January 6 2023

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Friday, January 6, 2023 – Edition: #7390

Tomorrow’s Show Prep Today!


★ Jeremy Renner has shared his first video update since undergoing surgery for “blunt chest trauma” and other injuries after being run over by a snow plow on Sunday. His Instagram story is captioned: “ICU spa moment to lift my spirits.” It shows Renner getting his hair washed by his sister, and saying: “This is the first shower in definitely a week or so…Gross!” The caption continues: “Thank you mama, thank you sister, thank you all for your love.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/wtmrek7s
-People, TheWrap
★ Prince Harry says his brother Prince William knocked him to the floor during a 2019 argument over Harry’s wife Meghan in his much-awaited memoir, which goes on sale Monday. A leaked copy reveals the brawl with William took place at Harry’s London home. He writes that William had called Meghan “difficult”, “rude” and “abrasive”, and, quote: “He grabbed me by the collar, ripping my necklace, and he knocked me to the floor.” Harry says he eventually got to his feet and told his brother to “get out”. William later apologized. Harry’s “60 Minutes” interview airs this Sunday.
★ Bryan Cranston has reprised his “Breaking Bad” role of ‘Walter White’ for a Super Bowl ad. In the first teaser, dropped late last month, Cranston is shown as White holding a bag of white cheddar PopCorners (A Frito-Lays brand), but his face is obscured by a shadow. This week, the full image was shared, showing Cranston wearing the familiar meth-dealing science teacher’s hat and costume, and the words: “Breaking soon”, plus the date of Super Bowl LVII, Feb. 12. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3mbe4zvm
★ Kelly Osbourne kept her pregnancy out of the public eye, so unsurprisingly, she wasn’t happy when her mother, Sharon Osbourne, shared the news that she gave birth to a baby boy. Sharon let the news slip during Tuesday’s episode of the UK talk show “The Talk”, even revealing the baby boy’s name. This is Osbourne’s first child with her boyfriend, Slipknot DJ Sid Wilson. On Instagram Wednesday, Kelly wrote: “I am not ready to share him with the world. It is no one’s place but mine to share any information on my baby.” She hadn’t posted since November, when she wrote: “OK, here we go,” which started speculation that she had gone into labor.
★ Edward Norton has learned that the real-life Pocahontas, the daughter of a 17th century Native American chief, is his 12th great-grandmother. The revelation came about on Tuesday’s episode of “Finding Your Roots,” the PBS genealogical show. Host Henry Louis Gates Jr. addressed the family rumor, confirming Norton’s connection to the historical figure who supposedly saved Captain John Smith from execution after welcoming English settlers to the United States in the 17th century. After hearing the news, Norton said: “It just makes you realize what a small … piece of the whole human story you are.”
★ Hugh Jackman is begging the Academy not to nominate Ryan Reynolds and a standout number in his Apple musical “Spirited” for an Oscar. Jackman said he wanted to share a positive message for the new year, “but recent events have made that impossible,” referring to the fact that ‘Good Afternoon’, sung by Reynolds, has been shortlisted for Best Original Song. In a Twitter video, The “Logan” star says: “Ryan Reynolds getting a nomination in the Best Song category would make the next year of my life insufferable. I have to spend a year with him shooting [the third] “Deadpool” [film]…Trust me, it would be impossible. It would be a problem.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/y876j57u


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Ali Wentworth, Molly Tuttle
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Allison Williams, Jessie Reyez
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Paul Bettany, Lily Collins, Kevin Murphy (R)
• “James Corden” (NBC/CTV): Josh Lucas, Kerry Condon, Jordan Jensen (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Celebrating Ana Navarro’s birthday
• “The Talk” (CBS): Reba McEntire, Amanda Warren
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Lacey Chabert, Dr. Julie Holland
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Allison Williams, Folake Olowofoyeku, Kena Peay
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Joanna Gaines, Andrea Savage, Renee Rapp, Pauline Chalamet, Alyah Chanelle Scott, Amrit Kaur (R)
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Kumail Nanjiani, Jermaine Fowler
• “RuPaul’s Drag Race” (MTV): Season 15 premiere
• “Shark Tank” (ABC): Gwyneth Paltrow guest sharks; a healthier version of a favorite breakfast indulgence; a product to keep beverages crisp and cool; a low-calorie superfood alternative.
• “All the Single Ladies” (OWN): Series premiere. After learning their partners have been unfaithful, 4 women must make painful choices.

• “ACL 8th Annual Hall of Fame Honors Sheryl Crow: (PBS): The Austin City Limits Hall of Fame concert includes Crow’s induction by Brandi Carlile and performances by Crow and special guests Carlile, Jason Isbell and more.
• “The Wedding Veil Expectations” (HALLMARK): Avery and Peter try to keep their romance alive while renovating an old house and juggling work, but everything takes on a new perspective when she reveals a surprise.
• “Reba McEntire’s The Hammer” (LIFETIME): A newly appointed judge makes sure justice is served when her sister becomes the prime suspect in the suspicious death of her courtroom predecessor.

• “60 Minutes” (CBS): On the eve of the release of his memoir “Spare”, Prince Harry sits down for an exclusive interview with Anderson Cooper.
• “Alert: Missing Persons Unit” (FOX): Series premiere. The MPU investigates the abduction of a young child, whose abduction is likely revenge related to her father’s work.
• “Mayfair Witches” (AMC): Series premiere. A neurosurgeon discovers she is the unlikely heir to a family of witches, and must contend with a sinister presence that has haunted her family.

• Taylor Swift – Because you needed to know this: Her cat is worth $97 million. A report by All About Cats ranked Swift’s fan-favorite feline Olivia Benson as the world’s third richest pet. It was based on Instagram analytics, plus Olivia’s involvement in outside projects, such as starring alongside the pop star in commercials and the music videos for ‘Me!’ and ‘Blank Space’. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3f99dd3c
• Billie Eilish – has shared an intimate self-filmed video of herself covering Ben Folds’ melancholy 2006 track ‘Still’, accompanying herself on piano in front of a twinkling Christmas tree. The original version of the song was featured in DreamWorks’ 2006 animated film “Over The Hedge”. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3m4ubdxp
• Nirvana — is among the acts who will be presented with a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award. Also being honored at the Special Merit Awards Ceremony on Feb. 4 are The Supremes, Heart’s Ann and Nancy Wilson, Nile Rogers, Bobby McFerrin, Ma Rainey and Slick Rick.
• Eddie Vedder – On YouTube, you can now watch video of him paying tribute to U2 as the band were given a lifetime artistic achievement award at the Kennedy Center Honors Dec. 4. He’s seen performing a stunning cover of the 1992 anthem ‘One’, as well as 2000s ‘Elevation’, earning a standing ovation from all 4 U2 members. LINK: https://youtu.be/XhfTLMlcNkU
• Journey — Neal Schon says fans will see co-founder and keyboardist Gregg Rolie on the band’s 50th-anniversary tour, which starts Feb. 4. After sharing a graphic for Journey’s 50th anniversary tour, a fan commented: “Please tell me Gregg Rollie is coming along for the ride!” Schon responded: “you’ll be seeing him”. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/muw7w4s8
• Iron Maiden — Britain’s Royal Mail is honoring them with a set of postage stamps. Out Jan. 12, the stamps will depict the British metal legends over the decades, while a separate design will feature 4 stamps of the band’s mascot ‘Eddie’.
• Shania Twain — If you didn’t catch her career-spanning documentary “Not Just a Girl” when it premiered in July on Netflix, you’ll have another chance next week. It will air Wed., Jan 11 on AXS TV. It includes appearances by Kelsea Ballerini and Lionel Richie, plus others.
• Zac Brown Band – were joined onstage during New Year’s Eve Live: Nashville’s Big Bash on Saturday by husband-and-wife duo the War and Treaty for an intense cover performance of Aerosmith’s ‘Sweet Emotion’, of all things. But video shows that the 1975 rock classic was a perfect fit for the 2 acts. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/mvjwnh7m
• Jimmie Allen – He’ll soon be Dr. Jimmie Allen. He’s set to be the keynote grad speaker at his alma mater, Delaware State University May 12, and is expected to receive an honorary degree. Allen has just scored his 4th #1 single with ‘down home’.


• “M3gan” (PG-13 Horror/Mystery): A roboticist programs a robot child to help her orphaned niece cope with a tragedy. (Allison Williams, Violet McGraw, Amie Donald) Tomatometer: 96%
• “Women Talking” (PG-13, Drama): In 2010, the women of an isolated religious community grapple with reconciling a brutal reality with their faith. (Rooney Mara, Claire Foy, Jessie Buckley) Tomatometer: 90%, Audience Score: 75%

✪ No Hard Feelings (June 23):  Jennifer Lawrence stars and produces this coming-of-age dramedy, where her character answers an ad from a mother calling for someone to date her son.
✪ The Flash (June 23):  Ezra Miller gets a standalone movie, where we can also expect to see the return of Ben Affleck as Batman, as well as…Michael Keaton?
✪ Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (June 30):  Harrison Ford returns as now-retired archaeologist Indiana Jones in the long-awaited 5th film in the series, set during the 1960s Space Race.
✪ Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (July 14):  Tom Cruise is back as Ethan Hunt in the 7th film of the spy thriller franchise. It includes multiple death-defying stunts and action sequences, including Cruise driving a motorcycle off a cliff. (At this point, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t…)
✪ Barbie (July 21):  Margot Robbie plays the iconic fashion doll in Greta Gerwig’s latest movie. And Ryan Gosling plays Barbie’s boy toy Ken.
✪ Oppenheimer (July 21):  Cillian Murphy plays J. Robert Oppenheimer, one of the original creators of the atomic bomb. Also in the star-studded cast: Robert Downey Jr., Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, Florence Pugh, Kenneth Branagh and Rami Malek.
✪ The Marvels (July 28):  The sequel to 2019’s Captain Marvel, Brie Larson is joined by Iman Vellani and Teyonah Parris as heroes. And Samuel L. Jackson is back as Nick Fury.
✪ Haunted Mansion (Aug. 11):  A comedic take on Disney’s “Haunted Mansion.” It stars Rosario Dawson as a single mom who moves into a ghostly manor with her son. Plus Owen Wilson as a priest, and Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito Jamie Lee Curtis, Dan Levy, and more.
✪ Challengers (Aug. 11):  Zendaya stars in this romantic drama as a tennis player-turned coach who commits to help her husband become champion in spite of an initial losing streak.
✪ A Haunting in Venice (Sept. 15):  Kenneth Branagh’s 3rd film in the whodunnit series, inspired by Agatha Christie’s “Hallowe’en Party.” Also aboard: Tina Fey, Jamie Dornan, Michelle Yeoh, Kyle Allen, Camille Cottin, Jude Hill, Ali Khan, Emma Laird, and more.
✪ The Exorcist (Oct. 13):  Ellen Burstyn reprises her role from the 1973 original. Ann Dowd and Leslie Odom Jr join in, as does the fictional demon Pazuzu from previous “Exorcist” movies.
✪ Dune: Part Two (Nov. 3):  Timothée Chalamet is back for revenge against those who destroyed his family, while also attempting to prevent a terrible future. Also starring: Zendaya, Austin Butler, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin…and Christopher Walken!
✪ The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (Nov. 17):  This prequel follows Tom Blyth as an 18-year-old who is chosen to mentor District 12 tribute Lucy Gray Baird (Rachel Zegler) during the 10th annual Hunger Games.
✪ Wonka (Dec. 15):  Timothée Chalamet stars as the eccentric chocolatier in this musical fantasy prequel. It revolves around the adventures of a young Willy Wonka how he met the Oompa-Loompas.
✪ Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (Dec. 25):  Jason Momoa returns as the aquatic king of Atlantis. James Wan returns to direct alongside co-stars Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe, Patrick Wilson, Dolph Lundgren, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and Nicole Kidman.

The 2023 edition of the Consumer Electronics Show, “The Most Influential Tech Event in the World”, continues through the weekend in Las Vegas. Here are some of this year’s biggest reveals:
⇒ The TV that puts all others to shame:  Last year, LG introduced the world’s largest OLED TV: Its 97-inch model. In 2023, it’s gone wireless. That means the world’s largest screen with the best picture that technology allows is now free of that ugly jumble of cords.
⇒ Pokemon, but make it birds:  Bird Buddy has a smart bird feeder that takes snapshots of feathered friends as they fly in for treats. Its AI tech can recognize more than 1,000 species, allowing users to share through an app what kind of birds they’re feeding.
⇒ Electric skates:  Journalists have been zipping around the exhibit hall on remote-controlled, electric inline skates from startup AtmosGear. The battery lasts for 20 miles (32km), and its developer hopes people will see them as a viable way to commute, like electric bikes or scooters.
⇒ Digital temporary tattoos:  A handheld device by Prinker allows you to quickly and easily apply temporary tattoos. After picking one, you just wave the device over wherever you want it applied. Use their library of thousands of designs or make your own using an app.
⇒ This foldable phone also slides:  With Samsung’s new Flex Hybrid concept, the left side can fold, like the Galaxy Fold, while the right side can slide out to extend itself.
⇒ A laptop in (glasses-free) 3D:  Images leap off the screen of this ASUS laptop — not literally, but close. Its OLED screen produces a 3D experience without the use of glasses.
⇒ Metaverse for kids:  The RoybiVerse will offer stations where K-12 and higher education students can learn about a wide range of educational topics. Users walking around the RoybiVerse will be able to visit an area where they’ll learn about dinosaurs or walk to the virtual library where they can pick a book and read it. (In case you’re concerned your kids aren’t spending enough time online…)
⇒ Smarter smartwatches:  Yes, they can track heart rate, sleep quality and blood-oxygen levels, but Citizen takes it a step further with its CZ Smart watch, which also measures fatigue and alertness levels. It’ll even tell you whether you’re a night owl or an early bird.
(It’s always nice to hear about the stuff that I’ll be able to afford when it becomes obsolete!
-CNet, AP, Yahoo

➢ Scott Stallings arrived at his condo to find a package holding the most prestigious letter in golf. He’d been invited to play in the Masters tournament in April. The only problem? This Scott Stallings is a realtor in Atlanta, not the world’s 54th ranked golfer who is also a 3-time PGA Tour winner. He decided to have fun with it, and immediately DM’d the pro golfer of the same name on Instagram, writing: “I’m 100% sure this is NOT for me. I play, but wow! No where near your level.” The pro-golfer Stallings – who is in Hawaii – tweeted that he “Literally had been checking the mailbox 5 times a day and then I got this random DM yesterday”. The realtor later posted: “Trust me! I was thinking of showing up with my clubs and the invite.” (He thinks that’s funny, wait until he gets another mistaken-identity letter from the IRS!) LINK: https://tinyurl.com/ye26sw2p
➢ Firefighters in Australia say a cow found wandering through a mall was rescued a second time less than 24 hours later when it became stuck in mud. The curious cow was first rescued Tuesday night when it was found wandering loose through a shopping center in the Sydney suburb of Caddens. Emergency workers ended up taking the cow to the grounds of Western Sydney University at Werrington to keep it safe overnight. Bessie required rescue again Wednesday morning when firefighters received a call reporting the bovine had wandered into a dam on the campus and became stuck up to its stomach in mud. (Rescued from both a mall and a muddy dam at the University? I experienced the exact same sequence of events as a freshman…and I’m pretty sure I was wearing the same amount of clothing!)

You can in fact be “whelmed”. The term predates “overwhelmed”, and means overcome, engulfed, or submerged.


• “Take Down the Christmas Tree Day”, as the official holiday season ends today with Epiphany.
• “Epiphany” (aka “Three Kings Day”), a Christian celebration and public holiday in Spain, Italy, Sweden, and Puerto Rico. In Ireland it’s known as “Little Christmas”; in Italy the kindly witch ‘La Befana’ slides down chimneys on her broom to bring toys & goodies for kids; in Mexico, where it’s known as “Dia de los Santos Reyes”, kids leave shoes out to be filled with toys by ‘Los Tres Reyes’ (The Three Kings), who tote gifts while riding camel-back.
• “Carnival Season” begins, running from today (“Epiphany”) until February 16th (“Shrove Tuesday”). Although some people use Carnival and Mardi Gras interchangeably, they’re actually different things. Carnival is a time to eat, drink and be merry before the rigorous fasting and sacrifice during Lent.
• “Cuddle Up Day”, an opportunity to snuggle up to someone or something on a cold Winter’s day.
• “Apple Tree Day”, started as a celebration of an apple tree that was almost 2 centuries old. It is unknown which tree it was—maybe it was the Original Bramley apple tree, or Granfer’s apple tree (both in England), both of which stood for over 200 years. (And lived “appley” ever after?)
• “Smith Day”, celebrating the most-common surname in the English-speaking world, plus all surnames with “Smith” in them, such as Silversmith, and Nesmith. “Smith” means “worker.”
• “Bean Day”, celebrate the British 1990s sitcom “Mr. Bean”, starring Rowan Atkinson, who turns 68 today. (We understand this occasion is huge in England, but those of us in North America don’t really get it at all!)

• “Bobblehead Day”, an annual celebration of the dumb dolls with wobbly noggins that are often handed out as giveaways at sports events. (Then collect dust on a shelf for decades.)
• “I’m Not Going to Take It Anymore Day”, a day to stand up for your rights. (You can also show up late to work — but don’t say I told you it’s OK…)
• “Fruitcake Toss Day”, It’s not like you were going to eat it…
• “International Programmers Day”, honoring the mythical creatures who somehow solve all the problems of we lesser mortals without having to move from their desks. (And they know that programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life!)
• “Orthodox Christmas” in many countries. Why? Both Eastern Orthodox Churches and Oriental Orthodox Churches still use the old Julian calendar.
• “Tempura Day”, celebrating the Japanese cooking tradition of dipping seafood or vegetables in a thin batter of flour and water, then frying them in oil. LINK: http://tinyurl.com/bfsagap
• “Pass Gas Day”, because everyone does it. The technical term for the gas that builds up is flatus, and when someone passes it, we say they have flatulence. That’s the technical term – most people just call it “farting”. The word “fart” was first used in 1632. (Is it a coincidence that yesterday was “Bean Day”?)
• “Harlem Globetrotter’s Day”, on the anniversary of the gag-team’s first game, in 1927 in Hinckley IL. At one point, they were so famous that they had their own cartoons, TV show, movies, and made appearances on “Scooby Doo” and “Gilligan’s Island”. (FUN FACT: Of the 10 honorary Harlem Globetrotters, 2 are Popes [Francis and John Paul II] — and one is Whoopi Goldberg)

• “Bubble Bath Day”, a day to take the time to luxuriate in a super-foamy tubful of bubbles.
• “English Toffee Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey treat that rips the fillings right out of your teeth.
• “Show & Tell Day at Work”, when adults can partake in the kindergarten ritual with co-workers. (Never, ever have I been more relieved that a certain holiday lands on my day off…)
• “Argyle Day”, celebrating the pattern derived from the tartan of Clan Campbell, of Argyll in Scotland. The pattern has been used for kilts, plaids and the socks (known as a tartan hose) worn by Scottish Highlanders since at least the 17th century. So, wear your argyle-patterned clothing today!
• “Joygerm Day”, reminding us that by being positive and treating people with kindness, we can influence those around us and pass that positive attitude on. (And when have you ever heard the words “joy” and “germ” used together before?)
• “Winter Skin Relief Day”, reminding us that our skin is susceptible to dryness and cracking due to the severe weather winter can bring. After bathing, pat your skin dry with a soft towel (rubbing can cause more irritation and inflammation). And with the door closed to keep the humidity in, add moisturizer.


1955 [68] Rowan Atkinson, Consett UK, movie actor (“Bean”, “Four Weddings & A Funeral”, “Johnny English” movies)/TV comic (“Mr. Bean” 1990-95, “Blackadder” 1983-89)/Order of the British Empire, 2013

1960 [63] Nigella Lawson, London UK, celebrity chef (“Nigella’s Cook, Eat, Repeat”, “The Taste” 2013-14, “Nigella Bites” 1999-2001)

1960 [63] Howie Long, Charlestown MA, TV football analyst (“FOX NFL Sunday” since 1994)/retired NFL DE (Raiders 1981-93)/Pro Football Hall of Fame, 2000

1969 [54] Norman Reedus, Hollywood FL, TV actor (‘Daryl Dixon’ on “The Walking Dead” since 2010, “Ride with Norman Reedus” 2016-21) COMING UP…”The Bikeriders”, 2023

1969 [54] (Anne Marie) ‘Ree’ Drummond, Bartlesville OK, celeb chef (“The Pioneer Woman” since 2011)

1970 [53] Julie Chen (Moonves), Queens NY, TV host (“The Talk” 2010-18, “Big Brother” since 2000)/married to former CBS chairman-CEO Leslie Moonves since 2004

1982 [41] Eddie Redmayne, London England, movie actor (“Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them”, “The Theory of Everything”)

1984 [39] Kate McKinnon, Sea Cliff NY, comedian-actress (“Saturday Night Live” 2012-22, “Ghostbusters” [2016]) COMING UP…”Barbie”, 2023

SATURDAY- Kenny Loggins (‘Footloose’) is 75; Katie Couric (“Today”) is 66; Nicolas Cage (“National Treasure” films) is 59; Jeremy Renner (“Avengers” films) is 52; John Rich (Big & Rich-‘Save a Horse [Ride a Cowboy]’ is 49; Lauren Cohen (“The Walking Dead”) is 41; Brett Dalton (“Marvel’s Agents of Shield”) is 40; Lewis Hamilton (Formula One Champ) is 38; Marcus Scribner (“black-ish”) is 23

SUNDAY- Robby Krieger (The Doors) is 77; Mike Reno (Loverboy) is 68; R Kelly (‘I Believe I Can Fly’) is 56; Josh Meyers (“That 70’s Show”) is 47; Sarah Polley (“Away From Her”) is 44; Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un is 40 [or 41…]; Noah Cyrus (‘Make Me [Cry]’) is 23

1975 [48] “Wheel of Fortune” debuts on NBC

2016 [07] “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” breaks the North American box office record, passing the $760.5m taken in by “Avatar” (still #1, with $936.6 million)

2022 [01] Sidney Poitier, the first Black actor to win Oscar for Best Actor, also a director, civil rights advocate, and diplomat, dies at 94

2003 [20] Rocker Elvis Costello marries jazz singer Diana Krall at Elton John’s mansion in England

2012 [11] Wiz Khalifa is sued for $2.3 million over his hit song ‘Black & Yellow’, which rapper Maxamillion claims is a rip-off of his obscure 2007 tune ‘Pink & Yellow’

2019 [04] Kanye West debuts his weekly Sunday Service series at his home in Calabasas CA. The event features gospel-soul takes of his hits with the rapper’s celeb pals rounding out the congregation

2021 [02] Seeking to overturn his defeat, supporters of US President Trump storm US Capitol in Washington during congressional certification of Joe Biden’s victory, resulting in 5 deaths, and prompting evacuation of lawmakers and vice-president Mike Pence

2012 [11] Andy Coyne manages to wear 249 T-shirts at one time, weighing in at more than 200 pounds, at a trade show in Las Vegas – setting the new world record for the most t-shirts worn at once


✓ 91% people skip the first slice of bread, just because it’s ugly.
✓ If you ran (literally) at a snail’s pace, it would take you 18 months to finish a marathon.
✓ The word “Gymnastics” comes from 2 Greek words meaning “to train naked.” This is because many Greek athletes would train and compete naked for the Ancient Olympic games.
✓ A high quality Persian rug can last for 500 years.
✓ Ed Sheeran has a ketchup bottle tattooed on his arm.
✓ Tom Cruise writes with his right hand, but does almost everything else with his left hand.
-BathroomReadersInstitute, TheFactSite

Best of BS . . .
• In it for the health insurance
• It’s not complicated, I just refuse to accept that it’s over
• Willing to explore other options
• I love her, but she still can’t use my toothbrush
• GoFundMe a husband
• I sleep in bed diagonally
• Taken, but in the Liam Neeson sense
• (***CAUTION***) Divorced AF
• It’s constipated
• 404 not found
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

• If you eat something but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
• Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package.
• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Spinach and pistachio ice cream, cauliflower and whipped cream.)
• Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of cooking.
• Chocolate is a universal substitute, and may be used for any other food.
• If you drink a diet soft drink with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soft drink.
• Cookie pieces have no calories. The breaking of the cookies causes the calories to leak out.
• Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast … Sara Lee cheesecake.
-First published in BS in 2012

My trying to follow instructions:   https://tinyurl.com/vcpmbtkz

Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.

What was one of the best days of your life?

Question:  The average person has 725 of THESE. What ARE they?
Answer:  Contacts in their phone

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.


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