January 10, 2008

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Thursday, January 10, 2008        Edition: #3686
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

Actor Tom Cruise is said to be furious that Andrew Morton’s new book, “Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography”, suggests his daughter Suri was fathered by the frozen sperm of late Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard (a total lie – it wasn’t frozen, just freeze-dried!) . . . The announcement that 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers has caused more than double the normal viewers to tune in to watch the season finalé of her Nickelodeon show “Zoey 101” (what, they thought it happened on the show?) . . . Meantime, residents of Spears’ hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana say they can’t understand why the media is making such a big deal over her pregnancy, it’s such a normal occurrence among locals (usually before age 12, thanks to Uncle Grabby) . . . The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has decided it will not present filmmaker Steven Spielberg with the ‘Cecil B DeMille Award’ for lifetime achievement until 2009, now that SUNDAY’s 2008 “Golden Globe Awards” have been sidelined (thank goodness, after the feeble “People’s Choice Awards” TUESDAY with no live stars and no audience) . . . 15-year-old superstar Miley Cyrus has revealed a body double is used in her “Best of Both Worlds” tour, but only for a couple of minutes while she ‘transforms’ from “Hannah Montana” to herself backstage ahead of her solo set (this is Earth-shattering news to all females under 13) . . . 46-year-old former “Sopranos” star James Gandolfini has reportedly proposed to longterm girlfriend Deborah Lin during a getaway in the Bahamas and she’s accepted (hey, could you say no to ‘Tony’?) . . . And with another season of “American Idol” about to kick off TUESDAY, it’s nice to hear that Paula Abdul is still as nutty as ever, hyperventilating and screaming in the Continental Airlines terminal at LAX during a tantrum that lasted some 10 minutes, according to bystanders (staged self-promotion?).

• Eminem – His rep claims the now 200 lb-plus ‘Fat Shady’ does NOT have a serious heart condition as was widely reported but did suffer a bout of pneumonia requiring hospitalization.
• Garth Brooks – He’ll appear in radio, print & TV ads promoting “NASCAR Day”(3rd FRIDAY in MAY), which raises money for children’s charities. The campaign begins during the 50th running of the “Daytona 500” FEBRUARY 17th.
• Justin Timberlake – He & actress gf Jessica Biel are currently looking for a movie project to work on together. Word has it he wants to do a comedy, but she wants something ‘grittier’.
• The Police – Ironically, eco-activist Sting’s band is being criticized by environmental campaigners for creating a massive carbon footprint. They’ve been singled out as the worst offenders in the music industry.
• Spice Girls – Snippy 85-year-old Hollywood fashion critic Mr Blackwell has just ranked Victoria Beckham #1 on his 48th annual ‘Worst-Dressed List’.
• Taylor Swift – The just-turned-18 country starlet continues to make smart moves, donating the pink Chevy pick-up given to her by her record label to a children’s charity, the Victory Junction Gang.

• “Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew” debuts (VH1) – 8 ‘celebrities’ (the likes of Andy Dick, Brigitte Nielsen, former professional wrestler Chyna, Daniel Baldwin, and Tom Sizemore) check into rehab under Dr Drew Pinsky (“Loveline“) for 21 days. Former “American Idol” contestant Jessica Sierra is also featured in the pretaped show even though she’s now sentenced to a year of real rehab (and she’s pregnant to boot!).
• Christina Aguilera – Reports say TODAY is her precise baby delivery date, thanks to a scheduled cesarean section.
• George Strait – He kicks off a major North American tour in Austin, Texas. Little Big Town is the opening act.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Chingy is the musical guest.
• “Tonight Show” (NBC)/”Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Jay Leno & Jimmy Kimmel appear on each other’s shows in a stunt that, if nothing else, will help fill the gaps created by stars honoring WGA picket lines.

A “BS” selection of movies in the making …
• “Journey” – 18-year-old ‘Harry Potter’ star Daniel Radcliffe is set to portray Dan Eldon, a real-life 22-year-old journalist who was stoned to death in 1993 during Somalia’s civil war. Eldon’s mother reportedly nixed a slew of actors interested in the role, including Heath Ledger, Joaquin Phoenix, and Orlando Bloom.
• “The Reader” – Kate Winslet has replaced Nicole Kidman in this post-WW2 drama after the pregnant Aussie actress pulled out of the project. Ralph Fiennes stars in the story of a man’s decades-long obsession with an older woman. The film’s being shot in Germany with a scheduled DECEMBER release.
• “Shine a Light” – Director Martin Scorsese’s highly-anticipated documentary movie about the Rolling Stones will finally be released APRIL 4th. It was slated to open LAST OCTOBER but was postponed by Paramount Classics. The film was shot over 2 days at the Beacon Theater in NYC in 2006 and includes backstage footage as well as new interviews with the band.

A fluorescent green pig has given birth to 2 day-glo piglets after breeding with a normal, non-luminescent mate in China. Researchers say the feet, mouths, and tongues of the piglets glow green under ultraviolet light, which indicates the technology to breed transgenic pigs via cell nucleus transfer is a success. (This is all really useful if you’re trying to eat pork chops in the dark.)
– Reuters

New excuses for partaking in some of your favorite things …
• Coffee – A 30-year study reveals that moderate consumption has beneficial effects against diabetes, Alzheimer’s, kidney stones, gall stones, depression, cancer, suicide, and may hinder the development of cirrhosis of the liver. And 4 or more cups a day may prevent gout.
• Chocolate – Eating chocolate can help sharpen the mind and give a short-term boost to cognitive skills. It can also help fight fatigue, sleep deprivation, and the effects of aging. A few squares of dark chocolate a day is as effective as aspirin in preventing blood clots. Chocolate may also play a role in improving mood.
• Red Wine – There are definitely cardiovascular benefits for men who drink 2 glasses per day and for women who drink 1. It can also decrease risk of stroke, may help longevity and improve memory. People who drink red wine occasionally also lower their risk of developing dementia.
• Cannabis – AIDS patients with debilitating nerve pain get as much relief from cannabis as from prescription medications and with fewer side effects. Marijuana skin cream can help with allergies. An ingredient in cannabis may help prevent Mad Cow Disease. (But it sure is tough to get ‘Bessie’ to toke on a bong.)
– “China Daily”

The new ‘Ambient Umbrella’ should be able to tell Americans when to prepare for rain. The device tracks the forecast for any of 150 US locations. When rain is expected within the next few hours, the umbrella’s handle illuminates. Patterns change to indicate rain, drizzle, or thunderstorms. (In Seattle, it’s basically just a strobe light.)
– “Social Studies”

A new study suggests that where a teenage girl sees herself on her school’s social ladder may affect her future weight. Those who believe they are unpopular gain more weight than those who view themselves as more popular. Researchers say the results suggest that how girls feel about themselves should be part of all obesity prevention strategies. The study seems to prove that social status is not just an uncomfortable experience you grow out of, it can have important health consequences later on. (There are advantages to being fat … see ‘Bull’s Bits’.)
– AP

The latest oddity from THIS WEEK’s “Consumer Electronics Show” in Las Vegas is the ‘iTaser’, which combines an electronic stun-gun with a 1-gig MP3 player. Rick Smith, founder of Taser International, says the idea is to make personal protection both fashionable and functional. (Be sure to wear your iPod headphones for maximum mugger-surprising potential!)
– “The Guardian”

• Slow down in bed.
• Speed up on the toilet.
• Buy you tampons without feeling emasculated.
• Log your size into his memory, because what’s more depressing than trying on a wrong-size gift?
• Before he leaves on a trip, give you a sappy card that says how much he’ll miss you. (Extra credit if he makes it himself.)
• Send you a massive bouquet of flowers at work. (Ideally on a Monday, so you can flaunt it all week.)
• Cook you a meal that involves more ingredients than pasta and pasta sauce.
• Afterward, clean up the dishes.
• Memorize this mantra: If I’m going to be late, call. If I’m going to be late, call …
• Ask you as many questions as he answers.
• Look you directly in the eye during all greetings, requests, and declarations of love.
• Toss out the blue-and-red tartan flannel bedding he got in college and replace it with something else. (Thread count over 200, no poly-blends.)
• Do whatever it takes to make up after he’s been a jerk.
– “Glamour”

UK budget hotel chain Travelodge claims to have built the world’s first recyclable hotel. Its hotel in Uxbridge, west of London, was assembled from pre-built steel modules with bathrooms already installed, while windows and furnishings were added afterward. The whole thing can be dismantled and moved to another location if necessary. Rooms rent for under $40/night, extremely modest by British standards. Not surprisingly, the porta-tel was made in China. (We’ve had this for years … we call it a double-wide.)
– “GQ”

• Blue is the least appetizing color for humans and studies show when you eat from a blue plate you eat less.
– “Science”
• An hour of puffs from a hookah packs the same carbon monoxide punch as a pack-a-day cigarette habit, according to a new report.
– Cosmo Daily

“The season of trophies is truly a season in hell.”
– Actor Sean Penn, confirming he’s no fan of awards season at the recent “Palm Springs International Film Festival”.


1935 [73] Ronnie Hawkins, Huntsville AR, Canadian rock icon who assembled The Band

1938 [70] Frank Mahovlich (‘The Big M’), Timmins ON, Canadian Senator/Hall of Fame NHL player

1945 [63] Rod Stewart, London UK, wrinkle-rocker (“Tonight’s the Night“, “Maggie May”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)

1948 [60] Donald Fagen, Passaic NJ, classic rock singer (Steely Dan-“Reeling in the Years”, “Hey Nineteen”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)

1953 [55] Pat Benatar (Andrzejewski), Brooklyn NY, classic rocker (“Hit Me With Your Best Shot”)/4 consecutive Grammy Awards for ‘Best Female Rock Vocal Performance’ 1980-83

1964 [44] Brad Roberts, Winnipeg MB, pop singer (Crash Test Dummies-“Ghosts That Haunt Me”)

1978 [30] Matt Roberts, Escatawpa MS, rock guitarist (3 Doors Down-“When I’m Gone”, “Loser”)

• “Al-Hijra” [‘heej-rah’], the Muslim New Year celebration on the first day of Muharram, the first month in the Islamic Calendar, begins and continues for 29 days.

• “BS Egg Balancing Day”, when you can take your average egg, place it on it’s fat end, and it will stand on its own (the key is removing your supporting fingers very, very gently). Ask listeners to try it out and call in with results. It all has to do with physics or hieroglyphics … or something.

• “Make Your Dreams Come True Day”. Well, that’s simple – just get a whole bunch of money and …

• “Peculiar People Day”, a good day to have listeners call in stories about the extraordinary, unusual, strange, odd, uncommon, intriguing, different, abnormal, and quirky people they know.

• “Volunteer Firefighters’ Day”, honoring those courageous folk who like to play dress-up and go for a ride in the big shiny truck. To celebrate, why not buy one of those beefcake calendars?

2000 [08] In the biggest corporate merger to date, America Online announces it’s acquiring Time-Warner for $162 billion (10 years to the day earlier, Time Inc acquired Warner Communications for a paltry $14.1 billion)

2000 [08] Rocker Melissa Etheridge & partner Julie Cypher reveal that dinosaur rocker David Crosby (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young) is the biological father of their 2 children

1863 [145] World’s 1st ‘subway’ opens (the ‘Metropolitan’ in London UK, aka ‘the tube’)

2000 [08] Tisdale SK bakery achieves record of 76 eggs standing for the 7th annual “BS Egg Balancing Day”, a record that still ‘stands’

[Fri] Tattoo Pride Day
[Fri] International Thank-Yous Days
[Sat] Pharmacists Day
[Sun] 65th Golden Globe Awards ‘press conference’
This Week Is … Intimate Apparel Week
This Month Is … Coffee Gourmet International Month


At least, according to the latest issues of women’s mags …
• Is Your Teen For Sale Online? [“Ladies’ Home Journal”]
• Jupiter Brings Luck to All – What Will it Mean for Your Sign? [“Chatelaine”]
• Is Stress Making You Ache? [“Redbook”]
• If You Found a $100 Bill On the Sidewalk, What Would You Do? [“Woman’s Day”]
• Have You Ever Been Embarrassed by Your Breasts? [“Cosmopolitan”]

If depression is inherited, do I have hand-me-down blue genes?

• You don’t need as much water to fill your bathtub.
• You’re easy to spot in a crowd.
• You don’t have to buy your clothes in the department with loud rock music.
• No one expects you to win the local marathon … or even enter.
• You don’t get many wrinkles.
• No one challenges you to play leap frog.
• You float better.
• Your ring has more gold in it.
• Your toboggan goes faster … once you get it started.

Today’s Question: The average person does THIS 70 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Complains.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

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