January 11 2018

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Thursday, January 11, 2018 – Edition: #6033

Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

★ The Versace family has released a statement warning fans that they have nothing to do with  ‘American Crime Story’.  The new season, entitled “The Assassination of Gianni Versace”, follows the death and investigation regarding the legendary fashion company’s founder, Gianni Versace. The Versace family are not the only ones who have been outspoken against the show.  Versace’s partner Antonio D’Amico, who is played by Ricky Martin, called the show “ridiculous” and said that some of the scenes the show was portraying were untrue.
(Pretty cool that they were able to film it at his mansion, though!)
★ Hugh Grant is set to become a father again.  His Swedish girlfriend Anna Eberstein is pregnant.  This will be Grant’s fifth child in less than seven years. The happy couple already have two children together. Hugh and Anna made a rare public appearance at Sunday night’s Golden Globe awards, where Anna revealed her growing baby bump.
(I hope nobody asked them what they’ve been up to lately!)
★ Yes, people are still talking about Oprah Winfrey’s ‘Presidential’ speech at the Golden Globes.  But according to Tom Hanks, it was even greater than that.  On ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’, Hanks said that, “While [Oprah] was speaking, out on the patio of the Hilton Hotel…the water separated from the pool”.  He was joking.
★ Things got awkward between Tonya Harding and Piers Morgan.  In their Tuesday interview on ‘Good Morning Britain, Morgan was ruthless in pressing Harding about whether she knew that her ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly, and his co-conspirator, Shawn Eckhardt, had hired a hitman to club Nancy Kerrigan in the knee. Harding then tried to shut down the interview, saying, “Thank you so much but I think I’m going to have to say have a good night”.  She managed to get out of it shortly after.
(You don’t want things to get awkward between you and Tonya Harding…)
★ David Beckham has joined forces with L’Oreal for his own grooming line.  According to him, he created ‘House 99′ to give people the “right products to experiment” with trying new things and shaping your look.  House of 99 will be launched in the UK on February 1, and will be available in 19 more countries in March.
(I’m kinda surprised he hasn’t already done this…)
★ Wendy Williams recently accused Carrie Underwood of having a secret facelift, and of falsely explaining her apparently changed appearance on injuries sustained in a household fall.  As you can imagine, Underwood is extremely upset about all this.  According to an insider, “Carrie feels like her integrity has been attacked when Wendy accused her of lying just to be able to cover up a facelift. Carrie is furious that anyone would think she would be anything but completely honest with her fans. Carrie takes Wendy’s accusations very seriously.”
★ Meghan Markle is about to become a member of the royal family, and that move apparently comes with one big sacrifice: getting rid of social media. On Tuesday, after she and Prince Harry made a public appearance in Brixton, fans noticed that Markle’s Twitter and Instagram accounts were no longer accessible. The Royal Family does, however, have its own social media accounts, and Markle will be able to use them.  She and Prince Harry will tie the knot on May 19th.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Annette Bening, Paul Thomas Anderson, Sylvan Esso
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Sam Rockwell, Tig Notaro, Alan Walker featuring Noah Cyrus
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Molly Shannon, Thomas Lennon, Owen Smith
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Matt Ingebretson, Jake Weisman, Allison Miller
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Tyra Banks, Matt Smith
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Josh Hutcherson, Daveed Diggs ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Liam Neeson, Taraji P. Henson
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Marie Osmond, guest co-host Keke Palmer
• “The Talk” (CBS): Bradley Whitford, Francisco Caceres
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Uma Thurman, Sara Ramirez, Dr. Michael Greger
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Helen Mirren, Luke Evans, Charlie Puth
• “The 23rd Annual Critics’ Choice Awards” (CW): Olivia Munn hosts the 23rd annual event, celebrating the best in movies and TV, from the Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, Cal. Actress Gal Gadot will be presented with the #SeeHer award by director Patty Jenkins.
• “Truth and Lies: The Tonya Harding Story” (ABC): A profile of Tonya Harding features an emotional interview with the figure skater, who opens up about her life now, her childhood and her past, including the infamous 1994 attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan.
• “The Four” (FOX): Week Two. A new set of challengers face off against the Four, determined to take their coveted seats in front of a panel of industry experts that include Sean “Diddy” Combs, DJ Khaled, Meghan Trainor and record label executive Charlie Walk.

• Justin Timberlake – has announced his ‘Man of the Woods’ tour, which begins March 13 in Toronto.  The 27-date run wraps up May 30 in Timberlake’s hometown of Memphis, Tennessee.
• Black Eyed Peas – They have released a brand new single called ‘Street Livin’, without Fergie. Fergie released her second solo record ‘Double Dutchess’ in September, and insisted at the end of 2017 that she hasn’t officially quit the group, and that she would love to team up with her bandmates on a new album.
• Eminem – is among the headliners for this year’s Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival.   There are more than 100 artists on the bill, including The Killers and Muse.  Tickets go on sale Friday for 17th edition of Bonnaroo, June 7-10 in Manchester, Tennessee.
• Queen – will be honored at the Grammys with a Lifetime Achievement Award.  They already have two recordings in the Grammy Hall of Fame.  Also up for the Lifetime Achievement Award:  Neil Diamond, the Meters, Louis Jordan, Emmylou Harris, Hal Blaine and Tina Turner.
• Van Halen – former bassist Michael Anthony has confirmed that a Van Halen documentary is in production. He posted that he had just filmed an interview for the project, which will commemorate this year’s 40th anniversary of the release of the group’s self-titled debut album.
• Eric Clapton – admits he is anxious about a special concert he has scheduled at London’s Hyde Park on July 8.  He is concerned about his ability to play guitar and sing ”proficiently” due tinnitus and painful nerves in his hands.
• David Byrne – the former ‘Talking Heads’ leader will release his first solo album in 14 years, ‘American Utopia’ on March 9.  The first single, ‘Everybody’s Coming to My House’, is out now.
• Midland – are among the country acts booked for Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival June 7-10 in Manchester, Tennessee.  Other country and Americana acts scheduled to appear: Brothers Osborne, Tyler Childers, Old Crow Medicine Show and Sturgill Simpson.
• Lady Antebellum – Hillary Scott has shared a remarkable video showing her unborn twin girls kicking in her womb.  She captioned the Instagram post “Baby Ninjas.”
• Willie Nelson – was forced to abort a concert after just a single song on Saturday night due to breathing difficulties.  The 84 year-old also canceled the remainder of his dates for this week.

What time of day do you pour your first cup?  For most of us, it happens just about as soon as we can arrange it.   But not so fast.  Science shows that early mornings are not the most effective time for you to enjoy the benefits that a coffee provides.  The optimal time to drink coffee is when your brain can use the caffeine most efficiently.  In fact, drinking coffee in the early morning undermines its effectiveness, and your body builds up a tolerance more quickly.  It has to do with hormones and your circadian rhythm and other things that would be really hard to explain..even if I did understand it.  So we’ll have to trust the scientists on this when they say that for most people to get the most out of their daily jolt (or jolts) of caffeine, they should pour it between 10:00am-12noon or 2:00-5:00pm.
(Ah. The only times of the day that I DON’T.  Of course.)
(I’ve gotta have it first thing.  In fact, I do up some instant coffee to drink while I’m waiting for the Keurig!)
(Not in my line of work.  I start so early, I have my first cup the night before!)

There are lots of ways that we try to keep looking young.  And here’s the latest.  And possibly the weirdest.  Introducing ‘Facial Yoga’.  Yup.  Yoga for your face.  The idea behind face yoga is that by performing specific exercises, you can sculpt and tone the muscles in your face to reduce the signs of aging, such as wrinkles, under eye circles and sagging skin. How do you do it? You go to a facial gym, of course.  They are already popping up in cities like London and L.A., where trainers can teach you how to stretch and pull on your face to tighten those trouble spots.  Does it really work?  Recently, a group of women participated in a study where they were taught 32 different facial exercises (each lasting for one minute).  For eight weeks, they performed the exercises daily. After that, they continued the routine every other day for an additional 12 weeks. Researchers reported that all participants wound up with fuller cheeks and firmer, more toned facial skin.
(Plus they learned to make some pretty awesome faces!)
(I made the same faces in school and got detention for it!)
(Now finally women have something to rival the faces that men make while shaving!)

☞ Bender:  A bad hockey player — one whose ankles are so weak that his skates bend out.
☞ Doughhead:  Popular in southern Ontario, an insult that’s synonymous with “stupid” and “thick in the head.” (Hey!  I thought EVERYBODY’S father called them this when they were growing up…)
☞ Keener:  Someone who tries just a little too hard, sucking up to an authority figure and showing off how much they know. Think Hermione Granger from Harry Potter, only Canadian.
(Like a brown-noser, but less graphic)
☞ Squatch:  A shortening of “sasquatch” that, in western Canada, refers to someone big and unkempt.
☞ Gorby:  A loud, obnoxious, ignorant tourist. Popular in Ontario’s Muskoka area (where, it must be admitted, gorbies abound).
☞ Scivey:  Pronounced “sky-vee,” this east coast word refers to someone untrustworthy or sneaky.
☞ Chucklehead:  A word from Newfoundland meaning — pretty obviously — someone who’s stupid.
☞ Hoser:  The classic Canadian insult. Originally referred to the losers of a hockey game, who, in pre-Zamboni times, would have to hose the rink down after the game.  Now it’s a synonym for “loser”.


1956 [62] Phyllis Logan, Paisley, Scotland, TV actress (“Downton Abbey” 2010-15)

1968 [50] Tom Dumont, LA CA, rock guitarist (No Doubt-‘It’s My Life’, ‘Don’t Speak’)

1971 [47] Mary J Blige, Bronx NY, R&B-pop singer (‘Family Affair’, ‘Be Without You’)

1972 [46] Amanda Peet, NYC, movie actress (“Identity Thief”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)

1985 [33] Aja Naomi King, LA CA, TV actress (‘Michaela Pratt’ on “How to Get Away With Murder” since 2014)

1997 [21] Cody Simpson, Gold Coast, Australia, pop singer (‘On My Mind’, f/Flo Rida-‘iYiYi’)

• “Hot Toddy Day”, saluting the traditional drink taken before retiring for the night, or in wet or cold weather.  It’s typically a mixture of liquor and water with honey (or, in some recipes, sugar), herbs (such as tea) and spices, and served piping hot. Some believe the drink relieves the symptoms of cold and flu. Or at least makes you forget them.

• “Human Trafficking Awareness Day”, drawing attention to efforts to eradicate modern-day slavery around-the-world.

• “International Thank-You Days”, a week-long opportunity to thank someone from your past who did something nice for you.

• “Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day”, in case you want to embrace a technology that has pretty much disappeared. Dash-dot-dot-dot … dot-dot-dash … dot-dash-dot-dot …

• “Cigarettes are Hazardous to Your Health Day”.  Did we really need a day to tell us this?

[Fri] Kiss a Ginger Day
[Fri] Pharmacist Day
[Sat] Peach Melba Day
[Sat] Rubber Ducky Day

2010 [08] Simon Cowell leaves “American Idol” to launch “The X Factor” (US version) His replacement?  Steven Tyler

2013 [05] Re/Create, a charity event to aid victims of 2012 s Hurricane Sandy, holds a celebrity clothing auction that includes an autographed pair of Yeezy II sunglasses from Kanye West, a WeSC jacket Skrillex wore to the 2012 Grammys, and a Mugler bag donated by Lady Gaga

2015 [03] Over 3.5 million people in Paris and across France stage unity rallies to protest the recent Islamist terrorist attack on the offices of French satire magazine “Charlie Hebdo” (the rallies carry the theme ‘Je Suis Charlie’ or ‘I am Charlie’)

1992 [26] Nirvana’s ‘Nevermind’ album hits #1 in America, unseating Michael Jackson’s ‘Dangerous’.

2013 [05] Destiny’s Child announce their official reunion will happen at the 2013 Super Bowl, 7 years after their split

2013 [05] Artist Paul Emsley unveils the 1st official portrait of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge


✓ Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
✓ A typical lightning bolt is two to four inches wide and two miles long.
✓ Drivers kill more deer than hunters.
✓ A space vehicle must move at a rate of 7 miles per second in order to escape the earth’s gravitational pull.
✓ On average, a disposable diaper can hold up to 7 pounds of liquid.
✓ Lima beans contain cyanide.

✗ 8-hour lunch, 2-dollar tip.
✗ Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer or a really bad actor?”
✗ After he describes each special, you shout, “Sucks!”
✗ Whenever she walks by, cough and mutter, “Minimum wage.”
✗ Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
✗ Tie the tablecloth around your neck and say, “You wouldn’t charge ‘Superman’ for dinner, would you?”
✗ Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard
✗ As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, “He’s gonna take a leak in the chowder!”
✗ Eat the check.
-First published in BS in 2017

• If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
• Why do they call the little candy bars “fun size”. Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a big one?
• If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
• When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
• Is it still illegal to park next to a fire hydrant, even if your car is on fire?

I’ve decided my 2018 will start on February 1st.  January is a free trial month.

• How do 68% of women in online dating ads describe their looks?
a. Average
b. Above average [CORRECT]
c. Homely

• In what country is it widely believed that glasses were invented?
a. Italy [CORRECT]
b. Greece
c. Eye-rland
– VitalStatistics

☎ If you became leader of the country, what’s the first thing you would do?

Question:  According to a survey, what is the worst women’s hairstyle ever?
Answer:  The perm

Difficulty is inevitable.  Drama is a choice.

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