January 2 2019

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Wednesday, January 2, 2019 – Edition: #6363

The Bull is Back!

Happy New Year!  All “Bull Sheet” subscribers have received account credits for missed service days over the holiday season.  We are all set to go with another great year of BS!

★ Louis C.K. is once again at the center of controversy after leaked audio from a recent stand-up performance showcased him taking aim at millennials and the victims of school shootings. The 2-minute audio recording, which was originally posted to a YouTube channel before being deleted, also touched on C.K.’s issues with gender association before setting his crosshairs on the survivors from the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting.  In response, Fred Guttenberg, the father of 14-year-old victim Jaime, had some words of his own. “To anyone who knows Louis CK, please deliver this message for me. My daughter was killed in the Parkland shooting. My son ran from the bullets. My wife and I deal with loss everyday.”
★ Cheeky chef Jamie Oliver has perfected 15-minute meals and food on a budget during his illustrious career. It’s therefore perhaps unsurprising that, when he offered to cater Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding for free, the royals declined. The TV chef has revealed he personally wrote to the newly-married Duke and Duchess of Sussex ahead of their May wedding, offering to provide food to the long list of VIP guests – but he says he was met with a wall of silence. Oliver blames ‘slick’ palace protocol for the lack of response, admitting his food empire would have been a ‘renegade’ choice for such a prestigious occasion.
★ Kevin Hart presented each member of his backstage team with a classic muscle car as a show of appreciation and to mark the end of his “Irresponsible” tour. In a video, Hart said: ”So the tour is over, and I told my guys I was going to do something special for them. They had no idea what it was. I just surprised my whole team with ‘old schools’. He continued the fun on Sunday, when he took to Instagram again to reveal that he and his friends had started a car club with the new rides he’d gifted them.


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Matty Matheson, Rita Wilson (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Michelle Obama, Ariana Grande (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Michelle Obama, Common (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Lenny Kravitz, Anthony Atamanuik, Todd Sucherman (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Rupert Everett, Rob Riggle, Ben Howard (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Jennifer Lopez, Leah Remini (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Nick Cannon
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kerry Washington, John Stamos, Coyote Peterson, Charlie Puth (R)
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Heidi Klum
• “Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back” (FOX): The Season 2 premiere: Gordon Ramsay’s “Hell On Wheels” travels to the Trolley Stop Café, a classic Cajun-inspired restaurant in New Orleans.
• “The Masked Singer” (FOX): The premiere of the singing competition in which celebrity singers face off against each other while wearing elaborate costumes to hide their identities.
• “Project Runway All Stars” (LIFETIME): The winners from the U.S. and around the world compete in a fashion world championship.

• Taylor Swift — dropped a concert film on Netflix in the early hours of December 31st.  Swift’s name immediately began trending on Twitter as fans began praising the concert. It was shot during the final evening of Swift’s Reputation tour (the highest-grossing tour in U.S. history) in Arlington, TX.
• Lady Gaga – Celine Dion was in attendance for one of her Las Vegas “Enigma” shows and on Monday, Dion posted video of herself playing air guitar in the audience and wrote: “I had so much fun last night @LadyGaga!  Your energy on stage is contagious and you literally took my breath away! I wish you all the best with your Vegas residency!”
• Jann Arden – The ‘Insensitive’ singer has confirmed that her mother, Joan Richards, a long-time sufferer of Alzheimer’s disease, has died.  Arden has been a tireless advocate for erasing the stigma of dementia, and wrote about some of her happier experiences in “Feeding My Mother,” a 2017 book about sharing time in the kitchen and cooking with Richards.
• Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show – Former singer Ray Sawyer, who sang lead on their hit ‘The Cover of Rolling Stone’, has died at 81.  Sawyer, an original member of Dr. Hook from 1969-1981, passed away Monday of an undisclosed cause in Daytona Beach, Fla. He had been retired for three years due to declining health.
• Queen – Their biopic “Bohemian Rhapsody” has been nominated for a pair of Screen Actors Guild Awards at the 25th annual ceremony in Los Angeles Jan. 27.  Star Rami Malek received a nod for Outstanding Performance By A Male Actor In A Leading Role category.  The film was also nominated for Outstanding Performance By A Cast In A Motion Picture.
• Pink Floyd — drummer Nick Mason has been awarded a CBE (Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire) in the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List, for “services to music”.  Other 2018 honorees include actress Thandie Newton and author Margaret Atwood, as well as damehood for fashion model Twiggy and a knighthood for Monty Python member Michael Palin.
• Rolling Stones – 71-year-old guitarist Ronnie Wood’s wife Sally claims he does not color his hair.  She says his positive attitude has helped it stay dark. (Even with 2-year-old twins?)
• Foreigner — Ex-Foreigner frontman Lou Gramm surprised a crowd in upstate New York Sunday night by announcing it was his final solo performance. He had previously announced plans for a series of “rock pack” shows with former Asia singer John Payne.
• Maren Morris – says her 2018 highlights include her collaboration with Zedd on ‘The Middle’ and her first country #1, ‘I Could Use a Love Song’.  And her marriage to Ryan Hurd…of course.
• Brett Eldredge – says that he hopes one day to get into acting.  Quote: “Whenever a camera comes on, I light up. I turn into this extreme version of myself…I’m just very animated, and I think that’s a lot of what acting is.”

Apparently, the best way to keep your New Year’s resolution is by…keeping it a secret.  An NYU study found that telling others about your resolution makes you subconsciously believe that you have already partially succeeded in your goal – something that psychologists call “social reality”.  As a result, you tend to put less effort into actually achieving what you set out to do. And it seems that the more dedicated you are to your goals, the worse the effect is.
(Tell that to all the noobs at the gym who spend the whole time posting selfies saying “Look at me working out!  #resolution2019!)
(I like this.  Don’t tell anyone, and then you don’t have to come up with an excuse when you fail!)
(So much for accountability…)

According to some experts, rather than making New Year’s resolutions, you might have a lot more success by making “Monday resolutions”.   Those would be weekly goals that can be thought of as “mini-resolutions”.  Monday resolutions involve taking advantage your very familiar weekly cycles, which gives you a chance to start fresh each week.  For instance, if Alice brings her famous pecan pie and whip cream in to the office on a Tuesday (and not only do you have two slices, but you hoard some for Wednesday and Thursday), you can get your diet back on track on the following Monday.  Focusing on a new goal or health initiative each week is also an excellent way to gradually ease into a healthier lifestyle.
(Actually it’s usually every SUNDAY that I resolve never to drink again…)
(If only I got 52 do-overs for everything else that I screw up!)
(You mean I have to go through this whole thing again in 5 days?)

Michigan’s Lake Superior State University has released its 44th annual ‘List of Words Banished From the Queen’s English for Misuse, Overuse & General Uselessness’. This year’s list includes …
Wheelhouse — as in ‘area of expertise’.  Because most people have never seen a wheelhouse.
In the books — as in ‘finished’ or ‘concluded’.
Wrap my head around — Impossible to do and makes no sense. (Wrap your head around THAT!)
Platform – People use it as an excuse to rant. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter have become platforms. (Step down from the platform, people.  Rant over.)
Collusion — We all need to collude on getting rid of this word.
OTUS family of acronyms such as POTUS, FLOTUS, SCOTUS – Overused useless word for the President, Supreme Court, First Lady.
Ghosting – Somebody doesn’t want to talk with you. Get over it. No need to bring the paranormal into the equation.
Yeet — as in to vigorously throw or toss.  If I hear one more freshman say “yeet,” I might just yeet myself out a window.
Grapple – People who used to struggle with ideas and issues now grapple with them. (Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to grapple with a wrestler?)
Optics – The trendy way to say ‘appearance’.  (But with better optics?)
Legally drunk – You’re a little tipsy, that’s all. People who are ticketed for drunk driving are actually ‘illegally drunk’.
Importantly – Totally unnecessary when ‘important’ is sufficient.
Accoutrements – Hard to spell, not specific, and anachronistic when ‘accessories’ will do.
(I’ve just pencilled in the word “anachronistic” for next year’s list!)

California has become the first state in the U.S. to prohibit the sale of dogs, cats and rabbits in pet stores unless the animals are from a rescue organization.  The new law is an effort to crack down on puppy mills.


1967 [52] Tia Carrere. Honolulu HI, movie actress (“Wayne’s World”, “True Lies”)

1968 [51] Cuba Gooding Jr, NYC, movie actor (“The Butler”, “Jerry Maguire”)

1971 [48] Taye Diggs, Newark NJ, TV actor (“Empire” 2016-2017, “Private Practice” 2007-13)/movie actor (“Chicago”)/Broadway actor (“Rent”)

1975 [44] Dax Shepard, Milford MI, TV actor (“Parenthood” 2010-15)/movie actor (“Knocked Up”)/wed to actress Kristen Bell since 2013

1978 [41] Karina Smirnoff (Smirnova), Kharkiv, Ukraine, ballroom dancer (winner of the 13th season of “Dancing with the Stars” alongside JR Martinez)

1983 [36] Kate Bosworth, Los Angeles CA, TV actress (“The Art of More” 2015-16)/movie actress (“Superman Returns”, “Blue Crush”)

1991 [28] Ben Hardy, Bournemouth, England, movie actor (“Roger Taylor” in “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “X-Men: Apocalypse”)

1993 [26] Bryson Tiller, Louisville KY, R&B/hip hop artist (‘Don’t’, ‘Exchange’)

• “Swiss Cheese Day”, Like all cheeses, Swiss cheese is made using particular bacteria cultures. During the aging process, this bacterium gives off carbon dioxide, which forms gas bubbles inside the cheese. Eventually these gas bubbles leave holes in the cheese, which cheesemakers call “eyes.”

• “Cream Puff Day”, honoring the baked puff pastry shells stuffed with a sweet and rich filling. They originated in Europe in the 1540s when they were created for France’s Henry II.

• “Happy Mew Year”, because cats insist on holidays all their own.

• “Motivation & Inspiration Day”.  You’re going to need some in order to keep that New Year’s resolution!

• “Personal Trainer Awareness Day”, honoring the folks who make it easier to achieve the most common New Year’s resolution … to lose weight and maintain a permanent healthy lifestyle.

• “National Buffet Day”, Well!  That should put an end to a lot of New Year’s resolutions!
A buffet of buffet facts:
➢The concept arose in mid-17th century France, when gentleman callers would arrive unexpectedly at the homes of ladies they wanted to woo.
➢ It was during the expansion of railroads throughout Europe that the smorgasbord buffet increased in popularity.
➢In 1939 at the New York World’s Fair exhibition, the Swedes used a smorgasbord to showcase the best of Swedish food.
➢The all-you-can-eat buffet made its restaurant debut in 1946, when it was introduced by Vegas hotel manager Herb MacDonald.
➢By the mid-1960s, virtually every casino in Las Vegas sported its own variation.
➢Today the casino buffet costs a bit more than the average $1.50 price of the 1960s, but the buffets continue to be one of the best deals in Vegas and elsewhere.

[Thurs] Drinking Straw Day
[Thurs] J.R.R. Tolkien Day
[Fri] Spaghetti Day
[Fri] World Braille Day
This Week Is…Diet Resolution Week
This Month Is…National Braille Literacy Month

2017 [02] Arnold Schwarzenegger sends off Carnie Wilson on the first episode of ‘The New Celebrity Apprentice’, introducing his new firing line, “You’re terminated.  Hasta La Vista, Baby.”

1993 [26] With ‘The Last Song’ hitting #24, Elton John logs his 23rd consecutive year with a song in the US Top 40, breaking Elvis Presley’s record. The streak would continue into 1995 with ‘Believe’, stretching the new record to 26 years

2010 [09] Kesha’s first single ‘TiK ToK’ hits #1, where it stays for 9 weeks (longest-running chart-topper of the year)

2016 [03] Adele is #1 internationally with her 3rd studio album “25″, after breaking first-week sales records in multiple countries

2008 [11] Oil reaches $100 US per barrel for the first time (today it’s about $45.50)

2009 [10] A rare, unrestored 1937 Bugatti Type 57S Atalante Coupe is found in the garage of English surgeon Harold Carr, who’d died 2 years previous (a month later, it sells at auction in Paris for a whopping $4.4 million … thereby thrilling his heirs)


Still feeling it from New Year’s Eve?  These facts won’t help, but they won’t hurt either:
✓ Women are more susceptible:  Women have less water content in the body than men, which causes them to have more potent hangovers.
✓ It may be an allergic reaction, not a hangover:  Some people confuse a hangover with an allergic reaction to products in the alcohol. (I, for instance, am allergic to tequila shots…all 13 of them!)
✓ Dark liquors can make symptoms worse:  Darker alcohol, such as bourbon, red wine and rum, have higher concentrations of cogeners, which can be metabolized by the body into formaldehyde, a highly toxic substance that can worsen a hangover.
✓ Genetics play a role:  Some people are more susceptible to hangovers than others, and research suggests that about half of that is determined by genes.  (You bet genetics play a role…I always regret trying to outdrink my brother!)
✓ Eating protein can help:  Eating protein while drinking can keep the stomach busy, and delay the opening of the pyloric valve, which allows the contents of the stomach to pass to the small intestine. (Any protein in that 7-layer burrito supreme I had at 4am?)
✓ Carbonated beverages are a bad mixer:  They can contribute to the severity of a hangover. The gas causes the pyloric valve to open and pass the contents of the stomach to the small intestine more quickly.
✓ Hangovers dehydrate the brain:  The headache that comes along with a hangover is due to dehydration of the brain. (And from hitting your head on the taxi window when you pass out on the way home…)
✓ It doesn’t matter in what order you drink your drinks:  There’s no evidence that drinking in a particular order (“Liquor before beer never fear, beer before liquor never sicker”) alters how sick you get. But a large glass of water before bed never hurts.  (Unless you are a VERY sound sleeper!)


• Exercise regularly . . . for the first two weeks of January
• Get out of the house at least twice
• Wake up by noon every day
• Gain 20 pounds
• Make time to work on my procrastination
• Not to be that guy who says his New Year’s resolution is “not to make any New Year’s resolutions”
• Drink more wine
• Think about going to the gym 3-5 times per week
• Never leave a package of cookies unfinished
• Quit smoking at least 5 times
• Not to change a thing.  Because whenever someone dies, people always say “Oh man, and just when he was starting to get his life together…”
• Be more realistic

Best of BS . . .

• Rocket science is actually the easiest of all the sciences.
• There are in fact more Jedi.
• It is physically impossible to be blinded by science.
• Egyptians walk just like everybody else.
• It turns out that Pluto is actually a planet (again…).
• 2018 was a science experiment gone horribly wrong.
• Men are not actually from Mars but are still pretty weird.
• Wedding cake reduces a woman’s sex drive by 75%.
-First published in ‘BS’ in 2018

What was your New Year’s resolution?  Is it still a thing?

I loved it when they dropped the ball in Times Square. It was a nice reminder of what I did all last year.

Question:  28% of workers have resolved to do less of THIS at work this year. What is it?
Answer:  Eat junk food

What the new year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year.


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