January 9, 2008

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Wednesday, January 9, 2008        Edition: #3685
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

SUNDAY’s 65th “Golden Globe Awards” red carpet pre-show has been canceled and the actual awards presentation replaced with a ‘news conference format’, thanks to the ongoing writers strike (they’ve trashed the entire show but the WGA says it will picket it anyway) . . . The rumors have been confirmed – 40-year-old actress Nicole Kidman & 40-year-old country star Keith Urban are expecting their first child together (so who wasn’t ‘performing’ when she & Tom Cruise were forced to adopt?) . . . Dr Phil’s planned TV special focusing on Britney Spears’ latest troubles has been s-canned after her parents pulled out (the initial excuse for his weekend hospital visit with Brit was ‘coincidence’, now it’s that he was invited by her mom Lynne) . . . “Gossip Girl” TV couple ‘Serena’ & ‘Dan’ (Blake Lively & Penn Badgley) are now dating in real life, pairing up off-screen after she dumped her old boyfriend (because he’s now ‘below the line’) . . . Bill Gates has announced that Microsoft will join with NBC-TV to operate NBCOlympics.com, which will stream virtually every Beijing ‘08 event live and make them available for viewing on demand later (so long TV ratings!) . . . Cookbook author Missy Chase Lapine is suing comedian Jerry Seinfeld for allegedly slandering her on a David Letterman show AND his wife Jessica Seinfeld for allegedly plagiarizing her idea for a kiddie cookbook (‘divide & conquer’ doesn’t work when you’re suing, hon) . . . And “Queer Eye” alum Carson Kressley’s new TV show, “How to Look Good Naked”, has generated the highest-rated debut ever for an unscripted series on  Lifetime channel (99% of the audience sucked in by the title, not realizing … it’s a fashion show).

• AC/DC – A new album produced by Mutt Lange is said to be in the final mixing stages. Live performances are on hold for the meantime due to an injury to 52-year-old guitarist Angus Young’s knee. A result of continually wearing short pants?
• Eminem – Word has surfaced he was rushed to a Detroit-area hospital over the holidays for a serious heart condition and severe pneumonia. He’s now said to be recovering at home. One reason for the trauma may be … his weight has ballooned over 200 lbs.
• Led Zeppelin – According to online ticket scalper Seatwave.com, fans paid an average of $14,850 for a resale ticket to their reunion gig at London’s O2 arena LAST MONTH even though the original face value of tickets was just $250. Might that explain why employees of the website all wear masks?
• The Shins – Both keyboardist  Marty Crandall & his model girlfriend Elyse Sewell (ex-“America’s Next Top Model”) have spent time in the slammer after a bout of domestic violence. He allegedly got s-faced and roughed her up … so she bit him.
• Yellowcard – The rockers will soon travel to the Persian Gulf and perform for military personnel as part of an ‘expeditionary entertainment tour’. It’ll be their first USO collaboration.

• Big & Rich – They kick off a Canadian tour in Prince George BC. Terri Clark and Emerson Drive share the bill.
• John Legend – He guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• OneRepublic – The “Apologize” band does “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Brick’ – To render an electronic device nonfunctional. (“Can I borrow your cellphone? I bricked mine by stepping on it … it slipped out my hand after I fished it out of the hot tub.”)
• ‘Cyberchondriac’ – Someone who’s sure that they have every disease they read about online. (“Thanks to surfing the ‘net, every time he sweats Jake’s convinced he has menopause.”)
• ‘Scummy Mummy’ – The opposite of a ‘yummy mummy’ or ‘MILF’. (Think Courtney Love vs Heidi Klum.)
• ‘SINBAD’ – An acronym of ‘Single Income, No Boyfriend And Desperate’. (“I’m not looking forward to Saturday. My buddy’s lined me up for a blind date with his Sinbad sister.”)

As the Boomer generation is about to hit 65, here are some timely tips on how to make a home safer for seniors …
• Place stickers at eye level on glass and screen doors to prevent collisions.
• To prevent a fall, cut holes in the tops of tennis balls and install them over the feet of walkers. They help prevent the bottoms from sticking to, or catching on, raised areas of the floor.
• Simply adding more lighting in every room can prevent all kinds of slips, falls, bumps and bruises.
– “South Florida Sun-Sentinel”

Heat from bodies burned in a municipally-run crematorium in Dukinfield, England may soon be used to power the crematorium’s heating and lighting systems. Tameside Council, which is considering the proposal to recycle the energy produced, admits that it might prove to be ‘a sensitive matter’. (Now Grandpa can still ‘light one up’ after he’s dead!)
– “Times of London”

Shy and anxious men are at a greater risk of heart attack, according to new research. Studies show that men who display shyness, tension, fear, or irrational compulsions are 30-to-40% more likely to have heart disease. Researchers recommend that men who suffer from panic attacks or social phobia should seek therapy … for the good of their hearts. (First you’re scared to death of other people, then you’re hit with ‘the big one’ … life sucks!)
– “The Telegraph”

Sony has announced it plans to introduce its organic LED television monitor THIS MONTH, which is said to produce a picture indistinguishable from that of a mirror. The 11-inch XEL-1 TV, using organic light-emitting diode technology, will sport a hefty MSRP … about $2,500. A 20-inch version is also being unveiled at THIS WEEK’s “Consumer Electronics Show” in Las Vegas, but a price for it has not yet been established. (They’re waiting for banks to design a suitable loan plan.)
– ContactMusic.com

Animal researchers in Singapore have discovered that humans aren’t the only species that pays for sex. A study of some 50 long-tailed macaques in Indonesia has found that males ‘pay’ for it by providing grooming services to females. And the price seems to go up and down depending on market forces. While a male wooing a single female would normally have to groom her for circa 16 minutes before physical relations are offered, the cost drops to just 8 minutes of work when there are several females in the area. (The reason for ‘Ladies’ Night’ at your local club.)
– “New Scientist”

“The Black Book of Hollywood Diet Secrets”, to be published later THIS MONTH by show biz journalists Kym Douglas & Cindy Pearlman, takes you inside the fridges of the stars to tell you exactly what keeps some of the world’s hottest bodies in A-list shape. A few highlights …
• Angelina Jolie lives on sushi. It’s low-calorie, and vitamin-rich seaweed can lower cholesterol.
• Cindy Crawford sips vinegar to kill her appetite before heading out to dinner.
• Demi Moore reaches for apple slices with peanut butter when she wants a sugar fix.
• Heidi Klum bathes in Epsom Salts. The magnesium sulphate draws the fluids out of your body.
• Jennifer Lopez carries vials of grapefruit oil with her. Exposure to the scent for 15 minutes, 3 times a day affects liver enzymes and promotes weight-loss.
• Jessica Alba avoids diet drinks. Each can consumed daily nearly doubles your risk of being overweight because you tend to eat more, believing you’re being virtuous with your soft drinks.
• Kelly Clarkson is a big fan of “The Cookie Diet”, which advocates ‘eat a cookie, skip a meal’.
• Madonna often drinks dandelion tea, a natural diuretic that’s great for banishing water retention.
• Matthew McConaughey carries his toothbrush with him to restaurants. Nutritionists say brushing puts a new taste in your mouth that signals your brain that you are full.
• Owen Wilson never misses his daily dose of asparagus, a natural diuretic that diminishes bloating.
• Reese Witherspoon walks backwards to tone her calves and tighten her body, all the while carting along 5-lb weights.
• Rosario Dawson is a fan of ‘yaz’, the current workout du jour in Hollywood that combines spinning and yoga.
• And Hollywood nutritionists suggest including chopped-up prunes with ground beef when you make a hamburger. It cuts the fat by up to 40% and you won’t even notice it. (Until later.)
– “China Daily”

The strike by the Writers Guild of America has had devastating repercussions in New York City, where 78,000 local production workers have been laid off and 4,000 businesses have shut down.
– “Crain’s New York Business”


1935 [73] Dick Enberg, Mt Clemens MI, TV sportscaster (CBS/ESPN2/Westwood One)/13 Emmy Awards, including Sports Emmy ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’ (2001)

1944 [64] Jimmy Page, Heston UK, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”, “Whole Lotta Love”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1992-Yardbirds, 1995-Led Zeppelin)

1967 [41] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg, South Africa, alt-rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-“Where Are You Going”, “The Space Between”)/Farm Aid Board of Directors

1967 [41] Steve Harwell, Santa Clara CA, pop singer (Smash Mouth-“All Star”, “Walkin’ On the Sun”)

1978 [30] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You To Know”, “Shape of My Heart”)

1987 [21] Paolo Nutini, Paisley, Scotland, pop singer (“New Shoes”, “Last Request”)

• “Al-Hijra” [‘heej-rah’], the Muslim New Year celebration on the first day of Muharram, the first month in the Islamic Calendar, begins in much of the world and continues for 29 days. The date varies from country-to-country depending on whether or not the Moon has been sighted. In North America, “Al-Hijra” occurs a day later on THURSDAY, the 10th of JANUARY.

• “Play God Day”. So what would you do if you were the Big Guy (Girl?) for a day?

• “Static Electricity Day”. Guess you can count on this being a bad hair day.

• “Step-Father’s Day”, a day to honor ‘all step-fathers everywhere who come into our lives and hold a special place in our hearts’. You know … the boyfriend Mommy left Daddy for.

• “Virgin Sacrifice Day”, an ancient ritual that was seemingly discontinued when qualified subjects could no longer be found.

1941 [67] 1st demonstration of ‘Color TV’ (CBS)

1951 [57] 1st ‘Adult Film’ premieres, in London UK (“La Vie Commence Demain”)

1997 [11] Wildman Nova Scotia fiddler Ashley MacIsaac shows what a Scotsman doesn’t wear beneath his kilt on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” (the evidence is blurred out by censors)

2007 [01] Hundreds of high-ticket items owned by Whitney Houston are auctioned by a NJ storage facility in lieu of back rent, including designer clothing & a $300,000 grand piano

1799 [209] 1st-ever ‘Income Tax’ is imposed (England)

1932 [76] 1st recorded ‘Pink Snow’ falls as dust storm mixes with snow (Durango CO)

1985 [23] Calgary Flames complete NHL-record 264 games without being shut out

1996 [12] Toronto Raptors set dubious NBA record of not making a single free throw in 92-91 loss to Charlotte Hornets

[Thurs] Volunteer Firefighters Day
[Thurs] BS Egg Balancing Day
[Thurs] Peculiar People Day
[Thurs] “Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew” debuts (VH1)
[Fri] Tattoo Pride Day
[Sun] “24“ 7th season premiere (FOX)
This Week Is … Intimate Apparel Week
This Month Is … Clean Up Your Computer Month


• Last night’s dinner consisted of MORE than 3 peas.
• That photo of you and your pug on your Facebook page with the caption, “I’m the one on the left.”
• You only landed the lead role in ‘Hunchback’ because the producers wanted to save money on makeup.
• What good are $250-shoes if you can’t see ’em?
• Jim Bob’s All-U-Kin-Eat Country Buffet had to hire a bouncer to keep you out.
• Your mommy still dresses you.

A nifty little bit for oldies stations. Each day at the same time, you dig out one of those wacky classics and novelty tunes that were collected on low-cost compilation albums in the ‘60s and ‘70s.

• The ‘huddle’ in football was invented due a deaf football player who used sign language to communicate and his team didn’t want the opposition to see the signals he used. [TRUE. The huddle is said to have originated at Gallaudet University, a liberal arts college for the deaf.]
• Australia is the world’s largest landlocked country. [BS. Anyone who’s looked at a globe knows Australia is an island. Mongolia is the world’s largest landlocked country.]
• “King Kong” was the first movie to have its sequel released in the same year. [TRUE. “Son of Kong” also came out in 1933.]
• A bowling pin needs to tilt 30 degrees in order to fall down. [BS. Just 7.5 degrees will get ‘er done. Gutter balls, however, don’t.]
• Pittsburgh is the only city where 3 major-league sports teams have the same colors. [TRUE. The NFL’s Steelers, MLB’s Pirates, and NHL’s Penguins all wear black & gold.]
• The first product to have a UPC bar code on its packaging was the Apple computer. [BS. It was Wrigley’s chewing gum.]
• Palomino is not actually a breed of horse but just a color. [TRUE. Same as sorrel, bay, roan, buckskin, and pinto.]
• Harvard uses ‘Yale’ brand locks on its buildings. [TRUE. Likely because there’s no ‘Harvard’ brand lock available.]
• Moisture, not air, causes superglue to dry. [TRUE. Blowing on it might work, but it’d be thanks to your spit not your breath.]
• The foreign city most visited by Americans is Toronto. [BS. Tijuana, Mexico has the honor, largely due to the smorgasbord of temptations on offer in the border town.]
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

What 3 things are on your ‘Bucket List’ … things you want to do before you kick the bucket?

Today’s Question: 48% of office workers think THIS is the most inconsiderate thing people do at work.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Leave the coffee pot empty without making more.

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.

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