January 12 2018

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Friday, January 12, 2018 – Edition: #6134

Sheeters Always Prosper!

★ You can uncover your ears.  American Idol won’t subject its viewers to bad auditions like that off-key version of ‘She Bangs’ by William Hung when it makes its return in March on ABC. Showrunner Trish Kinane says that, “It doesn’t feel comfortable to put borderline unstable people up on stage and laugh at them”.
(Problem is, THAT was the most entertaining part of the show!)
★ ‘Modern Family’ star Ariel Winter had a rough start to 2018 after her rental home was targeted with dog poop. The teenage actress and her boyfriend decided to start the New Year with a getaway, and rented an Airbnb.  After settling in and then heading out for lunch, they returned to find someone had hurled excrement at the pad.  Winter took a positive approach, praising her boyfriend for being with her throughout the ordeal, Tweeting: “I also just have to say… through all of this *poop emoji* (literally) @LeviMeaden is my rock and I couldn’t be luckier. I love you.” It was later determined that a neighbor’s child had flung the dung.
★ Hugh Grant says his “Restoration” co-star Robert Downey Jr. “hated” him. The two worked together on the 1995 drama but Grant claims that Downey Jr. took an instant dislike from the moment they first showed up on set together. Grant says:  ”He hated me. He took one look at me and wanted to kill me.”
(Of course, Downey was out of his mind on drugs and alcohol at the time…)
★ Rose McGowan, one of the first women to accuse disgraced Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein of rape, says she is selling her house to pay legal fees to continue her fight against her “monsters.”  She denied reports that she signed a non-disclosure agreement with Weinstein as part of a settlement.
★ Celebrities have reacted with anger to new reports that Michelle Williams was paid the tiniest of fractions of what her co-star Mark Wahlberg received for doing re-shoots of the new movie “All The Money In The World”.  Hollywood figures such as Judd Apatow, Busy Phillips and Jessica Chastain have come out in support of Williams, after a report claimed that her castmate Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million for extensive re-shoots on the film, while she made less than $1,000.
★ If you’re wondering where Mike Myers has been for the last six months, it turns out he has been secretly hosting a television show.  Myers has been sporting a disguise, posing as 72-year-old comic ‘Tommy Maitland’, while hosting the revived US version of The Gong Show.

• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): James Spader, Camila Cabello, Pete Lee
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Laurie Metcalf
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Anthony Anderson, Hong Chau, Amanda Seales, Mark Guiliana ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Emmy Rossum, January Jones, Pink ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Helen Mirren, Donald Sutherland, guest co-host Wendy Williams
• “The Talk” (CBS): Kathy Bates, Courtney Thorne-Smith
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Donald Sutherland, Dr. Wendy Bazilian
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ted Danson, Sonequa Martin-Green, Paul Vu
• “Taken” (NBC): The drama’s second season features wholesale cast changes, with only leads Bryan Mills and Christina Hart returning. Newcomers include Adam Goldberg and Jessica Camacho.

• “Frozen In Love” (HALLMARK): When struggling bookstore owner Mary and the bad boy of professional hockey, Adam, are teamed together to help facilitate an image makeover for the other, they soon realize that opposites attract and they find themselves unexpectedly frozen in love.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global): Host Sam Rockwell with musical guest Halsey.

• Ed Sheeran – will battle it out with Rihanna, DJ Khaled, Bruno Mars, and Luis Fonsi for Song of the Year at the 2018 iHeartRadio Music Awards.  Each of these artists have a total of five nominations, including for the biggest accolade of the night for their respective songs; ‘Shape of You’, ‘Wild Thoughts’, ‘That’s What I Like’ and ‘Despacito’.  We’ll find out the winner on March 11.
• Portugal.  The Man – are among the acts who will perform in tribute, as Fleetwood Mac is honored with the 2018 Musicares Person of the Year award.  Also signed on: Zac Brown Band, Harry Styles, Lorde, Haim, Keith Urban, John Legend and OneRepublic.  Fleetwood Mac will also play live at the shindig Jan. 26 at Radio City Music Hall in NYC.
• Kelly Clarkson – is facing backlash on social media after revealing she spanks her 3-year-old daughter River.  While she maintains that she doesn’t hit her daughter “hard”, she says that her parents used physical punishment when she was growing up in Texas. “I’m from the South, y’all, so we get spankings…”
• Jack White – has returned after 4 years with brand new music.  He dropped ‘Connected By Love’ and ‘Respect Commander’ this week.  The album will be called ‘Boarding House Reach’, but no release date yet.
• Robert Plant – has announced that he will release “Live At David Lynch’s Festival Of Disruption” on DVD and digital video on February 9.  It will capture Plant and The Sensational Space Shifters in concert at David Lynch’s inaugural two-day music, art, film & creativity festival in L.A. in October of 2016.  And yes, it does feature some Zeppelin songs.
• AC/DC – A charity tribute concert in honor of late guitarist Malcolm Young will take place in Melbourne, Australia next month. Various members of The Jimmy Barnes Band, The Suzi Quattro Band, Powderfinger, Rose Tattoo, The Angels and more will pay tribute.  Proceeds of the Feb. 17 show will go to Australia’s Dementia Foundation.
• Motörhead — The last surviving member of their “classic” line-up, Eddie Clarke, has died.  Best-known as “Fast Eddie,” the guitarist died Wednesday at the age of 67 after suffering from pneumonia.  He was predeceased by frontman Lemmy (Ian Fraser Kilmister) in December 2015 and ‘Philthy Animal’ Taylor just one month prior.
• Pat Benatar – The Women’s International Music Network has announced that she will be honored at the 6th annual She Rocks Awards on Friday, January 26, during the NAMM Show in Anaheim, CA.
• Brett Young – is among the nominees for the iHeart Radio Music Awards ‘Best New Country Artist’ honors.  His competition?  Jon Pardi, Kane Brown, Lauren Alaina and Luke Combs.  Sam Hunt, Thomas Rhett and Jon Pardi are all up for two awards.  The big night is March 11.
• Dierks Bentley – his ninth studio album, ‘The Mountain’ comes out early this year.  Bentley says the album owes its creative genesis to a recent experience at Telluride Bluegrass Festival.

• “The Post” (PG-13, Drama/Mystery):  A cover-up that spanned four U.S. Presidents pushes the country’s first female newspaper publisher and a hard-driving editor to join an unprecedented battle between journalist and government. (Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks, Sarah Paulson)
• “The Commuter” (PG-13, Drama/Mystery):  A businessman is caught up in a criminal conspiracy during his daily commute home. (Liam Neeson, Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson)
• “Paddington 2” (PG, Kids/Animation):  Paddington, now happily settled with the Brown family and a popular member of the local community, picks up a series of odd jobs to buy the perfect present for his Aunt Lucy’s 100th birthday, only for the gift to be stolen. (Ben Whishaw, Hugh Grant, Hugh Bonneville)
• “Proud Mary” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure):  Mary is a hitwoman working for an organized crime family in Boston. Her life is completely turned around when she meets a young boy whose path she crosses when a professional hit goes awry. (Taraji P. Henson, Neal McDonough, Danny Glover)
• “Freak Show” (Not Rated. Comedy/Drama):  Follows the story of teenager Billy Bloom who, despite attending an ultra conservative high school, makes the decision to run for homecoming queen. (Abigail Breslin, AnnaSophia Robb, Willa Fitzgerald)

Yes, Costco is famous for having one of the most generous return policies in the retail world.
You can basically return anything you’ve purchased there at any time for a full refund — except for electronics, which have a 90-day return policy.  But I’m guessing that a woman in California was going against the spirit of that policy when she actually returned her (real) Christmas tree to Costco on January 4th, because, in her words, “it’s dead”.  After some discussion, Costco actually gave her a refund.
(I’ve got a whole bunch of wine bottles I need to take back there, “Because they’re empty”.)
(I guess they will have to start putting a ‘best before’ date on those things…)
(And Costco being what it is, I’m surprised she didn’t have SIX!)

A few things that you didn’t know you needed have made their debut at this week’s Consumer Electronics Show in L.A:
☺ ‘The Wall’ TV – Check this baby out.  It is a 146-inch MicroLED TV.  Unlike OLEDs, which lose their luminance over time, microLEDs are assembled one sub-pixel at a time.  A 4K TV has 25 million subpixels.  That means an amazing picture.  (And hey, it’s 146 inches!)
☺ Pet Selfie Camera – Your pet walks up, the camera recognizes your animal, snaps a photo, and sends it to you! So…basically a way for your dog or cat to call you. (What I really need is the ‘Teenager’ Selfie Camera.  I already know where my dog is!)
☺ Smart Underwear – not your Grandad’s gitch.  It tracks your vitals.  (I’m not sure what it’s tracking in there, but I’m willing to bet it is doing it under duress!)
☺ Plus there’s the $16,000 robot that folds your laundry…

The top tunes people listen to while working out, according to a new ranking by Spotify (U.S.) …
1. ‘Rockstar’ – Post Malone
2. ‘HUMBLE.’ – Kendrick Lamar
3. ‘Till I Collapse’ – Eminem
4. ‘No Limit’ – G-Eazy
5. ‘Bodak Yellow – Cardi B
6. ‘Lose Yourself’ (soundtrack version) – Eminem
7. ‘Thunder’ – Imagine Dragons
8. ‘Sorry Not Sorry’ – Demi Lovato
9. ‘DNA.’ – Kendrick Lamar
10. ‘MotorSport’ – Migos
(This explains the laughs I hear at the gym when I crank Olivia Newton-John’s ‘Physical’! )


1954 [64] Howard Stern, New York City NY, radio host (Self-proclaimed “King of All Media”/ judge on “America’s Got Talent” 2012-2015)

1964 [54] Jeff Bezos, Albuquerque NM, Internet billionaire (Amazon.com founder & CEO)/an Amazon share-price surge put his net worth at an estimated $105.1 billion this week, far ahead of #2 richest person, Bill Gates

1974 [44] Mel C (Melanie Jane Chisolm) ‘Sporty Spice’, Lancashire, England, pop singer (Spice Girls – ‘Wannabe’, ‘Spice Up Your Life’)

1965 [53] Rob Zombie (Cummings), Haverhill MA, movie director (“Halloween” films, “The Devil’s Rejects”)/metal rocker (White Zombie – ‘Thunder Kiss ‘65′, ‘More Human Than Human’)

1970 [48] Zack de la Rocha, Long Beach CA, rock singer (Rage Against the Machine- ‘Killing In the Name’, ‘Guerrilla Radio’)

1993 [25] Zayn (Zain Javadd Malik), Bradford UK, pop singer ‘Pillowtalk’, w/Taylor Swift-‘I Don’t Wanna Live Forever’)/ex-One Direction boy-band member/boyfriend of model Gigi Hadid

1961 [57 Julia Louis-Dreyfus, NYC, TV actress (‘Selina Meyer’ on “Veep” since 2011, “New Adventures of Old Christine” 2006-10, “Seinfeld” 1989-98)

1962 [56] Trace Adkins, Springhill LA, country singer (“You’re Gonna Miss This”, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”)

1961 [57] Wayne Coyne, Pittsburgh PA, rock guitarist/vocalist (Flaming Lips-‘Do You Realize’)/Miley Cyrus collaborator (“Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz”)

1966 [52] Patrick Dempsey, Lewiston ME, TV actor (“Grey’s Anatomy” 2005-15)/movie actor (“Can’t Buy Me Love”)

1970 [48] Shonda Rhimes, Chicago IL, TV show runner/executive producer (“How to Get Away With Murder” since 2014, “Scandal” since 2012, “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1977 [41] Orlando Bloom, Canterbury UK, movie actor (“Lord of The Rings” movies, “Pirates of the Caribbean” films)

1990 [28] Liam Hemsworth, Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“The Hunger Games” films, “The Expendables 2”)

Filmmaker Steven Soderbergh (“Magic Mike”) is 55;  TV actor LL Cool J (“NCIS: LA”) is 50;  Movie actor Jason Bateman (“Office Christmas Party”) is 49;  Rock musician Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) is 49;  Rock singer-guitarist Caleb Followill (Kings of Leon) is 36;  TV actor Grant Gustin (“The Flash”) is 28

• “International Kiss a Ginger Day”, an annual event that encourages folks to pucker up and plant one on a redhead.
✓ Movie star Emma Stone (“La La Land”).
✓ Actress Amy Adams (“Arrival”).
✓ TV host Conan O’Brien (“Conan”).
✓ Movie actress Jessica Chastain (“Zero Dark Thirty”).
✓ Actress Julianne Moore (“Still Alice”).
✓ Brit royal Prince Harry.
✓ Pop star Ed Sheeran (“÷”).
✓ Donald Trump (or at least, Alec Baldwin doing Donald Trump).

• “Pharmacists Day”, honoring drug dealers everywhere.

• “Marzipan Day”, celebrating the sweet, mold-able treat made from mostly sugar and almond meal or paste. It can end up looking like a big ball of Play Doh that you can color with food coloring and then form into different shapes.

• “Stick To Your New Year’s Resolution Day”, more power to you if you made it this far!

• “Rubber Ducky Day”, celebrating the tub-toy that tots treasure.  Observed annually on the ‘birth anniversary’ of “Sesame Street” character ‘Rubber Ducky’.

• “Sticker Day”,  Historians credit European merchants in the 1880s as the first to stick labels to their products in an effort to promote their goods to passersby. Thanks to them, you now have to gouge and mutilate your fruit in order to get the stickers off.

• “Make Your Dream Come True Day”, Even if your dream seems impossible, you’ll never know if it can be accomplished unless you try … or so they claim.

• “Caesarean Section Day”, commemorating the 1st successful procedure of the kind, performed in 1794 by Dr Jesse Bennet in Edom VA on his wife. (To celebrate, leave your house this morning by going out through a window.)

• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, an opportunity to wow the neighbors, and to unleash the inner diva of your favorite pooch or Persian.  (Or go the extra mile and embarrass them even more by dressing them up….the same as you!)

• “International Kite Day”, which originated in India, in the state of Gujarat. The annual kite festival, called “Uttarayan” in Hindi, celebrates the day that Winter ends and Summer begins.

2002 [16] Late-night TV host Conan O’Brien weds Liza Powell, a Seattle WA ad executive he met when she made an appearance on his show

2004 [14] Satirical TV newsmagazine “Rick Mercer Report” debuts on CBC-TV

1998 [20] The 13th Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies are held in New York. Inductees include the Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, The Mamas & The Papas, Lloyd Price, Santana, and Gene Vincent.

2005 [13] It’s announced that the Strawberry Field Children’s Home immortalized by The Beatles is closing (made famous when John Lennon wrote “Strawberry Fields Forever” after playing there as a child)

2013 [05] The 1974 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow used by Freddie Mercury until his 1991 death is sold at auction for £74,000 (about $90,000), more than 5 times the pre-sale estimate

2010 [08] The Haiti earthquake occurs, killing an estimated 316,000 and destroying the majority of the capital city Port-au-Prince


✓ If “The Simpsons” aged normally, Bart would now be older than Marge was in the first season.
✓ Monkeys floss their teeth.
✓ Your brain literally heats up when you’re stressed. Smiling can cool it down.
✓ It takes 120 litres of water to make one glass of wine.
✓ If drinking water and soda pop cost the same, your water bill would skyrocket more than 10,000%.
✓ Applying hemorrhoid cream to your chest and waist can make you look more muscular.
-ValueofWater, UberFacts

• AfternoonQuil
• Jumping on one leg.  But only when Simon says.
• Excessive self-pity.
• A shot of whisky and a slap on the butt.
• Thoughts and prayers.
• Filling a nettipot with siracha and ghost pepper oil.
• Well wishes on Facebook.
• Catch the flu.  You’ll forget all about that puny cold.
• Call in sick for work.
• Telling the person who is chronically coughing to shut the hell up.
• More cowbell

If you don’t believe in human perseverance, you clearly haven’t seen a smoker trying to use a broken lighter.

☎ What is the dumbest thing you have ever said to a cop?

Question:  A survey found this is the first thing nearly 80% of women do when they break up with a guy.  What is it?
Answer:  Unfriend them on Facebook

You never learn anything if you do it right.

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