20 million consoles worldwide, and demand continues to outstrip supply. (Yeah but soon they’ll be spending millions on lawsuits over pseudo-sports injuries.)
– “Guardian Unlimited”
• The FBI has confirmed it has arrested an unnamed 16-year-old male for allegedly smuggling handcuffs, duct tape, rope, and other items onto a flight bound from Los Angeles for Louisiana. The bureau is denying, however, rampant online speculation that the teenager was planning to hijack the plane and crash it into a Miley Cyrus concert. (That’s just wishful thinking, they say.)
– StarPulse.com

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s finally said ‘yes, yes, yes’ and entered rehab after numerous accusations of substance abuse by family members and the media. She’s apparently still planning to attend the “Grammy Awards”, where she’s nominated for 6 trophies.
• Avril Lavigne – Her mega-hit “Girlfriend” has been named top download of 2007 by the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry. Fans worldwide downloaded the single more than 7.3 million times in 8 different languages.
• Barbara Mandrell – A California development company has purchased a majority interest in ‘Fontanel’, her former estate near Nashville, with the intent of developing an upscale subdivision. The 136-acre property includes a 27,000-sq-ft log home which has recently been used during production of the new CMT reality series, “Gone Country”, hosted by John Rich.
• Beyoncé – She’s been lined up to play legendary blues singer Etta James in the soon-to-shoot 1950s-era movie, “Cadillac Records”, starring Adrien Brody as the founder of Chess Records.
• George Strait – He’s been forced to reschedule his weekend concerts due to a bout of laryngitis. The shows in Baltimore, Columbia SC, and Jacksonville will be made up in APRIL.
• Lil Wayne – The “You” rapper’s been slapped with felony drug & weapons charges in Arizona stemming from his arrest there LAST WEEK. He’s due back in court FEBRUARY 12th.
• Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers – They’ll follow up their “Super Bowl” halftime show with a 38-date North American tour starting late MAY in Michigan. Steve Winwood is ‘special guest’.
• U2 – Bono has given Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda a ‘Red’ iPod at the start of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland in an attempt to get more Japanese support for the fight against poverty in Africa. Meantime US Defense Secretary Robert Gates, whom Bono corralled at the Pentagon LAST WEEK, says he had no idea who the rocker was.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Led Zeppelin – A fan site is reporting that guitarist Jimmy Page will hold a press conference at the Park Hyatt Hotel in Shinjyuku, Japan. Rival concert promoters Live Nation and AEG have been battling to sign the classic rockers for a world tour, which could earn well over $200 million.
• Moldy Peaches – They guest on “The View” (ABC/CTV). The NYC rockers recently had to hire lawyers in South America after their song “Jorge Regula” was featured in a toothpaste ad in Chile without permission … or payment.
• Natasha Bedingfield – She performs her new single “Love Like This” from the upcoming album “Pocketful of Sunshine” on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
•  Wesley Snipes – The defense begins arguing its case at the movie actor’s tax-evasion trial in Ocala FL, where he’s accused of not paying income tax on $38 million in earnings. His legal team will blame an accounting firm for bad financial advice and may call some of its former clients as witnesses, including Muhammad Ali, Spike Lee, Sylvester Stallone, and Tom Brokaw.
• Wyclef Jean – He guests on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).

A CENTURY OF LESS SHUT-EYE:
Stats from the National Center for Health Statistics show the average night’s sleep in 1905 lasted 9 hours, while these days we average just 7 hours in the sack. (7 whole hours! These people have never done morning radio!)
– “Science”

TOKYO GIRL-TALK:
To help you wanna sound cool like a Harajuku girl, here’s some of the latest jargon used by Japanese women …
• Kakurenbo Oji (literally ‘hide-and-seek prince’): A man who ignores his female work colleague until just before it’s time to knock off for the day.
• Katorina: A man who wreaks havoc on the office environment, named for the hurricane that devastated New Orleans.
• Ichigo (literally ‘strawberry’): A pimply complexion.
• Tabitomo (literally ‘traveling companion’): An illicit lover.
• Yuryo Bukken (means ‘excellent property’): A real-estate term used to mean a male colleague who’s considered a possible romantic interest.
– “Spa! Magazine”

SUNDAY IS WORST NIGHT’S SLEEP:
A new survey reveals that SUNDAY is the most sleepless night of the week. This lack of sleep in turn contributes to lack of concentration at work on MONDAY, irritability with co-workers, and even the occasional nap. Stats show we lose an average of 51 minutes of sleep per night due to work-related worries.
– “Telegraph”

BEST MOVIE HUGS:
According to a new poll, these are the all-time classic clutches in the movies …
5. Ex-convicts ‘Andy & Red’ (Tim Robbins & Morgan Freeman) in the final scene of “The Shawshank Redemption” (1994).
4. ‘Bridget & Mark’ (Renée Zellweger & Colin Firth) squeezing in the snow in “Bridget Jones’ Diary” (2001).
3. ‘Elliot’ (Henry Thomas) holding his extraterrestrial friend in an incubator in “ET” (1982).
2. ‘Baby & Johnny’ (Jennifer Grey & Patrick Swayze) in “Dirty Dancing” (1987).
1. ‘Rose & Jack’ (Kate Winslet & Leonardo DiCaprio) clutching as the ship sinks in “Titanic” (1997).
– ContactMusic.com

COFFEE FOR A BUCK AT STARBUCKS?
Starbucks, the ubiquitous coffee chain synonymous with elaborate brews such as mochas and frappuccinos, is apparently going back to basics with a bottomless cup of coffee – just coffee – for $1. The chain will reportedly try a pilot program in Seattle WA, as it attempts to stave off competition from lower-priced rivals such as McDonald’s and Dunkin’ Donuts.
– “The Times“

UNEXPECTED USES FOR SUDS:
There are many useful uses for beer besides drinking it. For instance …
• Marinating: Not only will it make meat taste better, it also makes it more tender.
• Mousetrap: Pour a couple of inches of cheap beer into a bucket with a board leading from the floor to the rim. Smelling it, mice will jump in and not be able to climb out.
• Polishing: Wet a piece of cloth with beer and rub your gold to get the shine back. Not gems!
• Bathing: Add a few cans of beer to your bath. The yeast softens and sooths skin.
• Dusting: Use flat beer on wood furniture to give it a shiny, healthy look.
• Cooking: When boiling shrimp, try using beer for the cooking liquid.
– Gomestic.com
     
DID YOU KNOW?
Heath Ledger & his sister Kate were named after the 2 main characters in Emily Bronte’s novel “Wuthering Heights”.

AND WE QUOTE:
“I was like the Miley Cyrus of my generation.”
– Former late ‘80s teeny-bop star Debbie Gibson.

BS CHRONOMETER 01.28.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [72] Alan Alda (Alphonso D’Abruzzo), NYC, TV actor (“West Wing” 2004-06, “M*A*S*H” 1972-83)/movie actor (“The Aviator”, “What Women Want“)

1968 [40] Sarah McLachlan, Halifax NS, pop singer (“Fallen”, “Adia”)

1969 [39] Kathryn Morris, Cincinnati OH, TV actress (‘Lilly Rush’ on “Cold Case” since 2003)

1973 [35] Brandon Bush, TN, pop musician (Train-“Calling All Angels”, “Drops of Jupiter [Tell Me]”)

1977 [31] Joey Fatone, Brooklyn NY, TV host (“The Singing Bee” 2007)/reality show contestant “Dancing With the Stars” 2007)/former pop singer (N Sync-“Pop”)/movie actor (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”)

1980 [28] Nick Carter, Jamestown NY, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“As Long As You Love Me”)/reality show personality (“House of Carters” with singer-brother Aaron Carter)/one-time Paris Hilton boy-toy

1981 [27] Elijah Wood, Cedar Rapids IA, bug-eyed movie actor (“The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, “Happy Feet”) whose head is about 5 times too large for his body

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”, celebrating the padding we all like to pop.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/3928ys
Don’t have any addictive bubble wrap with you? Try some virtual popping here …
NET: http://www.urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html
Or play music on this bubble wrap keyboard …
NET: http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/playmusic.shtml

• “Clash Day”, when you’re encouraged to wear your gaudiest outfit to relieve winter blahs.

• “International Make Your Point Day.” So what is the gist of what you’re trying to say, anyway?

• “Kazoo Day”, honoring the musical instrument even the most untalented can play. Didn’t bring your kazoo in with you? Play some online kazoo here (“Smells Like Teen Spirt” anyone?) …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/3564dk

• “Swap a Brown Bag Lunch Day”, to add some excitement to your noon hour.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [03] “Million Dollar Baby” opens wide in movie theaters, which eventually wins Oscars for ‘Best Movie’; ‘Best Directing’ (Clint Eastwood); ‘Best Actress’ (Hilary Swank); and ‘Best Supporting Actor’ (Morgan Freeman)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1985 [23] 45 top recording artists attend an all-night recording session in LA to produce the charity record “We Are the World” in aid of African famine relief (among those participating:  Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Sting, Diana Ross, Paul Simon & many others)

2001 [07] Ray Charles performs “America The Beautiful” at Superbowl XXXV in Tampa FL

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1916 [92] Manitoba women become the 1st Canadian females to vote

1934 [74] 1st ‘Rope Tow’ for skiing opens in Woodstock VT (before that, a helluva lot of uphill walking!)

1999 [09] 1st ‘Live Sex Change Operation’ performed on the Internet (hmm, was it a download or an upload?)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1962 [46] In Rhodesia, Johanne Relleke receives 2,443 bee stings and manages to survive to tell about it

1984 [24] Glynn Wolfe weds for a non-bigamous record 26th time (Las Vegas NV)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Corn Chip Day
[Wed] International Delete Your MySpace Page Day
[Thurs] “Lost” 4th season premiere (ABC)
[Thurs] Backwards Day
[Thurs] Beloved Wives Day (Japan)
[Sat] Groundhog Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Catholic Schools Week / Cross Country Skiing Week / Cowboy Poetry Gathering Week / World Leprosy Week

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS IT’S WAY TOO COLD OUTSIDE:
• You walk into Timmy’s and a polar bear with his paws wrapped around a double-double yells, “Shut the f-f-flippin’ door!”
• Your fingers are too frozen to keyboard, but fortunately the chattering of your teeth deceives your boss.
• A Jehovah’s Witness at the front door offers to keep his opinions to himself in exchange for 5 minutes in front of your fireplace.
• Pam Anderson’s newest parts shatter and fall off.
• The CN Tower is only 5-ft-tall.
• Sperm banks are no longer the only place to find frozen sperm.
• Last week, you used your Super Bowl tickets for kindling.
• Britney finally puts on panties.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A job is nice but it interferes with my life.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Will you buy a new TV just to watch the Super Bowl? (The Consumer Electronics Association forecasts $2.2 billion in sales of HDTV sets in advance of Super Bowl XLII on SUNDAY.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Twice as many men as women have done THIS on a first date.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Said ‘I love you’.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Observe moderation in all things … including moderation.